Well, I like this girl. She is my best friend. I don't know if I should tell her that I like her since she is in a relationship now, I think it may be inappropriate. I know it won't ruin our friendship and I know she'd go out with me.
Should I just drop hints about my feelings for her? Should I wait until she's single to tell her? How should I tell her?
It's a chemical imbalance. There are three outcomes...
1) She doesn't like you. You cry, and eventually become better
2) She does like you...your happy, stick it in her pooper, everyone wins
3) You do nothing, she finds some other dude, you go emo.
Well, if she is in a relationship now then I think you should just hold off. You should respect that fact that she is in a relationship, and not interfere (unless you had a good reason to, like she was being abused or something, but I assume she's not). If you do tell her, she might feel bad since she has to pick one over the other.
So I should wait till shes single or if shes unhappy in the relationship drop hints?
Thanks.
Yes
I know if I was in a relationship and my best friend told me they liked me, I would feel kind of awkward. And I would be VERY careful around them, afraid of sending any signals that I might like them back.
Its always good to look at things from the others persons point of view. If YOU were in a happy relationship, would you want someone to interfere and possibly make it awkward? And/or make you feel guilty about it?
Do you want to be a rebound? Plus, if you're the reason that her current relationship doesn't work out, who's going to be the reason your relationship with her breaks up? Just wait.
Question: Are you one of the main people she goes to in regards to advice on her current relationship?
Thanks guys
Since she is already in a relationship, you should probably not tell her. It is a very selish thing to do, and it puts her in an awkward situation.
Whether she feels the same or not, it is still pretty bad. What about the other guy? You never know how people will react.
Maybe you like her for the wrong reasons (eg: she's unattainable). Ithat case, the real thing won't live up to the fantasy. Just stop wanting her, leave yourself available for an even better female (one who won't appreciate you rambling on about how you're in love with your female friends).
I agree, hold off a bit. If you know she will go out with you under the right circumstance maybe she'll see she's better off with you than the guy she's currently with. Either way I'm with the rest of the folks here who say that you should wait.
While still answering on the previous question >>10 I asked...I agree with everyone else here. Do hold out a bit...and good luck!
I got a spin on the original poster's (>>1) post...
Been friends with a girl for about 2 years now...met her by chance on the basketball court and found many a coinsidence which brought us really close in a few short months (i.e., Parents knew each other, know same friends, play ball in same places etc). At the time, I really just considered her a friend...and someone else I think I should look out for (it's a common thing for me, I seem to care a lot for my friends in an overly protective way).
Also, at that time 2 years ago, this girl was in a relationship with a guy for what would become 3-years...until she went to University last year and they broke up. Since then, she had a rough time with a guy she liked and went out with, and well, now she is single.
Through the time I got to know her while she was around and the time she was away, still kept in touch, calls, emails, IM...and I can't say exactly when, but developed feelings for her.
NOW, she is back home and we're continuing as always...talking, chatting and being silly. .Do have a lot of fun with her. At the same time, I want to be honest with her about my feelings...but given the timing (just gotten out of rough relationship) and the fact that she says she isn't ready to date again...is putting me off.
I always give the advice to people to be honest and to tell your feelings to the person you care about...but in this case, I honestly can say, there is much to lose...
I dunno...be honest or hold off...truly don't know anymore.
Wow >>17 and I thought I was the only one who gets into these kind of situations. I'm glad I'm not alone. ;) Nonetheless, not an easy choice. A huge part of you is dying to love her and truly hoping that she'd love you back. But it's just hard to say. Not much of advice here, just empathizing.
but how will you know she's ready to date again? I don't think she's going to declare it. maybe she's just waiting for someone to help her be ready again. I'm just worried you're going to wait to long and by the time she's "ready" she'll be dating someone else again.
>>13
Sometimes being selfish is necessary though, otherwise it's just the other person hogging all the selfishness to themselves.
well, RedMuppet, am also glad to know that I am not alone in this. And >>19, thanks for the reminder..I also am aware of that fact. Guess it''s up to me on making a move or not.
