...and raising her interest level in me without seeming desperate...Is this possible? I have a hunch that I've been condemned to friendzone by this girl, probably more for the fact that I've took too long to realise it's her I want.
You really can't get out of the friendzone... Try all you want. Actually alcohol gets you out of the zone pretty quick... for one night.
btw, lol'd at "syllble"
Hmmm. So when you're out to get a girl, you shouldn't make friends with her first? But wouldn't expressing interest right off the bat intimidate and scare em off?
>>9
yeah, ive always wondered about that too, and then theres guys (i might even be one), who try to make friends with the girl first, and end up, getting stuck in the friend zone, and thats their approach for life, and they never getout of that cycle of getting into that zone of no return we all call "the friend zone"
a few suggestions:
>>11
3. PROFIT!!!!!!1
I really hate how girls classify guys as a "friend" or a "brother". Once I'm in the friend zone, I can't ever get out. I have liked this girl for a while and thought that it would be a good idea to become friends with her and get to know her better. We became really good friends but then, when I asked her out, she was shocked and surprised because she always thought of me as a brother and nothing else. As a result, she started avoiding me because she didn't know what to do and felt uncomfortable around me knowing that I like her. We got into a series of misunderstandings because of this silence and now, we don't even look each other in the eye or talk to each other. She says that it's not going to be possible to have a friendship like it was before I asked her out.
OT, but can anyone explain why it isn't possible to have a normal friendship once one person knows the other person had liked them?
Anyways, it's painful enough that I got turned down but the worst part was losing such a valuable friendship.
Moral of the story? Don't get too close to a girl you like. You can get to know her and talk a bit but NEVER stall. The faster you ask, the better the chances (of course, not too fast because if you meet a girl and ask her out after a week, that would be too much of a surprise)
I'd have to agree with >>13's strategy: when guys consistently treat me like a friend , I tend to believe that they want to be my friend. Silly me! I never cease to be shocked when they spring a confession on me after several months.
If you're interested in a girl, you shouldn't scare her away by acting too interested, but try to send out little hints along the way to avoid ending up in friendzone. Maybe occasionally complement how she looks? Or make an effort to sit next to each other when you're in a group. Little things like this will make her consider you as a possible boyfriend.
Girls can be just as dense as guys when interpreting signals from the opposite sex. If you act like she's just a friend, she'll think you want to be her friend. You've got to become someone she can only see as a boyfriend.
We trump your density. We don't know how to give signals.
Either that, or we thing that burping the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th is an obvious sign of affection.
That said, most guys won't become friends with girls they aren't at least remotely attracted to. Yes, there are a few pure souls out there that aren't as judgemental... but good luck finding them. As all rules, there are many exceptions to this rule, but more often than not, they have at least an inkling of interest... even if they don't know it. Hell, even if they've never considered it.
Looking back on my past, most of my female friends were girls who I would have happily agreed to go out with... even though the thought had never crossed my mind at the time.
Call it roughly 85%. Those are betting odds.
I'm not suggesting to be paranoid... but it probably shouldn't be such a shock.
In conclusion, a response to >>13
Man, at that point it's all or nothing. At that moment, you've tossed away all the years of friendship and you've got nothing to show for it... unless you show her how serious you are about it and jump for it. Time is not on your side in that situation.
It's one of those rare situations where you just have to talk and keep talking, because the moment you stop and say goodbye, you've lost. Unless you can get her to open up at least to the possibility of becoming a couple, you've lost, because after that, the entire relationship is one big 'ol awkward silence, and there's no getting around that without just saying goodbye for good.
I agree totally on the "won't become friends unless remotely attracted" bit.
"I will help you move house, but I'd just like you to know that I'm only doing this because I want a blowjob."
it seems >>13 is right. man that's disheartening -_- wish I had found this out sooner before it became too late for me and i entered the best friend zone
Proof that females don't know what they want.
>>18 even best friends can fuck in my opinion. It's all about the mood..
Take the initiative! Boldly blaze a trail out of the friend zone — with your penis!
Best friends - future good couple. Just do something with it ><. It's not so far from friendship to love.
I beg to differ. I'm best friends with the girl I like. That's like friendzone X100 and not in a good way. it's the friendzone you can't get out of but stares you in the face every waking moment.
As always it does depend on the girl. Some girls actually do require friendship as a prerequisite for love (and it's not a bad thing for either party involved.)
just don't go too deep i guess
so what exactly are guys supposed to do? sack you in a hallway?
traditional "dating" is contrived and forced and quite frankly I dislike it. So i suppose a relationship is supposed to develop out of thin air?
your examples are not that great either, i've been FZ'd a couple times despite dropping hints with earth shattering force.
