Dear general@4-ch, during my childhood years, I was homeschooled. While this left my very mentally smart, socially, I'm practically an idiot.
There was only one year of my school life that I wasn't homeschooled (during middle school) and thus had sort of "friends," but I never really felt I could relate to them either and didn't really hang with a certain group or talk to anyone much.
I didn't know what a "dick" was until high school, I somehow managed to avoid Sex-ED until my middle school health class, which I pretty much put out of my mind as soon as I learned, only really learning about it after I got my first computer in high school. In fact, in middle school another kid once asked me if I was a virgin. I replied no, thinking it was some form of Christianity. Afterwards, a few other kids made a big deal out of it for a while, but what I had implied never really dawned on me until a while later.
Now here I am, 20. I spent most of my time at home (in my parent's house, of course) on computer, hardly ever going out save when I have class or a computer-related job to do.
I would love to make friends, but like any other guy my age, I'm mostly interested in women. In my opinion high school to college in the best time to meet women. They're developed, fresh, and easier to connect to as compared to when they're older. And I feel that if I don't find a female companion soon, then I probably never will.
Also, a couple of people on that I've known for a while online have shown interest in meeting me, but I always end up rejecting them because of... well, I guess I'm afraid that if I did meet them they would form some kind of negative opinion about me, or it would be a waste since I wouldn't know what to say to them and end up saying nothing, which would also make them think I'm weird. (Which I am.)
And I suck at conversation. Any conversation started with me usually ends up dying soon as I usually give the bare minimum answer.(Imagine Rei from Evangelion.) For example, if someone asks me "Nice day today, isn't it?" I would reply "Yeah..." and then try and figure out what else to add to it. If I do think of something else to add, it'll probably be minutes later causing, so I just don't say it because if I did, it would seem, well... weird.
So /general/, any advice?
Probably the best thing to do is just go out and try to make friends somewhere. Somewhere you're likely to run into someone with similar interests. Experience is the best way to fix your lack of social skills. Go out, see how people interact with eachother, and try to emulate it, I guess. It's hard to just decide to go out and be sociable, but you're going to have to do it sooner or later -- might as well bite the bullet and make it sooner. Worst thing that could happen is a few people you'll probably never see again will think you're weird.
>>1
Drop and give me fifty, maggot!
The only cure for mental discomfort is physical pain!
Just remember that noone is more worth than you are, and you are worth no more than anyone else. We're all equal.
>Also, a couple of people on that I've known for a while online have shown interest in meeting me
Do it. Go out and meet whoever you can. Don't worry about what they'll think.
>And I suck at conversation.
Check out the Skype-thread. I know this sounds silly, but it's a place to start, isn't it?
maybe get into a rec club of some sort or get a part time job somewhere.... i usually hear stories about little cliques that form in shops and the employees might go out after work n stuff..
try that out this summer!
good luck ^_^
>>1
Go to a doctor and get some medication. I'm currently on Paxil for anxiety and I assume it must be working. I can freely talk about bullshit to strangers now without feeling too awkward.
>>8
yeah, sure, drugs solves everything........
i used to be awkward and all. like, think about, the position youre in right now, not knowing any people, how can it get any worse? like, all i did was basically, just stop caring what people think of me anymore, and just, do things. just, dont be afraid to say watevers on ur mind, and just speak out (not in a derogatory or rude sense of course), might just be able to find some people u like and such. u can always practice and go clubbing, and try whatever u want on random people you dont know, cuz, odds are, youre never gonna see them again. and like, if you find yourself in a deadly silence with another person, you can always break the silence with the magic word, "BANANA HAMMOCK!"
No drugs!
will Paxil help me be better at conversation with girls, particularly over the phone? ^.^
>>2
Only problem with that is that I'll have to start hanging out at places I don't usually hang out. Currently, like I mentioned, it's just home and the classroom. Other than that there's really no place nearby that appeals to me in any way. I mean, if there was at least an anime club at my school or something, it would be easier I guess... but other than that I don't really know of anyplace I would hang out at.
