Yeah, that's more or less how I'm feeling right now, but now the situation has gone a little bit worse...
He has always been such a influence to my humor sigh I had this problems the first time I dated him... I often was depressed for long periods of time because I couldn't manage to please him or make him happy, and my low self-esteem didn't help much either (Yeah, I was one of those people with suicidal kind of problems). Over the couple of years I stopped hanging out with him I built up some self confidence and became a mentally stronger person than I was before. But now that I'm dating him again I'm starting to feel like the idiot I was before, I now know pleasing him in whatever he wants is wrong, I have to think about myself too, yet I can't stop trying to give him everything... He doesn't seem to notice my efforts anyway (recently I bought him a Saint Seiya figure of his favourite character and all he said was "Oh, thanks. Eight years late, but thanks anyway". I'm out of money now, damn figure costed as if the armor really was made of gold, but oh well), but never fails to point that, for example, I do things that anger him. Once he told me "I know you don't want to anger me, but everything you do pisses me off", and as expected I got pretty sad about the comment, to which he added "See? This is why I never tell you anything"
I just thought that he probably didn't mean to say it coughblindfoldedcough.
Uuugh I don't want to sound like I just want to complain about everything, but I never get the chance to talk about this with anybody (there's this one person dear to me who just passed through a very similar situation, but I only get to see him every freaking planetary alingment) and just swallowing the feelings is gonna make me nuts.
And then there's the sex. I'd rather not talk too much about it... He wants to, in a few words, stick it in the pooper, and I don't see any problem with it except it fucking hurts, a lot. But him... He doesn't seem to care much about that, "if you don't like it you better buy a lubricant, because we're still doing it".
I don't know what to do, but I'm certain about something. I love him and deeply care about him, and I know even if he does such things he loves me back. I don't want to break up with him, but I can't seem to find a solution to this problems... I know I know, "communication is the key", but how do I get him to actually listen to me?