Reasons why the Twilight series is an abomination in every sense of the word (59)

1 Name: Crawd : 2008-09-03 02:53 ID:q7Azlvgj

I'll start off with:

  1. Edward
  2. Sparkly Vampires

2 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-03 04:28 ID:Vz/rWUeE

3. ~2500 pages

3 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-03 12:50 ID:L1Hc7Ll1

I don't know what this is but I find it hard to believe something with sparkly vampires is anything less than awesome.

4 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-04 01:28 ID:q7Azlvgj

It is. Much, much less. I don't think they even count as vampires. None of the normal vampire stuff kills 'em.

Garlic: No
Cross: nope
Sunlight: of course not, they sparkle instead
STAKE THROUGH THE HEART: What do you think? Nope

Vampires are supposed to be evil, satanic creatures. They don't sparkle. Its just not right. This is a chick-flik in literary form.

5 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-04 01:30 ID:q7Azlvgj

Sorry, forgot to number...I'll take 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8

6 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-04 01:31 ID:q7Azlvgj

10.- Jacob

7 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-04 01:33 ID:q7Azlvgj

umm, you forgot 9...

shit. either 9 or 11: soul-numbingly boring

8 Name: guy who forgot 9 : 2008-09-04 01:35 ID:q7Azlvgj

srry make that 9 not 10

9 Name: Crawd : 2008-09-04 01:37 ID:q7Azlvgj

the REAL number 11: Main character is a stalker

10 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-07 02:25 ID:HPE2Kq+3

12. written by a mormon. I'm a mormon too but damn if this doesn't just sicken me. I mean, mormons writing vampire stories? That's just wrong.

11 Name: Bookworm : 2008-09-22 21:46 ID:1xugBNKH

13. It promotes creepy, possessive, unhealthy relationships. Kinda goes along with >>9.

Bella: "Okay, Edward, you can totally sit outside my window and watch me while I sleep and prevent me from talking to a close friend of mine that I've known a hell of a lot longer than you just because he happens to be a werewolf and you can force me to go to prom and have a ginormous birthday party and marry you just because it's what you want, even though I want nothing to do with it and don't say anything because I'm a spineless character with no personality whatsoever!"

Excuse me while I vomit.

12 Name: Bookworm : 2008-10-11 02:02 ID:xWDlpguJ

LOOK ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE DOUBLE NIGGERS OK?

13 Name: Bookworm : 2008-11-02 22:08 ID:mGCkbwae

14. Aside from the author's choice of religion, she puts down paganism but is writing about VAMPIRES. I mean, seriously.

14 Name: Bookworm : 2008-11-03 00:04 ID:mYvYMd4d

>>11 : why do you KNOW this?

15 Name: 11 : 2008-11-03 02:23 ID:vgywucmw

>>14
I did read them, except the last one. I thought they were okay the first time I read them, then I re-read part of one of them and got a massive migraine from the immaturity of the writing. I'm not slamming Meyer as an author (I thought The Host wasn't bad at all, except the ending), it's just that the Twilight series is treated as a literary masterpiece surpassing frickin' Shakespeare and Tolkien combined when it's really just fanfiction-quality.

Speaking of which, my friend that reads Twilight fanfiction tells me that Meyer basically wrote the same thing as all of the fanfic authors and passed it off as Breaking Dawn. Haven't checked myself because I value my brain cells, but something to keep in mind.

Irrelevant: my captcha is boyzz. Thought you guys might find that a bit amusing...

16 Name: Bookworm : 2008-11-07 03:47 ID:NnGml8o9

She should have chosen Jacob. He was a truly sweet guy. But it's like, noooo, I'll choose the over-protective, controlling, manipulative psychopath who stalks me. Yeeeeaaaaah....

17 Name: Bookworm : 2008-11-08 17:32 ID:SPMpGb5K

>>16
That's reason 15.

18 Name: Bookworm : 2009-01-02 08:39 ID:10BCTTYR

16. Don't go near me, I could hurt you.
Don't go near me, I could hurt you.
Don't go near me, I could hurt you.
Don't go near me, I could hurt you.

