S.O.S:- Need Help + Story (86)

1 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-10 02:27 ID:qS8IFfDg

Hi residents of 4-ch. I've recently stumbled across this board of yours while browsing through 2-ch on some info and story on "Densha Otoko". Never thought i'll be posting here . . . But after looking through the other threads, i figured you guys could help me on this.

Firstly, a brief description on myself:- im a single male, 21 years old, going 22 in a few months time. And as unbelieveable as it can be. . . My age = to the number of years i've been single.

And here's my story. I've been waiting for this lady (let her be known as "S") for a total of 8 years now. Within this period of 8 years, we went from good friends to total strangers due to some backstabbers and the immatured things i've done. However, 5 years back, i managed to get in contact with her again through text messaging. Eventually, i confessed to her via a text message, and till now, i've not gotten any answers from her. And just recently, a few months back, i found out that she was attached to someone else . . . _| ̄|○

I was really depressed when i got to know about it . . 8 years of waiting down the drain. . . But during these few months, this lady(let her be known as "J") whom i've been going out with, as friends, for ard 2 years for now, gave me advices and encouraged me alot. At first, i thought of "J" as just another good friend, but some words she said recently, suddenly awakened me from my state of depression. And before I could even react, I suddenly developed this feeling towards her.

I'm very confused now . . Should I just forget about "S" and try moving on to the next stage of relationship with "J" . . . or should I just continue waiting for "S"'s answer. . .
I'll be going out with "J" this coming Friday . . Should I make my move or should I wait . . . And if so . . how should I confess . . I'm not very good with words and would often stammer when it comes to this type of things. _| ̄|○

Thanks in advance for answering and sorry for boring you guys with my lengthy thread.

37 Name: 2 : 2006-05-13 07:05 ID:Heaven

Maybe she was in a rush… to get off the phone with you, brother. :(

Call/see her at the soonest available time that wouldn't be a nuisance to her. You let her know when you first talked to her that you wanted to reschedule, right?

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 13:31 ID:6Qw1UWav

youre outta luck, find another girl if its this late

39 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-13 14:52 ID:qS8IFfDg

>>38
Sorry . . I'm not planning on giving up . . At least not without trying. . .

I'm planning on asking her out to a function on 23 May . . But it's like around 2 weeks more . .

Do you guys think i should ask her out anytime from now till the day of the function ?

40 Name: 2 : 2006-05-13 17:52 ID:S1BGGBxp

Yes. Whatever you were going to do on Friday, you reschedule for as soon as she as free time. C'mon, man, you're still thinking too much. At the risk of quoting old sports shoe commercials, you gotta just do it.

41 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-13 18:45 ID:7Rahu2ka

What I don't understand is how come going out with her has suddenly become hard. You were old friends before, right? You went out a lot before, right? Is the only reason you're suddenly feeling apprehensive is you've realized you might be falling in love with her and you're afraid how she feels?

I think you definitely have to see her again even on a casual basis. Forget 'dates'... just be with her. And definitely a good thing you told her the truth!

42 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-15 12:19 ID:qS8IFfDg

>>41

I guess that might be what I am feeling now . . I suddenly feel all tensed up and all just trying to talk to her. . .

But how can I set up another 'date' with her . . I mean . . what should I say . .

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 06:42 ID:X2Lo/QHz

Sounding like she's getting tired with having to deal with you. I'd say you'd better stop running her around circles now if you want to have any chance, if you just keep hanging around acting like this forever you'll come off as being really creepy if not already.

44 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-16 10:58 ID:qS8IFfDg

>>43

I don't get you . . Is it really that strange for me to act this way ?

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 13:36 ID:Aix5G3oY

Just man up, tell her that you feel bad and want to reschedule the date and do it. If you can't do that, then I can guarantee that someone would steal that girl from you, shit I would. A girl is a girl and if you do nothing then she will go to another guy. So do something or stop bitching.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 16:45 ID:Heaven

You need to stop being such a goddamn faggot and take the bull by its horns. Yes it's hard. We all know.

