Solution-less problem? (67)

1 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-20 17:14 ID:bPtDnAG7

Just so you know, you can skip the next three paragraphs and read the actual problem, all the other rant is just background information about my experience that might (hopefully?) help finding a solution.

It's been a while since I started having sexual experiences. I find masturbation (just by myself) not very appealing, and aside for some experiences with a boyfriend I'd rather forget, most of the stuff I've tried have been with my current mate. We had dated before, and he was my first sexual experience, which basically was groping and masturbate each other. He wasn't a virgin and has always been a bit of a pervert, so sex was something he had been looking forward since the start. On the other hand I was a naïve virgin with the firm decision of waiting until marriage. Because of other some problems, but I personally think because mainly of the whole sex problem, we ended up breaking up. My childish attitude broke us apart and we pretty much stopped talking to each other for two years.

Two years pass and we're still acting like morons, but for reasons of destiny -or more like because of my laziness- I ended up having to go to summer classes (pwnd by the Math teacher). For my bittersweet surprise he had also failed math and we were going to be in the same classroom. I finally swallowed my pride and decided to try and recover the friendship I once had with him. At first he wouldn't even answer me or even look at me, but a friend of mine persuaded him to at least answer me. We had previously send some e-mails to each other and he said that he didn't want to be my friend anymore because it was certain that he would fall in love with me again, but I thought it was going to be alright. Buuut he was right, and when I told him I loved him very much, but in a friendly way, he got really pissed off and stopped talking to me again. Eventually he gave me yet another chance and that's when my heart decided to stop working with my brain and started listening to my hormones. I went almost dialy (except sundays, family day) to his house that ended with heavy make-out and touching each other, specially in the bathroom shrugs.

I still didn't want to have sex until marriage, but when I told him I was going to go to another country for a couple of weeks for vacations he got really depressed. You couldn't tell by just looking at his face, but sometimes he would stare silently at me with such a serious expression, and then bear-hug me for long periods of time. When three days were left before my trip, we were hanging out in his house and I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. He went in too, and as he usually does, turned off the light and closed the door grinnig like an idiot, and we started kissing. The kisses led to touching and the touching led to nakedness. We were so concentrated that I just took of my panties and thought "This is it". He was surprised by my decision, but didn't think twice and started entering me slowly. I'm sure I've never experienced such a strange and overwhelming feeling, and it felt great until I got nervous about the timing (menstruation had passed two weeks ago, and we didn't have a condomn).

I'm not sure if my nervousness was a factor or not but I didn't got to get an orgasm, and even if we have had lots of sexual experiences I have never had one. I don't know if it's because of the guilt factor, something that happened in the past but I can't remembrer, or I was just born anorgasmic. A couple of days ago he came to my house and we had sex for hours, it was fantasting. In the end I was too tired so I asked him if we could just take a bath and relax, and we did. We took some photos and fooled around, I felt so happy, but even then I couldn't reach the orgasm. It's not a big deal, but I'm starting to feel frustrated, and I don't want him to feel incapable or something. Is there anything I can do about it? Please give me some advice, I really want to get rid of this problem.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 03:59 ID:vsP9mvkA

Scientology for the win!

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 04:09 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>18

Get a clue

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 08:48 ID:Heaven

is this board love and romance or religion? i think i'm lost.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 18:50 ID:puBawmj3

>>20
arguably there is a love relation with Jesus and or God. Besides, I think the thread title is very fitting for this subject.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 19:15 ID:9CGuuudE

THERE IS NO GOD

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 19:34 ID:ZVSFuNNl

THERE IS ONLY ANONYMOUS

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 10:21 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>8
What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?
No proof that God exists -> entire bible worthless.

Right and wrong are a matter of perspective; you can justify anything with the proper experience to back up your conclusion/choice.

"Love" is a chemical reation whithin the brain that is associated with various stimuli. Love is not a force or an aura. It is just your brain going "Hey, thats my allocated mating source. Lets tap that ass and spread some genetic material so I can get a buzz"

>>14, you are a whiny bitch. The fact that Christaianity interferes with your potentially guiltless sex is not the reason that Christianity is a load of bullshit. Christianity is a load of bullshit because there is no empirical, testable evidence that god exists.

The only argument for god's existance is twisted retard logic, like "oh yah, well where did the universe come from HUH"

God of the gaps. There is a gap in our understanding so lets plug it with a god. God is a cheap plot device.

read here for moar. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_of_the_Gaps

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 11:34 ID:Heaven

>>21
sounds kinda fucked up, having a love relationship with a dead person, and a male one at that. don't you religious folks frown on shit like that?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 18:02 ID:puBawmj3

I don't associate with religious folks, 25. If you take a little time, you should see that >>21 is phrased in a speculative fashion, which hints at my position in the subject.

