Ok...I've been here and I've helped a bunch of people, but now I've decided to go ahead and give everyone some of my secret sexual powers over women. Here goes:
- Be an asshole. This is key. Women love assholes. They know what they are getting. They don't want sensitive bitch tits who get out here and try to be nice. Women find these guys creepy and needy. Assholes speak their mind, call other people worse assholes, fart, belch, and hold nothing back. The KEY is not to be the WORST asshole. Just an AVERAGE asshole. An asshole with a few moderately redeeming values. The extreme assholes are jock douchebags who peaked their prime during highschool, knocked up some slut, and now work as janitors. Don't be that way.
- Scratch your balls. You heard me, scratch your balls. Adjust them, fondle them. Not so overtly as to obscene, but enough to be noticed as a man who enjoys his junk and is proud of it. It is manly and shows that you have them.
- Take no shit. This goes with being an asshole, but seriously take no shit from anyone. Not your friends, girlfriends, God, the Police, minorities, or even the Pope(ESPECIALLY the Pope). Don't go around picking fights, but definitely take no shit. Taking shit is weakness. Don't pick fights, but also plan how you take no shit carefully. Taking no shit isn't always chest thumping, shouting, or shoving. Taking no shit can just as easily be finding a way to fuck someone over later. Be devious and keep it semi-legal.
- Put women into their place. This borders the fine line between misogyny and being an awesome dude. Hold doors open for women, laugh heartily at their foibles, accept no feminazi bullshit, and admire their breasts. That's right, take a good gander at those tits. Don't stare. Staring is creepy, but take a good look. Audibly say "check out the tits on her". Women secretly like that, but won't admit it. Women are as proud of their tits as men are of their dick size, if not moreso.
- Have enemies. Every hero is defined by their enemies. Just as Sherlock had Moriarty and Optimus Prime had Megatron, you too must have enemies. This imbues a nature of danger to your character. chicks dig that, it makes them feel like they are supportive. The more powerful your enemies, the better.
- Apologize extremely rarely. Never apologize for your overly weeaboo anime collection, your politics, or your hobbies. Don't apologize for assholery or debauchery. Save that rare moment when you DO apologize for a special occasion because it will make her feel important.
- Rub her ass. Once you get to a comfortable period of touching, give her ass a little rub while dancing. She'll dig that.
- Have secrets. Dark secrets. EVIL secrets. It makes you seem mysterious and dangerous. Chicks love that. The assault rifle cache in the basement, the poker shack in the woods, that secret gentleman's club you belong to, the eight man circle jerk you joined in on in college....tell her NONE OF IT. drop hints...but no truths.
9.Genuninely complement her hair and shoes. Women care more about their hair and shoes than is healthy. They dig this immensely.
and finally
10. Treat her like shit on occasion, but also know when to treat her like pure, solid gold. Because that in her mind makes it worth it to put up with your shit. Chicks dig that.
These are some of my secrets. Use them wisely, they DO work. I've skipped some basic stuff, this is mostly for people who actually have talked to at least one or two human girls in their lives.