ITT the previous poster has a largely useless superpower (512)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6330 08:33

>>0 gets an honorary mention in nearly all ITT threads relating to the previous poster, despite never making a single contribution of his own.

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6330 09:17

>>1 is so adept at construing captcha meanings to create sensical sentences that he is all but unable to speak without first spotting a misspelled or foreign word.

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6330 09:21

>>1 has the ability to choose what the captcha for the next poster is, and unfortunately can't change it afterwards.

He chose mine to be pill

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6330 09:24

Holy shit.

I didn't see >>2 at first, but I find it odd that we both chose to talk about captchas.

Please excuse my post.

5 Name: >>2 : 1993-09-6330 09:28

>>4 clearly has been reading my mind and I don't feel too comfortable about that. Good thing his power only extends to DQN, though, because it would be very embarrassing if he knew what I was saying on /love/.

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 12:32

>>5 can turn into an animal, but only a panda.

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 14:09

>>6 can +1 the central heating by slamming the front door.

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 14:55

>>7 is able to stomach any liquid in the world without the bad side-effects. Not much can be said about anything else though.

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 14:57

>>8 is able to post good powers but not bad powers. not sure if that's useless though

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 15:02

>>9 cannot lie about whether he is hungry or not.

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 15:25

>>10 will always be able to finish whatever is on his plate at any meal.

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 16:12

>>11 is inexplicably adored by women over the age of fifty.

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 16:40

>>12 can compel anyone to tell truthfully what they had for breakfast that day.

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 16:42

>>12 can't make up his mind whether to eat at The Rei's or Marty's.

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 19:40

>>14 has the superhuman will necessary to ignore the thread's title and post whatever the hell he wants.

16 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 21:33

>>15 is very good at identifying the powers of others. Other than that, >>15 has no real powers.

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 23:09

>>16 is very good at identifying the powers of others. Other than that, >>16 has no real powers.

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6331 23:18

>>17 has the uncanny ability to make me not want to continue a parroting combo.

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6332 00:56

>>18 can communicate with plants. It turns out plants don't have much to say.

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6332 01:20

>>19 Can make any NES work in one try without blowing on the cartridge.

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6332 01:29

>>20 can beat any NES game in one try, without dying.

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6332 19:53

>>21 is able to put on clothes in less than a minute.

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6333 01:27

>>22 can read his own mind.

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 02:28

>>23 can easily cause people to believe that he is stupid.

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 02:33

>>23 can only cause misery to himself.

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 05:01

>>25 can take off his underwear without removing his pants.

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 05:09

>>26 is Aquaman

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 05:12

>>27 can, at will, become invisible to blind people.

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 18:56

>>28 always knows exactly what the person he's looking at had for lunch the previous Saturday.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6334 23:55

>>29 Is Captain Hindsight

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 00:04

>>30 knows exactly what kind of spoon to use.

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 05:03

>>31 can bend spoons with his mind - when he instructs his hands, via his mind, to bend spoons.

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 17:52

>>32 Can cause an Xbox 360 to get an RRoD faster than anyone else.

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 18:29

>>33 has an enhanced sense of smell, but only for watermelon.

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 19:03

>>34's superpower, no matter what it is, is bound to come in handy in helping defeat the bad guy at the climax of the thread.

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 20:05

>>35 is able to make any manhole cover levitate.

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 21:55

>>36 can generate captchas for 4-ch.net

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6335 22:01

>>37 can sage newspaper articles. :3

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6336 10:42

>>‚R‚W ‚ˆ‚‚“ ‚”‚ˆ‚… ‚‚‚‚‰‚Œ‚‰‚”‚™ ‚”‚ ‚‚‚‹‚… ‚”‚—‚ ‚“‚Œ‚‰‚‡‚ˆ‚”‚Œ‚™ ‚ˆ‚•‚‚‚’‚‚•‚“ ‚‚‚•‚”‚” ‚Š‚‚‹‚…‚“ ‚‰‚Ž ‚‚Ž‚… ‚„‚‚™D

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6336 13:25

>>39 can generate green text at will.

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6336 15:23

>>40 can telepathically communicate with extraterrestrials.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6336 16:03

>>41 can read Latin in a mirror.

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6337 02:12

>>42 can teleport himself up to one millimeter away from his present location.

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6337 02:26

>>43 can travel forward in time without even thinking about it

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6337 04:17

>>44 can fold pizza boxes with one hand.

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6338 00:49

>>45 can spontaneously combust gasoline with a lit match

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6338 06:23

>>46 has a butt that can deflect bullets.

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6338 11:07

>>47 can skim pebbles at an angle of 10‹ to the surface of a body of water, rather than the measly 7‹ permitted by physics.

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6338 15:35

>>48 can read 4-ch with his mind, but still has to use a computer to post until the mobile posting function is finally implemented.

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6343 18:25

>>49 Telepathically knows if butter has salt in it or not

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6344 05:40

>>50 can instantly heal his own paper cuts.

52 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6344 06:03

>>51 can pick out nose hairs using only his fingernails. And not even flinch.

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6344 08:04

>>52 has the ability to stay in decent shape with moderate exercise and a healthy diet.

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6344 21:21

>>53 is able to make his dog salivate at will.

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6346 17:35

>>54 can make a Mario Paint version of any song within 10 minutes.

56 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 20:03

>>55 can burn out any light bulb he concentrates on within three days, but only if he eats the same food every day.

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 20:06

>>56 can tell the exact number of hairs on a person's body after watching them for 47 minutes, as long as he never makes eye contact.

58 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 20:08

>>56 has the ability to travel through time, but only forwards and at regular speed.

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 20:15

>>58 can assign another superpower to a poster already gifted with one.

60 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 21:37

If brought to exactly the right altitude and able to remain there, >>59 can fly under his own power. A foot too high or too low, and soft landings become impossible.

61 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 21:54

>>60 can talk at a maximum speed of two-hundred times faster than normal.