>>26
you can ask them on a date before you hit the friendzone. whether you develop a relationship with them, who knows, but that is how the dating game is played.
from >>26
'traditional "dating" is contrived and forced'
from >>27
'you can ask them on a date'
The whole point is that you shouldn't have to create this artificial situation known as the "date". as soon as spending time with someone you like becomes classified officially as a "date", you end up with strange phoenomina. The person youre interested in does not act herself, and i'm sure girls have the same stories regarding guys they developed crushes on, then asked out only to be turned off by completely different behavior. The point I'm making is I want to spend time with someone, not the facade they put up when theyre aware theyre being "evaluated" or "wooed", because no relationship based on that lasts.
the fact you get to know someone well doesn't mean she will be your girlfriend. there is more to relationship than spending time with each other. something that you may be lacking is a physical attraction. im sure the first time you see a girl, within second you decide whether she is hot or not. and after that assessment, regardless of her personality, you judgement on whether you would date her is based on that initial physical attraction to her. to get out of that friendzone you need something more than a good personality, caring nature, etc. the fact is that she doesnt want to date you is might because she doesnt find you attractive. there are always exceptions though. however this doesnt mean you are ugly, she may just not find/seen you in a physical way. so if you still want your friend, then you have to show yourself in a new light, you need to show her that you are indeed a sexy beast and then she may start changing her mind.
>>30 continues proving this.
It's actually self-knowledge to know that you don't want to find out that your "friend" is only acting like one so that they can get in your pants.
It's one thing to be a friend with a crush. It's a situation I've been in many times. It's entirely another to consider all your acts of kindness an investment that needs to be paid out in blowjobs. That's called being a scumbag.
Agreed. I remember I liked a girl that was already in a relationship, but a rocky relationship and I was the person she always talked to about problems. After getting to know her, I started to like her alot. But I fell into the friend zone and it just went down hill from there. She said she always saw me as a brother and a best friend.
Afte realizing this, she left her bf, but I found out one of my other friends liked her. So crap. I was already sucked into the friend zone and could do nothing so I ended up just being the friend to comfort, and help her with her problems when her bf didnt threat her right. I had to constantly reassure her that if she wanted change, she had to leave him cause he didnt change.
I was too chicken to tell her how I felt, knowing my current position at that time I was in. She ended up finding someone else and im here still single.
Just recently I met a friend of a friend, shes really an awesome girl, easy to talk to, and we connect when we talk. But i just found out she liked one of my friends...then again I get sucked into the friendzone area in trying to help her. Blah not again!!! -_- Shes younger than me, but she likes a friend of mine, and we are the same age. I have a chance...but right now i think i just seem to her as just a friend. BUt shes totally a girl that would understand me, shes really cute, likes similar interests..sigh. I just dont want to end up being the guy that helped a girl he liked get with someone else.... sigh. not again...just in time for Valentines day too.
>>35
that's a bad position to be in man :( good luck!
Just gotta start droppings hints so you dont get trapped in the friendzone. That's all i gotta say.
Thing is tho, I just met her. And she likes a friend of mine. I dont want to jump the gun and seem like im jealous or anything. I dont want to put her in a dilemma where she likes him and I tell her that I like her..and then she's gonna have to choose. I dont want to mess anything up, especially the great friendship I have with her right now. =/
you see there is no chance for people like us. the guys in this thread are what you could call the "nice guy" we are the ones who always finish last. i will tell you right now im in the same situation we have been hanging out since last june [cause were good friends] then kind off stoped and now we hang out agian .. im not sure if im in the freinds zone or not , im not sure how she feels about me because im to afriad to ask since she did find out before that i liked her..and i had to lie because of that akward silience that i cannot endure agian i kind off replied to her with a answer that she wouldn't really believe just so she thinks about it for a while right now its not looking so good theres no akward silence she still talks to me a much as ever infact even more ....well just a bit but you understand. but lately it seems a bit odd how we'd be walking with eachother and she would point out a good looking guy that look nothing like me and start complementing him and such..
you have a better chance then i do in this situation then i do SO GO FOR IT do it when it feel perfectly right and even if it only might seem a little right at the time trust me do not wait
yes girls dont know what they want but we should help them figure it out
So true. Nice guys finish last. Dosen't it break your heart when you know a nice girl that are hopelessly, helplessly in love with someone who just want to sleep with her a few times and then throws her away like yesterday's paper?
It hurts me a lot when I hear people talk about some girl that they just want to be a notch in their bedpost. I just know if I was ever in a relationship, even if it turned real sour, I wouldn't want to disrespect or hold a grudge aginst her. And I certainly wouldn't refer to her as some sort of trophy or a conquest.
But apparently this isn't enough for some girls...which makes me think, don't they treat guys as "conquests" as well?
>>40
yeah they do, i know some girls who dated guys as trophy, like the jocks or the guys with the nice cars. im glad i wont be a conquest, seriously who would want me as a prize?
Girls are always talking about how there aren't any nice guys in the world. I'd help if you girls stopped taking the nice guys and twisting them into bitter people.
I totally know what it feels like, >>40. I'm a nice guy but the girl just has to go for the "bad boy" who doesn't really care about the girl. He just cares about having a good time and tosses her aside when he's done.
i'm just saying that there are a ton of nice guys being turned into jerks because girls are messing with them. so don't complain about how little nice guys there are when you keep messing them up.