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 17:52 ID:Aix5G3oY

>>46

We make it hard. When you really think about it there is nothing to really asking out a girl, 'hi, peggy sue, i was wondering if you want to get dinner with me friday night?' Of course that is over simplified example, but basically you are inviting her to an activity that invovles the two of you doing stuff together. However, we make asking a girl out hard with fears of rejections and self doubt. I overcome these irrational fears by thinking that I am always better than them and I am inviting them to share a part of my glorious life and if they say no then its her loss.
And thats my two cents on the matter.

48 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-17 06:32 ID:qS8IFfDg

Thanks guys . . for the suggestions and for lecturing me . .at least I know what to do for now . .

I'll try to talk to "J" a.s.a.p and set up another "date" with her. . .

To make things worst . . something happened a few days back . . I saw "S" again . . This was what happened:

I was going home by train as usual like any of my other working days . . As I was about to reach my destination, I stood up and walked towards the train exit . . I was checking myself using the panel of the train door . . What I saw through the relection on the panel . . gave me the shock of my life . . It was her . . "S" . . I think she saw me too . . But she looked away . .

She got off the train, way after I left at the same destination (since we stayed around the same area). . this was exactly what happened . . although it may seem far fetched. . .

I feel so depressed now . . Why can't I just get "S" out of my mind . . I'm so useless . .

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 15:18 ID:Heaven

Stop beinging a whining little bitch. What has 'S' done for you in the past 5 years? Nothing, for all you care she could be dead. Its one thing to be upset over an ex, its another and truely pathetic to be upset over a crush. She didn't like, she doesn't like you, she will never like you. However, 'J' she did like you, but you might fuck things up but you still have time to fix them. You fixed another date, good now make sure you don't panic because if you do, you are done with her and you will be a more of a whining bitch, and I can't have that because it is getting annoying. SO try not to think about the date as a huge thing, she is your friend so it isn't a big thing. NO CONFESSIONS that will destroy your chances. I got class, I'll finish this later.

50 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-17 16:04 ID:qS8IFfDg

Ok . . . understood. . .

51 Name: Mr.SingleSenior : 2006-05-17 17:19 ID:1yqvqvaV

i just come to this thread, and i don't really know the detail.... but i think you are dwelling in your past.... just forget about past, think straight and find what you wanna do now.... just don't be pathetic, since you already know that you are pathetic back then.... appriciate if there is a woman that loves you, you won't get those feeling from others many times.... belief me.... just don't be egoist, and no more lie, because one lie will lead to another....

52 Name: Mr.SingleSenior : 2006-05-17 17:24 ID:1yqvqvaV

1 more thing, can you describe yourself, where you live, and the girls... 'S' and 'J'....

53 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-17 19:24 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>52 to save LoveLost the trouble just read the first couple of posts (just a suggestion!)

So I've been absent for a little while and read up on the recent events. Normal that you would feel incapacitated after seeing S. It's always like that when you bump into an old crush (at least for me). The guys here seem to be a little tough on you... I mean I for one knows the dilemma of falling in love with a person you consider your friend (especially your best friend!) I mean do you 'go for it' and risk losing her friendship (because let's face it, you might make great friends but things may not work out as a couple) or do you simple tuck in the emotions and enjoy the friendship. It's hard I know and honestly I don't really have any 'advice'. Just empathizing I guess.

... Perhaps the one thing I can say is to get so uptight about it. She likes hanging out with you and vice versa. Just continue doing that for now at the very least.

54 Name: 49 : 2006-05-17 20:32 ID:Heaven

>>53

Yeah I know I'm being tough, try living with a father that would hit you for getting a B in English. But he did teach me that I can do one of two things, I can either cry and complain about getting hit, or change things so I don't hit again, or basically improve my grade. Collorary to life is that you can either complain about the shit in life or change things for the better. So yeah OP, I am just hitting you to make sure you change things for the better.