You bring up the "God of the gaps" theorem. If you read the whole wikipedia article, you'll find that theologists are well aware of the weakness of this argument. The same wiki also links to "Deism" which you would have done well to read. It is the belief that a god should be accepted through logic and reason only. This is an appealing idea, but is it fair to truth to accept it?

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 18:03 ID:puBawmj3

>>24, sorry if I mixed you up with >>25 by accident

28 Name: 8 : 2006-08-24 18:13 ID:Heaven

>>24

>>What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?

Statements and questions answered if you cared to notice, I didn't bring it up in the first place.

And well I wrote an answer to your statements too but it's pointless to post it, now isn't that right?

So I won't.

29 Name: 24 : 2006-08-26 08:48 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>28
There is no proof that god exists. Therefore, the bible has zero credibility.

In your earlier posts you were counterattacking an idiot. A low tier atheist with little experience breaking down the ignorant.
Here is where I shut you down.

  1. Provide proof that god exists.
  2. Proove that all information contained in the bible is factual.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-26 13:42 ID:Heaven

>>29

heh, low tier eh? And you're one of the late level bosses I guess?

>>Provide proof that god exists.

Proove that all information contained in the bible is factual.

Are these sum empirical evidence God does not exist? Because I heard you say God, I quote, "IS" a plot device. You know how it is? With science? Do you think humanity did scientific discoveries by sitting on their asses going: "There are no empirical evidence we CAN do this and that so I'm going to be a smart fuck and not even try!"

Yours is the voice of the lazy, ignorant moron who never gets anywhere. If you applied that logic to the rest of your life you would self-die and you know it. You don't live by that standard, you don't progress by it. Conclusion; you don't even want to know God lives, you WANT him dead. Your words scream this, and still you say: "Give me the proooofs!!"

I can't stand hypocritical shit like that. I bet you thought you were a real smartass with the empirical approach didn't you? If you wanna be sure to prove to other theists what an intelligent little fleshwhore you are, find a new excuse because srsly only ignorant people will buy that crap.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 03:54 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>30
way to fail. try again.

1 Provide proof that god exists.
2 Proove that all information contained in the bible is factual

32 Name: frigid onanoko : 2006-08-27 08:24 ID:puBawmj3

I'm a low tier atheist! (>>29) nyah! Frigid onanoko unhappy about the way this thread evolving.. For a selfrespecting person, >>30 is way too much of a slanderous rant to be constructive. What all this slander for? it no help fo, it no help >>31, it not helping anyone. Maybe helping show christianity in bad light...

No, frigid onanoko no like. I feel that every human should have the right to become a heavenly being. A God that decides who is going to heaven and who is not just because he is God, is nothing more than a dictator. Anyway. If >>15, >>17 is Christian, advise to quit ranting in defence for christianity. I think Paul already mentioned to keep some dignity about christianity for the sake of the faith.

Frigid onanoko sad.. say goodbye now.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 14:28 ID:Heaven

>>Anyway. If >>15, >>17 is Christian, advise to quit ranting in defence for christianity.

Sure why not.

34 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-29 19:14 ID:nNI4PFxM

Wow, when did my problem became a religion thread?
Well, I don't really want to know. I'm back here for some more suggestions...

So last week we went to a concert. I'd been sick for some days by then, and later that night it started raining. I kissed him once so I guess my infection plus the rain got him the flu, too. A couple of days before I failed to get to a date to the movies with him (had a partial proyect to finish and one of my my teammates started bitching a lot when I told her I was leaving earlier, and I couldn't manage to convince her), and since then he had been acting pretty serious and indiferent to me. The night of the concert I confessed that I wanted to be his girlfriend, that I was ready to start going out with him as a solid couple, and at first he was a little surprised but happy, and said he wanted to be my boyfriend, too. An' it was good.
Until the morning after.

Next day I see him at school and I try getting into a conversations, but he seems bored or simply not interested. A friend approaches us and he starts talking normally to him, which confuses me. Some time ago he would have acted cheerful and do stupid but cute things, like poke my stomach while grinning at me or send me little kisses. Now he barely talks to me at school, and sometimes answers to my caresses and loving words. He used to smile to me a lot, but now I almost always see him with a serious expression when talking to me. This has been going on not since the failed date accident, but since we had sex for the second time (condomn included, kthx). I don't know if it's because I did something wrong, or because I asked him to stop and take a shower (we did it two hours straight and he was freaking humping like a bunny in heat x_x the next days it hurted a little bit when I peed. If it was because of this, it's not my fault I'm not used to fuck for God's sake).

