Love and Romance @4-ch

Want to talk about your relationship? Has cupid struck? Keep your love woes out of General because you can talk all about that here.
  • No personal details like names, addresses etc. We don't want to know.
  • Please stop making threads relating to Densha Otoko.
  • Have a sexual issue? Use the Sexuality board.
  • Or maybe a personal issue that is non-sexual? Take it to the Personal Issues board.
Rules · 規則
Board look: Blue Moon Buun Futaba Headline Mercury Pseud0ch Toothpaste
1: Dating a grieving girl (3) 2: i love black man (12) 3: i am am 29 male, i fall in love with a guy 35 (6) 4: I really want.. (8) 5: Will I end up alone? (13) 6: I'm very full of hate. (49) 7: new densha otoko (277) 8: save me from myself (gay guy) (6) 9: When is it too late to get into the relationship game? (81) 10: The myth of the evil nice guy (6) 11: how to give a blowjob with braces? (134) 12: gaynal sex (1) 13: Where's the love? (7) 14: How to date a Japanese girl? (80) 15: Nothing but questions. (6) 16: Girlfriend has lower sex drive than me (5) 17: buzzed flirting? (4) 18: What she has in mind (3) 19: I don't know what's going on... (4) 20: Questions about marriage (2) 21: Flirty girlfriend, i trust her but it hurts anyway. (47) 22: Questions about marriage (1) 23: japanese boyfriend (111) 24: Does there exist true love? (46) 25: Am I reading too much into this? (8) 26: I'm do I get a white girlfriend? (36) 27: I've been waiting.... (750) 28: Seriously Questioning My Relationship For The First Time (9) 29: Short short story idea (2) 30: I want to be more sexually attracted to my gf (9) 31: Does she feel the same? (25) 32: Is he worth it? (3) 33: Singles Rant Thread, 3rd Edition (191) 34: [Advice] DQN-kun's Advice Column [DQN] (18) 35: Please help me talk to this girl (2) 36: Obsession (9) 37: I'm going on a date Friday at 11AM. My first. HELP! (41) 38: All the time busy (4) 39: Me and my girlfriend decided to take a break...but she slept... (26) 40: Looking for a girlfriend (11)

Dating a grieving girl (3)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-27 16:45 ID:cDDaideM

We met several years ago and connected. With school and our lives we drifted apart for a few years, only to reconnect recently. We were in different cities and talked for about five months before we met up and had a date. We both had a great time, I gave her a flower, talked about all kinds of stuff late into the evening, finishing each other's sentences... We even agreed on having the same favorite house in that city. By the end of the night, I could tell she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn't. I knew I was leaving and I didn't want to lead her on.
Throughout this past summer, we continued talking and my feelings for her grew. I came to fall in love with her. In fact a couple days after our date she sent me that article about Bill Murray giving advice to bachelors about when you find "the one" because she remembered I love Bill Murray.
So, this past September I returned to where she is living, although due to some miscommunication on my part, she had her week planned and we didn't see each other. Despite this, she seemed very excited for me to be there (a lot of smilie emojis) and I told her I would be back, and that I think she is cute (I save the serious stuff for face to face).
It couldn't have been a week later that some of the most unexpected news that could have happened, happened. She lost a very dear family member, and it was after a couple weeks of silence before she was able to tell me. I did my best to comfort her and tell her I am here for her, but she understandably seemed to want her space. I wasn't able to send flowers or the like.
Now she has returned from being overseas with her family, and we haven't talked much since before she left. She is a very sensitive girl and I would hate to spoil anything by forcing myself into her life or trying to understand what she is going through (I can't).

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-27 22:07 ID:c176Tcwd


3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2015-01-03 21:56 ID:YrMzwehu

Explain to her that you can be there for her if she needs you

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i love black man (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-09-03 10:31 ID:+ShkuDev

Please tell us how to approach the cool black guy.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-09-08 10:44 ID:mkWRfvk0

Flash your cleavage.

