[VIOLENCE] ITT we decide who would win the fight set up by the poster above us (501)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5792 00:15

Clonepa or Superman?

201 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:39

The hand, aided by its superior dexterity, wins over the clumsier foot.

202 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8472 21:57

Gnomes vs fairies

203 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8473 17:05

Gnomes are masters of combat using melee weapons. Fairies don't know much about combat. Gnomes win.

Battletoads vs Cheetahmen

204 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8474 00:23

Obviously Battletoads, amphibians have a higher rate of reproduction.

All Fiction vs Gold Experience Requiem

205 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8488 16:46

They both erase one another from reality. Clonepa wins.

Clifford the Big Red Dog vs the Jolly Green Giant

206 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 17:50

>>205
Just look at the 1930 Green Giant. Does that look to you like a man who would hesitate before beating a dog to death with a giant peapod? It doesn't to me.

>>207
Self pity vs self hatred

207 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 19:45

>>206
Self-pity. Self-hatred is a sign of depression or other mental issues, whereas self-pity is a sign of being a pansy-ass wimp, and is therefore much cheaper to treat (using a slap to the face).

>>208
Pirate vs ninja (is this still going?)

208 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8776 20:15

>>207
Ninjas are highly skilled and disciplined elite fighters; pirates are just thuggish drunkards. I don't know how anyone could seriously think they are equal opponents.

>>209
Isaac Newton vs Gottfried Leibniz

209 Name: (iœjΔͺͺͺ²iœj) : 1993-09-8776 23:42

>>208
Leibniz gave us the "d," so I can't deny him this one

>>210
A taffy puller vs a mochi pounder

210 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8777 23:01

>>209
As best I can tell, taffy pullers seem to be exclusively made of metal, whereas mochi pounders seem to be exclusively made of wood, which immediately gives a large advantage to the taffy puller. On the other hand, the mochi pounder is itself essentially a bludgeoning weapon, whereas a taffy puller is just a metal box with small, slowly spinning appendages attached. When it comes down to it, I think a mochi pounder being used to pound a taffy puller could easily disable it entirely, but a taffy puller being used on a mochi pounder would have little to no effect. I'm going to give this one to the mochi pounder.

>>211
( LƒΦ`) vs (@MƒnLj

211 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 00:48

>>210
(@MƒnLjis a fearsome opponent, but too straightforward. ( LƒΦ`) might look weaker, but his sneaky clever wit will always give him the edge, as in this confrontation.

>>212
Serval-chan vs. horny tentacle monster

212 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8778 22:14

>>211
Given an open field of battle and without the element of surprise, I would imagine that Serval-chan's superior speed and agility would allow her to easily keep out of reach of the groping appendages, while periodically darting in to quickly injure or even sever one tentacle at a time, leaving the monster in question defenceless. Serval-chan has, after all, been shown to take down ceruleans several times her size.

>>213
Your neighbour(s) living to the left of you vs your neighbour(s) living to the right of you.

213 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8779 13:17

>>212
I have no doubt that the students living to the left of me would be defeated within seconds of a battle against the 30-odd members of the Romanian family to the right of me. Those guys need TWO minibuses to get around. They definitely have the overwhelming advantage in numbers.

>>214
VIPPER vs DQN

214 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:19

>>213
That is a tough call. On one hand, you have a guy who is soliciting payment (he won't get much, lol internet), and on the other hand, you have a guy who is enough of an idiot that the normal Japanese words for idiot don't suffice. I think DQN. His lack of a clear end game might be a disadvantage in most situations, but at least running off to mootxico is not in the playbook.

>>215
a sound, well-measured argument vs. some convenient bullshit

215 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8780 18:58

>>214
Some convenient bullshit takes less time to say than a well-measured argument, so bullshit wins among people with short attention spans

>>216
Original Sailor Moon or Sailor Moon Crystal?

216 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:32

>>215 Sailor Moon Crystal hits a lot harder but Original Sailor Moon would only need to get one hit in and Crystal would shatter. If Original Sailor Moon fights smart I think she could take the win.

