Attached but wanting (11)

1 Name: Laine : 2006-05-03 17:00 ID:RUBNi3Fq

I'm kinda hving the problem. There's this guy I like in my D&D group that I got to on Sundays. I've liked him for years, but he's almost 24 now, pale, gangly and a fairly strict christian. He's never had a girlfriend and I'm sure he hasn't even been kissed.

I'm in a serious relationship now though and have been for the last year and a half. Before that I was all flirty with him but he never gave any sign that he liked me back, but I'm sure he did/does, he's really a shy guy.

Anyway, lately I just havn't been able to stop thinking about him and if I try anything like I've been fantisizing about I'm going to ruin my relationship and quite a few friendships. What should I do?

2 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-05-03 17:23 ID:Heaven

For a "serious relationship", you haven't said anything about the guy you're currently going out with. My initial reaction would be, "Stop going to D&D until you can get ahold of yourself", but we haven't heard the other side of the story yet. Do you even still like your current boyfriend?

3 Name: Laine : 2006-05-03 17:36 ID:RUBNi3Fq

I realy do still like my current boyfriend

4 Name: Laine : 2006-05-03 17:50 ID:RUBNi3Fq

(oops.)

I really do still like my currnet boyfriend he's the man I see myself getting married to and having a family with. He's trustworthy, funny and we share alot of intrests, although sometimes he can be a bit of a jerk and he doesn't take out the garbage when I ask him. We moved in together last year shortly and are starting to save up for our own place.

I feel like I'm being unfaithful just thinking of cheating on him, but I just can't get it out of my head.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-03 18:25 ID:aZyNZPYR

D&D= Dungeons & Dragons?

6 Name: Laine : 2006-05-03 18:35 ID:RUBNi3Fq

>>5
Yes, although we play other roleplaying systems as well, like Big Eyes Small Mouth (BESM), D20 Modern and occationally Mutants and Masterminds.

7 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-05-03 19:51 ID:Heaven

trash -> So, you're not perfect and he isn't either. That's fine.

If you're happy with your current boyfriend, then obviously you should stick with him. The key is recognizing that your fantasies are simply that, and not something to act on. You said he never gave any sign that he liked you back, so how do you know that he does? If you can't get over these thoughts you're having in your current state, perhaps it'd be best to take a week or two away from D&D. Maybe spend that time with your bf instead. Ultimately it's a matter of your own mental willpower.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-04 18:12 ID:wBn8n1jL

>>1
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/08/how-to-decide-when-to-end-a-long-term-relationship/
A page you should look at regarding your current relationship.

If you just have a crush on some other bloke at the same time as loving the one you want to stay with, then you'll eventually get over it. Polyamorous people do that (unless you're my pal Jay, who keeps crushing at people even years after he stopped seriously being interested in them). If you're in a relationship you're having doubts about, deal with it.

By the way.. Are you sure you like the guy and not just what he represents for you? (both guys, actually)

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-20 05:10 ID:YtCsl09i

There probably isn't enough excitement between you and your current boyfriend
What it seems to me is that you are rushing too quickly into marriage if you need to indulge in these fantasies. Being married itself may be yet another fantasy, and it you could find yourself on even more shaky ground when the same thing happens after the vows, the house and the kids enter the picture

10 Name: >>1 from another thread : 2006-05-20 13:42 ID:sNx7pkNW

Well, >>1 has a fairly valid question, which seems to come in line with some of my own terrible experiences with similar problems!

>>7 is totally right, but I'd like to add on one little Protip: Don't say anything you'll regret. Or at least, don't say anything you don't have the guts to back up. Saying one thing and doing another tends to cause terrible amounts of stress in people, you know?

>>9 could be onto something, too. You guys do stuff together, right? Is your boyfriend into RPGs and cool shit like that? Because that is totally awesome, and from what I've seen, couples that play stuff like that are pretty cool. Couples that don't do anything together but insist on staying together, however... bad experiences, bad experiences.

11 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-20 19:14 ID:Heaven

I have to agree with what a lot of people said here especially >>7 I think it's time you do take a break from D&D and figure out some things like who's more special in your life. If you realize it's just a silly fantasy, then get over it. If it's something deeper, figure out why.

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