I've been friends with this guy for a while...and yes, I've developed feelings for him. Up until this one instant, whenever I say "I love you, ______" (and usually I say this in a joking manner) he always responds with a smile and says "I know." Well, one time I said my usual and this time he smiled and said "I love you, too." To give you an idea of how unusual this is, everybody in the classroom froze and stared in surprise when he said that. Here's the thing: his friends and my friends say that we've been dancing around each other for way too long but we're not 'forward' enough to get out of friend zone and into relationship zone. So please help me, 4-ch...what does this mean or am I just deluding myself?
Just kiss him.
Umm...okay. But should I? I've never kissed anyone or been kissed; also, I feel like I'd be forcing myself on him.
If you really like him you should just take him aside and talk to him seriously, and ask him how he really feels about you. Or if you are a more active person and know he has no girlfriends or whatever,you should then try kissing him and seeing what happens. I personally, if i liked a girl would tell her and ask her to be my girlfriend or something, but I really would like to know if a girl who was my friend wanted to be my girlfriend(that was lame).
Okay...here's an update. I'm so chicken that I couldn't get into a frank conversation about us, but we did have a serious talk about high school relationships. We were talking about/plotting to help our mutual friends until it led to the topic of our particular situations. I told him that I technically am not allowed to date until I graduate from college, but my mom is more understanding about guy/girl situations in high school. (If you couldn't tell already, I'm Asian.) So, in essence, I can't "date" but my mom would smooth things over with my dad if I "hung out" with a guy friend for prom/homecoming or at a group study date. In his case, he said that he's probably going to have an arranged marriage (he's also Asian but another type) so there is no point in dating during high school. He also said that high school romances are usually just hormonal flings and aren't likely to last (and I agree with him), but he admits that there are some very rare exceptions. Knowing this, there are really no positive points in dating for him; but (and he emphasized this) if he were tempted, he still wouldn't because it would hurt the girl he'd be involved with since they can't be together in the end.
I guess there is no chance, but I wish I knew if he liked me. I'm okay if things won't work between us because of these circumstances, but I would hate to think that my "attraction" radar is non-functioning. I guess I'm just saying that if a relationship can't happen, at least tell me that the attraction is mutual so that I won't feel like such a loser. I would like to think that he was thinking of me when he said that last portion...but since I'm not him and I don't know how guys think, I'm just running on my assumptions.
yeah, basically what i said in the heading. how do you do it without...well, hurting the package?
I'm 14 and my gf just got braces a month ago and she wants to give me head and she had to rubber band things in the side of her mouth and just normal braces....
I have braces, im 13. and i have solutions for other train tracked people :)
1) wax. it covers the sharpness and you can still please him.
2) cover your teeth with your lips
3) dont do it if you dont trust yourself, if you cant trust yourself, how can he?
i hope this helped :)
it helped me and it feels awesome for him.
the texturof the braces under the wax, might actually turn him on :0 who knows? :p
it's not so bad to receive head...but if it's too fast...then it hurts! :(
My girfriend used to have braces and i got head all the time without problems. She got them removed a few months ago and i can honestly say it feels the same. I Love her so much<3 Shes my life
wtf are the people in this thread talking about, feminists love giving head, because they are control freaks, they love having men vulnerable in their hands. they are on top, they can show no mercy to the penis, bite the balls, bite the penis, control the man, its something feminists love doing! trust me! but a real girl gives head without biting, and also lets you suck her pussy as well. remember the song "you wanna suck my pussy, pussy, well let me suck your dick, you don't own me bastard.", sung by a female musician, mind you! women who are feminists are the ones to suck dick.
@#5, wtf are you smoking? lsd? girls love guys as much as guys love girls, its how we were made, girls feel its worse only when guys don't ask questions and communicate in that way.
dudes who are robot viruses, a girl has a far more chance of getting hiv, I.e. eazy e, magic Johnson got in trouble as a result etc. a girl knows how clean the penis is, because it doesn't require near as much cleaning as a pussy does. its filtration system is awesome, which is why girls love to suck dick and drink cum, its almost impossible to have unhealthy cum. cum is really healthy, and syphilis is something contracted by a girl's teeth, but its a lot easier to get hiv from a nasty girl's pussy so you guys out there be careful, in response to #3, or 4 I think. whatever, but this is the case.
