From an early age, >>756 always showed a great affinity for pandas. He would spend hours watching nature documentaries in the hopes of catching a glimpse of one of these majestic creatures. He led a solitary childhood, and grew to become a social outcast. He knew he was irrevocably different from his peers. While they were out inebriating themselves and having casual sex, he spent his free time gorging himself on bamboo shoots bought from the local oriental supermarket. They could never understand. He was a panda at heart, and they were mere humans.

Years later, he dropped out of college and lived on his own. He dreamed about how his life could have been and lamented the cruelty of fate. He cursed his hairless monochrome body; his nimble pinkish hands; his stomach's inability to digest raw bamboo.

One night, he could take it no longer. He made plans to throw himself off the nearest bridge into a deep gorge. He whiled away his last hours on the internet in a haze of alcohol, intermittent crying and masturbating to pictures of pandas.

He happened to open a page he had bookmarked months ago; a small textboard known as "The Elitist Superstructure of DQN". He hadn't thought much of it at the time, but as his tired eyes swept over the thread titles, he noticed those wonderful words:

ITT the previous poster is a panda

He laughed! He cried! He gave it thirty seconds thought, and made a brief post inspired by another thread which happened to be on the front page.

He knew it wouldn't truly make him a panda - truly, nothing ever could. But to have someone reaffirm his belief, to tell him it's okay, he is a panda in some capacity, would mean everything to him.

It's okay, >>756. I understand.

You are a panda.