DQN FANTASY
PICK YOUR CHARACTER:
(・∀・) is FIGHTER.
( ´ω`) is BLK BELT.
( ゚ ヮ゚) is WHT MAGE.
( ・ω・) is RED MAGE.
I am your Game Master, ( ´ヮ`), and I will be your guide.
DQN-KUN WAS BACK HOME FROM HIS VISIT TO THE HOME OF HIS SICK PEDOPHILE FRIEND. SUDDENLY, ( `ハ´) SPRANG FROM THE DARK ALLEY AND CAPTURED DQN-KUN. HE WAS NOT SEEN IN THE MAGIC Dokyu~n VILLAGE FEW YEARS AND THE DENIZENS OF IT BECAME WORRIED.
THEY REQUESTED THE FOUR DEFENDERS OF THE SECRET Dokyu~n VILLAGE TO SEEK FOR HIM AND SAVE HIM.
TOGETHER THE FOUR WARRIORS OF DQN WILL DEFEAT ( `ハ´)WHO HAS TAKEN DQN-KUN AS HOSTAGE. WILL THE FOUR
WARRIORS OF DQN PREVAIL??
( ´ヮ`) The four of you travel through the lively streets of the magic village Dokyu~n. Among the villagers of it who are greeting you, on your path you encounter the battle kitten ミ*´ー`ミ. What do you do?
かっぱさんよ〜
統失で聞いた話をうまくまとめる謎の行動は終わりましたか〜?
日本の東北から関西辺りまでの広い話ですね〜
犬を飼っておられるようですが
寄生虫関係か狂犬病の検査を
人間のほうがされたほうがいいと思いますよ
ゲイセクス
かっぱさ〜ん
知り合う人ごとに、カッパさんの電話番号が違う名前で携帯に
登録されているようですが
何をやっておられるんですか?
日本のユタの地の馬鹿だけど
別に権力者でもなんでもない
只単に、温泉街に遊びに来たお客で
遊ぶ只のゲス野郎だ
ユタの温泉に生息する馬鹿についてだけど
自分でやって、他の人を捕まえてくださいとか言っているそうだ
ああいった多重人格の人は自分で手錠でも買って
自宅のどこかに一人で拘束されていればいいだろうな
Japan is bukkake kimchi.
No chinese allowed
( ´ヮ`) Hello!
I, the Game Master, will hit the reset button and start a new game!
For now, there are three doors in front of you. The one on the left is green, the one in the middle is red, and the one on the right is blue. Which door do you choose?
( ゚ ヮ゚) Check inventory!
( ・ω・) This middle door...
( ・ω・) It was made for me.
( ・ω・) THIS IS MY DOOR!
>>221
( ´ヮ`) One.
>>222
( ´ヮ`) You have: 1 Bronze Sword, 1 Green Herb, 3 First-Aid Kits, 1 Can of Silly String, 3 dis-inflated Balloons, 1 Handgun with 10 Bullets, 1 Bottle of Moo-Moo Milk, 1 Super Mushroom, 1 Missle Tank upgrade, 1 Red Shell, 1 Bottle of Kikkoman, 1 Box of Reese's Puffs Cereal, 2 Sparklers, and 1 Quiche.
( ゚ ヮ゚) Go through the blue door, flailing my bronze sword around like an idiot!
( ゚ ヮ゚) Seriously though, fuck red and green. They're terrible colours
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) This has nothing to do with the fact that I'm red/green colourblind.
( ・ω・) You jerk.
(・∀・) A wall!
(・∀・) Hi-ya!
[The wall breaks.]
( ゚ ヮ゚) Combine green herb, super mushroom, Kikkoman and quiche!
( ゚ _ ゚) I thought we were going to smoke the green herb.
( ・ω・) I want to set something on fire
(・∀・) killed self with worldspawn
( ゚ ヮ゚) Looks like BLK BELT isn't being very talkative...
( ゚ ヮ゚) Hey, are you oka--
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) Yeah, he's been dead for quite a while now.
DQN FANTASY PART II
PARTY STATUS
(・∀・) 「Fighter]
DEAD - Suicide by worldspawn
( ´ω`) 「BLK Belt」
DEAD - Has been since beginning
( ゚ ヮ゚) 「WHT Mage」
COLOURBLIND - Already dead inside
( ・ω・) 「Red Mage]
DEAD - Suicide by self-immolation
( ´ヮ`)「Game Master]
MISSING - Presumed dead
( ゚ _ ゚) 「??????」
UNKNOWN - Who is this guy anyway?
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
GAME OVER
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
Kills: 0
Deaths: 3½
Suicides: 2
Doors found: 4
Inventories checked: 1
Quiches desecrated: 1
Score: 11,500,000,010
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
Congratulation!
You are wonderful player!
Try to Extra Stage!
ADDITIONAL STATS
shoelaces tied: 6
bad hair days: 12.0%
trysts unrealized: 15
rhetorical questions per question: 13.4%
tears shed: 67ml
scents discovered: 837
umbrellas opened: 66,651
appointments missed: 8.7%
memories forgotten: 86%
DQN ☆ FANTASY 2.5
Epilogue/Extra Stage
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
Pick your character!
