How do you confess? (56)

1 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-10 08:09 ID:h+WMFvG6

I've never had any experience and even though I dont plan on doing this anytime soon, I want to know just in case. How do you guys confess to a girl? Do you have a speech like in those dramas? Or do you just say something simple like, "you know, I really like you"?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:33 ID:cfaQN1eD

It it's a long distance relationship over the internet, you fail. Period.

8 Name: kmh : 2006-05-10 09:39 ID:cfaQN1eD

Maybe non-anonymous is better.

I don't mean to flame, but seriously, online relationships are such a hassle. I've been in one, and the only good thing I can say about the whole ordeal is that atleast the sex life doesn't get into a lull. Every time you meet the tension is there.

You can never get a good view of what a person is like IRL when you chat online. Sure, you might get a good glimpse. Sometimes they end up being nicer than you ever thought possible, but more often it ends up being really awkward.

IRC or IM is not a good way of picking people up.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:46 ID:Heaven

>Ignore you see in TV or movies. It's called fiction for a reason.

IAWTC. Like I'm saying in that other thread, the entire concept of "confessing" like in movies or whatever is asinine. Big speeches aren't necessary; just say a few words to let her know how important she is to you, and all the rest can go unsaid.

10 Name: >>2 : 2006-05-10 20:51 ID:k+KQu7ca

>>8 I agree with you. I have been in a long distance relationship and it was such a hassle, and the long distance was pretty much the cause of our break-up. I said to myself, "I am never getting into an online relationship again!" but I am falling for a girl all over again (I have better judgement nowadays, so it isn't just puppy love or desperation out of loneliness or anything like that). So, while I don't think you should go out of your way to look for girls on the internet instead of real life, don't totally avoid the internet. If you meet a girl online and eventually fall for her, don't shun it just because it's online. If you really don't think you could find a girl you like more anywhere else, I say go for it. Long distance relationships are a hassle, but they can be worth it as long as it could eventually become short distance.

But anyways, we don't even know if >>1 has fallen for a girl online or in real life, so this isn't the place to argue or flame yet.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 23:47 ID:ivVeHkIX

Here's a word of advice.

DO NOT EVER CONFESS THROUGH TEXT MESSAGES OR THROUGH MESSENGER
Personally I think it is the stupidest thing you can ever do in your entire life.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 06:27 ID:cfaQN1eD

Don't confess, period. If you can't strike it up without such banalities, pack it up and go home.

13 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-11 06:31 ID:h+WMFvG6

BTW, I've fallen for a girl in real life.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 08:42 ID:Of4Z9vfc

First of all...don't be so quick to give up your freedoms for some stupid girl.

Second, you don't confess shit to a girl. You just do whatever. Women want Men. They want to be taken, not begged over.

I personally would not confess my love to a girl unless I was in my bunker and I knew the bastards had already taken my captial city and would be descending upon me with their dogs and rifles.

Then...and ONLY THEN would I confess how much I loved my girl. Of course then we'd have to do ourselves in and have our corpses burned so those bastards wouldn't have the satisfaction of parading our dead corpses around for their own left wing causes.

That is the only time you "confess your love" to a girl.

Your true feelings for a girl are strictly between you and Odin.

Of course you can say other stuff like "Nice tits" or "You smell nice today" or "I like that dress and those shoes". BUT THAT IS AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN EVER COME AND GO NO FURTHER.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 10:50 ID:cfaQN1eD

>>"They want to be taken, not begged over."

This ties very neatly into the whole tired "women fall for jerks" argument. Women don't fall for jerks. Women just find high self-esteem attractive. Surely a guy who is more confident in his abilities is more fun to be around than some whining kid?

But yeah, >>14 has a nice point. Complimenting your lady is very effective. Some don't do it because they are afraid of putting themselves on the line. "What if she takes me the wrong way?", they ask. Well, you are trying to land her, aren't you? So what's wrong with letting her know you are interested? If she gets put off by your compliments, you have no chance in hell anyway.

