I'm 18, coming on 19, and I'm still a virgin. Call it pathetic, but it really gets to me. All of my friends (the few that I have, for what it's worth) always go on about how it's one of the greatest feelings in life, and just talk about it almost religiously. They ruin it for the rest of the people I interact with, I guess, because every time I'm talking to someone else, I have it in the back of my head that they're not a virgin, then treat them differently (more of a jerk, making obnoxious remarks to them, et cetera). It's gotten to the point where I find it difficult to even listen to music written and/or performed by someone is not a virgin.

I don't know why I think of it as such a big deal. I guess it's because I'm a jealous person by nature, but it sucks to wake up every morning knowing that you're less in value because you're so fucking pathetic that no one will even take your physical presence and embrace it. Prostitutes are out of the question because there are none near me in the middle of East Bumfuck, USA.

I feel like I've been victimized by the rites of passage that society has instituted, but that knowledge doesn't make it any less painful. To put into perspective the degree of the situation, I struggle with suicidal ideation and impulses on a daily basis. It really cripples me from a health viewpoint; I'm sure I've taken off 10 years of my life at the absolute least due to strong depression and stress. Meds don't help and no professional assistance has changed anything for me from a sexual perspective, even after four years, and thus, I am doomed to live a short life as an emotional wreck due to an otherwise simple physical motion.