Just a friend... (37)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2006-06-08 00:01 ID:R+JiTj5g

How can I avoid being seen as just a friend or a brother by a girl?

It has happened to me before that I like this girl and then she tells me that she loves me as just a brother. :\

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-08 01:06 ID:zlI91LVn

You're too nice. Watch anime with incest innuendo together then make your move. If it fails, become another girl's brother and try again. Rinse, repeat. It's bound to work eventually.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-08 01:25 ID:jz+d2H8v

Girls will consider you as a friend or brother because you are simply 'nice' with them. What they want is for you to have something more than that, something they can't find in others.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-08 22:45 ID:Heaven

>>2 lol

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-09 04:00 ID:ivQ8zT1l

>>1
You can't provide what those girls are looking for. Maybe you're shallow in your own choices.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-10 07:08 ID:eDYiqCJz

I am starting to think maybe >>5 is right. Maybe all this stuff about being too nice isn't really true. it's not that we're too nice, it's just we don't have whatever it is they're looking for. the two nice thing is just something we're telling ourselves to keep our egos somewhat intact. there is no law of equal trade in life. life isn't fair. maybe we're not so much too nice as just losers.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-10 07:24 ID:Heaven

>>6
Actually, you are both. However, there are a lot of losers with girlfriends while the number of guys that are too nice with girlfriends are far fewer. True story.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-12 06:50 ID:IzYrckqU

Don't be friends with someone you want to be more than friends with. That's plain dishonest.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-13 20:42 ID:tGJ7/K6C

>>8
Therein lies the problem of friendzone. Girls think its possible to be just friends with guys, and in their own ignorance hurt them because they think the guy thinks like them. Almost every guy on the planet seeks more than just being friends with any girl. It all comes down to a fundamental mistake both sides make: they think that the opposite sex thinks like them. A lot of it comes down to the girls playing with men's hearts without even knowing it. And there are plenty of clever ones (attention whores) who know exactly whats up, but keep playing the game for their own amusement.

My advice is keep looking, you'll find someone more compatible some day. You shouldn't have to change who you are or how you act just to get a girl, unless you've got some REAL issues (aka don't be like densha otoko)

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 15:47 ID:WVU91acw

Maybe I'm special or some shit, but I have several female friends none of whom I have ever liked "that way". That doesn't prevent me from having occasionally involving them in my masturbation fantasies when my gf is out of the country working, however.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 17:55 ID:6VZBsXtN

>>10 disturbing, truly disturbing...

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 21:13 ID:Heaven

>>11
Not disturbing, I do that too. With basically all of my female friends. I don't think I'd ever lay them IRL.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 21:48 ID:Heaven

I am like >>10 and >>12 , except for the fact that I never include any of my female friends in my masturbation fantasies.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 23:18 ID:i0J4GYfb

>>10 A chill went up my spine when I read that.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-16 18:30 ID:Z+RGw96a

>>13 same here. It is disrespectful to them even though you only use your own images of them. Plus, who's to say it won't affect the way you look at them negatively

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-20 07:04 ID:Heaven

>>15

I guess they'd never know anyways

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-22 16:14 ID:B3AP0yIO

>>1
Dude I'd love to know, I'm always ending up in the dreaded friend zone myself.
>>10
Ditto
>>15
I think it's complimentary to their sexual attractiveness. We'd be pretty sad to look at them negatively since it would be our own base urges so we should only look negatively at ourselves.
>>9
It's ok to change, the reason many of us here are single is our reluctance to change and take chances. Apparently guys with scraggy beards and hair like myself are just not what women are looking for...who knew!!!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-22 16:36 ID:Fz0w6ksM

>are just not what women are looking for

Just like all Germans eat sausage.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 11:54 ID:dzspqnuJ

>>9
can someone actually support this?
guys and girls can just be friends right? at least that's what it seems like from a girl's perpective. do guys really look for more than friendship when they befriend a girl??

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 14:59 ID:WsBACkE4

>>19

A guy can only be "just" friends with a girl when he doesn't find her attractive - that is at least my case. Some guys try to get friendly with a girl before they dare anything further like asking for a date or tell her that they like her etc.

21 Name: Chill-Anon : 2006-07-01 15:13 ID:FduQrYRh

>>14 sorry

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 17:54 ID:2+bmKo4J

>>19 I'm sure it differs from guy to guy. If the guy is particularly desperate for a relationship, that may very well be the case. Some guys will want to date a girl just because she's pretty, or sometimes just because she pays attention to him, but there are also guys who are smarter (and/or pickier) who will only date girls who are their "type." I have many female friends who I have never considered dating even though I am sexually attracted to them, because we have nothing in common and it simply wouldn't work.