Whenever I go to clubs and bars, I can pick up any Asian I want literally (I'm considered to be good looking for Asian). Asian girls would look at me and try to flirt with me...but I don't get the same respect from white female? Why is this? How do I get white girls? I am 6"0, lean and muscular white short hair...HELP!?
u should go for lonly granny.
why would you want some white trash? asia is the big thing now.. white chicks age horribly too.
taiwanese girl blow job at yoshinoya
dude, its just girl123 said, majority of white girls probably 99.9% love nonwhite guys, its truth. because a. its not boring, b. its something new, and c. this is important, because its exotic, fun, and being with someone that actually has a culture.
think about it like this, if you drove a Volvo your whole life so far, and then you got an opportunity to drive an audi or Ferrari, you'd do that right? and that's what I mean.
but past the novelty act, and making strong babies, women are not guys, unless your a fag and want to be with other guys, then that's on you, but if you want to be with a woman then that's what you have to do, ask girls this question more? real love and a real relationship is not a novelty act, but an attraction of similar energies. and if you are interested in having a relationship WITH A GIRL, and not guys, you'll immediately understand what I am saying. having a relationship with guys, means having a locker room conversation with guys about your relationship! instead of talking to your girl about it. and girl123, i'm disappointed that your relationship only lasted 3 years, novelty acts are not cool.
but anyway I will conclude by saying that you are what you project. if you project race, that's what you get back at you, but if you project deepness and true relationship energy, that's what you get back.
This guy is obviously white. He doesn't have a fucking clue of the privilege he's been born into.
I am japanese boy
look to youtube pleas (^_^)
I'm usualy just a lurker around the board, but today i have a story... recently i been posting about long distance relationship because I really like this girl that lives in japan. but i live in australia so its really hard if i want to confess to her.. well this is how it all started...
Around 2005 April, i was picked on by some people at school because of my hobby, which is movie making. I'm really like a movie otaku, i love watching movies thats why my dream is to become a film director. most of the girls i knew, i told them about my hobby and they would all ne like "isn't that like really immature??" and later on wont ever talk to me.. it was around November when i was on a japanese pen pal website where i met the japanese girl, her name was Aya. we started emailing each other talking about school and life style ect. then i asked her if she used skype and she said she uses it so we added each other. we started talking in skype, (to those who doesn't know its like msn but you use microphone to talk). for the first time, i told her i'm into film making... she unlike the other girls was actualy intrested in it.. she asked me when can i show her my movie.
we talked almost everyday, mostly for 2 hours and we can always talk about anything like movies, anime, school, music ect.. then one night... we talked for 6 hours! i only had 2 hour sleep because i had to wake up for tennis lessons >"< we got more close after that. for christmas i bought her a bracelet and air mailed it to her, she liked it alot. one day i got her email but was really surprised... usualy at the end of the email she would just write "from Aya" but this time she wrote "Love from Aya". i had this feeling when i saw it. after that, i didn't hear from her for 2 weeks and then one night i got her email asking when can i talk to her... but after that... I've waited for a month and stil counting on... I emailed her before saying i have something to tell her because i planned to confess to her next time we talk.. but now i dont think i can do it because i reckon its highly likely i may get rejected since we are so far away ＿|￣|○" the feeling with this girl is different from all the other girls i liked. should i confess or not??
honestly i feel bad that when i said im gonna find time finishing up the story, i never got the chance :((
i left too much gaps in between that i wasnt able to finish the story
i was having a chat today with someone from this thread which is why i checked back, im pretty sure most of you have forgotten about this place XD
im gonna do a quick catchup on where i left!
-after i release my MV on youtube, people at school made rumours that i liked both C and J, it got awkward and we stopped talking
-V went into some depression mode and eventually left school, i was pretty sad about it but we still kept contact
-before i left australia, my ex had been calling me through international calls because she had a fight with her bf. she called me twice crying and said she wanted to meet up with me when i come back.
-me and kejo was app-ing each other every day, it went pretty nice. she even got me a gift from beijing when she went to visit.
-she suddenly wanted to talk to me so one night we skyped for about 2 and a half hours.
-Kejo and her sister came to visit taipei cos her sister bf lives in taipei, we met up for a movie and had dinner, it went pretty well cept she found me a little quiet at the start
-after the dinner, kejo asked me to the zoo on the next day, it was like a triple date as the other 4 people were couples.
-apparently Kejo took the tag off cos she didnt want her friends to think after just breaking up not long ago, shes with another guy.