No, no one is hogging anything if both give and accept. It is only hogging if one only accepts but never gives.
i'm not trying to push you or anything. I'm glad you're making the decision yourself instead of just doing what people tell you. It's just from my personal experience, things are very delicate at this point and there are so many ways for this to go wrong. more ways for it to go wrong than right.
wait too long and you end up loving your best friend and being stuck in this position for the rest of your life. I hope you won't end up this way. it's just the longer you're around her, the more you'll care for her. and maybe she doesn't feel the same way for you. if that's so, it's better to cut it off before it gets too deep. there is the possibility that the friendship will end. and if that isn't something that's avoidable, it's best to do it sooner than later. it all sits on the edge of a knife. stray but a little...well, any LoTR movie fan can tell you what will happen
I don't get the LoTR reference...but the rest of your comments I understand, >>23.
I am thinking about the friendship in this case....coz this girl has been a big influence on my life since 2yrs ago. I'm a totally different person than when I first met her, and all because she was willing to be friends with me.
I want to avoid losing this friendship...but does that mean I have to completely avoid my own feelings? I dunno...
>>24
I'm the OP, this girl means a lot to me and I have changed a lot since I met her. She has helped me out a lot. I wouldn't want to lose her. I have decided to wait and then tell her, I know (or hope) that if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, it won't ruin our friendship.
she aint worth it - kill the bitch
if she doesn't feel the same way about you, be sure you're going to be able to get over her while in the friendship. it seems being so close to someone, it's hard to do anything but have those feelings deepen. in which case, there will come a point (perhaps tomorrow, perhaps years down the road) when you still have those feelings and everything goes wrong and begins changing you for the worst and twists you inside.
>>27
Until she's single or unhappy in the relationship she curently has. I won't wait forever though.
My question, too...
The same thing happened to me a while back.
Same in what way? Did you confess to your best friend?
>>35
I asked her out and she said she would have said yes if I had asked her out before.
>>36
That was a lie. You can't believe everything people tell you, especially not what girls you're "hitting" on say
>>38
I assume you know from first-hand experience :-)
I have to agree with >>37 girls who are eager and "don't want to hurt the guy's feelings" end up telling all manner of lies
Eager?
OP here. What if she ever asks me if I like her (wgile she is in a relationship)? Should I be honest and tell her or wait like you guys said?
Seeing that you don't know to yes or no to that question OP, just avoid it, with a bullshit answer. Ask her if she feels insecure about the relationship she is in and if she is trying to subsitute the lack of affection from her current relationship with yours asking that question. And ask her if you said no, would she feel even more alone because noone likes her, then say yes to make her feel better.
Isn't that the equivalent of "leading her on?"
OP here.
We have been hanging out a lot lately. Somehow we got into the subject and she said that if she had the chance she would go out with me. :D
wouldn't that be your queue to CREATE the chance?
>>47 I don't know. I will keep this updated.
Thanks guys.
I can tell you from experience, it will only end in tears.
She asked me if I like her. I told her that I do like her. :D
>>49 :[
I'm currently going out with the girl who was (and still is) my best friend. We have our ups and downs, and things were really rocky at the start... but we pretty much live together now. It all depends on your situation. I had liked her a long time ago, but I put it away and even set her up with one of my friends. They went out for a year and eventually broke up. We got closer, and one day she just came out of the blue and told me that she liked me. (Actually it was one night about 3am we were working on a project together before the end of the semester, and she phoned my house. Angry dad inquired in the morning XD;;) I've learned things about her that I never even knew. She's made me the happiest person alive. Sure, I don't hang out with some of my friends as much as I used to but... she's worth it. I know it seems like this won't get sorted out for some of you guys, but sometimes there are happy endings to this stuff. Just hang in there!
I think you are better off having told her that you liked her, I missed an opportunity similar to this before and I still regret it. We eventually lost touch because I couldn't deal with seeing her with her idiot boyfriend.
You have been braver than me, I salute you and hope I hope it all works out for you
I think you are better off having told her that you liked her, I missed an opportunity similar to this before and I still regret it. We eventually lost touch because I couldn't deal with seeing her with her idiot boyfriend.
You have been braver than me, I salute you and hope I hope it all works out for you
The girl I like told me that she likes me.
I was talking to a friend earlier. She knows I like my best friend.
[Friend]: [Girl I like] said she likes you too.