But "do guys really look for more than friendship when they befriend a girl??" Some do, some don't, some befriend girls to see if they should look for more than friendship when they get to know you better.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 23:02 ID:7F2eGdH5

>>1
Short answer: Be an asshole.
Long answer: http://www.laddertheory.com/

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-02 05:53 ID:wAzcZGxq

>>23
ladder theory is for misogynist losers who just can't get laid

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-15 17:35 ID:ih5b8uV8

simple answer: When you go out with a girl, make it damn clear it's to go out on a date.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-16 01:42 ID:j2DELSvz

>>25
And get her out on a date before you get to know her well; use the dating to get to know one another. If you're realising you want a serious relationship with someone and you haven't even been on a date with them yet, you're doing it wrong.

If from the dating you realise you're incompatible (it only takes one of you to realise this), it's easy to back off and become good friends. But if you've already been good friends and you try to upgrade, you're unlikely to get a shot at being friends again if it doesn't work out.

27 Name: girl : 2006-07-16 14:27 ID:xVONXvC8

The idea that girls can't be just friends with guys is total bullshit. I have more guy friends than I have female friends and at most there are 2 who I am capable of thinking of as more than just friends. I don't even masturbate thinking about the good looking ones or anything like that.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-16 15:20 ID:jcK4mUEF

>>27

Spoiler warning:

They all want to fuck you

29 Name: Animegirl aka Prototype Angel : 2006-07-17 18:41 ID:o9jhBs5w

>>28

If that's the case then that's bullshit. In all my life I used to have friends that are guys. And what I meant is friend that I used to know them back in grade school, jr. high, and high school. But they never got interested on being more than friends. Shit, I even have guy friends that already have a gf and they don't want to jeoperdize their relationship.

If you want a girl's point of view here's the thing.

The reason they preffer to be friend with a guy is that they are either afraid to be in a commitment or lose a very good friend. If they knew each other for years and this guy just started having feelings for her then the probability of being more than just friends is variable. Another thing is that they don't want to get hurt if a guy breaks up with her. Vise versa goes with the girls who are afraid of hurting the guy's feeling. Many girls preffer to look for their "type." Another thing to bear in mind is that they are looking for a long term relationship that later lead into marriage (not going any further). They are looking that are dependable, who have a well paid job (I'm not talking about rich guys btw), and who have good personality.

Overall... Guys can be hard to figure it out what they want. And as for girls, they can be stupid on falling in love with the wrong guy who mistreat her like shits because they love "bad boys." That's the kind of consequence of chosing the bad boy type.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-17 19:55 ID:G0/A1pkJ

>>27
Here's a fun experiment to try: sometime late at night, give your guy friends a ring and say that you are unbearably horny and ask if they'll bang you. Make it clear that you are going to get the cock from somebody no matter what, even if they decline. You will find that the only ones that wouldn't say yes are either gay, too afraid of screwing up a relationship they're in, or think you're ugly. No exceptions.

31 Name: Animegirl aka Prototype Angel : 2006-07-17 21:16 ID:OKzcLnwR

>>30
lmao... That could work.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-17 21:39 ID:dlZ6no2t

Do a Barrel Roll.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-17 21:49 ID:dlZ6no2t

OK NOOB,
You have to learn to be strait forward with women. They like to play the games, they don't like YOU to play the games on them. You must show her exactly how you feel in a pseudo-machismo/emotional way (depending on her mood.) You need to take a gdamned risk. Girls like it when you stick your neck out on the line for them. Lay it out on the table with confidence. Find a way to gear yourself up so you can be confident. Think of the bigger picture of life, and how your life does not end no matter what the outcome.!

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-18 00:08 ID:pvfLMZXS

>>30
True story. Challenge to any girls here: Try this and report back. If you find even one exception to the rule I'll suck your cock.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-18 08:43 ID:Heaven

>>34
I see what you did there

36 Name: Andrei : 2006-07-20 02:30 ID:L3VCWJj4

>>10
Dude, one time I was hanging out with some female friends and they asked me if I beat off while thinking about any of them. I told them honestly that I did, and they ate it up... and 2 admitted that they fapped while thinking of me before...

So, it all works out.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-20 03:31 ID:iUh2YsPG

>>1
The only way to avoid it is to directly tell them otherwise.

Even then they might still only think of you that way, but at least you'll know it.

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