"Friendzone" -- Fact or Fiction? (34)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:02 ID:3kpWJE6p

In this thread, let's debate over how much of a threat the dreaded "friendzone" really is. This is what I think:

The "friendzone" is a fictional excuse co-developed by both genders. Girls use it obviously to turn down guys they don't want to date without totally crushing their spirits, and guys use it as a crutch to ease being turned down, and in worse conditions as a barrier that blocks them from asking the girl out at all.

I think the "friendzone" is false alltogether. Although I do believe it's possible for a girl to love you too much like a sibling to date you, I think the odds of that are MUCH lower than this board makes it out to be. It's a lot more likely that a girl will turn you down just because she doesn't want to date you. Not because your friendship is too strong, but because she just isn't attracted to you that way, and probably never was. So when a girl says, "I just want to be friends," guys have turned to the friendzone excuse to help them cope with being turned down.

If you want to use the friendzone to help ease the pain of being turned down, I won't stop you. But don't let the friendzone stop YOU from pursuing a relationship!

2 Name: Admirable Secret : 2006-05-10 09:03 ID:soCi5gcw

Totally fact. A good friend of mine is going through this very problem.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:07 ID:lITX9+fx

This is true. As I said, Girls are quick to determine whether or not you are a potential mate. If you fail, they might still be interested in you as a friend, but never as a romantic interest.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:29 ID:3kpWJE6p

>>3
Yes, but it seems a lot of people think of the "friendzone" as some sort of level between friend and boyfriend, that is affected only by how long you are friends with the girl. I don't doubt its existence as far as "a zone that girls put boys in when they don't want to date them because they aren't interested in them romantically." But a lot of guys seem to use it like "a zone that girls put boys in when they have known them for a long time and like them too much to date them," so the guys don't feel like it's their fault. The guy is just trying to pretend that it isn't his fault the girl won't date them, but the girl's fault for becoming too attached somehow. It just doesn't make much sense in that aspect.

I think your version of the "friendzone" is correct, though. If you fail to attract the girl romantically, she will put you there. But generally I don't think it exists in any way beyond that.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:32 ID:lITX9+fx

It all becomes clear when you first have to decline the advances of someone. You like them, but not in a romantic sense. Sure, they're fun to be around, but they're just not your type. Maybe she's a bit too insecure or a bit too clingy. You still want her around, you'd just never want to pursue a relationship her.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:51 ID:Heaven

>>5 makes a good point. What would you do if someone you considered a good friend and never nothing more suddenly asked you out? Obviously you care about this person, but you wouldn't want to waste your time and energy and theirs pursuing a relationship you know you're just not going to be happy with. Most of the time "I think of you as a friend" isn't a punishment, but the truth. Nobody's "fault," really.

7 Name: kmh : 2006-05-10 10:30 ID:lITX9+fx

>>6

The point here really is that the word "friend zone" is mostly used when what starts as a romantic involvement slowly peters out, with the guy being far too clueless to actually noting this. Instead, he keeps on hanging around hoping for a miracle.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 12:06 ID:Heaven

>>5
You'd still have sex with her unless she's ugly or you already have someone

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 13:38 ID:lITX9+fx

>>8

Yes, well maybe if I was piss-drunk and not with someone and if she'd come on heavily, but that's a lot of ifs.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 20:59 ID:6bs4zBtK

>>6 I am aware of this. But many people seem to have the mindset that they were only turned down because they waited too long. That if they had asked earlier the girl would have said yes. They don't want to admit that it's just because she was NEVER interested in them that way, and it wouldn't matter when they confessed.

Everyone in Love & Romance seems to be terrified of the friendzone. "Wait too long and you'll be in the friendzone!" Like it's a ticking time bomb, but it's just not true. What you should be doing is learning from your mistakes with previous love interests, and improving your image and personality to have more boyfriend-potential.