-Kejo told her sister before that she thinks im suitable to be the LAST bf, and said we are too far apart as im in taipei and shes in kaoshiong.
-i told my friends about the "LAST BF" thing, most of them said shes just using me as backup
-i lost motivation to write music, started helping a friend of mine doing hip hop music instead.
－ i met a few girls who only wanted to get close to me cos of my good family background. i started to learn how to see what peoples motivation is.
-there was one night she suddenly went out around 1am, said the guy who had been chasing her for a year and half had been telling people her private life, im thinking "are you hiding something?"
-i called her the next day and a guy picked up, mia called me back saying she was in the bathroom and shes out with friends, but i know the guy who picked up is the same guy who is chasing her for a year and a half.
-during my break, the last 3-4 months i finally completed my next song called "everytime" which im going to release as a single.
-one night i was bored and started talking to this girl called "miya", she was very friendly and nice.
-sometimes i would start conversations with Miya on facebook, shes also from the same school as me.
-i would ask miya out to karaoke or movies but we always had friends with us.
p.s. one more thing.... heres a picture of me and Miya :)
I'm just goin' 2 say I'm happy 4 u. U went through so much the last 7 years since posting on 4ch. It saddens me that you are now done with this thread...but you've been an inspiration for many. I hope the best for you and Miya!!
before confessing to her, u shoud put ur pants down and show her ur belonging on skype.
she will like urs and accept ur confess
just to let you guys know some news, I released my new single EP on iTunes called "Everytime" come check it out :)
p.s. Me and Miya are almost dating for exactly a year!! time surely flies :D
I wish I had someone IRL to turn to, but I don't. Here's my story...
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for a little over a year now, let's call her M. The problem is, we're both adults and it's like we're fucking teenagers. This is really both our first legitimate relationships. (She was in one before, but it was highly restrictive and dysfunctional, and I've never been in one before.) Her mother is overprotective of her and she gets very little freedom. Much of the time we spend together is under the watchful gaze of an adult (usually her mother) or her presence is at least felt. I have intimacy issues with her. She doesn't always turn me on. I'm a recovering porn addict. I quit earlier in the year and haven't whacked to porn since, but I'm still having intimacy issues. She used to be my friend's girlfriend, and we started developing feelings for each other then, while their relationship was in decline, but I squashed them because I wasn't going to be that guy. When they finally broke up, nothing changed. I felt no physical attraction because I repressed it, but our personalities were still connecting. She's everything I want emotionally in a relationship. We trust each other, respect each other, we communicate openly, we understand each other, we love each other. She's like someone I knew in a past life. That's how well we get along. We just feel this strong connection with each other. We understand each other like no other two people can...even though we have very little in actual common.
I was for a long time, before all this, not good to M in certain ways. I would talk to her about all my crushes and she would endure it. Yes, I was an asshole for this. If you must remind me, go ahead. Even after she broke up with her boyfriend, I was for a while, distracted by other women. The last one I met not too long after I met M, we'll call her K. It was sort of a missed connection kind of thing, but a friend of mine (and M's then boyfriend) put us back in touch and we hit it off. She was beautiful (she could've been and did some modeling at one time) kind, sweet, smart, down to earth, and we seemed interested in each other. (I couldn't believe this at first, and to this day, still think it was a fluke or sorts.) I started spending quite a bit of time with her. She could drive (M can't). I'd visit her at school and she'd come over to my house and vice versa. She was a lot of fun. She was also very ambitious, maybe a little too ambitious. She'd try to get me involved in certain business/job opportunities that I saw as scams. I was employed at the time. She seemed genuinely concerned about me. She took me to an event to try to help me network with people, things like that. We'd talk on the phone and Skype late into the night until someone fell asleep. We did things that it took me years to do with M (nothing sexual, never got that far with K, not even a kiss) and some I still haven't done with her! I think she liked me, but she never actually said it. I did tell her though and she asked what I wanted in a relationship, which never being in one, I couldn't answer. My growing bond with K was starting to affect M. One time, I answered the phone in front of M and it was K, and my "happy to hear from you" reaction upset M greatly.