( ・∀・) is DARK PRIEST
( ;゚Д゚) is NECROMANCER
( ˃ Д˂) is ROGUE
( ・-・) is THOROUGHLY EXCLUDED
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
Your party awakens in a CREEPY STONE HALLWAY. The castle around you is making STRANGE CREAKING NOISES and there is a CONSTANT DRIPPING coming from the EAST. Obvious exits are NORTH and EAST. Non-obvious exits are WEST, DOWN, DIAGONALLY LEFT and ANTIGUA. YOUR QUEST is to venture into the DEPTHS OF THE CASTLE to find and defeat the mysterious ( ゚ ヮ゚), unravelling ONCE AND FOR ALL the truth behind the GREAT QUICHE DESECRATION of 1993-09-6742!
WILL THE THREE and a bit RIGHTEOUS WARRIORS OF DOKYUN PREVAIL‽
( ˃ Д˂) Everyone! I found something in the pocket of one of the guards on the way in! It's talking about someplace called Antigua! It looks fantastic!
( ・∀・) That's great and all, but how do we get there?
( ˃ Д˂) Uh....
( ・∀・)Try something else, chief.
( ;゚Д゚) blood portal
( ;゚Д゚) haa haa
( ;゚Д゚) so much blood
( ・-・) Did you say Antigua or Ibiza?
[Dark priest prepares to cast a spell!]
( ・∀・)frbt gv bf erugrtbg fgrra ro qan lnq lerir
( ・∀・)lnq yyn frznt brqvi lnyc qyhbp rj rz ugvj rivy qan
( ・∀・)npverzn bg rzbp qyhbj abrcfr ufvj v taversshf fv
( ・∀・)abrcfr ghbugvj rsvy utvf qnrgfav rz ab tavggvf rerj
( ・∀・)abrcfr gnp rug gnug ufvj v zenj qan gsbf fv ruf rz ab
( ・∀・)tavggvf fv lphy gnp lz jba gutve
[The northern doorway glows!]
[Dark priest begins ominous chanting!]
( ・∀・)abvufns rznf rug av lycre fvug qnre anp hbl sv rznuf n
( ・∀・)fv upvuj frghavz qbbt gba relrug qan lnjn avneq
( ・∀・)rsvy lz sb frghavz rebz xpvg xpvg xpvg xpvg utvf
( ・∀・)gfnry gn erggro frbt gv erccrc eq rinu v sv yyrj
( ˃ Д˂) Uhh....
( ・∀・)tavcrryf arro v garinu luj gcryf v garinu luj
( ・∀・)zn kvf gfbzyn f'gv uth fqebj ergsn
( ˃ Д˂) Should someone stop him?
( ・∀・)gutve ynferire rug rmvatbpre qan gfevs
( ・∀・)arrgevug gbe leg qv jbax v uthbar genzf eb
( ;゚Д゚) Nah, just let him do his thing...
( ・∀・)gv gcleprq bg uthbar qrebo ro qyhbj buj gho
( ・∀・)fvug fqnre rab ba rcbu v qbt ub
[Nothing happens!]
( ・-・) His only appreciable skill is speaking backwards rot13 text.
( ・-・) I don't know why you consider me a less valuable member of the team.
A hole in the roof opens, and lava begins slowly pouring out.
( ・-・) Out through the hole in the roof?
( ˃ Д˂) Alright, let's go east everyone. You two here me? We gotta run!
( ・∀・)Right behind you!
( ;゚Д゚) What about that other guy?
( ・∀・) What other guy?
( ˃ Д˂) You're delusional, man.
>>245
You attempt to exit OUT THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE ROOF. You are BURNT HORRIFICALLY by the LAVA.
( ・-・) loses 25HP.
( ・-・) now has 0HP remaining.
Continue? Y/N
>>246
You go EAST. You enter a BRIGHTLY LIT AND INVITING LABORATORY. On the NORTHERN WALL there is a WOODEN TABLE covered in various GLASS FLASKS and VIALS. One of them, labelled "HUMAN TEARS, 67ml", has fallen over and is dripping onto the floor. Other NOTABLE FLASKS are labelled "AQUA VITAE", "POTASSIUM PERMANGANATE", "RAM'S BLOOD" and "LYE".
On the EASTERN WALL there is a STURDY BOOKSHELF containing various DUSTY TOMES on ESOTERIC and CLANDESTINE SCIENTIFIC SUBJECTS.
On the SOUTHERN WALL there is a LOCKED DOOR.
( ・∀・)I wonder if they have the SICP!
( ゚ ヮ゚) WHT MAGE.casts LV.1 area affect healing spell!
( ・-・) Am I alive again now?
( ´ヮ`)No, but your corpse looks better.
>>249
You are the ENDBOSS! Why would you be casting LV.1 spells‽
>>248
After some searching, you locate the SICP. You grip its AMBIGUOUSLY COLOURED COVER in your hands tenderly, caressing it lightly and making cooing noises under your breath. You open it to a FAMILIAR CHAPTER and begin to read.
SUDDENLY you are attacked by a GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH (Level 1). What do you do?
( ・∀・)Throw book!
( ゚ ヮ゚) for the lulz
>>252
You cannot bear to part with your BELOVED SICP, so you instead pick up "THE JOY OF ARENE SUBSTITUTION PATTERNS" and THROW IT at the GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH (Level 1).
You miss!
GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH bites you on the hand.
You lose 1HP.
You have 24HP remaining.
You have been poisoned! You will lose 2HP per turn until HEALED or given ANTIDOTE.
>>254
DISEMBODIED VOICE uses VERBAL ABUSE on MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME.
MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME loses 5HP
MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME has 0HP remaining.
Continue? Y/N
I want to reroll!!!!
Can I be tablecat? ( ´∀`) She's my idol!
( ´∀`) I want to go swimming in the lava.
( ´∀`)Can I? Can I?!