62 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 22:00

>>61 is able to look dapper with dreadlocks as facial hair.

63 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6348 23:06

>>62 is able to predict the past.

64 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6349 01:35

>>63 can prevent his leg from reflexively moving when the doctor hits his knee with a hammer.

>>63 can also predict what is happening in one parallel reality.

65 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6349 06:14

>>64 is able to string symbols and shapes, such as these, into advanced concepts known as "words."

66 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6349 21:00

>>65 knows all words in all languages, but is incapable of speaking or writing most of them.

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6350 01:00

>>66 can make clones of himself, but they are always 3cm tall

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6350 01:19

>>68 has the power of the C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER.

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6350 14:28

>>68 can recite any 4chan meme at the most appropriate time.

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 01:10

>>69 can force a new meme without any of the participants in the thread ever realising.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 01:27

>>70 can recite any 4chan meme at the most appropriate time.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 02:43

>>71 doesn't get a headrush, no matter how fast he sits up.

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 03:59

>>72 Can duplicate himself an unlimited number of times, so long as he destroys the previous copy immediately at the creation of the new one.

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 05:57

>>73 can transform any coin minted after 1965 into a newer, more recent version of the same coin.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 17:41

>>74 can identify a horse's pedigree by the taste of its excrement.

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6351 21:33

>>75 can make any sentence wax scatological, as long as he's the one writing it down.

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6352 01:54

>>76 can do 50 push ups, but only when no one's looking

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6352 03:43

>>77 can count how many pushups someone has done without looking

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6352 06:16

>>80 can muster up the energy to care about threads after a sage post.

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6352 18:19

>>79 can tell what the next poster is thinking...

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6352 22:56

>>80 can ask questions like they do on Jeopardy

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6353 03:23

>>78 is amazingly good at hiding his superpowers. Unfortunately, that is his superpower.

>>81 can see through windows.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6354 06:40

>>82 can instantly memorize any book, but only if it's on the Korean War.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6354 09:30

>>83 can remove his big left toe.

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6354 19:28

>>84 can turn a TV on with his mind, but still has to use a remote to change channels.

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6354 20:08

>>85 can change the distance between the Earth and the sun by up to 5 cm after a savoury meal.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6355 04:51

>>86 can predict the lifespan of the nearest seagull by gouging out one of his eyes.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6355 05:54

>>87 can, through sheer willpower, rip a hole in the time-space continuum that's up to one quarter of a millimeter wide and hold it open for up to 2.35 seconds.

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6355 05:58

>>88 can write with an unsharpened pencil.

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6359 23:28

>>89 can blunt a freshly sharpened pencil by staring at it.

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6360 00:21

>>90 Can fart without laughing about it, causing someone else to get blamed for farting.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 08:17

>>91 can take the blame of any fart within the vicinity

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 14:27

>>92 can stick anyone's face in dough and make gorilla cookies, even if the person isn't ugly.

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 14:52

>>93 Can impersonate Italy from Axis Powers Hetalia.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 09:35

>>95 able to imitate the air pressure from a compressed can of air

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 20:36

>>94 able to fart very loudly, especially when in the presents of girls he likes.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 22:26

>>96 can fit himself into tiny boxes which he somehow proceeds to gift-wrap, then gives himself away as presents to the girls he likes.

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6371 23:58

>>97 can watch 3D television without 3D glasses.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 01:29

>>98 can watch 3d movies with one eye shut by shifting his whole head back and forth 24 times per second.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 02:09

>>99 can do that without liquefying his brain.

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 02:54

>>100 can liquefy his own brain at will without moving his head.

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 04:37

>>101 can liquefy ice without moving anyone else's head.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 04:48

>>102 can make beer go flat in a matter of seconds

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 13:08

>>103's semen tastes like phlegm.

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 14:33

>>104's phlegm tastes like semen.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 14:37

>>105's snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

107 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6373 00:07

>>106 can detect boring magazines just by looking at them

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6373 02:15

>>107 can tell how many months past its expiration date a carton of milk is.

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6374 04:52

>>108 can put the cat on the table

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6374 10:17

>>109 can put his right hand in, put his right hand out, in, out, in, out, and shake it all about.

111 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6378 18:01

>>110 can mismatch his socks in such a way that his color choices aggravate others.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6378 18:54

>>111 can instantly distinguish between a Nintendo DS and DS Lite at 1500 meters.

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6378 21:04

>>112's sleeves roll up on their own whenever he wears a long-sleeved shirt.

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6379 03:14

>>113 can predict which chamber a bullet is in while playing Russian roulette, but only after the gun has fired.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6379 04:00

>>114
Can regenerate her hymen after sex an unlimited number of times.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6379 09:26

>>115 can smoke an ungodly number of cigarettes at once in the same time it would take a mere mortal to drag on a single cancer stick.

117 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6380 00:06

>>116 can make people around him happy, but only if no one is watching.

118 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 02:35

>>117 is invincible when he does battle against zombies, but only the p-zombie type.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 05:32

>>118
Can transform her panties into a pistol.

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 14:38

>>119
Can be aroused by any sort of porn imaginable.

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 18:01

>>120 can turn his dandruff pink on Tuesdays.

122 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6384 01:50

>>121 Can read the entire New York Times while taking a crap.

123 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6392 20:09

>>122 can crap any newspaper you ask him for, but it will always be the September 24, 1993 issue.

124 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6392 21:14

>>123 can time travel to September 24, 1993 as often as he wishes, but he can't do anything differently than he did the first time.

125 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6393 02:32

>>124 can bend paper-clips into birds with two fingers.

126 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6402 22:29

>>125 can open a beer bottle with his eye.

127 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6410 18:55

>>126 can eat depleted uranium and crap weapons-grade plutonium, but only up to fifteen micrograms a month.