I was once in the zone with a friend of mine. The difference between myself and the rest of you was that I made it very apparent from the get-go that I was not interested in being in that position and reaffirmed that I wanted more. When she would say "you're my best friend" or "you arelike a brother to me" and I would say "but I am not your brother and I want to be with you." At first she attempted to side step the whole situation by continuing to believe in her fantasy that she could still keep me as a friend without requiring any movement on her part. After that failed, she attempted to ignore my advances. Then she began to become angry and then treated me like I was her boyfriend yet with none of the commitment, emotion or sexuality that a couple would normally have. I put up with this for awhile but it didn't take long for us to have a fight and yeah she ended up losing.
We still talk on occasion but by no means I am her best friend any more. If anything I resent her for trying to avoid having any relations with me to ensure our friendship survived because not doing so destroyed our friendship. I am bitter towards her because the whole thing was so stupid. Even explaining to her what she was doing wasn't going to keep us friends as we had to progress or end it did not get through to her. So now shes lonely and misses her best friend and now I am hooked up with a girl thats far superior to her. Imagine that?
So the lesson you should take from this is that if your friendship with someone progresses to the level that you like them, it's worth trying to do something about it. Why? If it works out, then you will have a partner that you know better then anyone else in the world and your relationship with blossom because of it. If it doesn't work out, you wont want to be around them any more because it hurts you to see them with other people. You also wouldn't want a best friend who doesn't care about you enough to feel the same way. You will find a new best friend, you will have another opportunity to meet new people and you wont burden yourself with old flames.
I agree and disagree, if i've been with a friend for so long, there may be instances where I would not want to just leave. You've worked so hard to get where you are, why leave it on such a bad note? But thats just me.
Right now the "girl of my dreams" is talking to one of my friends now, all she talks about is him. She says they are together now..., I cant help but feel, sad, and happy at the same time. Sad that im not the one shes talking about, but happy shes happy. sucks doesnt it. But oh well...what can I do...Ive been through this before so I guess ill just let it go and just hope for the best. She was the only girl that treated me with much respect, rather than some other girls. We could talk for hours, laugh, play games, etc. BUt i guess it just led more to the friendship zone.
How do you put up with that? When said girl was talking about other men, I wanted to rip out my hair. It was such an aggrivating experience for me.
I suppose I shouldn't bitch, I love the woman I am with now. :) I admire your strength though!
Haha thanks G. I dunno, when you just want her to be happy, what can you do. Im a nice guy like that I guess. Ive waited this long, i guess i can wait longer. I has other goals in life so this does not hinder me much. But it does hurt no doubt. Someday ill find her. Lucky for you G, you found someone, dont lose her. From a guy who has not experienced a relationship when everyone else i know has, it will suck going back to the position.
Good luck to you.
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That's great man...Mod's...can you clean up post 49
perhaps it's better that you haven't.
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Yeah, I hope you have better luck as well. Let me offer you some advice. If you know nothing is going to change with your current love, see if her friends are nice. You never know what might happen right? :)
Hmm... I suspect alot of you classify yourselves as nice guys, but are you really? Do you really want the nice girl, with the nice relationship? Or do you want sex but are just to socially inept to obtain it?
I'm not accusing y'all of getting close to a girl only in hopes of mounting her, but I know that alot of the "nice guys" I know around here are that way. They deceive themselves into believing that the ladies men that stink of testosterone, the guys that are only looking to put another notch in their belts, are the bad guys, when some of these "nice guys" are looking to do the same.
There are some 'nice girls' out there that like 'nice guys.' However, they are woefully outnumbered by the girls that want guys with stability, confidence and, in some cases, massive amounts of testosterone.
I know all to well about the friendzone. Hell, EVERY girl that I now call a friend is a girl I had hoped to have a fulfilling relationship with. If you wanna find the right girl, then you'll end up in alot of girls' friendzones until you find the girl that's the perfect fit for you. No matter how much you may worship a certain girl, she might be a false goddess. Find 'the one.'
If you're looking to get laid, then you'll just have to become horribly Lowest Common Denominator. Stop coming to this board, stop watching anime, only play EASports games, take up a sport, get a high paying manual labor job, and buy a sports car. Eventually, you'll get that shallow skank.
All this said, I guess I should mention that I am an InCel and have been all 20 years of my life. So, I don't REALLY know what women want. But judging from the people that get laid on a regular basic, I can imagine what it takes to get laid in the world.
Interesting point of view there. I understand where your coming from though. Im one of those guys that fell into the friend zone of every girl that I hoped to have a fulfulling relationship with.
It just takes time to find the one. Its sad that the reality of it all is that all the "nice girls" are out numbered. Im 20 myself and still have had the problems that the people have been talking about on this board.
It just takes time. As much as we all want it to just hurry up and get here, im willing to wait.