Made a confession? (68)

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-01-13 08:11 ID:f8nS/cBB

Haha, a perfect thread for my story. I wrote about it soon after it happened to keep the pain alive! Just joking; I laughed and learned. Here it goes: (Ctrl+V)

I was confused. For months, it seems, she had been making subtle hints, leading me on to believe that she liked me. Touching me, leaning on me in the bus for long periods of time, grabbing my arm in the winter and pulling it close to her body (breasts (´д`)ハーハー) to keep both her and me warm as I sat awkwardly, but not uncomfortably. Mentioning that in her family, touching is a sign of affection for someone. Things like that, I picked up on. And these things had all been adding up in my memory until one day, after the “final straw” per se, I decided to do something about it.

A good friend suggested that she liked me. ‘You should ask her out, she has a crush on you’. I was unsure; I’d been unable to define her as a person. She was too unpredictable. Most people I can define and estimate how they will act, what they’re thinking, and even the body language they’ll convey. But my friend's own affirmation boosted my confidence.

The final straw: The hug in my story. She ran in, hugged me really tightly, said, “I miss you”, and then appeared to blush when I mentioned that it had in fact only been 1 day since I had last seen her. She didn’t greet my friend as enthusiastically – no hug, no big cheer, nothing. I’ve never seen her greet or hug anyone else this way either. That’s what finally made me believe that she must like me.

We went to the mall. It was somewhat fun. She had me carry around some of her stuff for a while. It seemed, if she only wanted to be friends, that she would just put her stuff on the ground for a second, but I guess that’s the kind of person she is. It seemed, if she only wanted to be friends, she would have acted a hell of a lot differently than she did during the time I knew her.

I got home. Pathetically, I researched how exactly would be the best way to ask out a girl. I really don't know how to go about it. Whilst not particularly helpful, I found something encouraging. “If you think you’ve found someone who might be perfect now, imagine how many other people there are out there like that for you”. The old, “Thousands of fish in the sea”, phrase. I figured I had nothing to lose from asking her out, aside from her friendship, and everything to gain.

I asked on MSN. Didn’t phone (partly out of cowardice, partly out of ‘You can’t be on Internet and phone at same time with 56k modem' reasoning). If she truly did like me, it wouldn’t matter to her as to the medium as long as the question still came through. “lol, this is so not you”. Not an encouraging response and at the moment I thought I was the biggest jackass in the world. I knew that no possible rejection to follow could be worse than her inability to believe that it was truly I. This continued on for a bit.

In the end, she says to me, much to my chagrin, but not truly to my surprise at this point, “I’m really sorry, but I’m interested in another guy.”

That’s fine and good. I’m OK with that. It is her loss for never being able to know the real me; say Hello to that mask at school. I couldn’t care less about it.

I’m not OK with these mixed signals. If it hadn’t been for them, I would never have asked her out in the first place and all this awkwardness could be avoided. Now, I see her in the halls, in classrooms, and instead of the limited conversation we had before, there is only uncomfortable silence.

Apparently, she says she didn’t feel like she was leading me on. I haven’t talked to her since that night; I know this through my friend. If she really wasn’t, that girl needs to work on how she interacts with people. Maybe it’s the fault of my “superb” memory, the fact that I remembered all these “would-be” hints. Maybe it’s just her. Still, why would she act the way(s) she did?

Another girl now approaches me and asks if I feel sad. I ask her, why should I?

I’m far from sad; I’m confused.

Update1: Far from sad, I’m stricken with laughter and hilarity, it’s been around 3 weeks + since the whole ordeal happened, and it only keeps getting funnier. My life, the comedy.

Update2: This seems like a sad story, referring back to it. I’m mildly amused by my writing, and the 3 periods in time of which this is written entertains me, almost as if I’m having or seeing a conversation with alternate me’s.

Final note:
So, this is the story of my confession. What came of it? I never, ever spoke to her from that moment onward. Bizarre.

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