>>217 Who would win in an all out no holds barred bare knuckle fistfight between Ted Rea from Shattuck, Oklahoma and Satou Hideo, 41?

217 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9083 22:53

>>216
I have no idea who Satou Hideo is, but I've never seen a shitty boring thread on DQN about him, so he wins.

>>218
Alice (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland) vs Alice (Kiniro Mosaic) vs Alice (Touhou Project) vs Alice (Rozen Maiden).

218 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:31

>>217
Firstly, it seems that Alice is just a normal girl with no particular physical or magical abilities, so it is unlikely she could win against the other three fighters. That leaves Alice, Alice and Alice. I will assume that Alice can re-enact while fighting the feats she performed will dreaming e.g. growing indefinitely tall which is surely the most useful in combat. However, she has no particular will to fight nor combat training.
What about the remaining two contestants? Alice is a magician, a very skilful puppeteer and also somewhat of an artificer. Alice is an idealized perfect doll who appears to combine the talents of all Rozen Maidens, including their combat abilities which are certainly impressive by doll or human standards. Note though that Alice is used to danmaku fighting, helping her dodge ranged attacks from Alice.
In the end, I think it depends on the amount of preparation you allow for the fight. The giant Alice could quite easily stomp out the others. Barring this, Alice would probably win thanks to the sheer number and strength of her dolls, even though her magical powers are probably weaker than Alice's.
So, I'm going to go with Alice winning here.

>>219
Highly-skilled C++ programmer vs highly-skilled Haskell programmer.

219 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 13:34

>>218
Everyone loses with the thought there is skill memorizing the worthless complexity of either language.

>>220
Highly-skilled nose picker or highly-skilled ear picker.

220 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 15:44

>>219
There are people who remove the stuffing from your ear professionally, so I'd rather be really good at picking my nose since I can't rely on professionals to do so

>>221
Highly-skilled dokyuun or highly-skilled vipper

221 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 17:28

>>220 DQN-kun is better-looking and more refined than VIPPER, but if they put their skills together they'd be an unstoppable team.

>>222 Call-centre salesperson vs. NEET?

222 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 18:35

>>221
NEET would not be able to turn the salesperson down, and would end up in even more debt from purchasing a 3 years' worth of commercial PBX support for a 60-person business.

>>223
The foil-covered leftovers I know have been in the refrigerator for 6 months or the airtight leftovers that have been in the refrigerator since I moved in?

223 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:13

>>222
If they're genuinely airtight, then the airtight leftovers; otherwise, the foil-covered.

>>224
A first-wave feminist vs a second-wave feminist vs a third-wave feminist vs a fourth-wave feminist.

224 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 22:40

>>223
The fifth column.

>>225
I've narrowed it down to "Suffering.", "Death.", or "I... don't know." So which is it?

225 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9086 23:05

>>224
Suffering.

>>226
Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) vs Truman Burbank (The Truman Show) vs Bruce Nolan (Bruce Almighty, but without the God powers).

226 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 08:30

>>225
Truman Burbank. Being the most sensible of the trio, he would be the first to just grab a weapon and knock the other two out.

>>227
Puyo Puyo or Tetris?

227 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9087 11:03

>>226
Tetris. It's older, more widely known, has more iconic music, has more straightforward game mechanics, and, crucially, is still easily playable if you're colourblind, unlike Puyo Puyo.

>>228
Oedipus from Greek mythology vs Mom from The Binding of Isaac.

228 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 04:13

>>227
Oedipus was a pretty clever guy. Once you bring him up to speed with the concepts and he starts playing around with the item combos, I'd say it would take him only an afternoon or two before he gets one of those split-second screen-wiping kills.

>>229
The main four of Seinfeld against the Beatles. All are aged at the height of their popularity. One day of prep time plus knowledge of their opponents. Modern urban location.

229 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 05:56

>>228
Seinfeld cast, no contest. The Beatles are too peace-loving and head-in-the-clouds to come up with a viable strategy. Meanwhile, the Seinfeld cast use misdirection to lure the Beatles into various traps and explosives around the battlefield. Once most of the Beatles are down, Seinfeld cast just snipes them out one at a time from afar.