4 Post deleted.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-03 14:45 ID:fLVNArRy

Please use a condom

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-03 20:00 ID:Heaven

I feel sorry for your family and for your kids.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-05 16:28 ID:1WuyEmYD

your son will be talented gangsta rapper singing about worldwide islam khalipate :)

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-09 22:20 ID:qNrvle+q

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-10 00:14 ID:qNrvle+q


Lol his prosecutor was spanish...

10 Post deleted.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-19 04:50 ID:rGuCraJU

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-25 01:06 ID:IC+UNVnF

Subhuman degenerate

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i am am 29 male, i fall in love with a guy 35 (6)

1 Name: hihowru : 2011-12-25 10:59 ID:PVjssZhD

i need help. There is boy 35. he is typist and i am comupter operator in same office. he is little religious i also respect religion much. he is much shy and beard guy. I want him to sleep with me, to open with me and share with me every thing. i want to get laid over him. he is 35 and i am 29. I believe that if ever i got by chance laid over him he would never dislike it, only would pretend that he no want to do that But inside he has not big resistance. he is married and have one baby boy. Some time he and i go out to take tea shop nearby office. Some time he pay for tea some time i. I already told you by any chance if we see each other naked in the same room, after that he will be close to me and would have not any objection. But i can not produce this kind of chance. If i call him to my house and to my room my family will think why a guy going to my room to my bed that i no want.If it is not possible tell me how i can forget him. Some time i kidding him that i want to do anal with him he smiles and replies me that you can. But he thinks i am only kidding he not know know i really want to do that in real. He some time need little money i can help him but i did not offered him openly may be he will think why i am doing this. I am already alone i no want to lose him i want him to be more close to me. Our religion and culture is much against gay like thinks this is why he is feared to be more close to me. Some time i offered him to watch porn movies with me but he denies. He is reserve kind. He dont know computer chat interenet like things. I can not share with him email he has not mobile phone. Last day we went to market to buy shoes for me. He went with me. We spent much time togather i buy some cold drinks and chips and some other smalle things to eat. He ate and thanks i thanks him for comming with me.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-12-25 18:02 ID:3o9X9gjc

I'm sorry but if he is marriied you should try to have sex with him.
Find another man.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-12-26 05:39 ID:iyqCBiIe

Wait! I meant to say you should not have sex with him. If he is married, do not have sex with him.

4 Post deleted.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-01-06 08:43 ID:NFs/Xte5

exactly, nothing you can do about it.. move on with your life. being obsessed with him probably alienated other people you can have a relationship with you just don't notice it.

6 Post deleted.

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I really want.. (8)

1 Name: Zaxary : 2012-05-24 05:33 ID:d56s4vVu

I really want to give a blow job. Im a 20 year old straight guy and im curious about giving a blow job. Is that normal?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-05-24 12:40 ID:GQQjbTm+

Go to a toilet stall with a glory hole, and wait around awhile.
Or buy a suitably shaped vegetable or fruit, and use your imagination.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-05-25 03:53 ID:PciAdpji

Yeah it's fine. Don't worry about it.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-05-28 16:25 ID:01DqiAoP

Of course it is, if you had a chance to experiment, I'd say go for it :)

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-05-28 21:57 ID:+/i2hTYh

It's fine.
It's not as fun as you think it'll be. Unless you're like really into the guy you're giving it to. But since you're straight, that's probably unlikely.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-06-09 00:03 ID:antUkpXs

You can't be all that straight then.

Really, I think labels like straight and gay are quite silly. They're just ways for people to put each other into neat, clean categories. We're all somewhere on that sliding scale. I'm not interested in delivering a blowjob, but I would get into bed with a guy able to convincingly be a trap. Too bad there are so few of them.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-11 09:45 ID:8ZomCZ9f

No you are gay

8 Post deleted.

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Will I end up alone? (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-11 06:52 ID:VgZ+ovT2

So here it goes..

