[D&D] DQN ☆ FANTASY [Advanced] [PART II] (259)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5566 16:54

DQN FANTASY

PICK YOUR CHARACTER:
(・∀・) is FIGHTER.
( ´ω`) is BLK BELT.
( ゚ ヮ゚) is WHT MAGE.
( ・ω・) is RED MAGE.

I am your Game Master, ( ´ヮ`), and I will be your guide.

DQN-KUN WAS BACK HOME FROM HIS VISIT TO THE HOME OF HIS SICK PEDOPHILE FRIEND. SUDDENLY, ( `ハ´) SPRANG FROM THE DARK ALLEY AND CAPTURED DQN-KUN. HE WAS NOT SEEN IN THE MAGIC Dokyu~n VILLAGE FEW YEARS AND THE DENIZENS OF IT BECAME WORRIED.
THEY REQUESTED THE FOUR DEFENDERS OF THE SECRET Dokyu~n VILLAGE TO SEEK FOR HIM AND SAVE HIM.
TOGETHER THE FOUR WARRIORS OF DQN WILL DEFEAT ( `ハ´)WHO HAS TAKEN DQN-KUN AS HOSTAGE. WILL THE FOUR
WARRIORS OF DQN PREVAIL??

( ´ヮ`) The four of you travel through the lively streets of the magic village Dokyu~n. Among the villagers of it who are greeting you, on your path you encounter the battle kitten ミ*´ー`ミ. What do you do?

210 Name: a : 1993-09-6507 04:30

かっぱさんよ〜
統失で聞いた話をうまくまとめる謎の行動は終わりましたか〜?
日本の東北から関西辺りまでの広い話ですね〜

211 Name: a : 1993-09-6507 05:35

犬を飼っておられるようですが
寄生虫関係か狂犬病の検査を
人間のほうがされたほうがいいと思いますよ

212 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6507 07:46

ゲイセクス

213 Name: a : 1993-09-6508 03:47

かっぱさ〜ん
知り合う人ごとに、カッパさんの電話番号が違う名前で携帯に
登録されているようですが
何をやっておられるんですか?

214 Name: 米男 : 1993-09-6508 10:04

HELLO JAPANESE
I AM HAPPY YANKEE ^________^

215 Name: a : 1993-09-6523 02:58

日本のユタの地の馬鹿だけど
別に権力者でもなんでもない
只単に、温泉街に遊びに来たお客で
遊ぶ只のゲス野郎だ

216 Name: a : 1993-09-6531 15:34

ユタの温泉に生息する馬鹿についてだけど
自分でやって、他の人を捕まえてくださいとか言っているそうだ
ああいった多重人格の人は自分で手錠でも買って
自宅のどこかに一人で拘束されていればいいだろうな

217 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6608 21:52

Japan is bukkake kimchi.

218 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6614 07:49

No chinese allowed

219 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 15:34

(・∀・) Thousand Dragons Fury Punch!
(・∀・) Hi-ya!
[Crash!]
[The door opens.]
(・∀・) Well, there goes that problem!

220 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 16:11

( ´ヮ`) Hello!

I, the Game Master, will hit the reset button and start a new game!

For now, there are three doors in front of you. The one on the left is green, the one in the middle is red, and the one on the right is blue. Which door do you choose?

221 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 16:16

>>220
(・∀・) How many are there in back of me?

222 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 16:35

( ゚ ヮ゚) Check inventory!

223 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 17:21

( ・ω・) This middle door...
( ・ω・) It was made for me.
( ・ω・) THIS IS MY DOOR!

224 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 17:36

>>221
( ´ヮ`) One.

>>222
( ´ヮ`) You have: 1 Bronze Sword, 1 Green Herb, 3 First-Aid Kits, 1 Can of Silly String, 3 dis-inflated Balloons, 1 Handgun with 10 Bullets, 1 Bottle of Moo-Moo Milk, 1 Super Mushroom, 1 Missle Tank upgrade, 1 Red Shell, 1 Bottle of Kikkoman, 1 Box of Reese's Puffs Cereal, 2 Sparklers, and 1 Quiche.

225 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 18:02

( ゚ ヮ゚) Go through the blue door, flailing my bronze sword around like an idiot!
( ゚ ヮ゚) Seriously though, fuck red and green. They're terrible colours
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) This has nothing to do with the fact that I'm red/green colourblind.

226 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 18:12

( ・ω・) You jerk.

227 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 18:16

(・∀・) A wall!
(・∀・) Hi-ya!
[The wall breaks.]

228 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 21:25

( ゚ ヮ゚) Combine green herb, super mushroom, Kikkoman and quiche!