19 Name: Bookworm : 2009-01-02 22:25 ID:hf3Lu0yH

>>18
I lol'd

20 Name: Bookworm : 2009-01-03 23:21 ID:kzPowy42

I think it's been mentioned already that the main character is completely dull and is really nothing more than a Jane Doe save for her unhealthy infatuation with abusive relationships.

Yeah all that is worth mentioning AGAIN.

21 Name: Bookworm : 2009-01-08 17:03 ID:pIelerfX

I am waiting for the day to find a crossover fan-fic in which Lestat de Lioncourt violently kills Edward. Lestat is a queer but he's more of a man than Edward will EVER be.

22 Name: Bookworm : 2009-01-18 07:24 ID:0GJIEMUj

>>11 and >>15 here.

I read Breaking Dawn. It's quite possibly worse than the first three books combined. Jacob gets even more thoroughly screwed over by Bella, and then Meyer decides to make up for it by having him screw Bella's daughter? Oh, and Leah (the female werewolf) never gets any. She's just kind of not mentioned again after awhile, I'm guessing because Meyer doesn't want to have any female characters with spines and/or personalities get anywhere in her world. (I don't even like Leah that much, but whatever.)

Oh, and a friend of mine who bothered to watch the movie tells me that it's "the perfect B movie" and another says it's not even worth a torrent.

23 Name: Bookworm : 2009-06-14 05:02 ID:6FJjQGy9

Guys, the books are actually really good if you know how to read them. Bella is not actually seeing and doing what she thinks she is. The entire story is far to ridiculous for that (a vampire that doesn't drink blood?) However, those who know older vampire stories will know that vampires have limited mind control over their victims. Bella is being mind controlled into thinking that Edward is the perfect boyfriend and that her real friend Jacob, an enemy of the vampires, is dangerous. Twilight is a tragic tale of deception from the point of view of a character that cannot even see the horrible fate she has fallen to. Bella's "decision" to become a vampire is a reflection on what one can be convinced they want to do. In the modern world of constant advertisement and branding, all can relate to being unsure of where their desires came from.

24 Name: Bookworm : 2009-06-18 23:03 ID:Heaven

>>23
That would be very, very clever.

But I highly, highly doubt it.

25 Name: Bookworm : 2009-06-19 11:32 ID:1iV3ZkFJ

>>23
Does it have such an ending though? It's completed right?

26 Name: Bookworm : 2009-06-20 18:03 ID:DS8HWJw7

>>24
No, it is not very clever. It's an invalid interprentation of a work that sucks, written in a way to impress those who would not bother stripping what >>23 said to its essence. I did so, and I think >>23 is full of shit, but appealing to some, who don't like to think much of what they read/see. (like Twilight)

27 Name: Bookworm : 2009-07-09 16:18 ID:P/sX6EiK

>>23
I don't want to seem anal, but the vampires do drink blood. And I don't think Bella is being mind controlled since one of her main traits is being 'OMG immune!' to all the vampire's special powers.

(and since we're on the subject of other interpretations of Twilight...)
I do remember reading some idea on /tg/ where Bella was actually some sort of psychic who mentally enslaved the town of Forks into helping her act out her fantasy. Edward is actually a demon who feeds off the misery of others. And while everyone in the town plays out Bella's fantasy, they are still conscious and in a living hell. Edward pretends he's a vampire so Bella will keep him around, and he'll have a free meal ticket for the next 50 years.

Or something like that. I thought I had the post saved somewhere, but I guess I don't.

28 Name: eebs : 2009-08-07 13:04 ID:IL9p9A4M

Twilight.....it gives me headaches to think people actually read that crap! and yes, >>23 is full of shit!, wake up man, do you actually believe what you wrote?
This book was a waste of paper...i can't believe trees died for this shit -_-

29 Name: Bookworm : 2009-08-08 03:43 ID:f4vf1TVI

>>28, Agreed.

Just reading this makes me lulz. I can't think of one right now, I only read the first two and moved on to other series. x]

30 Name: Bookworm : 2009-09-11 18:54 ID:FMNuihl2

The thing that annoys me the most is meyer's complete incompetence as a writer. She is awful at everything; structure, character development, descriptive writing etc, you name it she fails. The only thing she can do is wish fullfillment targeted at 13 yar old girls. She does a great job of appealing to them, and people praise her and give her money.