I don't get what's going on, I've tried talking to him but it's like talking to a wall, he keeps acting that way and I don't even feel as if he really is happy for my desicion of solidifing (sp? don't really give a damn..) the relationship. This is starting to depress me big time, people. It's been awhile since I've ever cried so continuosly for something that may as well just be in my head. He has said so much things to me... He said he wants to marry me, he said I've been the only woman (I always tell him I still am just a girl, but he insists I'm already a woman for his eyes) in his life. He had said such beautiful words to me but then suddenly starts simply not treating me at all.

I didn't plan falling for him yet another time, I just wanted his friendship back but ended up loving him again. I'm always thinking about him and worrying about his health, taking care of him like a baby, and whatnot. Why do I feel like now I'm the only one who cares about where this relationship is going?
sigh

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 08:37 ID:Q8jEkvoG

>>29

> 1 Provide proof that god exists.

Well, in my point of view, I just look around in the world. I see all the huge diversity of nature, I see all the complex relationships between living things, I read about the complex working mechanisms of our bodies and I just conclude that all this stuff just cannot be the result of merely random changes.
Some intelligent higher power must exist!

As a programmer, I know very well that if you randomly change a program's code the result will be crap most of the cases. The same goes for DNA as it is a storage of information, just like the bytes in a program's code.

That doesn't mean that I deny the evolution theory completely but I just cannot believe that all the advanced life forms were developed from single celled amoeba like creatures by random changes.

This alone is enough proof for me that God does exist.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 08:58 ID:Heaven

>>35
That's not proof, that's belief. WHERE IS DA PROOF

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 09:54 ID:Bpd6Xgbh

people who believes god exist purely based on faith are insecure

people who reject god's existance based on lack of evidence are idiots

people who look for evidence of god's existance need to spend their time better

people who argue about religion in a love and romance thread in this BBS needs to stay off the internet

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 10:06 ID:Heaven

people who post >>37 need to learn to sage, not post useless posts and die.

39 Name: sage : 2006-08-30 11:06 ID:D9caLTkp

>people who argue about religion in a love and romance thread in this BBS needs to stay off the internet

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 11:06 ID:Heaven

>>39
i fail at saging D:

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 20:12 ID:/U0KIwfd

You all fail for ignoring Tanuka's pleads for help in favour of this shit. Especially >>38 for doing what he thinks others should die for.

>>34

Honestly, putting your posts together, it's sounds like an old familiar story.

I suggest you try again to have a really honest conversation with him about this. Tell him about your fears, tell him how you feel. Really make sure it's best he tell you how he feels too, no matter what.

A relationship needs to be based on complete honesty, it's a part of love.

Also a few questions:
Are you still having sex? Regularly?
How long has he been like this? i.e. how long has it been since the second time?
Is he always cold, distant, indifferent, or are there times when he's his old self about you? If so, when, and think about why that may be.

42 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 05:50 ID:bPtDnAG7

>>41

I was planning on telling him on friday, he usually comes to my house that day (except last friday, he had some stuff to do at school or something.. sigh Don't really know the details), and most of the day no one but us is at home, so I think maybe being just the two of us will help me grow the balls to actually tell him how I feel and ask him to tell me what he feels/wants/thinks. I absolutely agree with you, relationships must have a good comunication level, and an honest one. I really wished it would be easier for me to tell him openly how I'm feeling right now, but he's always (and with always, I mean ALWAYS) with the three stooges he has for friends at his classroom, and when I actually go and try having a conversation with him I end up talking to his friends! I mean, one of them was my classmate on a previous year and this is the first time I actually talk to him. What the heck is that all about?

And him actually coming to me by his own will? None since the coldness started. There was this one time in which he approached me and some other friends during break time, and my heart friggin' flipped when I saw him coming to our table. I was all "OMG he's actually coming to sit with us! <3<3<3", but the real reason he did it was because his three friends were all at some school contest. All interaction he had with me in the less-than-twenty minutes I stood by his side was giving me a light kiss in my forehead, and then he just talked with someone else, ignoring my failed hug and kisses on his palm. I had some work to do so I just waved goodbye to all in the table, he didn't even look at me, and I left with the only friend I feel free to talk about this problem, feeling like shit and in the end crying to my friend's shoulder.

