Should I just settle? (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-15 18:09 ID:9r30RUVq

i have known this guy for awhile now, he goes to the same college as i do, but he's a few years older than i am. we don't talk much in person because we don't see each other that much, but normally, we'd talk online. sometimes when i was depressed he would comfort me, so he's a really nice and sweet guy. and i know that he has a crush on me, because even though now im on my summer vacation, he sends me email and asks me how i'm doing and stuff. but the problem is, i don't like him at all.

sometimes he can be overly senstivie, "woe is me" kind of thing, and that annoys the crap out of me. like i just wish he can get over himself and stop feeling sorry for himself, like he got it so bad. but i know for sure that he likes me, and im just confused over what i should do.

i will be honest here and say that i'm not attractive. this is the first time a guy ever pays attention to me, and god knows when the next time will be. so i dont know if i should just settle with this guy, because i really am sick of being lonely, or should i just say the truth and tell him that i don't like him?

2 Name: comrade : 2006-08-15 18:22 ID:tNXkt8CL

you should start seeing him, but help him over his personality flaws. being depressed is a terrible thing. if you can help him he'll appreciate it. if he doesn't want to make the effort to change himself for you, break up.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-15 18:59 ID:2gE7FfjS

You should never settle. If the person ever finds out, it causes much more pain later on. Be honest with him. Tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe he doesn't even know he's like that, and if he doesn't, how can he change?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-15 19:07 ID:Heaven

>>1

Settle settle settle

Settle like the pioneers

5 Name: comrade : 2006-08-16 00:00 ID:MUeWFksL

>>3

just curious, what if she ends up offending the guy? she should be careful how she approaches it

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 00:28 ID:vknxY4T6

it's definitely not a coin flip decision. On one hand you may risk loosing the person that you know cares about you on he other hand you risk lying to the guy or at least make him have high but empty hope.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 00:31 ID:LVWi6lrf

Do not settle, you will be unhappy later. I used to settle a lot for unworthy people and was always miserable. You say that you are not attractive, but that is still no reason to settle. If being unattractive makes you unhappy, do something about it! Work with what you got, wear flattering clothes, make-up, even diet if you want. Also be careful of men who are going after you because they think that you have no self-esteem or that you might be desperate, they can get controlling...they think that you cannot do any better and you will put up with their shit. It is the same with beautiful women and ugly guys.

8 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-16 00:50 ID:gAtOi0mL

You could always just reject gently any shows of affection and tell him how important he is to you as a friend, without saying the truth with just a crude "I don't like you" (still can't figure which sentence hurts them more, tho...).

This doesn't always work, actually. I tried this "method" when my best friend (which has a big background involving me) started saying "I love you" to me and stared at me with dreamy eyes. I didn't like him at all like that when he fist confessed to me but, hell, now I'm stuck with him again. And loving it.

Try helping him with his attitude issues, and DO NOT settle with him if you don't really like him. Settling with someone just because of your fear to loneliness isn't gonna make you feel any better, trust me. Atractiveness isn't something you should worry about, either. Just be yourself and wait for the right guy, there's a hell of a lot of people out there.

I hope my advice helped you someway, and don't feel bad if things get bad, sometimes life goes poop but whatever. No need to cry about it.
<i>sigh</i> I feel like a teenager after writing so much in a "my-friend-loves-me-what-should-i-do" thread. Fuck it, I'm gonna watch some pr0n now.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 07:42 ID:AXm/qmve

to stress this further: NEVER settle.
There's a huge difference between lowering too high standards, and settling.
Listen to >>7 and >>8

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 08:59 ID:r+YpWeoE

If you don't like him, I wouldn't say to "settle." You'd just end up hurting yourself and him.

You can, however, try to become frends with him. That would probably help your loneliness, and you might actually end up liking him.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 13:37 ID:gXxTS9Hp

>>1

Start with being completely honest with eachother. Complete honesty you dig? If you're friends you'll dare to hurt eachother to put things right. If not you might as well be enemies because that would do you less harm than a bunch of useless friends who only induldge you in your retardedness.

I have also found, that honesty, even if it sparks conflicts and dislike, will also foster a deeper respect and in some cases attraction. Once the dust settles and you know where you have eachother, something good might grow from it all.

...or it might go to total shit instead but it depends entirely on how enduring, humble and upright the both of you are.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-17 05:03 ID:Heaven

Settling for looks is one thing. Settling for personality is another. Don't do it.

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