I'm 22 turning 23 in two months. I will admit: I have never kissed, seriously dated and have sex with a man before. Guys have tried kissing me before but I always covered my mouth and would nervously giggle because I feel like my first kiss should be special. I dated only one person by accident (thinking it was just a hang-out but the whole atmosphere was just so weird because he started asking me a lot about myself as if it was really a date). I turned out dates before because the guys that asked me out were really not my type.

During university, I focused a lot with studies than dating but now that I'm done, I don't really know how to date someone. I'm also recovering from a one-sided love that lasted for nearly 7 years. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasted so much of my "youth".. I also felt like I missed so much. During that time, I did party quite a bit with friends but I never took the guys seriously because they weren't "him".

I don't think I'm socially awkward. In fact, I'm quite friendly with everyone I meet. I'm quite talkative once someone gets to know me. However, I'm extremely shy with strangers. I like to have fun. I like to go out and drink with friends. I have tons of guy friends but I don't see them as anyone I would seriously date. They either fall in these three categories: gay, socially awkward or very close guy friends that I consider as a brother.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-13 18:53 ID:Heaven

your first kiss is not special. losing your virginity is not a special occasion. any guy who isnt a loser will be very turned off by you still being a virgin. im sorry that movies and tv have manipulated you into thinking that these petty physical interactions are "special" but they are not. as you continue to age males over 24 will see you as being mentally unstable if you come out giggling and being weird about things as simple as a kiss. that immaturity puts up huge red flags that you are not someone they want to tangle with.

my suggestion is to grab one of your close male friends you consider a "brother" but only hangs out around you because they want to get in your pants (All of them) and just have sex with them.

this board has a lot of nerds, but we also have a handful of people with real world experience. i expect a punch of "its ok to wait for the right guy (me please god let it be me im so lonley)" type posts, but thats all bullshit.

have sex, realize its not that big a deal, and then learn to be happy being alone before searching for a real relationship. from your post you strike me as someone who may have been sexually abused as a child, you need to work through your own personal issues before even thinking about a real, and serious relationship. until that time though have a spattering of one night stands (use a condom, no fucking exceptions). and get some experience under your belt.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-14 06:36 ID:e5f3C3w0

Not every random 20-something guy hangs around a girl for the sole purpose of getting into their pants. As a 27 guy, I actually have many friends who are girls, and I hang out with them because, shocker of shockers, I actually enjoy their company, and find them easier to get along with than most guys I know.

That said, does that mean there's never any sexual tension? No, it happens, hormones and attraction are strange, mysterious, and mildly annoying things; but no matter how attracted I am to one of my close female friends, I cannot and will not act on it, I value our friendship too much to risk damaging it, or possibly loosing it just so I can get a date.

My point there is that unless you have feelings for one of these guys that they're able to reciprocate, don't ruin a perfectly good friendship by adding that extra layer of complications in, friends are too important for that, or at least that's the way I've always felt.

Anyways, I wouldn't worry too much about if you'll end up alone right now, as they say, all things with time. I've often had similar worries, to the point that a friend of mine started attacking me in a Subway screaming "YOU'RE WORTHY OF WOMEN!" "YOU'RE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED!". Not always the easiest thing to believe; but I keep working towards that goal of finding someone.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-14 07:48 ID:sDo0EG5f

OP here. Thank you for everyone's advices. I guess I really frustrated with my whole situation

Regarding the 4th post: No, I was not sexually abused when I was a child. I had a perfectly normal childhood.

The problem with me is that once I put a guy in my friend's zone, I can't see them anything but a friend--- nothing more, nothing less. I just enjoy their company.

When I said "special", I didn't mean to sound like I'm looking for my Mr. Right (which I don't believe in). I guess what I mean is someone that I can share a connection with-- someone who I feel like I can like genuinely and not feeling like I'm playing him. It's difficult for me because I haven't met someone who I can share that connection yet. I know it sounds weird but that's how I feel.

I know exactly what my issue is.. I'm scared to really like someone or potentially fall in love with someone. When I start to like someone, something inside me pulls me back. I don't know if that means I'm not ready or if I'm searching for something else.. It just happens. I know I can probably try to fix it but I don't really know how.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-18 15:56 ID:ZZYrEPDz


>your first kiss is not special
>losing your virginity is not a special occasion
>any guy who isnt a loser will be very turned off by you still being a virgin

lol, wut?

