Couples Thread (33)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-02-22 00:56 ID:Heaven

Singles aren't the only ones with problems. Or just gloat about how great your sweetie is.

2 Name: SynthL0rd : 2006-02-22 02:20 ID:ivTomL9X

I'm not exactly sure if she loves me or she's just shy.
Her friend tells me that she talks about me all the time, but she hardly shows any affection around me.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-02-22 02:51 ID:xj3YgoTa

Christ I need to get out of this soon. Long distance relationships can work, but only if the person on the other end of the distance isn't a complete arse.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-02-22 20:08 ID:ph7R5DAN

>>2
You need to be more affectionate towards her, and ask her to be more affectionate towards you - and most importantly of all, ask her what she defines as being affectionate, and tell her what you define as being affectionate. People have different expectations of what a relationship is like, and they see things differently.

>>3
Been there, done that. Unfortunately fell madly in love with a total jerk. The relationship made me stronger, but somewhat bitter and still hurt. In a long distance relationship right now, unfortunately. Unfortunately as in that the person i'm with now is ridiculously wonderful and the three months we lived together were far too short. We need to spend more time together irl.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-02-22 21:59 ID:udQVJbNA

'Sup long distance relationship buddies?

My girlfriend and I were only together for five months before she moved back home to Japan. I've spent about two months over there since then (god bless long university vacations and big student loans!), but all the months in between are pretty hard. We see each other every day over webcams, but it's not the same as having her here...

:emo:

On the plus side, she's great and I love her. And if everything goes my way I'll be able to move to Japan this Summer, and we'll be able to have a normal relationship again. That's a fairly big "if", though. crosses fingers

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-02-23 05:36 ID:p+E0eL3U

>>5 GOOD LUCK! (^∀^)

7 Name: G Otoko : 2006-02-23 09:56 ID:ojExTirQ

My girlfriend and I are going to move in together. I am scared since we are doing it for school and it's going to be tough. I think we will get through it. I am just nervous.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-13 20:05 ID:ph7R5DAN

this post is rated: [emo][stupid][hikky][confused]

I don't feel worthy of my girlfriend. She's a beautiful, wonderful angel. She needs me right now, but I'm thinking of leaving her when she gets better. Somehow I just can't stop feeling as if she deserves so much better. She has a lot more money than me, and we're dating over a long distance. She keeps having to cough up cash to visit me, but I can't afford visiting her. I can't hold down a job because my studies suffer too much every time I try. I can barely handle school because of my stupid mental problems. I'm trying to become a better person, but it still feels as if I'll never reach her level. I especially feel embarassed when it comes to how her family must feel when it comes to me. Her father's a rich doctor, and the ambitious type of bloke. Hard worker too, and so is her mom. She runs a successful company. It feels as if I'm a financial leech, since my girlfriend keeps having to visit me, and pay for everything she wants to drag me to. Now, I'm no delusional macho bloke who wants to pay for "his woman", but being able to go dutch would be really good. She's even payed twice to have me flown to to her place. Now, she's not a rich, spoiled brat. She had to work for her money. Her allowance isn't particularly big and goes mostly towards her tuition fees.

What do I do? Where do I try to fix things? I'm madly in love with her. I would love to spend the rest of my life with her.. She's already expressed desire to spend the rest of her life with me. We've known eachother for half a decade, however we didn't get together until a year and a half ago. But somehow, no matter how hard I try, I just can't manange to kill the feeling that she's sacrificing too much by being with me. That she's getting deprived from tons of awesome stuff she could be doing instead, spending her hard-earned money on better things and being with someone better. Someone more equal to her. Someone as very wonderful as what she deserves to have in her life.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-14 05:51 ID:Heaven