11 Name: ¿La muchacha? : 2006-05-10 22:36 ID:xW1d9Mfh

I've never been 'put' in the 'friendzone' before, so I do no know how friendzone casualties must feel, although I did fall in love with my best friend. I think it helps to build a non-sexual relationship, so that your relationship is based on mental compatibility rather than physical appearance. I'd rather fall in love with a friend than risk being rejected, although confessing becomes a difficult task. So, maybe it's not such a bad thing that the girl you love is caught in the friendzone with you?

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 23:53 ID:Heaven

>>10
Yes. There must be some kind of misconception about the friendzone because the time part is not directly related to your chances of being seen as a potential partner or just a friend

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 05:42 ID:lITX9+fx

>>10

Well I know for a fact that a few times it has been because I hadn't struck when the iron was hot. I was too timid to make my move, and sat around waiting.

Time is a factor. Noone is going to wait around for you for ages. Even if they do like you, they will grow weary of waiting for you.

Of course all of this only applies if there was some sort of mutual attraction to begin with, but claiming that this phenomenon does not exist is false. I have had this confirmed years later by the girls in question. I learned from this that I should not be such a pussy, and that is the lesson everyone should take away.

14 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-11 06:06 ID:Heaven

I think it's false

15 Name: sage : 2006-05-11 10:57 ID:lITX9+fx

>>14

Please do elaborate why you think it's false.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 18:44 ID:FkKKWuA/

>>13 How long did you take? If it took you a few weeks and the girl gave up on you, it's more her fault than yours. If it took you months upon months it's understandable, but I still don't think the "friendzone" has anything to do with it. If she still liked you the way she may have back then, and didn't have another relationship, she would say yes. If she wouldn't date you after a few months, what makes you think the relationship would have lasted as long as it took you to ask in the first place?

Of course there is a limit to how long a girl will wait for you, but I don't understand how that is "the friendzone." If she's stopped waiting for you, she probably doesn't like you anymore (or never did).

Like I said, you shouldn't be sitting here worried about the friendzone on 4-ch. You should be out spending time with the girl you like and waiting for that right moment to come along when you can tell her how you feel about her etc. There's a difference between finding the right moment and waiting because you're too scared. And either way, the friendzone has nothing to do with it. If you're in the friendzone, it's because you did something wrong (if there was ever a chance in the first place). I just want people to stop acting like the friendzone is what caused them to lose their chances, when it is something they did that caused them to be in the friendzone, whether it was their appearance, personality, habits, or just waiting too long to ask. Time CAN be a factor, but I really don't think it can be the ONLY factor. If you maintain a close relationship with a girl, you should still have a chance with her as long as she doesn't get into a bunch of other relationships. However, if you stay in your room alone all day thinking about how you're going to tell her how you feel instead of actually being with her, there's your mistake right there.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 20:11 ID:Io5UxbFE

>>16 In the first case, four months. In the second case, two months. The latter case was a bit weird because I sensed her giving off some serious vibes. I was in fact so confident that I leant in for a kiss just to strike out.

18 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-12 02:42 ID:VrBag1jX

I think it's very true. Be very friendly to a girl and don't drop hints = tossed into the friendzone.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 05:06 ID:Q2Wag3z3

If we accept the 'strike while the iron is hot' hypothesis, then perhaps my problem is that I am too attracted to women with varied interests, a good personality, intelligence, motivation, and a billion other things nearly impossible to diagnose without knowing them well.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:52 ID:bKIURQQ/

>>19 has the same illness I have.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 13:42 ID:Heaven

If a girl likes you and then loses interest it's because you did something wrong. You can easily string a girl along for a very long time, even several years, depending on the person. Sure, she'll get a boyfriend and try to move on, but every time she has sex she'll be thinking of you and everytime her boyfriend holds her she'll be imagining it's you.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 15:39 ID:Heaven

>If a girl likes you and then loses interest it's because you did something wrong.