One night, I was out with K, and she said something to me that just seemed off. She told me that she could have whatever life she wanted, but she wasn't sure what it was she wanted. When I asked for elaboration, she said she didn't know if she wanted the high, glamorous lifestyle or something more low-key and ordinary. Subconsciously, something clicked in my head and I realized I loved M. Also, it put into the back of my head that a relationship with K wouldn't last for long and that I'd wind up getting hurt in the end...which I wanted to avoid at all costs. I'd experienced plenty of pain by this point. She had told me about some of the types of guys she had been involved with in the past...and I certainly didn't compare to their exciting lifestyles or jobs. Why was this girl interested in me? I had nothing going for me at the time. Hell, I'm still just trying to survive and get my life started.
I had recently went through a crisis in my life at this time, and K told me about this seminar that helps people in crisis. I had told M about it and she invited herself. They met each other. Afterwards, M had some not so nice things to say about K. But it didn't matter. I was much more attentive to her than K. It seemed obvious who I had chosen during that day, M, but it would take one more thing...
A few months later, I was invited to some event by K, which I knew M wouldn't approve of. I asked her about it and she was very upset. (Yeah, what an idiot I am.) I didn't go. After this, K and I fell out of touch again. Her and M had become Facebook friends after the seminar, and I knew that any contact with K would be seen as a threat to M and unfaithful on my part (even though we weren't in a relationship) so I let us fall out of touch. I would contact her once a year to thank her about telling me about the seminar. (It really helped me through a rough time.) She mentioned how she'd like to hang out again. I knew that we couldn't though. Yeah OK, technically we could've. I wasn't committed to M yet, but I cared too much about how it would affect her. I suppose I could've suggested an open relationship, but I don't think M would've went for it. Later on, she started associating with a guy, and I learned I wasn't open to it either. Then one year, I told K that M and I were dating, and I never heard from her again after her response. Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?
I feel like our relationship has progressed as far as it can go until she/we can get her/our life/lives started. Her mother isn't going to relent. I have tried reasoning with her in the past to no avail. M is working on getting her license finally, and she'll be done with school soon and be able to get a job. Sometimes we both feel like this relationship has only existed as a result of our circumstances. In other words, if we both had our lives together, we wouldn't be together. She thinks I'm going to leave her once I get my life together, but I still think she'll leave me first. I chose to be with her over another girl, after all. Sometimes I wish I had stayed in contact with K as friends, but if she liked me, I didn't want to bother her with my issues with M, because I'd been through that with girls I liked telling me about their guy problems and I wasn't going to do that to someone else. That aside from the "I'm being unfaithful" kind of thing M would see. She's always had problems feeling inadequate compared to other women.
I can't say I'd spend the rest of my life with M just yet, but she's a strong candidate, and I can see us being together a very long time...as long as things improve.
There's one other thing, she's bixsexual. She met a girl during her internship she has a huge crush on. She still thinks about her and talks to me about her. I'm not entirely convinced she would stick with a girl. I think she needs to experience a relationship with a woman though, if only so she doesn't keep entertaining herself with the idea of one. If she knew I had this "grow out of it" attitude towards this, she'd kill me. It doesn't bother me that she talks to me about girls and even if it did, I put her through hell with my crushes, so I kind of feel like I deserve it. But maybe it does bother me a little, as I found myself thinking about K lately. Sometimes when the overglaring issues of our relationship rear its ugly head, I wonder if I made the right choice too, because I know I wouldn't have had these issues with K if I chose her. We would however, have a completely different set of issues. I wanted something long term, and I didn't see that happening with K, but now I'm wondering if this is the short term relationship and K wasn't. Everything's been turned upside-down recently, since I checked K's facebook and it says she's engaged. I don't know if this is true though, as it's listed she got engaged twice within the span of a month. But she's never seemed like the type that messed around with things like that.
They both made me happy. It's just that...maybe I was a little hasty in my decision. I hadn't even associated with her for a year before I chose my friend that I've known for a lifetime now. And I kind of feel guilty for not straight out telling K we couldn't hang out anymore. Maybe we could've still talked at least. I have no one to confide in. I feel so alone and helpless.
Basically this news has just thrown my relationship into real question for the first time, because very little, if anything has changed. We're stuck, it can't grow because it's being suffocated by forces we can't control. It's like a bonsai, almost. I'm always afraid of her getting in trouble, because I saw what happened with her last relationship. I love her but I never questioned our relationship like I am right now. I never really thought about K after ceasing communication. I never questioned anything...and now that I am, I have no one to talk to, no confidant, because my girlfriend is my best friend. I know that nothing questioned is worth believing in/keeping, but it's a damn painful process.
My thanks for any constructive advice you can provide.