>>23
i say twilight could have been good if it was written as a nice dark horror using that idea (and someone else wrote it).

31 Name: Bookworm : 2009-09-17 11:23 ID:57Y/tdwe

Actually, the structure was fine. You are just one of those people who are butthurt because the book was overrated and ruined by a movie and the teenage girls you speak of. 13 year old girls and 12 yr old fanbois are your enemy, not the author. The book had violence and gore.

The Vampire Lestat didn't focus on the interesting characters in the beginning of the book or thier relationship with Lestat(the band members). It didn't even mention their names.

The Vampire Lestat story line did not fit in with IWaV , so the author had to patch it up by blaming on a fictional character.

32 Name: SeƱor Cool : 2009-09-17 13:34 ID:hIV5rP4u

Man, I do hate the Twilight books. It takes the vampire stories of Anne Rice and turns them into Mexican Dramas.

33 Name: Bookworm : 2009-09-25 13:03 ID:oYa56hLh

I've tried to watch Twilight 3 times. First: raged at 3 minutes. Second: raged at 10 minutes (exactly when Edward walks into the cafeteria). Third: Twilight Puppet Saga on JooToob; actually quite funny but still raged half-way.

34 Name: Bookworm : 2009-09-30 02:51 ID:ycqf+RRR

This is the deleted Twilight sex scene. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2bL-w3VCeI

35 Name: Seiichi Kirima : 2009-09-30 19:52 ID:3HwjMuWz

The book was poorly written and rather stupid. But the movie was okay, I think.

36 Name: Bookworm : 2009-10-01 08:52 ID:8UjAJD7o

I'm surprised that we, as a species, are still talking about this book series. I feel like I should read it, due to my bizarre fascination with terrible fanfiction, but to do so would mean having to go and talk to my kid sister about actually borrowing the books from her little Twilight shrine.

A while back, I helped a friend move a bunch of stuff out of his old place. At some point I found a little Twilight 'sample', you know, an excerpt that's supposed to get you all hot and bothered to buy the whole thing. Kind of a silly thing to do for a book, but I went ahead and flipped through it while I helped him move things about.

Naturally, it ended up in the trash. The writing made me want to become an unstoppable engine of hate, intent on destroying the human race (and then some). And despite the fact that I found it in his stuff, my friend gave me some shit for actually reading it.

37 Name: Bookworm : 2009-11-10 03:03 ID:Mbyg0r2N

Meyer doesn't get the whole Physiology viewpoint. There are so many things wrong with this book, scientifically, and it doesn't matter, because it's "Fantasy!" but, how could Edward have had sex... He has no blood... No blood=No erect manly parts.

38 Name: Bookworm : 2009-11-13 03:41 ID:9QbXIldw

>>37

He inserts metal rods into his urethra to simulate erection.

39 Name: chicas chulas : 2009-11-21 04:52 ID:ZH1F1z4Z

OMFG!!! ok so some of these comments i can relate to but to be honest i don't think the story was SOOO bad that ppl should start bashing in on Seph Meyer. yes i read all the books. yes they were all insanely cheezy. yes i watched the movie. yes it was terrible but here's something to think about...if you guys say that this book is such an epic fail then....how come even the ppl who HATE it....have read the book??...just something to think about....

40 Name: Bookworm : 2009-11-26 03:49 ID:Heaven

>>39

>if you guys say that this book is such an epic fail then....how come even the ppl who HATE it....have read the book??

Are you retarded? How can someone possibly be an accurate judge a book without having read it? How can you hate something without knowing it? God.

That's like saying "if you hate fish so much, why did you even try tasting it that one time?".

41 Name: Bookworm : 2009-11-28 15:05 ID:lL+Pulrq

Well I hate it and I've never read it, so you're wrong on both fronts, fangirl

42 Name: Bookworm : 2009-11-28 15:07 ID:lL+Pulrq

Unless of course we define success by number of copies sold in which case shit literature about gay vampires comes out on top.

43 Name: chicas chulas : 2009-12-01 19:12 ID:xG4PDTeG

ok well let me just say that i didn't exactly word what i wanted to say correctly...if you're told that this book is a piece of shit....then y read it?