128 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6410 19:25

>>127 can predict the future, but only up to 10 seconds from the present

129 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6411 03:11

>>128 can make constructive posts on DQN

130 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6411 07:42

>>129 can build a functioning public telephone out of index cards. Unfortunately, the only currency it will take are Roman Denarii, and all phone numbers have to begin with 555.

131 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6412 23:59

>>130 can scary anyone away with his ugly foot‼ Shamefully, a skin on it is too sensitive to light.

132 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6413 03:42

>>131 has super strength, but in an ironic twist of fate, everything posted in the "Previous Poster is Unfathomably Weak" thread applies to him.

133 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6413 14:07

>>132 can turn penises into lead.

134 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6413 21:55

>>133 can crash a wall of diamonds by staring at it.

135 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6414 21:29

>>134 can burst into treats.

136 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6415 03:55

>>135's poop is slightly more nutritious than the average stool.

137 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6418 16:31

>>136 can name any thread's 999th post, but only after it has been posted.

138 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6418 20:01

>>137 has the ability to predict when a thread will reach 1GET

139 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6418 20:56

>>138 can accurately predict what's for lunch. 97% of the time.

140 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6419 06:21

>>139 can determine the precise composition of any radioactive substance by eating it.

141 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6420 23:22

>>140 Is able to take an expression out of context further than anyone else.

142 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6421 00:07

>>141 is able to make posts that don't suck on imageboards.

143 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6421 00:29

>>142 can browse WWW in his sleep.

144 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6421 00:29

ª and read newsgroups as well.

145 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6421 05:25

>>144 can pull paperclips from behind people's ears.

146 Name: Cyber Obama : 1993-09-6421 11:30

>>145

Can serve as the post I reply to in order to see what the current timestamp is so I can judge if DQN is still active after me being away for more or less years.

147 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6421 23:36

>>146 can detect glow in the dark butt hats from Guam. But only when he is in Guam.

148 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6421 23:39

>>147 is extraordinarily visible

149 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6443 00:27

>>148 is extremely easy to ignore.

150 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6443 00:40

>>149 is able to take personal offense at widespread cultural trends.

151 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6445 19:01

>>150 can regrow any limb he loses, much like a lizard. Unlike lizards, however, he must eat the lost limb first.

152 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6446 11:44

>>151 opens a new browser tab every time he blinks.

153 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6448 10:28

>>152 can gain any ability possessed by an ancestor of his. Sadly, the ancestor is picked at random and herding, plowing and stone-knapping aren't very useful skills.

154 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6448 23:28

>>153 mutated and gained a second appendix.

155 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6449 13:17

>>156 can become genuinely masochistic towards anything.

156 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6449 20:59

>>155 can tell what time it was exactly 10,000 years ago from the present moment.

157 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6575 11:57

>>156 can create THE HARDEST METAL KNOWN TO MAN... by playing his guitar.

158 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6577 08:54

>>157 owns a pet neutrino. At any moment, he is able to tell its exact position and velocity. He keeps track of this data on a mildly successful blog with the title "Suck It, Heisenberg".

159 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6577 09:11

>>158 knows instantly whenever threads on any bulletin board reach their 157th post and can always achieve 158GET through psychokinesis, regardless of his proximity to a computer with Internet access.

160 Name: Ú¤( l _ l ),¤T!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6577 19:50

>>159 can heal grave wounds by applying melted DVDs that stored anime.

161 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6578 00:41

>>160 Pees in 2 directions at the same time.

162 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6578 01:38

>>161 can accurately assess how much profit a video game released this year would have made if it had been released five years ago.

163 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6578 11:04

When standing in a supermarket queue, >>162's wallet will always contain precisely 70 cent less than the price of his purchases. Economists dread the day he decides to go shopping for a 69 cent item.

164 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6579 16:02

>>163 can give unborn foetuses headaches.

165 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6579 18:40

>>164 can, with a tiny gesture, precisely deflect a drop of rain so it goes behind your glasses and right into your open eye.

166 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6579 18:58

>>165 can fly, but only if they are in an airplane.

167 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6582 04:16

>>166 is able to link with the fictional beasts of the movie Avatar

168 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6582 15:00

>>167's fingernails grow at 1.2 times the normal rate.

169 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6582 23:12

>>168 Can rescue his grandmother from the Bugblatter Beast of Trall more quickly than a Vogon can.

170 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6582 23:13

>>169 can predict the ending of any Youtube Poop video ever made.

171 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6583 14:03

>>170 Fucked Gutsman's ass.

172 Name: Ú¤( l ‿ l ),¤T!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6583 21:51

>>171's death will destroy the universe, but only by certain philosophical concepts.

173 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6583 22:34

>>172 can shed his hair at will.

174 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6584 14:24

>>173 can type faster than anyone on the planet, but only if he's using a sanskrit keyboard.

175 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6584 22:51

>>174 can make the universe cease to exist twice.

176 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6585 17:41

>>175 can increase his own anxiety at will.

177 Name: Ú¤( l ‿ l ),¤T!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6585 18:43

>>176 can turn into an angsty teenager, but has no control over this power.

178 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6585 19:01

>>177 can become charming, well-spoken, and handsome, but only when no one else is around.

179 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6585 19:50

>>178 becomes !ESpeoN/nPA at spontaneous times.

180 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 00:35

>>179 can enter into a deep, catatonic reverie as long as no one is around.

181 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 01:05

>>180 can hear any and every dying animal at all times.

182 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 02:25

>>181 has the power to kill himself by saying a magic two-line ritual.

183 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 09:41

>>182 can recite the recipe for any dish he tastes.

184 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 15:44

>>183 can recite the source code for any program he executes.

185 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6586 17:35

>>184's voice can placate enraged badgers.

186 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6587 13:38

>>185 can unzip files with his mind.

187 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6587 13:41

>>186 can unzip flies with his mind.

188 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6588 02:36

>>187 Does not need to construct additional pylons.

