The thing is that I don't have the endurance to put a mask on myself. I am a bit depressed, and confused.
A person like you just make me realize that I am of no need to anybody, since I am only bothering them with my anxiety of everything, and the possibility of being anlone forever, like my mother.
I realize that I am somewhat emotionally dependant of my mother, or other women who fit into the "caring" character. I feel betrayed when they can't put out with me, and I start to blame people around me for being dishonest and distrustful. But not bluntly.
Yes I know that i have issue that needs to be dealt with.
Don't worry I am in the process of trying to get a therapy contact, which i hope can help me.
But I am just disillusioned about how I can't socialize and be relaxed among large groups of people. Sometimes I wish I could be gone. But my logical awareness is too large, in order for me to carry out any suicide attempts.
I am just a fool who is despise by his society.