  1. We've not had sex since that last episode I mentioned, and I guess we're not gonna do anything involving my vagina until my period ends, I'm not too fond to menstruation-related fetishes, thank you very much. We have had sex just three times in total.
  2. It's gonna be a little more than two weeks now.
  3. He's almost always distant, just answering to my affections every once in a while and not at all like before, more like absent-minded. And never smiles. Well, like... two times.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 06:57 ID:/U0KIwfd

Ok. Well you better have a talk with him.

And you know nevermind the fucking stooges, you're his girlfriend you come first. I mean he said himself he wants to marry you, you don't marry someone who is less than one of your friends. The one you marry is your best friend, IMO that holds true for the one you choose to fuck too as it's the same thing in my eyes, but hey I'm a minority so what does it matter?

I'll say as I fear, he just wanted to fuck you, everything he said and felt were vessels to get him there. Now that he got what he wanted he's just indifferent, the only reason he hasn't broken with you is the prospect of more fucking and not to shame himself for all the bullshit he pulled out of his hat. If anything he might try to wear you down with his indifference so you leave him instead, which would save him the embarassment. He can still do you in the meantime so he doesn't mind.

Maybe he didn't even plan for this, but he had his priorities wrong from the beginning, he got his passion for you from his crotch and not his heart. Evidently, because otherwise he should be even more loving towards you now when you have recently strenghtened your bond, fucking or no fucking.

......I sincerely hope I'm wrong. And in case I am, don't take my words for anything until it's confirmed, but be prepared it may be like this.

44 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 18:34 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>43

The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.

Damn, your comment left me with no rest all night, and adding the terrible colics that attacked me at dawn, I felt awful at morning. I'm too afraid about this theory, I love him so much and he's made me so happy at times that to think this has just been a dirty lie to get in my pants makes me want to die. Not that I'm a suicide or anything, over time I've learn to appreciate life and try my best to conserve it, but I've felt used before (by him, actually, though I think it was all in my drama-filled head) and it sucks monkeyballs.

And.. something just happened. A friend and I were going to the caffeteria for some snacks and he saw some guy he had something to talk about, so while I'm waiting I see the owner of my heart sitting on a table with a group of friends. I think "what the heck, let's give it a try", and I go and stand besides a friend sitting on the same side my mate is. I'm waiting for the same cold stare but out of nowhere he starts telling me about some weird song he wrote for a school work, all laughing and joking. For some second I'm like "WTF is going on here" but why would I complain? I sit near to him and listen to his story. The friend I was accompaning to the caffeteria calls my name and I turn around to look for him, my hand lands near my lover's and he takes it o_o; by his own means! I don't get a thing about what's going on... I feel happy but with a strange saddness still in me. He also said he loves me out loud, enjoying my flustered expressions every time he said it (I'm kind of shy when expressing my love to someone, but just to someone I really love in a romantic way).

It felt really good to be by his side for the whole hour the break lasted, and in the end he waved goodbye with a smile and a "I love you". But the truth is I don't want this to continue this way... Why did he suddenly acted so natural and loving? Will he do it again? Meaning the indiference... As much as I may act like one, I'm not a toy, much less a sex toy. I don't want him changing his mind about giving me or not the love I deserve and need, because if he continues that way I'm either gonna go crazy or doing some fucked up stuff (my classroom is in a second floor, and when my first class ended I suddenly felt like jumping. Fortunately I barely do pay attention to spontaneous thoughs like this one any more).

I hope you're wrong, too.

45 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 18:34 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>43

The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.

Damn, your comment left me with no rest all night, and adding the terrible colics that attacked me at dawn, I felt awful at morning. I'm too afraid about this theory, I love him so much and he's made me so happy at times that to think this has just been a dirty lie to get in my pants makes me want to die. Not that I'm a suicide or anything, over time I've learn to appreciate life and try my best to conserve it, but I've felt used before (by him, actually, though I think it was all in my drama-filled head) and it sucks monkeyballs.

And.. something just happened. A friend and I were going to the caffeteria for some snacks and he saw some guy he had something to talk about, so while I'm waiting I see the owner of my heart sitting on a table with a group of friends. I think "what the heck, let's give it a try", and I go and stand besides a friend sitting on the same side my mate is. I'm waiting for the same cold stare but out of nowhere he starts telling me about some weird song he wrote for a school work, all laughing and joking. For some second I'm like "WTF is going on here" but why would I complain? I sit near to him and listen to his story. The friend I was accompaning to the caffeteria calls my name and I turn around to look for him, my hand lands near my lover's and he takes it o_o; by his own means! I don't get a thing about what's going on... I feel happy but with a strange saddness still in me. He also said he loves me out loud, enjoying my flustered expressions every time he said it (I'm kind of shy when expressing my love to someone, but just to someone I really love in a romantic way).