189 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6588 05:38

>>188 can /away on IRC like a pro, even though no one /msg's him in the first place.

190 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6588 08:42

>>189 can use two computers simultaneously to tank his own characters on any given MMORPG.

191 Name: shana : 1993-09-6588 09:22

A a B b C c D d E e F f G g H h I i J j K k L l M m N n O o P p Q q R r S s T t U u V v W w X x Y y Z z

192 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6589 13:57

>>191 can translate that cipher he just used to describe >>190 but chooses not to.

193 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6589 19:31

>>192 can tune a lute by ear.

194 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6937 22:32

>>193 can cause fizzy drinks to go flat just by staring at them.

195 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6937 23:49

>>194 can read with their eyes shut.

196 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 00:03

>>195 can bump a thread without posting in it.

197 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 13:47

>>196 is able to lower his own kidneys' efficiency at will.

198 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6940 19:01

>>199 has the unconditional ability of receiving all the blame of the previous poster's deliberate attempt at messing up the posting order.

ITT the next poster now has a largely useless super power.

199 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6941 19:14

>>198 was bitten by a radioactive daffodil and became Daffodil Man, with all the specials powers of a daffodil

200 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6941 19:43

>>199 can count up to 200 things with a quick sideways glance.

201 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6944 12:50

>>200 can see the forest through the trees

202 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6945 13:04

>>201 can transmute gold into clay.

203 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 22:51

>>202 Can get lung cancer without smoking.

204 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 23:11

>>203 has telepathy that only applies to useless minutiae.

205 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 10:22

>>204's hair is 125% as strong as average.

206 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 13:34

>>205 can dive into peoples toilets

207 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 03:20

>>206 can forever remain indoors for his/her body produces its own source of vitamin D.

addendum: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyiC3x6-Kzk

208 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 23:14

>>207 can smile indefinitely without any discomfort, soreness, or pain

209 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 00:21

>>208 can perform telekinesis, but only on flowers.

210 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 02:04

>>209 can psychically control as many as 200 aphids simultaneously.

211 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 06:36

>>210
can change the wavelength of individual photons with their mind.

212 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6956 04:39

>>211
can turn turpentine into Jeremiah Weed.

213 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6956 18:41

>>212 is immune to the effects of laxatives.

214 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 20:59

>>213 Creates the most static cling when he does laundry.

215 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 17:27

>>214's skin deflects neutrinos.

216 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 21:00

However, >>215's skin only deflects 40% of neutrinos.

217 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6963 04:00

>>216 can make anyone say the word "neutrinos" out loud once every thirty minutes.

218 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6963 10:44

>>218 can change their flight path mid-fall through the rapid fire clenching and unclenching of their buttocks

219 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 15:55

>>218 Can score 5 lines simultaneously when playing Tetris.

220 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 16:48

One in every ten of >>219's farts sounds like a trumpet.

221 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6965 01:16

>>220 can get a splitting headache at will.

222 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6965 20:06

>>221 can be allergic to the rain at will.

223 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6965 20:29

>>222 can walk his dog in the rain at will.

224 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6965 21:11

>>223 can make his dog shit on command.

225 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6965 23:57

>>224 can glow in the dark.

226 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 04:49

>>225 can convince anybody that the voice on the TV is Robin Williams, no matter who it is.

227 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 05:27

>>226 can produce unnaturally mellifluous flatulence.

228 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 11:12

The sound of >>227 singing attracts cockroaches.

229 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 00:16

>>228 can grow lunch lady arms and use them as retractable wings.

230 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 01:51

>>229's presence is oddly calming.

231 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 02:09

>>230's presence is mildly uplifting.

232 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 09:41

>>231 can shapeshift into a big warm fuzzy mitten.

233 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 13:46

( ß ƒŽß) >>232 can wear >>231 like a glove!

234 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 19:26

>>233 can transform quartz watches into mechanical watches and vice versa.

235 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 23:05

>>234's thumbs are detachable.

236 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6971 18:25

After the DVD format completely took over, >>235 mastered setting the clock used on VCRs.

237 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 01:01

>>236 doesn't need to pee.

238 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 08:24

>>237 can learn a person's deepest secrets by listening to them yodel.

239 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 00:33

>>238 knows the answers to questions immediately after they are relevant.

240 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 01:37

>>239 can tell if one is laying about whether they ate breakfast or not.

241 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 01:51

>>240 sees lies spoken as sheets of paper on the ground

242 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 09:56

>>241 can temporarily access the full content of any book by ritually burning it.

243 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 07:33

>>242 can revive a thread from the front page.

244 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 09:00

>>243 has a limitless supply of mediocre jokes.

245 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 14:48

>>244 can transmute used girls' underwear into pudding. The frillier the underwear, the sweeter the pudding.

246 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 22:17

>>245 can see women's pants if he focuses his brain.

247 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 09:40

>>246 can summon his own pants.

248 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 11:34

>>247 instantly knows the exact volume of gas expelled every time someone farts nearby.

249 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 12:04

When seperated from his body, >>248's hair turns into spaghetti.

250 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 13:24

>>249 I don't know, man, that sounds pretty useful to me.

Also, >>249 can travel through time at a rate of one second per second.

251 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 17:33

>>250 can blind himself with any type of footwear

252 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 07:03

Whenever >>251 looks through a microscope, any living organism on the slide is instantly killed.

253 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 09:44

>>252 has to wear rad shades just like Scott Summers, but his eyes are only powerful enough for a laser pointer.

254 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 10:37

>>253 can make people in his presence slightly more predisposed to losing track of what time it is.

255 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7278 10:47

When playing Tetris, >>254 on average receives more squares and lines and fewer of the awkward shapes.

256 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 00:31

>>255 can sense the direction of the nearest sandwich, but not the distance.

257 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 12:06

>>256 involuntarily attracts moths in the same manner as a bright light.