I respectfully disagree. There are at least two different kinds of people when it comes to love/relationships/sex: the first is a group of people who are capable of having one night stands and meaningless "relationships" of no substance, content with bouncing from one throw-away warm bodied place holder to another without any thought or regret. The other is a group of people who require actual love, connectedness, and commitment in their relationships to thrive in them. People that want the person they are with to be both their lover and their best friend at the same time. Objectively, one doesn't need to have more or less value than the other, but subjectively, everyone values the two types differently.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2013-02-06 07:27 ID:1t3FfIkE

9 Name: 43 : 2013-03-24 05:25 ID:fFNm1Bb9

Don't listen to >>4

The media put too much emphasis on relationships and love as the must be goal for everyone.

Even if you were to find "him" doesn't mean you'll be happy with him.

You might change your approach and give each person a chance, one date. The results might surprise you, they might be better than what you expected. You'll also find rotten apples like >>4.

Good luck

10 Name: mindofBM : 2013-03-24 14:12 ID:8Z7wL5Rx

dont worry so much about it. you will get somewhere

11 Post deleted.

12 Post deleted.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-11 02:38 ID:Kq+OQu7M

We all die alone.

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I'm very full of hate. (49)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-03 19:47 ID:UBYkJ2wZ

I HATE women. I never had a girlfriend and never will. The only times I got laid was when I paid a woman or promised her something. I'm never going to hold hands with a chick, kiss a girl intimately because we're in love, or any of the other shit that human beings were made to do. I guess that I'm suppose to be happy masturbating every fucking night. I'm a man with sexual urges and can't get with a female. I'm suppose to be alright with that? THERE IS A FUCKING CURSE ON MY LIFE. A CURSE THAT PREVENTS ANY FEMALE FROM LIKING ME. Oh I forgot, I do get interest from fat chicks and I'm not attracted to fat chicks.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to become the biggest asshole in the world. I tried the whole being considerate thing and it got me nowhere. If people can't handle my newfound harshness, then bring it on. BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I get happy when I hear about some college slut getting murdered or injured in a hit and run. "oh she was a beautiful and talented girl, how could this happen." I don't know but I'm glad it did.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-06-11 17:45 ID:geOWDypf

Read "Apollo's Song" (a manga by Ozuma Tezuka). Tell me not one time you were abused, ignored, or something else bad happened to you with women...then we'll consider your feelings.

41 Name: lol : 2012-08-02 20:38 ID:ysOA7RlL


42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-04 06:10 ID:J1wh1vjA

The only people who say this kind of thing are those for whom love has not been a serious problem. If you have a good relationship and normal, healthy ideas and thoughts about romance, good for you. I don't, and I don't see how I ever will. So fuck off with your "so sad". It's sad, sure, but you don't know anything about it.

43 Name: 4 : 2012-08-07 23:22 ID:VjnyVfs7

I hate a lot of shit and a lot of people.

44 Name: fuck em and bag em : 2012-10-09 15:04 ID:1N50HMaJ

i hope your deside to go kill a woman your self, i hate em to hate the hole world, and i dont care if i got a problem, i can feel that im building up to my own first rape/murder, and i get happy feelings from that, i guss some ppl werent ment for willing love, and whos to say that its wrong. good luck and hope you dont get cought

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-10-09 22:20 ID:znV902E+


46 Name: fartman : 2013-05-09 16:00 ID:uOAGPmFK

ok. keep wanking forever. who cares...?

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-09-22 22:55 ID:sp1TXo0C

I agree, OP. All women are whores/sluts and aren't good for anything besides being cum buckets.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-06 16:32 ID:+sXdZyrX

Calm down

49 Post deleted.

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new densha otoko (277)

1 Name: Densha : 2007-02-01 12:43 ID:KA2WnSRe

I am afraid i am the new densha otoko. Today i rescued a pretty girl who was harrassed by a drunk on the train.