I wish I had someone IRL to turn to, but I don't. Here's my story...abridged.
I've been in a wonderful relationship with my best friend for a little over a year. She's everything I've wanted in a relationship emotionally. Her mother is very overprotective. We rarely have any privacy and there are intimacy issues. She recently showed me her boobs and it was anticlimatic. The few times we have enough privacy to make out, I'm rarely turned on. I stopped whacking to porn in the spring and haven't fapped to it since.
This is my first relationship and this is her first fully functional relationship. I was sort of dating a girl before we got together who was at least everything physical I wanted in a relationship, and we had a growing bond but it didn't grow enough before I had to make a choice and I chose my friend.
Sometimes when things go wrong, I think about the other girl, and lately I've been thinking about her a lot. I cut her out for the sake of the relationship. My gf is also bi and talks to me about this girl she's been crushing on. She still thinks about her. I put her through a lot with my crushes, so it doesn't bother me, but then again, maybe subconsciously it does? She also feels inadequate compared to most girls and fears I'll leave.
Mod, please delete this thread. It's not going to get any responses and is therefore, a waste of space. Thank you.
You seem to overthink too many things, maybe because she's your first.
I don't know how you can call it a "fully functional relationship" with those intimacy issues. Being a porn addict shouldn't be this big a problem, especially cause you stopped since spring.
When you make out, STOP THINKING, let your body go automatic, don't be ashamed to feel carnal desire for her.
Did you choose the wrong girl? Nobody can tell.
Also, I heard one time that one can't have a good relationship if he didn't have his heart broken once.
"We [M and OP] have very little in actual common."
This is one of the reasons why your relationship with M can't last.
The other is that you have an inferiority complex:
Did you choose the wrong girl? We can't answer that for you; only you can tell, since it's a personal choice. I believe you went for the easier option: the girl (M) that loves you, but that I believe you only love because she loves you and for how she makes you feel, and not for who she is (you don't have anything in common!). I believe you love her for the wrong reasons. And, like you said and then hastily dismissed, the other girl (K) would bring her own set of problems: but are those problems "sweeter," problems that you'd rather deal with than these?
yeah but is her anus pretty?
Came from a scene/life experience that actually happened, but I thought I'd change it a little and make something more interesting out of it.
The stream of water shimmered in the fountain, reflecting the glow of the lamp above. The night was dark and calm.
"Are you ready?" She handed him a penny.
"So are we going to do the thing where we shout out our wishes in unison or should we keep them secret?"
"Well... It's not real or anything... And you already know what I'm going to say anyway..."
"Yeah, but to stick with the formalities -- okay whatever."
That was lovely. Very heartwarming.
So I live in the countryside of Japan. Not many opportunities to meet pretty girls out here, but I have met one. The problem is, outside of hand holding, she has been very non-commital. But whenever I give up on her, she emails me saying she really wants to do something with me.
I'm not sure about the rules in Japan. Does one just go for the gusto, like in the Japanese movies? Somehow I doubt life is like the fiction. I'm a relatively shy guy that got tired of being burned, so my progress is glacial to say the least.
Does one have to admit one has feelings, ala densha otoko? How do I move to the next stage.
Supplementary: she is six years older than me. Maybe she sees that as a problem.
Hey jap addicts, stop being a noob and go back to your own fucking country =)
No. I love hearing a jap girl squeal when I have my way with her while her husband is working. Feels good, man. =)
Response to >>1 "I'm a relatively shy guy that got tired of being burned, so my progress is glacial to say the least."
Be shy, you have your reasons; and in your own time-ing you will grow less shy. Until then seek slutter women, play in the sac (to some degree) and build your Confidence.
Regarding that one women in your paragraph ..let her go. If she wants a sexual encounter she'll find it. If she wanted you for a sexual encouner, then she would have used her mind & voice and told you already. Move on. She doesn't appreciate your goodness. (date some sluts, and then..)..find a woman who appreciates your goodness.
oh my jizz! it got necro-ed 5 yrs... let this thread die guyz
OK Japanese women are just like any other women, they all want the same thing, kindness, protection and providence from their man. A girl may already like you and is hoping that you do to, so they wait for you to do want thing, and that's to confess to them, because they're afraid that you might not like them back, so if you really love this girl confess to her and she'll tell you what she wants, unlike the US, Japanese woman are very considerate and will accept your feelings, but they'll tell you that they're not interested if they don't like you. My apologies for this being late, I just found this site.
hm... really? i thought jap babes usually are the more forward types who will confess their feelings for you like those cliched jap high school movies? and give handmade goodies on valentines too?
i also here they are a bit more materialistic? is that true?