I fell for my best friend too and boy did that time suck, I kept on hitting a brick wall at every attempt. Finally I gave up, much to her dismay, but thats another story. So hanging out with her = good, anytime alone with her is good. But you got to show that you are interested in more than friends, show not tell. That is the mistake most of us makes, we never show a girl we like that them, rather we appease them thinking that by making them happy it will show them we like them and when it doesn't it forces us to tell them which is instant failure. To show we like them, got to do some flirting and depending on the reponse you can take things further or leave it as it is. And TRUST ME there is nothing wrong with leaving things as they are.

So goodluck on your 'date' man, just stay calm, a first date is nothing. And try to stay off 4ch, at least the love board, with all of this 'advice' being flooded your way, you may be overwhelled, remember you don't have to listen to us, in the end you are the one that makes the call and do what YOU think is for the best FOR YOU.

55 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-18 01:23 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>54

Hey, 49, I know it's off topic but how come she was so dismayed after you 'gave up' when you weren't getting anywhere?... are you guys still best friends?

And LoveLost, 49's right... in the end you gotta follow what you believe is right. We can only give you our own opinions and suggestions, but that's all they really are!

56 Name: 49 : 2006-05-18 02:54 ID:CxqnIlIU

Well, basically I was just an emotional tampon/ gay best friend but I was too blinded to believe it. So when I finally realized that I couldn't get any where with, I had moved on or damage any further relationships I may have had (painfully) and when I did she missed all the attention I gave her, so she started to pursue me, probably for the attention I gave her. I decided to move on mid November and was completely over her in early Janurary. In late Feburary early March I fell in love with another girl and she being my friend, I told her about the other girl. And a week later, I was going to the beach and was in town for a day, my friend insisted that I would teach her how to play the guitar, I said sure because she was my friend and I was bored plus I like to show off, but I forgot and she got mad (rightfully so, I mean I did stood her up). Since then we hardly talked. In fact, tonight I found out that she was moving out of our home town (we went to high school together and go to the local college) and I just found out. So I guess the only reasons we were friends is because I thought I could get somewhere with it. However, this doesn't make me bitter about the 'best friends before dating,' two of my good friends are together after being like best friends for 3 years so it can work, its all depends on the people and luck, but don't keep yor hopes up. I know you may say that if I waited I could have gone somewhere, but I wasted 4 years, but you know I am quite glad that I moved on when I did.

57 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-18 05:13 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>56 Was it really 'wasted' though? I mean 4 years of friendship, that's still worth something right?

58 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-18 07:44 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>56 I re-read your post. I think I understand what you mean by 'wasted' and feel slightly bitter about this particular past.

59 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-18 14:55 ID:qS8IFfDg

Thanks guys . . And sorry for being such a whining bitch . . I took some time to read 49's post:

>>56

And I figured that you were in a much worst situation than me . . And I'm sorry to hear about it . .

I'm gonna move on and set my life right . . Thanks alot for the encouragement and suggestions guys . . Please wait for my next post, hopefully I would have made some progress by then.

60 Name: 49 : 2006-05-18 19:10 ID:Heaven

Don't feel too bad, I am usually hard and I can get wild up over little matters, gotta love family up bringing. But yeah, yu have a bird in the hand my friend, and I would be pissed if you lost it. But she isn't a guarantee, no girl is so if you lose I would like it to be because of her and not you.

And don't feel bad for me, I am perfectly fine. Remember I did meet the other girl. I should have elaborated on that. I met her through a friend. Nice girl, down to earth, has a natural beauty to her, intelligent, has the same passion for music as I do music (first date was at a concert second date we just walking around and ended up at an open mic night) Oh yeah, second date, same friend that introduced us was playing there and he let me borrow his guitar (trust me, a guitar can do you wonders). Lets just say things now are going well.

