Well, I'm here again. It's 21.
Right now, it's around 4 AM on Monday, May 8th. My Junior year is coming closer and closer to an end. After the summer, I'll be a senior. Then after that, I'll be in college. My life seems to be moving in places that I never thought it would.
As I look back at this year, I feel so many emotions. I've done all the things that people my age do. I've been to parties, gotten drunk, spread gossip, flirted around, ect. Even though this is what I've always wanted (to be a normal guy) I can't help but feel bittersweet about it. I know that the only reason I was able to do any of this was because of her.
As soon as I met her, I began walking down a different path in life. The road less traveled, the one that made all the difference. Guys like me usually never attempt to go down this path because of the fear of getting lost, or getting hurt, or wanting to give up because you found it to be too hard. I was lucky enough to have a guiding light all along the way.
But when my shining light left me, I was surprised to see that the road ahead of me wasn't dark anymore. And the more I walked, the more I looked back at my foot prints.
It was a difficult path.
Lately, I've been gaining weight, drinking too much, and not getting anything done. I've been lacking motivation to do anything, even simple things like tidying up my room or showering. My grades are suffering, and my work isn't getting done. People are just saying that it's because school is almost over with.
It has nothing to do with that. This month marks one year since I last saw her face in person. The depression that hits me when I think about her not being with me is too much for me to handle. I've been able to avoid it in the past, but not this time.
I was feeling helpless and lost all over again. But then I took a look back at what I went through, and like I said, it was a difficult path. She showed me the way, and now I want to find my own way back.
It probably won't be easy getting myself back to the world of the living, but please wish me luck ... I hate to make this seem like some kind of Livejournal diary, but I had to get this off of my chest in one way or another ...
I won't go face the world today. I'll rest and forget about school for a day. I need to clear my head ...