【Japan is being in a critical situation】
In spite of this is an important time for Japan to revive, Japanese Government keeps trying to profit China and Korea.
So China has been invading Japan, and Korea has been eating at Japan.
On politically, socially, mentally and many sides or insides of things.
Many Chinese and Korean are living in Japan now.
Why do they only see this situation without a single word for the interests
If this situation is going on, Japan as what Japan is would not last much
Do they really want like that?
If Chinese people who live in Japan don't face the fact of their mother
country, they would lost nowaday's their freedom and wealth.
The Japanese are very reserved with their romance. They tend towards subtle flirting with gestures, body language, and indirect statements much more than western cultures which emphasis bravely pursuing a kiss or embrace. While they MAY find western bluntness some what endearing they will also shy away from it if they feel it is too much too soon or too fast. The Japanese do tend to put a lot of importance on the social bonds they form with others and as such take longer to reach a level of even friendship with others. The most you can do is be yourself but moderate some of your affectionate behavior so you're not "coming on too strong" and just take your time. Eventually when you've known each other for a good amount of time I think a minimum of a 1/2 a year would be ok you should admit how you feel and ask her on a date. There are some culture differences but women like feeling special and that's universal.
Hello, I've had a girlfriend for more than a year. I love her very much. The problem is I'm rarely in the mood for sex. It's not that she doesn't look good, I just don't know why.
However when it comes to fapping when I'm home alone I'm almost always in the mood.
I don't want her to be sad, she's always in the mood and I can't make her happy in bed
quit masturbating altogether
that should raise you libido and it'll make your sex with her more satisfying
Stop fapping, completely.
dont go too far. u should take some steps.
first, u should ask her if she wants to see a sausage.
next, ask her if she wants to see "ur" sausage.
if she says yes, then take a pic of ur sausage and send it to her on her birthday as a present.
Firstly, don't quit fapping alltogether - but quit using pr0n at all and limit fapping to once every week. The next thing is: increase your testo levels; lookup foods that increase it, go to the gym and focus on muscle mass increase (compound movements basically), take extra zinc, whatever you can think of. The T and no-pron will work - maybe not right away, but in a few months at least.
I've been there, but I'm on my way out.
I stopped fapping for a whole 3 months, but I think depending on the person, you can just stop fapping to pr0n. Try that first, and then if you have to, increase it to no fapping at all. This will reboot your brain. Pr0n just isn't the same anymore since I've done this.
i want a japanese boyfriend. someone like nishijima hidetoshi.
but i'm not in japan. nor will i visit it anytime soon.
where to get one?
WHITE GIRLS LOVE JAPANESE GUYS!!!!!
cool japanese boy wants black girlfriend.
Are you upset because you don't match up to their superior standards of beauty?
i'm an african american girl who is attracted to asian men. why is it that you never seen many black girls with asian guys?
Hello everyone in the United States
I have come to the propaganda of the yukata from Japan
Airport sales No1!! Yukata!!
Pattern of high quality and traditional
Children and parents, to themselves
Made in Japan of the relief of course
there are indeed a lot of good looking guys here but half of them wears make-up.. weird. their frail looking, thin. but the girls here are 75% of the time pretty and/or sexy. perhaps 25% of them gets pretty due to their make-up abilities. but damn they're hot.
i'm here in japan that's why i know. you should visit sometime to see what you're missing. the guys at youtube are just a handful.