268 Post deleted.

269 Name: mars7 : 2010-08-08 09:20 ID:pgnU05M1

seems like she wasn't meat for me .. T^T

270 Name: 電車男 : 2011-05-12 02:57 ID:Heaven

Why is this in my favorites?

271 Name: Secret Admirerer : 2012-08-15 07:35 ID:1m2IrzU3

Because OP is idiot

272 Post deleted.

273 Name: hermes : 2013-06-13 12:35 ID:3MZE2JrD

today i dumped densha.. densha baka! kirai!

274 Name: masaaki shikanai : 2013-06-19 04:21 ID:ccUzo8nE

My name is Shikanai Masaaki. Born May 27 1978.
I have been gang stalking to Soka Gakkai employee from around the 11th September 2011.
I was abducted Kazuko Yamaguchi them.The name of the main culprit is Kenji Kimura.
She has been confined to the Soka Gakkai.
She is my classmate.
We were in love with each other since childhood.
We were apart until 33 years old.And we were going to get married at 33 years old.
I was confined to a mental hospital after being arrested for trying to help her.
I am still a virgin.

And stolen the machine of me to them.I have stolen them all.
And I was confined to them. I also have been tortured in the machine to them.

And they are repeat violent crime. Japanese police have become their slaves.

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275 Post deleted.

276 Name: Secret Admirer : 2013-07-11 18:17 ID:35LOn5Qq

Hello everyone in the United States
I have come to the propaganda of the yukata from Japan

Airport sales No1!!
Pattern of high quality and traditional
Children and parents, to themselves
Made in Japan of the relief of course

277 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-06 19:00 ID:J8VT3c+4

I think it was all just a hoax started by greedy TV producers

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save me from myself (gay guy) (6)

1 Name: keonkarma : 2012-10-21 19:30 ID:Tn5vFjDg

I'm a semi-closeted gay guy (Indian descent).
I'm mentally dying each day.
I'm looking for a man who can save me from all this.
Because I don't want my parents to get hurt, I don't want to run away.
SO I'm looking for someone who could fake my getting a job abroad idea, so I can go away and live in peace.
My parents are poor, I want to help them by making a lot of money abroad.

The man that will help me, can expect to have me forever in his feet as a slave, I will be indebted forever and after that death.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-10-23 22:13 ID:HThQiCXl

Life is hard. Deal with it.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-10-25 23:43 ID:Pwu0jTE6

How big of a taboo is homosexuality where you live?

4 Post deleted.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-09-29 17:56 ID:5e5hwiOY

Gay okay

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-10-02 20:53 ID:CsjURnxe

Life is hard in India and Russia, in the west life is like cake.

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When is it too late to get into the relationship game? (81)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-05 11:07 ID:tt2SK8W6

Im 20 years old and have never been in a relationship. i've had boys tell me they like me but it was at a bad time (senior year of high school and i was moving to another country for college) or we were too close of friends and it was too weird for me. I've never dated, kissed or even held hands in a romantic kinda way. I've had a lot of friends who are guys so its not because i never talk to boys or anything like that. Is it weird for me to be 20 and never had a relationship?? When did you start dating? When do you think is too old to start?

72 Name: girls love alphas : 2013-05-10 15:31 ID:pQCe4/mG

omegas like u put teh pussy on teh pedestal when u treat due to insecurity. weather u like it or not ur placed n a group based on ur genes and that would b omega 4 u do 2 having weak. i am alpha cuz i have teh strongest genes. face it, u have nothing 2 offer girls witch is y u "hate" pussy. now i know y they call u handsome. lmfao

73 Name: Hate Male Losers : 2013-07-04 01:02 ID:3676F1iO

Experience does not include sexual experience. As a mattwr of fact the only experience male losers like yoy have are one night stands and short term relationships because that is all you are interested in. The requirement of a LTR that has lasted longer than a hockey season is there to weed out losers like you or the "omega" type losers.

Well that is you choice, just as long as you don't come whining later on that women won't give you the time of day.