61 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-19 14:33 ID:qS8IFfDg

I'm not gonna lose anything anymore . . I'll do my best not to . .

62 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-19 19:31 ID:7Rahu2ka

Good for you LoveLost! We'll await your next post no matter what the outcome. The important thing is to never have any regrets.

63 Name: 49 : 2006-05-19 21:06 ID:Heaven

true that, regret is worse than rejection.

64 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-20 19:22 ID:7Rahu2ka

I wonder what's happened? No updates from LoveLost yet...

65 Name: 49 : 2006-05-20 19:42 ID:Heaven

seriously dude, you don't need to be on 4ch 24/7 worrying about other people. get out, enjoy life away from the computer.

66 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-21 00:58 ID:Heaven

>>64
And wtf, if you don't have a link, leave the damn link box blank. Putting "none" in there is pointless.

67 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-22 03:50 ID:Heaven

Laughs, pathetic.
I can and will tell you straight away and honestly, LoveLost. I'm assuming she's Christian, most likely protestant. I'm religious myself, so I'm confident I can guide you.

Depression is common, and it disables you, so increase endorphines. Excercise until you sweat, a lot of healthy food fruits, and in extreme cases, masturbate (the brain will secrete endorphines) but WITHOUT thinking about S or else it's futile. Yes, I'll repeat what everyone here said already, erase everything about her.

Now, about J, she does all that for you because of her religion. I can tell she's a true rare jewel among religous people. But kindness will not change into desire just like that. You're truly being pathetic if you let yourself act as in a rebound. (meaning you're dumped and you take the nearest comfortable person around to have sex or to be sexually attracted.) If you can't let go of "S" then give it up cuz a relationship based on pity is !@#$%$#^[insert 5-word long blasphemy], and is destructive for both.

You should face her honestly, and not say "I had an urgent matter and couldn't go to the date". Sometimes "doing my best" is not a good mindset. Neither is the "regret is worse than rejection" attitude. Be focused and clearly think your moves. Practice your lines if necessary in front of the mirror.

Chances like these are nothing but miraculous. So be focused.

Ok, now be vocal about what she does to you. She knows she's helping you, but it has to come from your own lips. Tell her you are thankful blah blah that she's helping you with your problems. [add anything you want here and keep the flattery going]

BREATHE DEEPLY, pause, then look at her and give her a (shy) smile. Then give her unique compliments.

You, being too straightforward with her will only turn her off. Don't expose your feelings for her verbally (they obviously show.). Let her kindness take over the best of her, and ask her for next dates. You'll know when she breaks in and make the "official move".

Alternatively, you can hypnotize her into having sex with you but there's no relationship in that.

68 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-22 09:37 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>66 Ouch. Gee sorry, would you like to give me a hard time about something else?

69 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-22 09:39 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>65 Say, 49, did I do something wrong here? I thought this was a forum but based on your response it's as if I made a mistake...

70 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-22 09:41 ID:7Rahu2ka

I don't understand why people flame each other here. I don't want to sound all 'high and mighty' but if you've got nothing constructive or positive to say, then don't say anything. Posts like >>65 and >>66 are quite unnecessary.

71 Name: 49 : 2006-05-22 18:36 ID:Heaven

yo, sorry if I offended you. im just saying give it time, in the meantime enjoy your life.

72 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-23 13:53 ID:qS8IFfDg

Guys . . please don't fight . .

>>67 i'll take note . . Thanks for your advice . .

Anyway guys. . . not much happened these few days . .

However, she did messaged me on MSN just a few minutes ago asking about my health and all . . And we chatted for awhile before she got disconnected. . Hopefully she'll come back online later. .

73 Name: holdincourt : 2006-05-23 17:52 ID:8JOQAveK

keep reporting

74 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-23 18:46 ID:7Rahu2ka

lol It's all good ;)

75 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-24 03:38 ID:Heaven

So how IS your health? I hope improving? Once you get rid of your depression you will be much healthier. (Cuz being depressive means you're not healthy.)