The whole concept of "working up the courage to confess" is wrong on so many levels it isn't even funny. If you just hang around her and never get your flirt on she will lose interest even if she was interested you first. If on the other hand you keep dropping small hints by flirting stroking her hair and what not you will never have to come forward with your feelings. She'll know.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 16:48 ID:Heaven

>>14 is one of the bitter dorks that ruin discussion boards like these. Don't worry, be happy, brother.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 18:59 ID:NLJPlu0j

>>14 seems very biased against relationships, so I wouldn't take his advice to heart.

So it's a RL relationship huh? I would say what you should do first is try to get her out just with you, or with some friends if that's all you can get. If you already know eachother well, ask her if she wants to go to the movies or something. I personally don't see a problem with confessing and saying you like her. It really depends on the type of people you are, I guess. All the girls I've liked didn't find it strange that I told them I liked them, and told me they liked me too. If you're nerdy type of people, chances are she won't expect you to be really cool and smooth about getting with her.

BUT I'm sure you can get into a relationship with her without confessing, too. Ask her out sometime. If you've never done it before though, it can be nerve-racking. BUT if you're not a really outgoing person, you should definitely get to know her before you ask her out. Get to a comfortable level so your date won't be full of that dreaded awkward silence.

tl;dr get comfortable with eachother before you make your move.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 19:56 ID:KwjCZ6A6

> I'm sure you can get into a relationship with her without confessing, too. Ask her out sometime.

Is a confession of sorts appropriate on a first date? Obviously it's not the first topic of conversation, but could an 'I really like you and value our time together' kind of thing finish a date and possibly be a bridge to a second meeting?

This is sort of the plan I was leaning towards with someone I like, after I've gained courage enough to not be quite as nervous around her...

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 00:45 ID:HF3BiRIv

>Obviously it's not the first topic of conversation, but could an 'I really like you and value our time together' kind of thing finish a date and possibly be a bridge to a second meeting?

Saying it that way sounds just a little too much, especially if the date was only a couple hours long or so. Go for something that's a little more short-term sounding, like "I had a good time today/tonight. Can we hang out again (Friday)?"

20 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-12 02:41 ID:h+WMFvG6

How do you flirt? It's one of the things I never understood or learned.. Please help. OTZ

21 Name: ドキドキ : 2006-05-12 03:37 ID:U42ov7tI

>>20 I wish I could help, but every time I think of someone "flirting" with a girl, the only thing I can imagine is an obnoxious kind of flirting. The only thing I can think of is physical contact, like sitting close to her, casual stuff like that.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 03:45 ID:Heaven

If you have a crush on someone, and have nothing to talk about with her but don't have the balls to just ask her out, it's not going anywhere. (Or maybe I'm just bitter.)

Try making friends.

23 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-12 04:04 ID:h+WMFvG6

I can ask her out (I've asked her before but we haven't had a plan work yet) and I have friends (guys and girls) but I have no idea how to flirt.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:06 ID:/N0KYl9h

I have had a guy confess his love for me in a speech once. His words were very powerful...and even shocking to me, because nobody had ever used the words he did to describe me before. He of course waited until it was too late and treated me like a burden the entire time we knew each other.

So, I think a speech is good if you know the girl likes you and it is not too late. If the girl does not like you, all you can do is hope she has enough class to not gossip bad things to her friends about you.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:17 ID:oSRxTfUG

>>11

TRU DAT. The last bad relationship I had started out with the guy asking me out over the internet, so in retrospect, I should have seen what a whiny coward he was from the way he started the relationship.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 07:59 ID:H92E5FnK

I am >>14 and I will have my detractors know this:

If anything, it is people like me who SAVE boards like this and keep things in perspective. People with your love and doves attitudes are the same people who set themselves up for failure.

Most women are not stupid. They have very good creep radar and if you come across as one of these hopeless, needy, and desperate virgins then you are going to be sadly and woefully disappointed. People who think that they need to "confess their love" have been watching too much of The View, reading way too much Megatokyo or manga, or simply don't understand women or real relationships.

First of all, women want men. They may speak of lilacs and sensitivity, but they are still creatures bound by instinct whether they admit it or not. Most normal women look for somebody strong, mentally and physically. They want a man to lead them and take charge. This does not mean being macho, because then that will turn a woman off too. Women choose UP you see. They want something better than themselves. Think about it, most women want a man with more intelligence, height, and age than they have. If you get all twitterpated and go up to a girl and say "Girl A, I love you. It tooke me all this time to work up the courage, but I love you and have always loved you." Then this is going to send her creep radar into Defcon 5.