>>3
A girlfriend and/or friends... that's part of what I want to aim for. Thanks for the advice, but the way I see it, that's like telling someone to win by winning.
>>4
lol
>>5
I guess I'll try that. Thanks for the advice.
>>7
I've worked before. If you were to ask any of my previous employers about me you'll probably get "Quiet, hard worker, gets work done." I didn't really talk to my bosses or co-workers out of what was necessary.
>>8
Err... If I recall from my psychology class right, drugs can't really help personality disorders. Not like I think they would help, anyway.
>>9
That also makes sense. I guess I'll try that, if I ever get the courage to.
>if you find yourself in a deadly silence with another person, you can always break the silence with the magic word, "BANANA HAMMOCK!"
Heh, yeah. That's how I pretty much deal with silences online. Now if only there was a way to merge my online and offline personalities...
>online personality
ugh.
>>14
only if it doesn't make you kill yourself first.
>>14
Yes. It will also make you a successful business man with a beach villa and a yacht. 1 wife and 2 lovers included.
True story
I was under the assumption that Paxil was for treating anxieties that may arise, such as those in a social setting, which may contribute to avoidant personality disorder. But what do I know, I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist.
>>19 I used paxil, man that shit is strong and addictive. Be weary.
I'm looking forward to a story involving >>1 meeting with his online friends :)
If you're religious, you'd probably find people at church/synagogue/temple/etc. that you could become friends with. It's easier when you're all there for a purpose.
Stop watching anime and learn how to draw
Sup, /general/! I'm back from trolling "4chOn". Anyways, if you're seriously avoidant of general socializing, you seriously need to go ahead and jump into a conversation ground. Go to a mall, a restaurant, or wherever the hell people gather! Just do it, NOW!! Don't sit on your ass reading this thread! GO OUT AND SOCIALIZE!
I can't go outside.
It's because of my skin. I'm paranoid about the state of my skin.
I'm told my skin is normal, and I'm worried about nothing. But I can't help it.
>>27
You'll go outside cause I told you to! I'll find out where you live and MAKE you go outside if you don't!
Any female APD people here?
age
Eh, I'm female, but I really don't have APD. I'm home-schooled so I rarely go outside, but I'm not afraid to speak to people when I do go outside.
I'll be your best (internet) friend! :o
build up your confidence here!
Hey buddy, still there?
Some personal experience talking here:
I'm a paxil user and I'd honestly recommend staying away from it. It works for some people, but there are a lot of negative side effects unless you can learn to deal with it and realize that it's only in your head. Not to mention, paxil has totally screwed over my sleeping habits and I feel dizzy/drowsy from time-to-time, though this is only if I don't take it regularly enough. Just my personal experience speaking though, really.
For a while, I suffered a lot of lack of ability to cope with social interaction, and I still do to an extent. Just ask yourself: Do you actually want to interact socially, or do you just not like people in general? There are some that are the former and some that are the latter, and I typically fit into the former category, and it sounds like you do too.
Look on the bright side of things though, if you actually do build up the courage to talk to people and socialize more often, you'll meet some nice and interesting people that you'll enjoy being around.
Another thing I've personally noticed is that small talk doesn't really help you to socialize very well; it's better to talk about things that interest you. From my experience, it's a lot easier to connect to people who are interested in the same things as you.
It'll take time and a lot of courage to work up, but remember that it's never too late to start socializing if you really want to. As >>2 said, the worst thing that could happen is people might think you're a little weird, but they probably won't hold that thought in mind very long anyway.
At best you'll probably make a lot of good friends and get to know a lot of awesome people, some of which you might keep contact with for a while. If there's no "connection" between you and another person, then that person probably won't have much to do with you for very long. Friendships are totally different though.
You're probably going to start socializing at some point, even if it'll be a few years. Remember, eventually you're going to work, get a job, and meet a lot of people. You should at least make the most of it.