[Friend]: BUT
[Friend]: She knows she shouldn't.
[Friend]: Because you are her best friend.
[Friend]: And she is going out with [guy].
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should be happy or sad.
(OP)
Ask her out,and... unless her boyfriend is a cool guy.... BUT if he's lame just go ask her out.
>>55 I don't really know him. He doens't seem like Cool Guy. But I've been thinking about a lot of stuff and maybe I should just forget about it.
-_- If you forget about it now, you'll regret it later
ACT ON IT!!!
I don't know. I feel really sad and lonely now. I know that my feelings for her won't ruin our friendship and perhaps I may have a chance with her. I don't know what to do. I've been thinking about this too much. I feel sick, my head hurts really bad. I feel like I want to throw up.
I was talking to a close friend earlier. I always talk to him when I am having these sort of problems. I talked to him about it and he said. That I only liked girls like my best friend. And that the only reason that I like them is because they pay attention to me and theya re nice to me. And that I only like my best friend because I have a low self steem. I feel bad. I feel really sad. I've already told her but I feel as if I may never have a chance. YEs, she's my best friend and I value her friendship but I don't know... I am gonna go to sleep now. My head hurts like hell. I will be back on Monday. (OP)
>>57 How can I act on it? She has a bf. I have never done this before. I don't know what to do.
How serious is her relation ship with this other guy?
>>60 How could I find out? I don't really told to her about and I rarely see him. :\
Also, I was thinking about what my friend told me and maybe he's trying to discourage me from pursuing this because he thinks I am gonna get hurt. Maybe.
I was thinking about lots of stuff last night. And I have decided that I am not gonna forget about it. I am gonna try, then if it all fails I can forget then.
*talk to her about..
*I meant "How could I find out? I don't really talk to her about him or her relationships and I rarely see him. :\" I'm half-asleep. --;
Are you stupid?
Just ask the girl out.
No wait, just tell her how you feel.
Saying nothing at all is just bull.
You'll only feel miserable.
Tell her how you feel or get over it.
Even if her boyfriend is cool or he's a bully who will beat you to a pulp, just tell her and be a man for god's sake.
if she said no, then it's time to move on. hang around and things will only get worse.
>>67 She said she likes me back. But that she thinks she shouldn't since I am her best friend and she is going out with someone.
Tell her that you also thought about that, but that you still want a relationship with her because you think you'll regret it if you don't try.
Also say that you'll always be her best friend no mather what.
Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you'll always support her.
Further more you got to come clean with everything and tell her present boyfriend that you like her and you've already told her.
Just be honest, you'll see what happens afterwards.
I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel better now. I am just gonna go for it. I have a chance with her. Even if the relationship doesn't work, I know that we will remain close. And even if she chooses for us to remain friends, it's still cool, I appreciate our friendship. It's a win-win situation.
Go for it!! Good on ya!
That's the spirit.
and remember to tell us what happened
I won't forget to post whatever happens. Thank you al for your support and advice.
IKE!!!! Combate!!! =)
I am going to hang out with her tomorrow. We are having some friends with us too. But her boyfriend is gonna be there. ＿|￣|○
>>76
Challenge him to a duel for her hand in marriage!
challenge him to pistols on sunset. that would settle everything.
"I am going to hang out with her tomorrow. We are having some friends with us too. But her boyfriend is gonna be there. ＿|￣|○"
Not cool, but it's a good opportunity to talk to the guy.
Tell the truth, even if he's gonna punch you.
If he punches you, say you deserved that and try to walk away.
Even if he tries to stop you. Don't forget to say also that he was right for punching you, but if he does that again you will fight back.
I am back from the park. Her bf was there so I didn't really talk to her a lot since he was all over her most of the time. I don't think I can bring myself to tell him. I don't know why but I am scared. I am not afraid of him hurting me but of her getting mad at me. I don't know. we hung out all afternoon. Then I got home and everytime I have a fun time I feel bad about it, I don't know why but I feel really sad. Today she hugged me, which is not unusual, but today she kissed me on the cheek. :D
You fool.
what if she gets rid of her boyfriend for you, what are the chances she will get rid of you one day for another guy?
anyway. every minute you are with her and her boyfriend is there too, its a signal every minute that you are ok with them being in love with each other. don't go if want her. wait it out.
sorry for being so negative, but I have no hope for you with this girl. however sweet she may be..............................
do what benson did. make her a sweet memory.
in no way did I propose a homicide! ^^^
Don't listen to them, make up your mind and go for it.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't, too bad.
Even if I'm a fool, I rather be a fool in love than a coward.
>>51 you are a really lucky person.
but really, you have to get it over with asap. ask her out or whatever. the longer ou hold onto it, the worst things will get. then one day, she'll be going out with some other guy and you won't be able to put it down even if you want to.
uh no offence, but what kind of a girl kisses other guys behind their bf's back? i am just questioning her authenticity especially because you seem like a vulnerable guy who hasn't had much exp with girls.
i smell a fish..
85 may have a point...
>>85
Fishy? Yes.
In which case, forget about the skank. The best case scenerio: She'll laugh in your face and leave you with the dinner/breakfast bill.
We were hanging out yesterday, she had to leave and when I was walking her to her ride home, she grabbed my hand and we held hands for a few moments. I am confused.
WTF are you doing, and all your shithead supporters here? Do you people have spines or is it all dick holding you up straight?
You should be upset with this so called friend of yours for doing something so disgustingly lowlife to you AND her boyfriend. What kind of relationship do you expect the two of you to have, based on some fucked up drama like this? It's going to totally suck and you should realize it, your friendship will be ruined. Are you really so blind because there are emotions flying around? Lay away your emotions, be a man, confront this girl, tell her it won't happen and find someone else.
I've seen great, nice guys getting destroyed over shit like this. Motherfuckers, you NEVER mess with a guys woman, or you deserve all the fucking pain in the world. I don't care if you don't give a shit about your girlfriends and take this with a shrug, I'm speaking on behalf of those who do care, and seriously OP are you not one of them? Be a friend to this woman and do the right thing.
He just broke up with her. I feel bad, I don't know why.
-OP
Now's your chance. HE broke up with HER. So you should try to help her out through the whole breaking up thing. AND THEN, tell her how you feel. This chance only comes 1 in a million years.
>>91
Yeah, we are gonna go to a concert soon. Just us. :] And school starts soon so I will be with her a lot more.
>>91
oh nice move. guaranteed friend-zone.
she just broke up = free game
say you like her and.......STICK IT IN HER POOPER! end of story
I don't see why she would do the same thing to him. Just because she's been acting friendlier doesn't mean she's a slut, but probably is confused and has lost interest in her (now ex) boyfriend. Besides, she probably feels safer/more confident/whatever with OP than with any other guy, so she may have told her former boyfriend something about OP and her feelings toward him that angered the guy, leading to the break up.
I've been in kinda the same situation... thrice. But I've matured ever since and losing interest/liking two guys at the same time is not something I have to break my head about. She may be going through the same thing. Had the same issues and now I'm back with my first boyfriend and best friend =_= Sometimes I hate his guts, but I'm such a sucker for him.. sighs and smiles stupidly Love has too much spare time, it's bad for mankind's health.
So in conclusion... I say go and stick it in her pooper :D.
>>89
this is the only dude i agree with in this entire thread. remember, when she changes her mind about you, she'll do it the same way she changed her mind about the last guy.
I too have sort of been in the situation. I was in a bad relationship for several years with a spineless and greedy bastard who tried to have the cake and eat it at the same time (refusing to dump me when he clearly no longer loved me, wanting to have some sort of backup girlfriend if any of the dates with some other girl would backfire), and I didn't get out of it because I was desperately and blindly hoping he'd return to being the same way as when I first met him (i really would have needed 4-ch to exist back then to shake some sense into me). Alas, to no avail. There was a cute guy I really liked, my best friend for several years in fact. At one point, I kissed him, and found out that he too had feelings for me. We've been together ever since (and it's been several years now). We're very happy, and we're even engaged.
So yeah, she may very well just have had a relationship she wasn't happy with. I suggest you ask her about it.
>>89
I think it's cool how you have Joe in your i.d
>>89 is KAMI!
>>100
congrats anonymous get
:( FISSION MAILED
-OP