Besides most of you don't know what real love is anyways. Most normal people don't until they have been with someone long enough or endured enough with them. What you do understand, of course, is attraction. Never confuse the two. If you are attracted to a girl, just be natural, giver her a compliment and realize that you are in control and free to do whatever. Don't be domineering, possessive, or clingy. If a girl you like, doesn't like you, then just say "Fuck her, I'm peak male right here goddammit" and move on. This is not complicated. Real life is not anime where girls fall in love with loveable sensitive nerds. In real life, this is called being an emotional tampon. You do not want to be some girl's emotional tampon. Being some girl's emotional tampon gets you nowhere.

And don't be in such a rush to "be in a relationship". There are scores upon scores of people that rushed a relationship just to be gravely disappointed. Be who you are, enjoy what comes, and for the love of Christ almighty, please do not pine over some girl like a pussywhipped, housebroken male. If some girl doesn't like you, then piss on her. Hell, I wouldn't be in such a rush. Enjoy life while you can. If you seek it, you will not find it.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 09:03 ID:U42ov7tI

>>26 what you don't understand is that not all women are simply "women," and people have different kinds of relationships and different ways of forming them than you do. It's fine if you go about it the way you're saying, but it's wrong to totally pass off strategies more on the confession side. I have had three relationships (real ones with real women) in my life, and they all started by me telling the girl I liked her or wanted to be with her (after getting to know them for a month or two, and in one case a year or two), and her returning my feelings. I have never been turned down or thought of as a creep. Maybe I'm just lucky, but at the very least I am proof that it's more than possible to get a girlfriend without changing your personality to be a suave and aggressive.

Believe it or not, there ARE girls that want sweet guys, and aren't focused on looks and presentation, just as there are guys that will date girls that don't look like supermodels. You're talking to people on 4-ch like they're average adults of the world, when most of us are probably nerds. If a guy here wants to confess to a girl that is going to think he's a total creep just for telling her how he feels, she probably isn't right for him anyways. I'd pick a kind-hearted average-looking girl over a shallow vixen any day.

It's fine to give your input, but totally denouncing our input is wrong, since at least some of us know it works from personal experience. In short, your opinion simply isn't true about all girls. It may sound like a fairy tale, but you CAN win a girl through love and/or romance.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 19:36 ID:zeh2J9oV

>>27
as much as I wish that were possible, more and more 26 seems right

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 03:08 ID:Heaven

>>28
Well I have dated three girls this far in life and have been liked by at least three others, and I am not a very manly man. Though I'm not hopeless, needy, and desperate either. I think >>26 is right in that respect -- it would be difficult to find a girl that wants to be with a guy like that. But if you find a girl that likes you for who you are, I really can't imagine she'd think of you as any less of a man because you were shy about telling her how much you like her.

30 Name: 16 : 2006-05-13 04:39 ID:HF3BiRIv

>People with your love and doves attitudes are the same people who set themselves up for failure.

Of course. You set yourself up for failure every time you ask a girl "Hey, wanna go grab a cup of coffee with me?" How the hell do you intend to find a relationship if you don't set yourself up for for failure?

>Most women are not stupid.

But in >>14, you yourself said,

>don't be so quick to give up your freedoms for some stupid girl.

Which is it, bitter brother?

You make some good points with respect to self-confidence being important in what women look for in men, but to put it simply, your attitude sucks. If you're gonna approach this whole thing with a bitter attitude, you're going to be alone and unhappy for life, especially if you stir in your sensitivity to rejection. I mean, let's be frank here; are you actually actively seeking a relationship with a woman with the attitude you have? I don't see how you could.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 05:43 ID:VElOrq8D

>>30

God.....you just hate it when someone sets you straight.

No, most women are not stupid about detecting creeps. But stupid girls really are not worth giving up your freedoms for.

Myself, am I actively looking for some girl? Answer, not really.

