About a three years ago I met this girl and we became really good friends. We did stuff together and would just talk about nothing all of the time. I really enjoyed being around her and I wanted to pursue a more bf/gf like relationship. I think we both felt the same way but there was one problem: her boyfriend. I never really got along with him but he was always around her so I kinda had to deal with him (kinda selfish of me ^_^;). We kept drifting further and further apart untill finally we had almost no contact at all. That's how it's been for about two years. She broke up with the guy but we never really got back to the way it used to be. I would see her online and say hi or she would wave to me if she saw me in the hall ways or while I was waiting for a ride but that's about it.

Lately I've been reminded of her a lot. Like a song that she liked would come on or a movie we watched together would be on TV. I also just recently had a dream where she and I made up and starting going out ^_^. Stuff like that made me miss her and just want things back the way they were. If not as bf/gf just good friends again. How should I go about this? I've been up all night thinking of ways to do this and things I could do to rekindle our relationship. Any advice you have on the situation would be very appriciated!

chuckles

First, stop. Relax. You sound like your waltzing towards the very thin line of obcession. Let's nip that one in the bud so your community doesn't wake up and find you on the front page of the local paper as a stalker.

Second, life is imperfect. Don't think that there is a set protocol for doing stuff like this. If there was, someone would have already written a book and lived off the money made from it a long time ago. That's why it's so hard, there isn't any one way. Life is random, you're going to have to ad lib it.

One thing to remind yourself is that what you want to do -really isn't that weird-. I know I used to do that all the time, worry that I was being weird or strange. You're not. People call other people up all the fracking time. Indeed, it's actually as easy as saying, "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. Insert Optional Small Talk Care to hang out/see a movie/go to a concert/get a bite to eat?"

It's seriously that simple.

I grant you, my suggestion is a bit of a cavalier way of answering your question. So a few other tips.

• Simple but Difficult Tip #1: Relax. If you've gone to the length of posting on an online board for advice in real life, you're probably at least somewhat nervous/desperate/looking for a rope to grab onto. Be it meditation, yoga, or prayer, relax always. Nobody wants a friend that freaks them out and seems unreliable. Ditto a mate.

• Keep it simple. If you try something elaborate, you're just begging Murphy's Law to kick in. I think there's a corollary in there somewhere that Murphy's Law works at 300% efficiency when the opposite sex is involved.

• Don't touch her past relationships, especially if you just want to be friends. Either way, it just makes for one uncomfortable moment. Maybe later when things go smoother, it'll be fine, but for now, no. I'm not suggesting that you'd ask right off the bat, but what I do suggest is to discard it as a discussion topic... unless she brings it up. Then it's fair game. Otherwise, it just looks like you're trying to move in to fill the spot... even if you aren't.

Going out on a limb, I'd like to say I think perhaps the most important thing is your mindset. Fixating all your hopes and expectations on one thing isn't healthy... it's akin to betting your happiness on a coin toss. Life is something no priest or wiseman can explain to you, nor is it something that a teacher or parent can tell you exactly how to live. Life just is, and all we can do is accept it, and then live it. If all goes well, then what a wonderful life it is indeed, if not... that's how it is and all you can do is to try and make the best of what's to come.

Ganbatte... To health of the heart, and fortune of the soul.

Yep, just try to talk more next time you see her.

>>2

Thumbs up for that post!

>>2 trying

DENSHA OTOKO IS REAL!!!!

http://www.rinji.tv/densha/

TRANSLATION FROM JAPANESE TO ENGLISH!
Read the manga and this site. COMPARE THEM! Even the names,date and time are right!

>>6 STFU

I wonder if >>1 is still alive?

>>2
thank you, for that post
i'm not op but in a similar situation
i fell in love with the ex-girlfriend of a friend, but she wanted to to stay just friends. i couldn't really accept that but couldn't be without her either -> friendzone
i really enjoyed being with her (first "relationship") but it seems like i was a bit too pushy and she completely broke off the contact several month ago.
i'm pretty obsessed with her and think constantly about her, i'm trying to forget her but that doesn't really work.
i guess i already went a few steps down the stalker road (tracked down her mothers instant messenger address, but didn't contact her) but don't really want to go there.
my main problem is that she broke off the contact without telling me what was wrong so i'm forced to speculate. i'm not sure anymore if she ever liked me in the first place. i really need closure, but probably won't get it... ;_;

>>8, I'm confused. So did you date or didn't you?

>>9
hmm no, not really. it was complicated...
we never kissed or did anything else remotely sexual, i only hugged her when she was crying because of her ex.
we hung out together, cooked, watched tv, went shoppin, etc. i basically saw her every single day of the week. kinda like a relationship i guess... (never had one)
i was in love with her but she only wanted me as a friend (and maybe as a rebound boy?)