74 Name: Graham : 2014-02-23 19:12 ID:m967l5F6

Hate Male Losers - You are a Narcissistic bitch.

75 Name: Graham : 2014-02-23 19:13 ID:m967l5F6

Hate Male Losers - You are a Narcissistic bitch.

76 Name: Ernesto : 2014-08-05 08:04 ID:l05+vbTR

Worth to try man, but is Ok. Some people can think it's boring to have sex with a girl but it's not as bad as seems to be. When you have sex you can play games (I won couple of FIFA matches) or chat with friends. Cam sex is boring too but you can try. Just visit chatroulete or or facebook, but when you see nude girl with huge tits - oh, man, give it a rest! it's better to watch spider-man movie or harry potter really. Sex is boring

77 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-08-05 15:24 ID:+7OVxRet

Do you know the difference between a conversation and rape?

No? Let's go upstairs and have a talk.

78 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-08-26 21:27 ID:369mi+YM

I am too lazy to get into relationship game..
And to be honest I dont enjoy sex at all
Yeah seeing all couples makes me envious some time but still I am okay with masturbation
Why bother...
I dont like girls at all, they are loud and stupid

79 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-08-26 23:01 ID:369mi+YM

I can not stand girls
Fuck off from my life, okay

80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-09-10 20:20 ID:AEJQp13O

If you think love is a game you're going to lose just by playing you know. Try to take another angle.

81 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-09-13 02:40 ID:GqLlMlN5

It's not too late. You're fucking 20, not 80. You got a good couple decades on you before you're officially screwed.

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The myth of the evil nice guy (6)

1 Name: Mu : 2013-07-05 19:02 ID:GeIJ9YTd

I find the criticism of nice guys idea to be somewhat of a misrepresentation. On the one hand, identifying the label "nice guy" as a title that's shown, not self-imposed, is understandable; being a "nice guy" should reveal itself through one's conduct. However, the way that the material on this site portrays the average nice guy would both make it seem as if those who are truly kind are simply being underhanded and therefore don't deserve to "get the girl," and those who are in fact using "niceness" as a facade to get girls are somehow more reprehensible than those females who manipulate men and are cheered on for it. Conversely, those who have no regard for the feelings of women, and no respect for women, that is to say, "jerks," are seen as real men and truly genuine, because men apparently only act like sub-human neanderthals, thus any man who does not act this way is automatically trying to get into bed with a woman. Or he's gay

Allow me to elaborate. A person who is confident, directed, respectful and considerate toward women, and fairly attractive could be considered a good potential boyfriend, except he's not as interesting as someone who's on the wrong side of the law or enjoys causing pain and suffering, like, say, a jerk. As much as the nice guy has going for him, he doesn't have enough novelty for a girl to be attracted to him, and thus a girl will choose the jerk. And then, two months later, she'll come to the guy who actually cares about her well-being and tell him how she regrets having made that decision. As a person who's been in this situation, I can say that it's frustrating to hear that she's having problems like this, especially if one has offered her the chance for a healthy relationship and she turned it down

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2 Name: Mu : 2013-07-05 19:03 ID:GeIJ9YTd


And then if you do somehow make it past all the testing, you virtually get no green light to go ahead. Unless the girl really wants to jump your bones, she makes no show of attraction, and since the nicer guys tend to respect a girl's feelings and don't want to go further than they are allowed, they end up with nothing. It's no longer just a fear of rejection; it's a fear of being arrested. However, women continue to believe that the half-hearted, intentionally deceptive "signals" they give are good enough, since any guy who likes them enough will ask them out regardless of possible consequences. However, even though guys are required to do this, it never seems to cross a girl's mind to show similar respect and maybe throw him a bone or two

It simply seems as if a nice guy will never be attractive to a woman. Any woman. And it seems as if it's all because he's nice. Respect used to be valuable, but it seems so cheap now, thanks to these types of actions. Perhaps, given the fact that you probably wouldn't have much reason to be dishonest, I will find some answers from you

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2013-07-21 19:26 ID:onAzden4

I don't see why it's necessarily the case that nice guys lack novelty. The novelty of the jerk (to use your phrase) is that he is, in some way, a challenge. The woman wants his attention, and this gives the relationship momentum. However, I don't think that momentum need come from challenge, nor that "jerks" are the only ones capable of providing novelty.