I've had my fun here and there, but it isn't a main priority. Time is on MY side. I let whatever happens happen. You can be a hopeless romantic and finally end up stuck with the first girl to give you a mercy fuck. But myself, I know what I want and know that I'm willing to go about it my own way. "Confessing your love" is stupid because if you keep on nattering about it like you do then it just proves that you DON'T know what love is. Myself I have never found a girl that I have said "wow I really love her" because I didn't. Oh we had fun and good times, but -love-? No. Sorry. I'm not afraid of rejection because if some girl isn't interested, then she isn't interested. No use wasting my time. I don't have a problem because I don't get rejected because I don't try to make shit so serious. You strike me as one of those guys who starts naming your fucking kids before the first date. DON'T DO THAT. That exudes creepiness. In fact I really don't 'date' when I do go out with girls. I just go out with them, and no I don't get too serious too quick because I'm just looking to have fun with somebody, not try to get into serious relationships. And no, I don't fuck around with everyone either because there is no class or taste in that.

You'll have more fun the sooner you stop trying to look for love and just look for good times. Because if you get hemmed up with some bitch the wrong way then you will just be a pining, moping, whining, crying emotional tampon. No girl is worth all that.

Actually, I'm not bitter, just super realistic. If anyone is bitter it is probably you because you want all kinds of love and attention from some girl you probably don't even really know.

I actually have a better time because I just take it as it comes and don't try to be something I'm not just because my pecker itches or because the TV thinks I need to be in a relationship in order to be a person.

32 Name: 30 : 2006-05-15 09:57 ID:Heaven

Set me straight? rofl.

There's lots of points in your post I'd like to address, but frankly I think my time could be spent on better pursuits. Suffice it to say that you'll find things much faster if you're actually looking for them, and I'll leave it up to the readers of this thread to decide which of us is having a better time in life.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 18:34 ID:6qN0F4gK

>>31 There are as many wrong ways to live a life of romance as there is to live a life of ~fun dating~. I once contemplated just dating for fun after a big breakup, but I decided against it. I don't need sex so badly that I can't wait for the right girl to come along. I feel people who just date for fun and sex are very shallow and lead an unfulfilling life. I don't care what your reasons are -- that's what I think of it. Maybe it's unreasonable to think that? If it is, it's not nearly as unreasonable as thinking serious relationships are phoney when you've never even been in one. Or maybe you have, and it turned out bad, causing you to have this attitude towards them? I don't know, nor do I care. In my eyes, you are very wrong about love. I've been in serious relationships. I know the happiness that comes out of them as well as the heart-wrenching sadness. And you know what? It's very worth it.

For you guys that have failed at every attempt to confess or date a girl, all I can say is keep trying. I was about 13 when I got my first girlfriend, and I wasn't trying to get one before that, so I don't know what it's like to be in your situation. I definitely don't think you should look to fantasy romance for influence, but to say confessing only works in the movies is wrong. I know I'm not the only person that knows that for a fact.

34 Name: G Otoko!AboRDsJIEk : 2006-05-15 19:41 ID:ZZU16sh2

Maturity helps. Confessing is needless provided you're both mature enough. This probably doesn't fit your situation.

I think the best way to go about it is to just reflect it in your behavior. Show your interested by flirting, being friendly, and being yourself. Going overboard however will make you a creep so don't be any different then you are normally.

Other then that, a smile works. :P

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 05:10 ID:Heaven

I prefer being in love with anime characters, it's just so much more fulfilling than any real relationship could ever be

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 08:30 ID:Heaven

>>35
yeah it's awesome, especially the two-way communication and the sex

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 18:28 ID:AHKhl5Tk

>>36 say hello to my realdoll Kagomay

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 19:58 ID:Heaven

A confession should be stating the obvious.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 22:38 ID:d7qxt4vZ

Fun dating....

No it's just not taking everything so seriously. God some of you are almost suicidally set on this love and romance kick.

I know lots of people who are in shitful "relationships" because they just haaaaaaad to be in one.

Also, I'm sure I have the better time in life because I have other things other than just love and romance. Other things lead to other things. If I have anything like a relationship it's more of a "friends kinda, but there when you need a girl if you know what I mean" sort of thing.

It is Ok for a guy to have girls for friends, but don't ever let a girl be "just friends" with you. It is complicated.