258 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 12:56

>>257 knows how many brushes are in the world at any given time

259 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 13:31

>>258 attracts 1.5 times as many dwarves per migration wave in Dwarf Fortress.

260 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 16:15

>>259 does not feel pain when stepping on a plug

261 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7306 17:29

>>260 can shoot invisible laser beams from his eyes.

262 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7308 12:35

>>261 can shapeshift into another version of himself that differs only in having a moustache.

263 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7308 16:30

>>262 can turn moustaches pink with the power of his mind.

264 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7308 16:39

>>263 can turn minds pink with the power of his moustache.

265 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 04:43

>>264 can magically conjure discs of Phillips CD-I games.

266 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 08:56

>>265 Can melt butter 1.5x times faster

267 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 09:30

>>266 can identify the exact temperature of butter from fifty feet away

268 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 14:57

>>267 can choose between skunk, dead fish, and rotten egg scents for his farts at will.

269 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 16:28

>>268 can telekinetically completely excise cancerous tumours, leaving no trace - but only if the patient is already dead.

270 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 19:46

>>269 can control exactly what they're allergic to.

271 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7309 20:37

>>270 is immune to scurvy.

272 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7310 23:28

>>271 can tell with 100% accuracy whether a post on the internet is sarcastic or not, but only if he never replies to it.

273 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7311 09:31

>>272 can turn any of their body parts into stone permanently

274 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7311 15:01

>>273 can transmute organic chemistry textbooks into inorganic chemistry textbooks and vice versa.

275 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7376 18:56

Thanks to >>274's high vitamin K levels, their wounds heal slightly faster than is usual.

276 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7376 20:42

>>275 can bestow immortality on rabbits.

277 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7380 18:33

>>276 Sneezes at Mach 1.2

278 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7380 22:37

>>277 can make penises turn orange.

279 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7380 22:40

If >>278 maintains skin contact with a person, they become unable to solve differential equations.

280 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 04:50

>>279 can digest their food 2 seconds faster if it was distributed by a company that begins with the letter X

281 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 13:05

>>280 can make pens run out of ink twice as fast as normal.

282 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 13:09

>>281 can make penises run out of jizz twice as fast as normal

283 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 13:27

>>282 can make authority figures run out of patience twice as fast as normal.

284 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 15:41

if >>283 concentrates hard enough he can turn a casette tape into "in the aeroplane over the sea" for a short period of time, this power was really useful and would have saved the world in the 90s before he was born.

285 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 18:35

>>284 can change into a cute loli at will, but will always get fucked by a horse

286 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 18:58

>>285 can enjoy being fucked by a horse at will.

287 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7381 19:57

>>286 can make a bear's nose itch at 30 meters.

288 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7382 22:03

>>287 can turn alcohol into headache.

289 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7382 22:20

>>288 can make any carbonated beverage go flat simply by looking at it.

290 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7383 18:42

>>289 can make himself irresistibly seductive to Polynesian investment bankers.

291 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7384 18:01

>>290 can speak all of the world's dead languages

292 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7384 19:05

>>291 can left click by winking his left eye, right click by winking his right eye, and scroll by picking his nose.

293 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7385 01:08

When >>292 attempts to impersonate Sean Connery, he sounds just like Bane.

294 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7385 17:59

>>293 can kill spiders at the antipode of wherever >>293 is on Earth by thought alone

295 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7385 20:21

>>294 can smell through his ears.

296 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7399 09:19

>>295 can eat the world's hottest chili peppers without discomfort, but they all taste like poop to >>295.

297 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7399 22:31

>>296 Has always been able to predict that some bullshit financing scheme will be created, and it will fuck up the economy, but the can't tell what that scheme is, or when that scheme unravels.

298 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7401 13:54

>>297 is always able to retain the ability to know what day of the week it is during long periods of unemployment

299 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7401 22:02

Upon meeting someone, >>298 can instantly tell whether or not they have any Mongolian ancestry.

300 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7402 07:12

>>299 can make anyone dance with a burning violin.

301 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7403 00:29

Pocket calculators in >>300's possession work 1.5 times as fast.

302 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 11:28

At will, >>301 can cause his digestive system to push waste and food matter in the opposite direction for twelve hours.

303 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 11:32

>>302's nose hair, if pulled out and braided together, can function as an ethernet cable.

304 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7404 23:24

>>303 Can say anything about Uranus and not laugh about it.

305 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7405 00:00

>>304 can change his facial features to those of Beavis or Butt-head at will.

306 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7408 14:50

>>305 can give bananas temporary magnetic properties.

307 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7542 23:16

>>306 never ages. Emotionally.

308 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7542 23:37

>>307

Can transform dollar bills into pennies

309 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 01:08

>>308
Can transform 100 pennies into a dollar bill within 10 feet of an open bank.

310 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7543 01:44

>>309
Can cast "detect penis" once per week.

311 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 21:32

>>310 can read youtube comments without cringing.

312 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7548 21:38

>>311 has laser vision, but instead of firing out of his eyes the lasers fire into them, blinding him.

313 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 05:36

>>312-san's right hand can cancel the effects of all other super-powers ITT.

314 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 10:41

>>313's eyelashes are bulletproof.

315 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 14:18

>>314 can slowly grind away a brick wall by repeatedly flexing his left bicep against it.

316 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 14:26

>>315
Is immune to the radiation emitted by a single banana.

317 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7549 14:28

>>316
Is immune to laughing at jokes that involve bananas.

318 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 04:37

>>317 can go backwards or forwards in time up to a tenth of a second, once per day.

319 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 07:05

>>318 can grow armpit hair at will, but can't retract it back.

320 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 07:07

>>319 can smoke cigarettes without getting cancer, but was born with AIDs

321 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 09:58

The force of >>320's ejaculation can cut sheet metal.

322 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7550 17:42

>>321 can predict the future with perfect accuracy, but if he ever lets that knowledge influence his speech or actions in any degree, the future changes.