44 Name: chicas chulas : 2009-12-01 19:13 ID:xG4PDTeG

ok so maybe i didn't word what i wanted to say correctly...
what i meant was if ur told that this book is a piece of shit then y read it??

45 Name: Bookworm : 2009-12-09 00:08 ID:7qm/BKi9

>>44
Because we like to form our own opinion? Because we have taste and like to use it and not just like or dislike what we're told to?

To follow up on the metaphor, because we had been told a lot of people dislike fish, we didn't like the smell of fish, but we had to take a bite just to be sure that, yeah okay, we don't like fish. And when I say just a bite it means I couldn't even finish the first book, that's how bad it was (to me).

46 Name: ummmok? : 2009-12-27 02:25 ID:6+nrgqKE

twighlight sucks. thats it. end of story. oookaayyyy??

47 Name: Bookworm : 2010-06-04 19:56 ID:vNrTE7x1

fucking Twilight vampires need to meet my black hominis nocturna killer friend, Blade

48 Name: Bookworm : 2010-06-06 07:02 ID:VdR8L7bM

If you're ever on a date with a girl and you learn she's read all the books and watched the movies five time each... run.

Twlight is to women what Star Trek is to men.

49 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-15 23:41 ID:j5fZS8eS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojGmVILD54g

We are Anonymous
We are Legion
We do not forgive
We do not forget
Expect us

50 Name: me : 2012-02-05 15:06 ID:EfPcM/82

Stephenie Meyer is an idiot. My main problem with the series is the plot holes...oh dear God so many potholes...
Not only the question of why do vampires, particularly Jasper who has very limited self-control insist on going to high school over and o ver? They go on about how hard they work to keep their existence secret and yet on Bella's first day, her new friend could tell her ALL about the Cullens, even mentioning the weird incestuous relationships they seem to have...yeah, way to remain inconspicuous by behaving moodily and blatantly groping up what you're trying to pass off as your SIBLING in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. Also they insist on having the most expensive stuff which just reeks of New Money Meyer fapping away over her new fortune.
There are millions of other errors in the books as well. I find it harder to find parts of the book that are factually and logically correct.

51 Name: Bookworm : 2012-02-10 20:18 ID:daMyFGFO

>>50 the problem is not Stephenie Meyer, but her readership.
More to the point, why did you read several of her books? One was not enough to get the picture?

52 Name: Bookworm : 2012-02-10 20:49 ID:wLjURccI

>>51
I wonder that as well. The first two or three pages was enough to make me vomit.

53 Name: me : 2012-02-15 18:19 ID:EfPcM/82

I think stephenie Meyer is a problem seeing as without her fail of a book there wouldnt even be a readership convinced a dead guy watching them sleep is fantastic. I don't believe you can comment on how terrible a series is if you haven't read it. That's common sense, especially when the first reaction from twi hards is "if u just reed it u wil get it!!"
I was given new moon for a birthday gift and after reading five pages I threw it across the room and left it there, then I heard the media buzz and realised new moon was from that series and thought "surely not...that was awful, I must be mistaken". So I went back and read them because I wanted to understand why they were so popular. I still don't.

55 Name: Bookworm : 2012-07-28 14:39 ID:Rw0LVy6E

Twilight was written to appeal to a certain audience, teen girls and people who wish to read some crappy YA and leave their brains somewhere else while enjoying crappy romance filled with marysues and elements of fantasy.
I read Twilight, I didn't like it much, I'm not a zealous hater either. There are a lot of novels and series like Twilight.

56 Post deleted.

57 Name: Bookworm : 2017-11-07 15:12 ID:6liv6Y7s

What, Vampires that can cross running water, don't ask for permission to go into people's houses, don't count every grain of rice if you spill some and can be in direct sunlight? No thanks.

58 Name: Bookworm : 2018-03-18 14:18 ID:aDtMdcyh

because im not in the intended demographic. owee, a 23 year old dude with hella hair on his belly doesn't enjoy a book intended for 13 year old girls, who would have thought.

59 Post deleted.

Name: Link:
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
More options...
Verification: