Anal masturbation when i was an early teen
Masturbating to traps over a webcam (120% straight here, haven't jacked off to a trap for years; even didn't have a true attraction to them back then, just a really fucking weird fetish i experimented with i guess)
"SWIM" tried synthesizing propylhexedrine using hydrochloric acid and other various ingredients.. in the kitchen and laundry room at 3:00-4:00 in the morning with my parents asleep in their room. (did this because i was desperate for a stimulant buzz after binging my vyvanse prescription too much.. p.s. the buzz was complete shit and "trashy", very low quality stim, or perhaps extraction method i used..)
Masturbate a lot to my sister; no i don't live in the south and yes we are both adopted and both unrelated..
huge fetish for eating a girl out
was able to suck my own dick a few years ago, wasn't what you'd expect; same effect as trying to tickle yourself, it takes someone else to do it to you to really fucking enjoy it. i never once came doing it. doing it yourself feels no different than sucking your finger or w/e
want to kill everyone, 110% positive im a clinical psychopath due to years of depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, being on prozac, wellbutrin, and vyvanse, etc
want to kill myself as well
i get an extremely warm buzz every time some tragic event happens, like a school shooting or that Adam Lanza or Aurora theater shooting, or at suicides
ironically i do believe in hell and have thought about it in detail daily for the last 2-3 years or so; at points to where i'm so stricken with fear due to my detailed thoughts about it, i feel like throwing up. it's actually a good thing for me; it's the only reason i haven't killed a bunch of people, gotten into extremely hardcore drugs (although i see me headed there soon..), doing terrible shit, and/or killing myself
fapped to cp before
i'm not exactly a brony; the show itself really is too kiddy and stupid for me, but i like the character and personality of each pone and just the whole culture/environment/atmosphere/whateverthefuck of it
same goes for fairy-ass gay (not literally) anime stuff
every single person irl; all my friends and shit literally think i am the funniest fuck they have ever met and the happiest, not really giving a shit type of guy. literally, all the people i have worked with, all my friends in school, people in my classes, etc; but not 1, not a single soul knows any of these secrets nor even would never ever suspect any of them
i get this extremely messed up feeling in the middle of the day for a few hours, every single day for the last 4 years. no way to curb or counteract the feeling, but it's an extremely "dead" cold feeling where i start to feel the need to kill myself or others, or both
had multiple chances to get laid, or even get a girlfriend; i've literally had at least 12 confirmed crushes on me O.o and who knows how many more (yes pls dont hate me guys ._. ) but i am actually terrified to talk to girls and all my social problems bundle up and dick smack me (in my mind, im pretty sure i do an ok job at covering up my inner sperginess) whenever im associating with a girl. because of this i know for a fact i will never have sex, be in a relationship, or even live with anyone other than myself. unfortunately i will literally be the only "loner" in my family..
and my parents wonder why im always such a miserable fuck 3: tl;dr i am an extremely sad miserable fuck lmao