323 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 00:23

>>322
knows everyone's passwords, but has no hands

324 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7551 20:27

>>323 Can have anything he wants, so long as the item makes his life more miserable.

325 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 02:00

>>324 can enlarge penises at the cost of deadening their nerves for the duration of the enlargement.

326 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 05:00

>>325 can fill out forms that say ``Black ink only'' in black or blue ink, at his discretion, and have them be accepted as valid!

327 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7552 22:40

>>326 can sort an array of integers in O(1) time, but they have to represent the number of apes in africa

328 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7596 23:21

>>327 can shoot mind lasers.

329 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7597 02:26

>>328 can type at 600 WPM, but only on a Cybiko.

330 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-7597 14:49

>>329 can think of the funniest jokes but only after they've been broadcasted on TV.

331 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8141 20:48

>>330 has 3 butt cracks.

332 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8143 21:53

>>331
Can detect if someone has an STD by sleeping with them

333 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8147 17:36

>>332 Can detected if someone has PTSD by using the sound of bombs exploding loudly.

334 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8148 01:59

>333

Can induce PTSD using bombs.

335 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8148 02:07

>>334 can detect landmines by stepping on them.

336 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8148 06:11

>>335 can accurately measure the temperature of a flame by holding his hand over it for at least 30 seconds.

337 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8148 19:05

>>336 is a master of any instrument not in the same room as him.

338 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8148 20:49

>>337 can understand any language, but can only communicate by way of drum solo.

339 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8150 16:37

>>338 can turn water into wine, but only in space.

340 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8150 22:51

>>339 Can turn his blood into wine, but only while its in his body, and only in quantities of one liter at a time.

341 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8151 20:13

>>340 can shoot with extreme precision, but only when firing at 8-year olds.

342 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8151 20:34

>>341 is a master of knife combat, but only with butter knifes.

343 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8151 21:19

>>342 can refresh his captcha after a mere 45 seconds.

344 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8152 01:51

>>343 Has natural immunity to polio

345 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8152 09:53

>>344 can melt ice by staring at it for long enough in a warm room.

346 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 15:15

>>345 Can extract energy from food but only by chewing it.

347 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 15:26

>>346 can rewind time at will. Unfortunately, nothing is preserved from this rewinding, even >>346's memories.

348 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 20:46

>>347 can destroy the universe by dying.

349 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 22:19

>>348 can shapeshift into a small pebble at will. He cannot shapeshift back into a human, however.

350 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 22:28

>>349 can fly for half a second

351 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8155 23:55

>>350 can teleport anywhere without atmosphere. He doesn't get to keep anything on him he wasn't born with.

352 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 00:29

>>351 can shoot laser beams from his eyes, but only if there are already laser beams of equal or greater intensity shining into his eyes.

353 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 04:01

>>352 can telepathically convey the exact time to any cat he looks into the eyes of.

354 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 07:33

>>353 can seduce a snake of any species. This ability may only be used once.

355 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 16:34

>>354 can arrange colours in order of their bit-shifted RGB value

356 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 18:51

>>355 can pass any Ishihara test with a perfect score, despite being severely colourblind.

357 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8156 20:47

>>356 can ossify all his cartilage in response to a high dose of radiation.

358 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8157 03:11

>>357 can hypnotize rats to make them hypnotize other rats. This is the only thing the rats can do.

359 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8158 08:27

>>358 can learn the exact location of a random fly somewhere within 5 miles by swallowing a live toad whole.

360 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8158 22:37

>>359
Can transform into a a toad. A normal toad. His mind, obviously, is also turned into that of the toad, since you could never fit a human brain in a toad body.

361 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8160 13:20

>>360
can change any kind of bread into any other kind of bread, just by touching it.

362 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8162 22:07

>>361 can figure the favorite cheese of any person by looking into their eyes for 5 minutes

363 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8162 23:43

>>362 can accurately predict the winner of previously recorded sports events

364 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8165 22:58

>>363 was born with the complete memory of his mother's life up to the point that he was born

365 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8170 01:22

When >>364 gets stung by a bee, his skin looks like he was stung by multiple bees.

366 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8170 10:38

>>365 can summon swarms of bees at will but they only sting him

367 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8170 11:23

>>366 is invisible and unhearable for 5 minutes after breaking any bone in his body

368 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8198 03:48

>>367 can convince anyone that she has superpowers, even though she doesn't.

369 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8199 16:39

>>368 can cool water by 7 degrees with his mind.

370 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8200 07:58

>>369 can type at up to 140 words per minute only using his toes

371 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8200 12:30

>>370 can completely and permanently erase himself from existence at will.

372 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 03:23

>>371 can overpower and control a newborn baby with his mind.

373 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 16:33

>>372 Can make the tragedy of the commons even more tragic.

374 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 16:35

>>373 can make the tragedy of the commons even more common.

375 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 17:53

>>374 can tell apart different types of bread by smell alone.

376 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8202 20:30

>>375 can imagine new colors but nobody will ever care

377 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8203 23:23

>>376 can levitate up to one millimetre above the ground.

378 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8204 17:55

>>377 can bring drawings to life, but only if they're drawings of flightless birds done entirely with 9XXB pencils.

379 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8204 18:37

>>378 can turn coors light into bud light.

380 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8204 19:01

>>379 can tell apart Heliconius melpomene and Heliconius erato from a kilometre away with perfect accuracy.

381 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8208 19:34

>>380 Knows how many factories are making awful products in China with an accuracy of +/- 5%.

382 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8208 19:56

>>381 can alter the dilation of his pupils at will.

383 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8211 12:24

>>382 causes pandas to spontaneously combust upon making eye contact with them.

384 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8213 04:27

>>383 Can use his voice to make the sound of a laser.

385 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8213 16:48

>>384 emits a strong but nonspecific aura of shame and regret at all times.

386 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8214 15:13

>>385 can stop bullets with the power of his mind, but only ones aimed at his left foot.