229 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6742 22:03

( ゚ _ ゚) I thought we were going to smoke the green herb.

230 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6743 18:02

( ・ω・) I want to set something on fire

231 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 15:01

( ゚ ヮ゚) When's >>220,224 going to show up again? I've been waiting outside this BLUE DOOR for more than a day now!

232 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6745 19:05

(・∀・) killed self with worldspawn

233 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6745 20:43

( ゚ ヮ゚) Looks like BLK BELT isn't being very talkative...
( ゚ ヮ゚) Hey, are you oka--
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) ...
( ゚ ヮ゚) Yeah, he's been dead for quite a while now.

234 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6746 17:19

DQN FANTASY PART II
PARTY STATUS

(・∀・) 「Fighter]
DEAD - Suicide by worldspawn

( ´ω`) 「BLK Belt」
DEAD - Has been since beginning

( ゚ ヮ゚) 「WHT Mage」
COLOURBLIND - Already dead inside

( ・ω・) 「Red Mage]
DEAD - Suicide by self-immolation

( ´ヮ`)「Game Master]
MISSING - Presumed dead

( ゚ _ ゚) 「??????」
UNKNOWN - Who is this guy anyway?

~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~
GAME OVER
~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~

Kills: 0
Deaths: 3½
Suicides: 2
Doors found: 4
Inventories checked: 1
Quiches desecrated: 1

Score: 11,500,000,010

~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~

Congratulation!
You are wonderful player!
Try to Extra Stage!

235 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6747 09:34

ADDITIONAL STATS

shoelaces tied: 6
bad hair days: 12.0%
trysts unrealized: 15
rhetorical questions per question: 13.4%
tears shed: 67ml
scents discovered: 837
umbrellas opened: 66,651
appointments missed: 8.7%
memories forgotten: 86%

236 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6747 17:52

DQN ☆ FANTASY 2.5
Epilogue/Extra Stage

~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~

Pick your character!