>>8
She doesn't want someone else; she wants you.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-14 05:55 ID:6Y+gdhf7

autosage ftl

That isn't to say you shouldn't try to improve yourself, but she obviously is willing to give up other things (she might not even feel that way though as she likely does want to be with you) and work past any of you shortcomings. She isn't an angel either. No one is perfect. Don't put her on a pedastal and be willing to do what she will do for you for her.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-14 06:54 ID:q/VKuMFn

I'm the anon who started the "Has my time finally come?" thread. Shes very cute and nice to talk to, but right now I'm not quite sure if she wants to stick it out with me. The way we met was so neat though, and we've already been on one succesful date. I'm probably jumping to conclusions, I'll be able to better judge our situation from here on out. My only problem is to be a better conversationalist and not go on and on about geeky things like I have before......

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-17 23:31 ID:ph7R5DAN

>>9-10
I was very much aware of that she wasn't "perfect", I just saw her as very much above me.
Thanks though. I feel a bit stupid for being blinded because of being scared, thanks for the reality check. I need to not use incorrect measures for the things she does. We talked and she said it didn't really matter to her, and that she doesn't feel she's missing out on anything, and by golly I believed her. Meh. I'll just have to work on feeling better about myself, and not feel as if I'm in the way when I'm not.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-19 21:00 ID:RbK6MnJW

>>7 Here's an idea: don't. Study after study after study has shown that couples who cohabitate before marriage are more liikely to end their marriage in divorce than those who wait until after marriage.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-19 21:42 ID:ph7R5DAN

>>13
Requesting data for "why", and potentially sources.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 02:42 ID:p+E0eL3U

he can't there are none.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 03:58 ID:q/VKuMFn

Interesting. My girl admitted to me today that she's been dating two other guys before she met me, and she hoped I wasn't mad. The only reason why I'm not too angry is because we JUST met, and we're not really at the exclusivity point yet, far from it at this point. THings will change over time, but I'm glad she was honest about it.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 06:55 ID:rJC2p7xE

>>15 Nonsense, it's common knowledge in family sociology.

http://www.psychpage.com/family/mod_couples_thx/cdc.html

http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/cohabitation/a0025248.cfm

http://www.divorcemag.com/news/cohabitation.shtml

however, this article provides an interesting rebuttal:
http://www.unmarried.org/cdc2002.html

But really, if you're going to move in together and commit to each other anyway, why not just get married? And if you're not ready to take that step and especially if you're having serious doubts, live apart.

18 Name: 9-10 : 2006-03-20 13:28 ID:Heaven

>>12
You're welcome.

>>13,17
Back up the generalization train there buddy.
You cannot use evidence of one culture... you know I don't even feel like rebutting any of this because it is common sense. Do whatever the fuck you want.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 15:18 ID:6qpapd5H

well i believe he is assuming that they are the same culture.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 21:22 ID:ph7R5DAN

>>17
Financial reasons may the why for one doesn't get married.
A real wedding is rather expensive you know, since usually your family and relative feel rather insulted if you do not invite them, along with other people who consider themselves important in your life.

Another thing.. Have you ever considered the fact that people who get a divorce after living together perhaps do so because they're more aware of their choices?
Take my parents for instance. Both come from very family-oriented, religious backgrounds. Catholics, in fact. In their world (disclaimer: their own, i am not talking about catholics in general), people meet, court, get married and move together, and stay married with the same person until the day they die. People who get a divorce generally are looked down upon, and looked funny at as if there's something wrong with them. My parents separated half a decade ago (thank god), but they're still married. They try to spend some time together with us kids, but the less time they spend together, the better. They bloody can't live together, they make eachother seriously miserable.
I on the other hand grew up in a different culture (parents moved to a big city, and spent a lot of time working and avoiding eachother, leaving me to spend minimal amount of time with them, and more so growing up with the local culure). I've got a S.O., hell, I've even slept with my S.O.. I've lived with my S.O. on repeated occasions for several weeks at a time, and we'll be moving together at some point in time, when our studies will allow for such a thing to happen (both of us are students, in different cities, no less). I'm damned sure I'll never leave my S.O. though, because I'm bloody picky about who'd I'd let so close. I've only been in another relationship prior to the one I currently am in (by the age of 23), and I was very serious about it (having been in a relationship for two and a half years). Fortunately, thanks to living with my at-the-time S.O., I discovered after two months that it was very much not a relationship that was going to last, and we ceased to be a couple. Personality-traits that were easily overlooked and ignored when just dating were vastly magnified once we actually lived together.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 21:23 ID:ph7R5DAN