No. It's because you didn't buy her things, or act like she wanted you to act, or did something against her word, or just generally decided to be a bit assertive.
Never date american women, there is a good advice now.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 00:09 ID:Heaven

>>22 there seems to be a lot of people on this board that think all women are like the women they have dealt with. Yes, the way you act is important. You should just act like you want to act, and not act differently just to appeal to a girl. What's the point? If she doesn't like the way you act, what does that say about how long a relationship would last? Buying her things isn't important unless she's shallow. And I don't know about you, but I don't like shallow girls.

I get the feeling that a lot of guys here go after girls just because they're pretty and outgoing without getting to know them. Then after she rejects you because you're nothing like her or not her type, you become bitter and decide that all girls are like the girl you tried to get.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 11:46 ID:ZnC2r3Bj

>>23 aaa. uhm. No?
Sorry to break this to you, but all women are the same. I'd really like to talk to you after your second divorce.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 15:36 ID:Uw3ZlmvY

>>24 is implying that all guys are the same too.

So, you're saying we're are like like one of the following stereotypes?:
jocks?
nerds?
"artfags"?
Gay man-rapist murderers?
Twinks?
Bears?
Male furries?
The stereotype of the "Aryan man"?
Wokatus?
Wapanese?
Blingbling-fashion addict with "tha hip gangsta style"?

No? They don't count?
I've got news for you, buddy. I'm not like you. I bet there are a lot of butch females out there that have more honorable and manly balls in them than you. I'm using that one as an example as you seem to hate the idea of being associated with females in any way. There are a lot of females worth trash in the world, as well as blokes. There are a lot of good honorable men in this world, as well as good honorable females. You need to weed the crap from your social circles and start getting to know good people. You can choose to keep rubbing your face in your safe little self-confirming world though. I guess that's a more "hip" way of clinging to something you feel is a stable thing in this unsecure world. I guess it's a lot more hip than for instance a teddy bear, which most people your level would have used. Makes you feel a lot better, doesn't it? To automatically disregard a gargantuan chunk of the other people in this world because some of them are built slightly different from you, and the others are 'no true Scotsmen'. Because only you truly know what a genuine man is like, don't you?

No fucking thanks. If you or your ideals is what it takes to be a "real man", I'd be fucking ashamed of being associated with the concept of this so called "Real Man".

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 22:47 ID:Heaven

>>24 yeah Mother Teresa was just after the money

27 Name: Secret Ulrich : 2006-05-15 03:03 ID:Heaven

>>24
Maybe you should stop chasing shallow whores and find a good woman instead ^__^

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 06:01 ID:Heaven

>>25 naah. Guys can be different. But deep down all women are the same. The sad part is they know it too.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 18:29 ID:TIkPDIdt

>>28 Wow, you're stupid. Or a troll.

30 Name: Bunny-san : 2006-05-16 21:44 ID:AxOm8/we

For some odd reason I beat the other person to the punch.

I'm a fan of the "testing the waters" approach. Over time, I compliment said person on something, and over time certain compliments will escalate in niceness. If there's a positive response, I keep going, if there is a lukewarm to negative response I cool off or stop it all together.

After a few lather-rinse-repeats, if it keeps escaclating, it becomes really easy for said person to know that I like them so when the big "I LIKE YOU" comes out they know how to respond or they'll be like "Well, I had a feeling you did..." etc.

My more cynical friends call it the "wear my heart on my sleeve" approach since it's a lot more gutsy, but in the past I've only gotten good things outta it...

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 13:26 ID:WXCLsvx5

The point is to hit the skins before she can think twice

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 20:13 ID:O7C2Z4qX

I like 30 approach. But I'm afraid it only works with a specific attitude in life. If you do this the wrong way, you might be creating a glass ceiling for yourself at the 'friendzone' level. Still, Its the apporach I implicitly assume as well. Hasn't gotten me a girlfriend yet, but I'm confident.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-08-25 14:15 ID:R9KbXcGw

She friend-zoned me last week. But last night i red-Wine-Zoned her into a blowjob. Tomorrow i'll fuck that bitch,

...or just kill her.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-12-08 06:25 ID:Heaven

Maybe, if you're too much of a spineless pushover, you start to seem "harmless" and they don't pay attention anymore.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.