I find the criticism of nice guys idea to be somewhat of a misrepresentation. On the one hand, identifying the label "nice guy" as a title that's shown, not self-imposed, is understandable; being a "nice guy" should reveal itself through one's conduct. However, the way that the material on this site portrays the average nice guy would both make it seem as if those who are truly kind are simply being underhanded and therefore don't deserve to "get the girl," and those who are in fact using "niceness" as a facade to get girls are somehow more reprehensible than those females who manipulate men and are cheered on for it. Conversely, those who have no regard for the feelings of women, and no respect for women, that is to say, "jerks," are seen as real men and truly genuine, because men apparently only act like sub-human neanderthals, thus any man who does not act this way is automatically trying to get into bed with a woman. Or he's gay
Allow me to elaborate. A person who is confident, directed, respectful and considerate toward women, and fairly attractive could be considered a good potential boyfriend, except he's not as interesting as someone who's on the wrong side of the law or enjoys causing pain and suffering, like, say, a jerk. As much as the nice guy has going for him, he doesn't have enough novelty for a girl to be attracted to him, and thus a girl will choose the jerk. And then, two months later, she'll come to the guy who actually cares about her well-being and tell him how she regrets having made that decision. As a person who's been in this situation, I can say that it's frustrating to hear that she's having problems like this, especially if one has offered her the chance for a healthy relationship and she turned it down
And then if you do somehow make it past all the testing, you virtually get no green light to go ahead. Unless the girl really wants to jump your bones, she makes no show of attraction, and since the nicer guys tend to respect a girl's feelings and don't want to go further than they are allowed, they end up with nothing. It's no longer just a fear of rejection; it's a fear of being arrested. However, women continue to believe that the half-hearted, intentionally deceptive "signals" they give are good enough, since any guy who likes them enough will ask them out regardless of possible consequences. However, even though guys are required to do this, it never seems to cross a girl's mind to show similar respect and maybe throw him a bone or two
It simply seems as if a nice guy will never be attractive to a woman. Any woman. And it seems as if it's all because he's nice. Respect used to be valuable, but it seems so cheap now, thanks to these types of actions. Perhaps, given the fact that you probably wouldn't have much reason to be dishonest, I will find some answers from you
I don't see why it's necessarily the case that nice guys lack novelty. The novelty of the jerk (to use your phrase) is that he is, in some way, a challenge. The woman wants his attention, and this gives the relationship momentum. However, I don't think that momentum need come from challenge, nor that "jerks" are the only ones capable of providing novelty.
If a woman isn't attracted to a nice guy who has looks, money, direction and confident, and who is respectful of her, it may be because, save for the last, none of these are necessary or sufficient for a relationship. A nice guy with those things may be at first blush interesting, even attractive, but if there's nothing that intrigues the woman behind those things, then the guy's just some guy who's respectful toward her. "Jerks", however bad they may be, at least have an interesting personality, even if the woman ultimately wants to change it.
I would add that the "evil" nice guy is a thing. You see, "nice guys" blame women for not being attracted to them, whereas nice guys accept that they won't be attractive to everyone, and that if they do want to be attractive to a lot of women, they may need to change certain parts of who they are.
Then that only seems to say that women aren't interested in stable relationships, or at the very least have a chronic appreciation for dysfunctional traits some of the time, if they go for jerks at all. It shouldn't be an issue. It would be like ignoring the nice girl at the bookstore in favor of a hooker, because at least the hooker knows how to shake her ass. No one should gravitate to such an extreme to begin with, in the case of long-term relationships, when women go to such trouble to change jerks.
As for nice guys, it's a bit biased to say they blame women. They can bitch about women all they want, because heaven forbid someone have trouble in relationships. Women do it all the time with men. It's like saying people aren't allowed to complain about people. In the case of the nice guy/jerk dichotomy, it can be frustration that she would be with these types of people at all, or just simple unrequited love. For that matter, the evil nice guy myth assumes that there is a problem with the nice guy to begin with. I've seen people go onto complain that nice guys are covert rapists, lying to themselves about everything in their lives, etc, to the point that if a nice guy is too shy to ask a woman out or simply doesn't want to get arrested because of how vindictive women can be today, he's a liar or not a real man, but women are accepted for the same cowardly behavior. Short of being Buddha, decency pales in comparison to shitty behavior when it comes to attracting women. There are guys that do have inferiority complexes or whatever in their overeager attempts to impress women, but to say this is a broad spectrum of males or the most dominant personality trait in men trying to respect women is just pure sexism. Really, blaming oneself and trying to change for that one person can be seen as a sign of an inferiority complex or blaming the object of attraction can be seen as a sign of confidence and moving on with your life away from worshipping your love. We've come full circle. The nice guy is still good/bad just because of [insert reason here]. But jerks, let alone wife beaters/alcoholics, etc. never get this type of treatment.
I can't find it, but it's been scientifically proven though that most women seek out the jerk initially as an evolutionary trait. There was an article I read that basically stated women seek out the alpha male to mate with and have a child with the best genes, of course, but then leave him and seek out a beta, because he's more stable and a more reliable father to her child. It really threw me for a loop that this kind of devious evolutionary psychology has been programmed into women since the dawn of time.