Now, I don't know about you, but as a very picky person, of course I'm gonna make sure I know for certain that it's very likely that I will be able to have a successfull longterm relationship before actually getting married with someone. Some things you can't discover unless you've been in a situation that's relatively close to what you'll be having after you've involved a lot of red tape.

Marriage is serious business (zomg!), and should not be taken so lightly that you just haphazardly toss yourself into it, which too many people do, in my opinion. And then they think they're stuck there. Either because of shame, or the same attitude that makes hobos content with living on the streets - they've resigned to that situation, thinking there's no good way out. That the positive consequences of getting out of the e.g. abusive relationship are outweighted by the negative, or that one partner is too heavily reliant on the other one financially, and that the partner cannot survive alone.

Though that definitely can work in the opposite way too, that people take marriage too lightly, since they can always get divorced, or they have unrealistical ideas about what a marriage is supposed to be like. Marriage is hard work. But a marriage is supposed to make your life better, not worse. If it's worse and cannot be mended with the existing components (the couple, that is), then you definitely need to get the hell out of it.

Marriage is far more than love. It's love and so much more. For a successful marriage you need love (doesn't have to be passionate, but love of some sorts definitely needs to exist), friendship, relatively stable finances, compatibilty personalitywise, understandment, communication, and a willingness to get through the hard times TOGETHER. A good partnership is when both parties benefit from it. If one suffers, or both, then it needs to either be fixed, or terminated.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-20 21:25 ID:ph7R5DAN

Your life-partner is supposed to be your team-mate. Not your subordinate or superior, not a leach nor sugar daddy/mommy.

Having seen my parents' relationship, as well as my grandparents', whose marriage were just as bad, and probably worse, there really is no way I can take someone seriously if they claim that any kind of living together before marriage is a bad thing. Not when you're picky, at least. It's like sex before marriage. It can be a very good thing, and it can be a very bad thing. Depends on why people are having sex, how the relate to it and how they're having it. Especially having unsafe sex when you're not trying to get pregnant/catch STDs is just plain idiotic. And having sex just as a form of masturbation using another human body is rather stupid and inconsiderate too (unless both are in on it, then we enter the "Why" area).

I'm horribly picky, and yet I'm pansexual :-p Go figure. I guess that's the only way to ensure that I actually will be able to find a life partner, seeing how horribly picky I am about who I let how close to me emotionally. There's nothing quite as mentally scarring as seeing your parents stay together in spite of that they clearly shouldn't, because they foolishly got married after only two years and then had a child after only yet another two years, and then only staying together because of the children. I would rather have been raised by a single parent, to be honest.

(sorry for making this the tl;dr type of post)

23 Name: Saw-Square : 2006-03-20 23:43 ID:eKnMqwjG

Well, 45minutes ago I proposed myself to my girlfriend. And she said Yes... I guess things will never be the same from now on... Goind to get rid of some Emo stuff I've gathered from many years, and start saving as much money as we can. Hope it was the right decision.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 03:32 ID:1E3UUySD

Congrats Saw-Square. I hope you have a happy future.

25 Name: G Otoko!AboRDsJIEk : 2006-03-21 05:24 ID:ojExTirQ

>>23

Awesome! Congrats!