Let me tell u something experience has taught me. Using Messenger does nothing to help your communication. Messenger's for 2ndtier friends and people you don't know. If you want to improve your relationship with her, or any friend, talk by phone. Asking for dates, talking about problems, these kind of stuff you always share verbally, on the phone, or personally, face-to-face.

76 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-24 14:30 ID:qS8IFfDg

>>75

I think you got it all mixed up . .
panic attacks =/= depressions

At least that's what i've found out within these 3 years . .

And I agree with you on the part about the Messenger . . I'll take note . .

Anyway, my friends and I will be going for a movie this coming Saturday, i'll try asking her out as well, at least with a group . . for now . . .

77 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-24 21:31 ID:7Rahu2ka

Group outings are good. At least you'll be there with her but it takes some pressure off of you since it's not a one-on-one thing. Hope she agrees to go!

78 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-25 09:16 ID:q8WpDzVy

>i confessed to her via a text message

"i <3 u" ?

79 Name: LoveLost : 2006-05-25 18:09 ID:qS8IFfDg

>>78

Actually, it was:- "Could I be your boyfriend ?"

Ya. . . I know it's . . . .

>>77

Anyway . . she couldn't make it for the movie. She has some staff outing going on, organized by her school . . (Oh and did I mentioned before ? . . She's actually a teacher, currently teaching kids in some primary school.)

I'm gonna keep trying to ask her out again and again until i succeed . . Do wait for my next post . .

80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-25 20:10 ID:Heaven

You will succeed in life if you use fewer ellipses!

81 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-27 20:31 ID:7Rahu2ka

>>79 Glad to see your new found courage!

82 Name: LoveLost : 2006-06-11 18:09 ID:qS8IFfDg

How are you guys ?

Sorry for not being able to post for so long.

Anyway, if you guys still remember and are still interested, heres an update.

I just had a conversation with J, heres how it went:

Me: "Hey, how've been ? Haven't been seeing you online

 nowadays. Was thinking you went M.I.A again. Haha."

J : "Haha, nope. Actually, I went overseas on a trip.

 Church camp."

Then blah blah, we chatted about her trip and all that. Then, i asked,

Me: "Hey, was thinking if you will be free on the Sunday two

 weeks from now ?"

J : "No, sorry... I'll be busy will the exam papers,

 decorating of classes, and work at school."

Me: "Oh... was thinking of buying a pair of new shoes.. Just

 wanted to ask if you'll be free to come along with me."

Then we paused for a moment . . . Then she replied,

J : "Oh i see . . . I should be free next week, we'll meet on

 sunday ? Ok ?"

Me: "Haha, fine with me. Will confirm the time with you soon."

Well, thats basically it. Not much of a update, but heck, figured that i should at least keep you guys informed and let y'all know that i'm still alive and still trying hard ~

83 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-11 19:03 ID:v6fqRiEs

thanx for the update. keep it up!

84 Name: Mr.SingleSenior : 2006-06-20 15:58 ID:R9llc1/H

pif, it's been a long time not seeing this thread, i just finished my exam. so it seem that you choose 'J'. You've decide and it seems that you've grown up a level. keep it up! ganbatte on sunday!!

85 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-21 04:03 ID:SSDx/4ZP

the "Ok?" at the end of the convo-it sounds like she is kind of annoyed. Was she in a rush or something? uwah~~ well....
G--(^o^)--(^o^)--D~L--(^u^)--CK! show some more backbone, "J" will get tired of you if you never get around to admitting anything or at least telling her what's up w/ ya!

86 Name: Mr.SingleSenior : 2006-06-21 16:17 ID:1qmqdlg0

the key is to be polite, respect her for every answer she gives you, be a good listener. then you'll win the conversation....

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