I don't know how useful this post was, or if my situation is quite the same as yours, but I'm a homeschooled guy too, so the only place I really socialize is the internet. Not that that's anything to be ashamed of, since a lot of people socialize on the internet nowadays.
At least you go to a school of some sort (I've actually been homeschooled all my life save a few weeks in Kindergarten, and I'm not in college yet). You should probably find a club of people who have similar interests as you, or something. I don't really know your situation.
I at least want you to know that you're not the first person to be in an awkward, anti-social situation and that there are plenty like you out there. You're not "weird", since that's actually a very common situation to be in for a lot of people. Anyways, good luck. I hope you get to where you want to be. ^_^
You know, what may be weird to one person may not necessarily be it to another. I've always believed that because there are just so many people in the world, there can't be a situation where EVERYBODY thinks you're weird and decide to stay away from you.
I guess it's only a matter of time before you find someone who doesn't mind you (and I'm positive that there's a substantial number). But, you need to give yourself a chance too, and take a risk by just meeting up with other people. Maybe someone you've known for starters, for a some coffee or a movie.
I hope you find the strength somewhere.
A week or so ago my skin cleared up and I went outside with my family for the first time in months!
Then it got worse again and I haven't been out since.
>>1 I think I know what you are going through coz I'm going through it myself so you aint alone in this one.
I also suck at convo but there is no cure for it except make yourself talk more. I can say now I talk to pplz more than I used to. In fact, sometimes I just want to talk with some of my acquaintances on MSN (except they are too busy). If you are introvert like me, start talking with yourself first and get use to prolong the conversation. When you are talking with another person, don't think abt what you need to talk abt, just BS your way through and take cues from what the other say. If something the other person say you find inquisitive about, ask him or her about it.
If your area dont have an anime club, start one yourself, I'm sure there are anime fans in your area who are waiting for one. you dont even need to know anyone, just make some flyers and start posting them up at places, that's how most clubs starts anyways.
Are you Asian or guai lo (no offence intended)? I know I got more of a social interaction by working at a Chinese restaurant coz they employ students over here, dont know abt where you are though.
But if you wanna get a gf, dont get too obsessed with anime. Some reason I can't fathom, girls dont like anime geeks (though there are girls who are anime geeks)
And if there is another time that someone shows an interest in you, dont reject them. If you do you might regret not taking the chance later, I know coz I'm full of those regrets. In your current situation, what have you got to lose? If they get a neg opinion of you, then let them, it just means they cant see into your inner self. Good friends are the ones who can 'hear' your desperate silent screams for help.
Being 20 and not having a girl now doesn't exactly mean you wont get a girl ever. True, I agree that during high school and uni is when you can meet the most girls. It's not too late yet. But dont go on desperate mode like I am, girls dont like desperate men and those who are a bleeding heart. Trust my experience.
And there are times you will feel wanting to crawl back into your figurative closet but you will find out that you can't once you have been out there and tried. I can tell you I've wanted to give out countless time but my never-say-surrender-ness always keep pushing me one more step. It's a gift yet it is also a curse but it's one you will need. If it feels unbearable, go watch something sad and depressing and cry your heart out, it feels better afterwards but dont dwell on the depressing part of what yo you saw, cry and move on.
Poster #1 here.
Can't say much have improved, buy I have made plans to meet some people from online at the next otakon.
Also, I plan on getting a job in about a month.
Good luck, hope it works out for you!
I wish you the best, dude. I'm not sure what I could tell you, except go to a special interest club...not necessarially an anime club but something that brings a lot of people together.
>>1
I almost know what you are going through. Just be yourself and get out more often I'm sure you will find someone who will like you for who you are. The problem is you have to find her. If you like anime, computers or living with your parents you shouldn't change it because these were the thing you had since you was a kid. Good Luck Finding Her! \(O.~)/ ummmm..... If you need freinds I'm sure there is a lot of them on this website and we could be friends too (n.n)------ Reply if you have read this. See ya! (O.O)