>>230
Girl's Generation vs. the 8 top members of AKB48. No weapons provided. Battle takes place in an empty field.

230 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9088 21:01

>>229
The minute Girl's Generation start to perform, all members of AKB48 instantly die of boredom from their watered-down, miserable, excruciatingly derivative R&B

>>231
Every character played by Bruce Willis vs every character played by The Rock

231 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9129 22:41

>>230
According to IMDb, Bruce Willis has appeared in 119 films, whereas The Rock has only appeared in 102 (admittedly this doesn't account for playing the same character in multiple films). Physically they seem pretty well matched, so I think the difference in numbers would be enough to swing it in Bruce's favour.

>>232
Me vs you.

232 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 00:26

>>231
I don't know anything about you except you post on DQN and know how to use IMDb, so it's hard to say. I've never been in a real fight so I'd probably lose if you have any experience at all. However I am fairly big, moderately fit, and can have some judo training which might give me an edge.

That said I don't really have any desire to fight you so I'd probably just end up conceding.

>>233
A platoon of ten Hello Kitties armed with AK-47s vs. a single US Navy Seal trained in gorilla warfare

233 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9130 07:31

>>232 The dumb navy seal went to the wrong class, he might have stood a chance had he went to guerrilla warfare training class but the skills he learned for fighting apes won't help him here. Hello Kitty is actually quite a vicious young girl, he doesn't stand a chance against 10.

>>234 Hulk Hogan vs the same US Navy Seal

234 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9146 15:08

>>233
Hulk Hogan, because the Hello Kitties already killed the Navy Seal.

>>235
Armok, God of Blood vs Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos.

235 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9147 23:46

>>234
At first, this looks like a clear win for Armok: pure desolation favors Armok, but leaves Nyarlathotep with no pawns and no enjoyment. On the other hand, Nyarlathotep can't really do anything to directly defeat Armok.

Upon reflection, however, I remembered Data's strategy of constant stalemate and frustration against Kolrami, the Zakdorn strategist. Nyarlathotep could postpone the inevitable until it gained more enjoyment out of the scenario than Armok ever could.

Of course, we all know they'd just become friends and team up.

>>236
Nethack's player @ (as the rider War) vs Morrowind's protagonist (alchemy and spellcrafting, but no console)

236 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9155 21:54

>>235
Even with alchemy and spellcraft alone, there are plenty of ridiculous and game breaking exploits available in Morrowind. Unless @ chances upon a wand of death, they're done for.

>>237
Theresa May vs Margaret Thatcher.

237 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9156 15:58

>>236
Theresa May. Thatcher may be the iron lady, but also she is dead. If their supporters where to get involved, probably Thatcher (just down to numbers).

>>238
A giant panda vs 100 young human children.

238 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9157 14:34

>>237
Some giant pandas have already exceeded that number. People would leave their unwanted girls in the panda zoo and say that the deaths were accidental.
>>239
Duke Togo vs Deadshot

239 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:24

>>238
Deadshot has a longer wikipedia page than Golgo 13, so I'm going to have to give this one to Togo by virtue of obscurity. Plus, his name is cooler.

>>240
Posters who use "captcha:" vs posters who use "vc:"

240 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9190 23:43

>>239
The time that vcposters save not typing an extra five letters is time they can instead spend punching captchaposters in the face.

>>241
Bowser vs Dr Robotnik.

241 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9191 06:18

>>240
Bowser is a stage actor who depending on circumstance can even be swung out of an arena by a tiny man; I'm not saying he's a pushover, just that he's kind of a softie somewhere in there. Robotnik appears to be an actual dick in a strong majority of cases (sometimes just selfish), and is largely foiled by opponents who are kinda OP compared to his mechanical genius. So Bowser will probably lose unless he is allowed to use the "I have a friend" gambit.

>>242
Bozo the Clown vs. Bob from Tekken

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