387 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8214 16:56

>>386 can draw create artisic masterpieces, when drawing onto a mahogany desk with a pink crayon.

388 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8215 17:10

When >>387 photographs cats and uploads them to the internet, they are 20% more stupid than the average cat photo.

389 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8215 19:01

>>388 can insert spurious words in others' sentences so they look like resemble an editing mistake.

390 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8217 17:32

>>389 Can beat Eight Marbles 2X without farting.

391 Name: i L_T`j : 1993-09-8222 06:07

>>390 can use any computer's keyboard as if it were Dvorak-style.

392 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8223 17:38

>>391
Can give perfect advice to anyone who'll stubbornly refuse to listen to it.

393 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8223 17:50

>>392 can punch holes in paper using a stapler and staple paper together using a hole punch.

394 Name: ( EÍE) “Ê : 1993-09-8224 17:15

>>393 can carry out without being w.

395 Name: i L_T`j : 1993-09-8224 19:28

>>394 gains superhuman strength for 10 minutes when he sees a swan for the first time each year. It must be a real swan.

396 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8225 23:42

>>395 Can determine how much regular people will like a movie based on how much negative press the New York Times gives it.

397 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8226 09:52

>>396 can read people's minds, but only if they're thinking in a language he doesn't understand.

398 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8226 16:54

>>397 can cut margarine with a butter knife.

399 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8226 17:03

>>398 Always leaves skidmarks in the toilet when he takes a crap.

400 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8226 23:13

>>399 changes the channel of any TV he's watching every time he blinks.

401 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8227 04:06

>>400
Can disable any digital system by farting on it.

402 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8227 16:26

>>401 can photosynthesise through his buttocks.

403 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8229 23:08

>>402 can ask for extra green onion without being noticed by the cashier.

404 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8231 15:59

>>403 can walk at the exact speed of an alligator snapping turtle.

405 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8231 16:50

>>404
automatically knows the ending of any movie he's never seen before

406 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8231 23:49

>>405 gains five minutes of clairvoyance every time one of his limbs is amputated.

407 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8233 07:51

>>406 can predict if the person they're talking to is about to make a bad pun

408 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8233 13:23

>>407 can see through stained glass as though it was clear glass.

409 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8233 15:32

>>408 can speak English like Japanese people fluently

410 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8234 17:20

>>409 Never had a seizure caused by Pokemon.

411 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8234 18:31

>>410 can cause Pokemon to have seizures.

412 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8237 19:57

When >>411 says only 2 words, it sounds like a Doge meme.

413 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8237 22:00

>>412 can tie his shoelaces with one hand.

414 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8237 22:30

>>413 can pass any scholastic examination by learning the answers ahead of time.

415 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8238 07:09

>>414 has unbreakable blood. His skin and his blood vessels are normal, though.

416 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8239 16:51

>>415 farts noxious gas when somebody tries to grab him into a choke-hold.

417 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8240 17:55

>>416 can tell the exact day and time a carbonated beverage was canned

418 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8241 20:24

>>417 can tell the ingredients of shit, as long as it is between 3 and 4 weeks old.

419 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8245 18:56

>>418 fills his lungs with twice the carcinogens that a normal smoker fills their lungs with.

420 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8245 20:56

>>419 can accelerate plant growth by staring at it unblinking.

421 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8245 23:02

>>420 blazes it everyday.

422 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8247 00:22

>>421 can find needles in haystacks.

423 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8247 03:06

>>422 can manipulate the weak nuclear force in an area 1" around himself.

424 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8247 12:57

>>423 can vote two times in any general election.

425 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8247 16:28

>>424 Can detect the most microscopic type of microaggression.

426 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8248 01:14

>>425 has the power to kill anybody he wants without getting caught as long as they are on their deathbed.

427 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8249 02:31

>>426 can go through closed elevator doors.

428 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8249 15:46

>>427 can sneeze at will.

429 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8249 17:40

>>428 can use a dial-up internet connection and make a phone call on the same phone line at the same time

430 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8249 22:09

>>429 can infect himself with any deadly disease just by thinking about it.

431 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8250 05:44

>>430 can instantly calculate the number of anuses in any given space.

432 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8250 06:22

>>431 can predict whenever dubs will appear in a thread, though he never is the one to actually get the dubs.

433 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8250 20:02

>>432
can get the doubles, triples, etc in any given thread

434 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8255 11:46

>>433 Has feet that smell like coconuts.

435 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8255 14:16

>>434 can tell whether a food or drink is fairtrade or not by taste alone.

436 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8257 17:08

>>435 can lift all the crumbs from the carpet, but cannot transport them.

437 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8258 21:31

>>436 can turn water into non-alcoholic wine.

438 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8258 23:52

>>437 can sleep for days at a time, and still be tired when they wake up

439 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8259 13:01

>>438 can still enjoy tea even if it has gone cold.

440 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8283 03:00

>>439 can orient any USB cable the right way without looking 60% of the time.

441 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8283 12:34

>>440 always has to be at the back when waiting in line.

442 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8283 15:00

>>441 can convince anyone to address him as Onii-chan.

443 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8283 20:39

>>442 can summon newborn puppies and make them do his bidding.

444 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8283 22:44

>>443 Can make a skunk spray its deadly odor without making it angry first.

445 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8284 10:29

>>444 can eat sewing needles without experiencing any adverse effects.

446 Name: (L„tMG) : 1993-09-8285 02:53

>>445 has the power to reserve a seat at any fast food restaurant, but only past 8 pm

447 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8285 07:22

>>446 can read upside-down french text

448 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8285 19:16

>>447 can detect losing scratch off tickets.

449 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8286 15:52

>>448 Has the ability to raise social costs.

450 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8286 16:33

>>449 can mimic the sound of a woodpecker by clicking his teeth together extremely fast.

451 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8287 01:41

>>450 can make predictions that are guaranteed to be wrong most of the time.