By having good female acquaintances I get what I need and not have to worry about always pleasing somebody or walking on eggshells or "confessing love".

God. That's all there really is to it. Only an immature person thinks that he just needs to be all out there all the time bothering girls with his creepy fantasies.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 23:40 ID:11TjsCkR

>>39 What is wrong with you? Most people here aren't hell-bent on winning a girl over. I don't know why you can only group people in two categories: People that haaaaaaave to be in a relationship, and people like you? Just because someone wants to confess to a girl, it doesn't mean they spend their entire life thinking about love and romance and can't do anything else until they have a serious relationship with a girl. You're obviously irrationally biased against serious relationships for whatever reason, so I hope nobody has taken your advice.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 02:47 ID:QKY/X//X

>>40 I hope people DO take my advice because the second you "confess your love" you are going to send some girl into a real creep out zone. That takes people by surprise. Especially if they don't feel the same way about you that you do about them.

That's why you just go with the flow and get to know people and build a history with them so that way you don't have to confess anything to them. It just sort of happens and you take it from there.

God...lay off the fuckin' Love Hina plzkthanks.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 02:59 ID:Heaven

Ideally, a confession shouldn't be needed. If you like each other it will come naturally. If you have to confess it usually means it's one sided and not mutual.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 03:14 ID:/0Wm66Rn

>>41 You're still going on about "confessing" like the situation you're describing is the only possible situtation there could ever be in the world of "confessing to girls." I have "confessed" four times and never sent the girl into a "creep out" zone. Like I said, there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. Saying there is no right way to confess is ignorant since I am LIVING PROOF that it's entirely false.

Of course you shouldn't confess to a girl you've never even talked to, but if you get to know a girl and think she might like you too, TELL HER YOU LIKE HER. Are you seriously trying to say that if a girl likes a boy, the boy telling the girl he likes her is going to make the girl creeped out and not like him anymore?!

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 03:18 ID:Heaven

>>42 Though it's true a confession isn't necessary to begin a relationship, that doesn't mean it's ideal. Along with the feelings not being mutual, it could also mean one or both sides are shy in nature; don't have experience with relationships; aren't sure if the other likes him/her; etc. There's simply too much to consider in any given situation to say a confession is -never- needed.

45 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-17 05:44 ID:u0IS5lII

Wow...a lot of views here to consider. However, I still have a question. How do I flirt? I sorta missed out on that life lesson.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 05:59 ID:/0Wm66Rn

>>45 it somewhat depends on the type of person you are and lifestyle you lead. What I means is, a nerdy person can't really flirt the same way a really outgoing "jock" would flirt. The gist of it is to make physical contact, maybe some flirtacious comments/jokes. Just try to feel for a moment to make an advance. This is probably no help to you, but I don't know what else to say lol

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 07:15 ID:QKY/X//X

When I flirt I usually say "nice tits".

For some reason it works well for me, lesser people might get kicked in the balls, maced, or shot though.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 17:50 ID:qfI5qN6Y

eye contact, smiling, making jokes, dropping subtle hints, touching, etc.

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 22:30 ID:BAQpw6Rl

It helps to be picky about women.

I usually make sure they believe in Valhalla and Odin before going any further than nice tits.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 23:22 ID:ivVeHkIX

Okay... what exactly is the meaning of "flirting" ? Can somebody define?

I want to know how that meaning applies to singles and to the ones in relationships.

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 02:34 ID:Y5Y4DfNf

I'm not sure that you can call flirting "flirting" if you're ina relationship with the girl. Flirting is basically doing things to make the girl know you're interested in her.

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 20:02 ID:Heaven

>>51 not really
flirt: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest
is what google giving me.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-19 08:10 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

If it's a definition you want, go look it up in a dictionary or google. I would always recommend practicality...so go hang out in a uni / college bar or regular bar to see what people get up to.

No?

54 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-19 08:23 ID:u0IS5lII

So flirting is basically stuff like compliments?

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-19 08:48 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

not so much compliments...but those would be incorporated when talking to the person you like.

Ultimamtely, through the discussion, will get sense if they are "in" to you or not...which culminates in YOU asking HE/SHE out...

56 Name: holdincourt : 2006-05-19 08:57 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

Being practical...agreed thumbs up

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