Didn't you know "bitches" love to pine over forbidden fruit?
I think you're just playing hardball as a way to deal with your constant solitude, and make sense of it. Perhaps you even get off by imagening lots of girls wish they had a chance with you but will never get it, so you can go like: Serves you right motherfuckers, oh I'm so special and cool! Noone can have me because noone understands, yes I'll distance myself with my shitty excuses, in fact I'm just afraid people will think I suck, so I'd rather die alone than be found out! YEAHYEAH!
In reality though you want nothing more than a cute little relationship.