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 12:25 ID:XGtaLJLg

>>23 after only 45 minutes from proposing, you are on 4ch...
thx for sharing your happiness :) cong rats rats rats rats

27 Name: Saw-Square : 2006-03-21 13:01 ID:yeVAdwNO

Thank you all for your kind words! I must admit I'm a bit scared. I'm 26 Years old and we have been dating for 6 years. I think it was the right decision because It's getting really hard to, everyday, say goodbye to her (we live 100Km away (62 Mile)). Theres so much things to do first, and that's why we don't have a date for the weading yet. There's a lot of savings to make, be sure that our job's will last long, find a not-so-expensive place to live... I hope everything goes fine.
Sorry for my terrible English, but it's not my native language.
Thank you all!

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-28 05:03 ID:ruiJ7s8c

My husand and I were best buddies for the first 2.5 years of our relationship. It was purely platonic. I dated guys and would tell him all about it. He gave me a lot of advise about dating. After a while, I got sick of dating and I felt disappointed with it. I gave up on men for a while. But he was still there for me as he'd always been.

After going on for a while with no love life, I started to see my good friend differently. I began to realize that the man for me was right under my nose the whole time! I learned that all the high ideals I had for the man that I thought I WANTED, wasn't really want I NEEDED. It was then that I began to fall in love with him. He was such a good friend to me and we had so much in common. During our platonic relationship, out of all the stupid dates I went on, I always enjoyed spending time with him the most. I called him on the phone everyday and loved talking to him. I felt stupid for not seeing what he really was sooner.

However, I know that if I hadn't dated all those rotten apples, I wouldn't have grown enough, and had the maturity to finally appreciate the angel that had always been by my side.

While hanging out with him at his apartment one day, I paused the movie we were watching and I confessed my love for him. He confessed back! Shortly there after, I moved in with him. We dated for about 2.5 years and got married April 2005. I'm happy that I married my best friend. Its great, because eventhough we have a great romantic relationship, our original friendship hasn't changed. He's still my best buddy and my most favorite person to hang out with. ^.^

Am I gonna get flamed for saying all of this? T^T;

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-28 05:07 ID:ruiJ7s8c

My husand and I were best buddies for the first 2.5 years of our relationship. It was purely platonic. I dated guys and would tell him all about it. He gave me a lot of advise about dating. After a while, I got sick of dating and I felt disappointed with it. I gave up on men for a while. But he was still there for me as he'd always been.

After going on for a while with no love life, I started to see my good friend differently. I began to realize that the man for me was right under my nose the whole time! I learned that all the high ideals I had for the man that I thought I WANTED, wasn't really want I NEEDED. It was then that I began to fall in love with him. He was such a good friend to me and we had so much in common. During our platonic relationship, out of all the stupid dates I went on, I always enjoyed spending time with him the most. I called him on the phone everyday and loved talking to him. I felt stupid for not seeing what he really was sooner.

However, I know that if I hadn't dated all those rotten apples, I wouldn't have grown enough, and had the maturity to finally appreciate the angel that had always been by my side.

While hanging out with him at his apartment one day, I paused the movie we were watching and I confessed my love for him. He confessed back! Shortly there after, I moved in with him. We dated for about 2.5 years and got married April 2005. I'm happy that I married my best friend. Its great, because eventhough we have a great romantic relationship, our original friendship hasn't changed. He's still my best buddy and my most favorite person to hang out with. ^.^

Am I gonna get flamed for saying all of this? T^T;

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-28 16:39 ID:Heaven

>>28 : No.
>>29 : Yes.

Seriously though, congradulations, and also >>27
As far as saving money goes, you could try selling any valuable (...) Emo stuff on Ebay. 2B1S

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-29 15:23 ID:Heaven

>>29
No. Been there done that. Sans the married bit, we haven't gotten hitched yet.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-29 15:25 ID:+QYSP86+

>>23
Wow, congrats

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-26 11:24 ID:djGXcRt6

>>23
Sell it like it's hot. Boom time for Emo merchandise.

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