( ・∀・) is DARK PRIEST
( ;゚Д゚) is NECROMANCER
( ˃ Д˂) is ROGUE
( ・-・) is THOROUGHLY EXCLUDED

~~~~〜〜〜〜~~~~

Your party awakens in a CREEPY STONE HALLWAY. The castle around you is making STRANGE CREAKING NOISES and there is a CONSTANT DRIPPING coming from the EAST. Obvious exits are NORTH and EAST. Non-obvious exits are WEST, DOWN, DIAGONALLY LEFT and ANTIGUA. YOUR QUEST is to venture into the DEPTHS OF THE CASTLE to find and defeat the mysterious ( ゚ ヮ゚), unravelling ONCE AND FOR ALL the truth behind the GREAT QUICHE DESECRATION of 1993-09-6742!

WILL THE THREE and a bit RIGHTEOUS WARRIORS OF DOKYUN PREVAIL‽

237 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6747 19:00

( ˃ Д˂) Everyone! I found something in the pocket of one of the guards on the way in! It's talking about someplace called Antigua! It looks fantastic!
( ・∀・) That's great and all, but how do we get there?
( ˃ Д˂) Uh....
( ・∀・)Try something else, chief.

238 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6747 19:10

( ;゚Д゚) blood portal

( ;゚Д゚) haa haa

( ;゚Д゚) so much blood

239 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 13:01

( ・-・) Did you say Antigua or Ibiza?

240 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 13:43

[Dark priest prepares to cast a spell!]

( ・∀・)frbt gv bf erugrtbg fgrra ro qan lnq lerir
( ・∀・)lnq yyn frznt brqvi lnyc qyhbp rj rz ugvj rivy qan
( ・∀・)npverzn bg rzbp qyhbj abrcfr ufvj v taversshf fv
( ・∀・)abrcfr ghbugvj rsvy utvf qnrgfav rz ab tavggvf rerj
( ・∀・)abrcfr gnp rug gnug ufvj v zenj qan gsbf fv ruf rz ab
( ・∀・)tavggvf fv lphy gnp lz jba gutve

[The northern doorway glows!]

241 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 13:49

[Dark priest begins ominous chanting!]

( ・∀・)abvufns rznf rug av lycre fvug qnre anp hbl sv rznuf n
( ・∀・)fv upvuj frghavz qbbt gba relrug qan lnjn avneq
( ・∀・)rsvy lz sb frghavz rebz xpvg xpvg xpvg xpvg utvf
( ・∀・)gfnry gn erggro frbt gv erccrc eq rinu v sv yyrj
( ˃ Д˂) Uhh....
( ・∀・)tavcrryf arro v garinu luj gcryf v garinu luj
( ・∀・)zn kvf gfbzyn f'gv uth fqebj ergsn
( ˃ Д˂) Should someone stop him?
( ・∀・)gutve ynferire rug rmvatbpre qan gfevs
( ・∀・)arrgevug gbe leg qv jbax v uthbar genzf eb
( ;゚Д゚) Nah, just let him do his thing...
( ・∀・)gv gcleprq bg uthbar qrebo ro qyhbj buj gho
( ・∀・)fvug fqnre rab ba rcbu v qbt ub

[Nothing happens!]

242 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 17:04

( ・-・) His only appreciable skill is speaking backwards rot13 text.

( ・-・) I don't know why you consider me a less valuable member of the team.

243 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 17:08

>>238
NECROMANCER has learned new spell: INSPIRE EXSANGUINATION.
NECROMANCER has levelled up! You are now LEVEL 2.

>>239
It was definitely IBIZA.

>>240,241
The DARK PRIEST's SPELL OF SEALING has been successful! The NORTHERN DOORWAY is now magically sealed.

244 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6748 20:48

A hole in the roof opens, and lava begins slowly pouring out.

245 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 02:41

( ・-・) Out through the hole in the roof?

246 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 10:31

( ˃ Д˂) Alright, let's go east everyone. You two here me? We gotta run!
( ・∀・)Right behind you!
( ;゚Д゚) What about that other guy?
( ・∀・) What other guy?
( ˃ Д˂) You're delusional, man.

247 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 18:21

>>245
You attempt to exit OUT THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE ROOF. You are BURNT HORRIFICALLY by the LAVA.
( ・-・) loses 25HP.
( ・-・) now has 0HP remaining.

Continue? Y/N

>>246
You go EAST. You enter a BRIGHTLY LIT AND INVITING LABORATORY. On the NORTHERN WALL there is a WOODEN TABLE covered in various GLASS FLASKS and VIALS. One of them, labelled "HUMAN TEARS, 67ml", has fallen over and is dripping onto the floor. Other NOTABLE FLASKS are labelled "AQUA VITAE", "POTASSIUM PERMANGANATE", "RAM'S BLOOD" and "LYE".

On the EASTERN WALL there is a STURDY BOOKSHELF containing various DUSTY TOMES on ESOTERIC and CLANDESTINE SCIENTIFIC SUBJECTS.

On the SOUTHERN WALL there is a LOCKED DOOR.

248 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 18:58

( ・∀・)I wonder if they have the SICP!

249 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 21:18

( ゚ ヮ゚) WHT MAGE.casts LV.1 area affect healing spell!

250 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 21:46

( ・-・) Am I alive again now?
( ´ヮ`)No, but your corpse looks better.

251 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6749 22:04

>>249
You are the ENDBOSS! Why would you be casting LV.1 spells‽

>>248
After some searching, you locate the SICP. You grip its AMBIGUOUSLY COLOURED COVER in your hands tenderly, caressing it lightly and making cooing noises under your breath. You open it to a FAMILIAR CHAPTER and begin to read.

SUDDENLY you are attacked by a GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH (Level 1). What do you do?

252 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 00:21

( ・∀・)Throw book!

253 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 05:57

( ゚ ヮ゚) for the lulz

254 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 06:05

>>253
Fucking die!

255 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 15:07

>>252
You cannot bear to part with your BELOVED SICP, so you instead pick up "THE JOY OF ARENE SUBSTITUTION PATTERNS" and THROW IT at the GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH (Level 1).
You miss!

GIANT VENOMOUS GREY MOTH bites you on the hand.
You lose 1HP.
You have 24HP remaining.
You have been poisoned! You will lose 2HP per turn until HEALED or given ANTIDOTE.

>>254
DISEMBODIED VOICE uses VERBAL ABUSE on MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME.
MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME loses 5HP
MISPLACED 4CHAN MEME has 0HP remaining.
Continue? Y/N

256 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 15:32

I want to reroll!!!!

Can I be tablecat? ( ´∀`) She's my idol!

257 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 18:00

>>256
You invoke the SACRED RIGHT of POST NUMBER 28 and SHIFT THE BOUNDARIES BETWEEN REALITIES such that ROGUE ( ˃ Д˂) is now PYROMANCER ( ´∀`), and always has been.

258 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6751 05:37

( ´∀`) I want to go swimming in the lava.
( ´∀`)Can I? Can I?!

259 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6751 19:52

>>258
You probably ought to help defeat this GIANT MOTH before you engage in any DUBIOUS LAVA RELATED ANTICS.

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