If a woman isn't attracted to a nice guy who has looks, money, direction and confident, and who is respectful of her, it may be because, save for the last, none of these are necessary or sufficient for a relationship. A nice guy with those things may be at first blush interesting, even attractive, but if there's nothing that intrigues the woman behind those things, then the guy's just some guy who's respectful toward her. "Jerks", however bad they may be, at least have an interesting personality, even if the woman ultimately wants to change it.

I would add that the "evil" nice guy is a thing. You see, "nice guys" blame women for not being attracted to them, whereas nice guys accept that they won't be attractive to everyone, and that if they do want to be attractive to a lot of women, they may need to change certain parts of who they are.

4 Name: Mu : 2013-07-29 18:19 ID:GeIJ9YTd

Then that only seems to say that women aren't interested in stable relationships, or at the very least have a chronic appreciation for dysfunctional traits some of the time, if they go for jerks at all. It shouldn't be an issue. It would be like ignoring the nice girl at the bookstore in favor of a hooker, because at least the hooker knows how to shake her ass. No one should gravitate to such an extreme to begin with, in the case of long-term relationships, when women go to such trouble to change jerks.

As for nice guys, it's a bit biased to say they blame women. They can bitch about women all they want, because heaven forbid someone have trouble in relationships. Women do it all the time with men. It's like saying people aren't allowed to complain about people. In the case of the nice guy/jerk dichotomy, it can be frustration that she would be with these types of people at all, or just simple unrequited love. For that matter, the evil nice guy myth assumes that there is a problem with the nice guy to begin with. I've seen people go onto complain that nice guys are covert rapists, lying to themselves about everything in their lives, etc, to the point that if a nice guy is too shy to ask a woman out or simply doesn't want to get arrested because of how vindictive women can be today, he's a liar or not a real man, but women are accepted for the same cowardly behavior. Short of being Buddha, decency pales in comparison to shitty behavior when it comes to attracting women. There are guys that do have inferiority complexes or whatever in their overeager attempts to impress women, but to say this is a broad spectrum of males or the most dominant personality trait in men trying to respect women is just pure sexism. Really, blaming oneself and trying to change for that one person can be seen as a sign of an inferiority complex or blaming the object of attraction can be seen as a sign of confidence and moving on with your life away from worshipping your love. We've come full circle. The nice guy is still good/bad just because of [insert reason here]. But jerks, let alone wife beaters/alcoholics, etc. never get this type of treatment.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2013-08-11 14:49 ID:qHnGOCWd

I can't find it, but it's been scientifically proven though that most women seek out the jerk initially as an evolutionary trait. There was an article I read that basically stated women seek out the alpha male to mate with and have a child with the best genes, of course, but then leave him and seek out a beta, because he's more stable and a more reliable father to her child. It really threw me for a loop that this kind of devious evolutionary psychology has been programmed into women since the dawn of time.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-09-10 20:42 ID:XcC3ZBd2

That's an interesting theory but it doesn't account for how that evolutionary trait appeared (I'd like to read that article if you don't mind finding it). I imagine, entertaining this theory somewhat, that early experiences, like prenatal experiences. The stability of the family, whether the father or mother died before adulthood, among some things - these things affect personality in general though so it might not seem like a definitive explanation in this case... but it definitely affects who the woman will partner up with later on, and it may bring forward a unfortunate environmental conditions for the child who is going to be reared in a dysfunctional family.

I strongly believe women who seek out "dominating" (as in, a-holes) men have had a bad father-figure while growing up. It's similar to how abused women find excuses for their abusers - it might be that they do not understand what constitutes a normal healthy relationship, it might be self blame/shame/hatred. I don't think that every human being is inevitably hard wired to favor abuse or abusers, I think that's something of a festering malicious circle.

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