452 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8287 12:12

When walking barefoot on sand, >>451's footprints glow in the dark.

453 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8287 15:15

>>452 has a powerful gravitational field that only affects bird shit in a 50 yard radius

454 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8288 02:53

>>453 can make himself 10% heavier or lighter at will.

455 Name: (L„tMG) : 1993-09-8289 04:51

>>454 can scratch his nose without using his hands

456 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8289 11:27

>>455 can perfectly aim rifles, if the scope is mounted the wrong way

457 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8289 12:32

>>456 can temporarily forget his own crippling loneliness for up to thirty seconds at a time.

458 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8289 14:48

>>457 can control all the dust bunnies inside his room at will.

459 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8289 17:46

>>458 can make a generation of dumb single moms to give birth to another generation of dumb single moms.

460 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 09:25

>>459 can reduce the spiciness of curry by blowing on it repeatedly.

461 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 12:13

>>460
Can be hit by lightning and live, but it only works once.

462 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 14:36

>>461 can alter the growth rate of his facial hair at will, up to an impressive one millimeter per hour.

463 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 16:36

>>462 can convert holy water back into normal water by waving his hand over it and reciting the Lord's Prayer backwards.

464 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 18:35

>>463 can wear shades in the dark without it negatively affecting their vision

465 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 19:30

>>464 can swap their earwax with their bogeys internally by way of pirouette.

466 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 21:24

>>465 Can make a gasoline engine sound like a diesel engine.

467 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8302 23:38

>>466 Can't die February 29th

468 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8305 07:52

>>467 can make any man's facial hair grow 2.6% faster

469 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8306 04:39

>>468 is a panda

470 Name: i L_T`j : 1993-09-8306 05:40

>>469 can, thrice per day, temporarily (1d10 seconds) make opponents confused as to which thread they're in.

471 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8306 13:12

>>470 can live indefinitely as a panda believing it's a human without ever succumbing to cognitive dissonance.

472 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8306 18:27

>>471 can ejaculate low-fat salad dressing on the third Tuesday of every month.

473 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8311 12:05

>>472 Can climb half of a stair.

474 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8311 15:36

>>473 at all times knows the exact perpendicular distance between himself and the nearest panda. Curiously, the distance is always zero, even if he isn't around any pandas.

475 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8312 08:52

>>474 is a werepanda.

476 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8312 19:16

>>475 can use literally any possible object as a bottle opener.

477 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8313 04:44

>>476 looks good in ANY hat

478 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8313 11:32

>>477 was bitten by a radioactive panda and gained the superhuman powers of digesting raw bamboo and not breeding.

479 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8315 01:22

>>478 Can make himself look like a comic book villain by applying toxic chemicals to his skin.

480 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8315 04:55

>>479 sweats delicious fresh honey

481 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8315 11:40

>>480 can fold a piece of paper indefinitely many times.

482 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8316 03:33

>>481 can turn anything into a bong.

483 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8316 21:02

>>482 can cure a lactose intolerant person for 30 minutes after having sex with them.

484 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8316 21:39

>>483 can pass off incredibly useful superpowers as being largely useless

485 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8317 12:34

>>484 finds the big bang theory to be a hilarious show

486 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8317 19:00

>>485 can fart an etude in D minor while it rains

487 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8319 07:16

>>486 doesn't need to defecate. All of the waste he produces extrudes from his oral cavity.

488 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8319 14:45

>>487 doesn't cast any shadow.

489 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 08:47

>>488 can read people's minds, but only if they're thinking about muesli.

490 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 15:38

>>489 can cook minute rice in under 30 seconds

491 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 19:24

>>490 doesn't need to look both ways before crossing the street

492 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8394 21:35

>>491 can convince anyone that he is Bosnian, in spite of any and all evidence to the contrary.

493 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8395 02:08

>>492 can read instruction manuals at lighting speed but only when he doesn't need to read the instructions

494 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8395 03:22

>>493 can think of creative useless superpowers for small internet forums

495 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8395 03:51

>>494 can suck on as many lemons as he wants without succumbing to the tartness.

496 Name: (iœjĪªª²iœj) : 1993-09-8395 03:55

>>495 can get away with using normal toothpicks instead of cocktail picks

497 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8395 13:09

When >>496 mixes any two colours of paint together it always makes a dark green colour

498 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8395 17:13

>>497 Can play Cheetahmen without jumping in midair.

499 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8396 11:20

>>498 can communicate telepathically with the dust mites living on his eyelashes.

500 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-8397 21:18

>>499 can survive a kick from One Punch Man.

501 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9519 14:30

>>500 Has never lost a participation trophy in school.

502 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9519 15:33

>>501 can set himself on fire at will.

503 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9519 16:17

>>502 Can perfectly recite the history of BBS in one rant at any time, so long as there is someone who is listening to the whole thing.

504 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10206 14:59

>>503 can play vinyl records between their butt cheeks.

505 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10207 11:15

>>504 can communicate with penguins. However, penguins universally refuse to communicate with >>504 due to a prior diplomatic incident.

506 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10209 13:55

>>505 can perform automatic lobotomies, but only on gumby figures made before the year 2003

507 Name: (@L_T`) : 1993-09-10210 07:31

>>506 can breathe automatically, but blinks manually.

508 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10210 10:53

>>507 can turn invisible, but only to light frequencies in the microwave spectrum.

509 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10210 11:55

>>508 can pass through here, but only if he asks for permission first.

510 Name: ((●)トェェェイ(●)) : 1993-09-10211 12:54

>>509 can pass through air, even without asking permission!

511 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10560 15:15

>>510 can fly, but only up to 10cm off the ground and when no one's looking

512 Name: ( ゚ ヮ゚) : 1993-09-10560 16:13

>>511 can recite the Yoshinoya kopipe at will, in any language, forwards or backwards, at up to triple normal talking speed.

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