It felt really good to be by his side for the whole hour the break lasted, and in the end he waved goodbye with a smile and a "I love you". But the truth is I don't want this to continue this way... Why did he suddenly acted so natural and loving? Will he do it again? Meaning the indiference... As much as I may act like one, I'm not a toy, much less a sex toy. I don't want him changing his mind about giving me or not the love I deserve and need, because if he continues that way I'm either gonna go crazy or doing some fucked up stuff (my classroom is in a second floor, and when my first class ended I suddenly felt like jumping. Fortunately I barely do pay attention to spontaneous thoughs like this one any more).

I hope you're wrong, too.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 19:48 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>45

It's too early to say anything for certain, it was just a heads-up, so in case I'm right, you'll be somewhat prepared for it. But I'm not saying you should worry about it, just be aware of the possibility. Because his conduct invites to such notions.

It might also be that he feels a bit awkward about having promised himself to you, maybe his heart found out not to be quite so 100% about you two and it has made him worry about his promises. It may pass though when he deals with whatever it is within him that objects to the idea of spending the rest of his life with you.

STILL it's just no excuse for giving you the cold hand, making you worried and anxious, I mean he must know your heart, that it's easily stirred. He should be more considerate even if he's a bit troubled.

Anyway, let's pray now that he'll stay with this latest recovery and that it was an honest, heartfelt gesture. Also I guess it wouldn't hurt if you practiced some trust and patience for your own sake. Don't be naive, but at the same time don't harbour suspicions. It's ok to be aware of risks, but if you start to fear them it will ruin the point of being foresighted in the first place.

47 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-09-07 15:37 ID:xyK4BNZB

This is miscommunication. His situation is a little in the kid's love where he stays with someone as long as he gets what he wants. He doesn't intend it to be that way, but it has just turned out that way because you put him in that comfortable position. You obviously feel a much greater need than he does. Make sure he understands that. To him right now, he's getting enough from you, but he doesn't know you're the one that wants attention. You want to be the kid, not the mom. (Right now you're the mom.) What you feel is natural, usually the man has to be the strong caring, active one, and women have to be the passive, receiving ones. The balance has tiptoed too much in his favor without him knowing. The answer? Just let him know you feel needy and want attention. Tell him to give you what you want, and make you feel loved.
About the anorgasmia, (yes, you used the correct word), you have the first type (not secondary anorgasmia). This could be solved with kegel excercises. Some of the benefits of women proficient in moving those muscles is that they can convey the feeling of penetration without moving the whole body by making a sucking movement around the penis, holding the penis by its neck like a guillotine, or even pushing the penis or object out. This control greatly enhances the ability of the woman to get multiple orgasms.
I suggest excercising, you can do these excersises with precision by applying pressure in the deep, middle, and front parts (and any combination of movements as in back to front, front to back, back only, etc.) and add resitance (by lifting a funnel shaped object with a weight tied to the tip.)
About christianity... I do hope you listen to God's word speak.

48 Name: Tanuka : 2006-10-26 16:45 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>47

Yeah, that's more or less how I'm feeling right now, but now the situation has gone a little bit worse...

He has always been such a influence to my humor sigh I had this problems the first time I dated him... I often was depressed for long periods of time because I couldn't manage to please him or make him happy, and my low self-esteem didn't help much either (Yeah, I was one of those people with suicidal kind of problems). Over the couple of years I stopped hanging out with him I built up some self confidence and became a mentally stronger person than I was before. But now that I'm dating him again I'm starting to feel like the idiot I was before, I now know pleasing him in whatever he wants is wrong, I have to think about myself too, yet I can't stop trying to give him everything... He doesn't seem to notice my efforts anyway (recently I bought him a Saint Seiya figure of his favourite character and all he said was "Oh, thanks. Eight years late, but thanks anyway". I'm out of money now, damn figure costed as if the armor really was made of gold, but oh well), but never fails to point that, for example, I do things that anger him. Once he told me "I know you don't want to anger me, but everything you do pisses me off", and as expected I got pretty sad about the comment, to which he added "See? This is why I never tell you anything"
I just thought that he probably didn't mean to say it coughblindfoldedcough.

Uuugh I don't want to sound like I just want to complain about everything, but I never get the chance to talk about this with anybody (there's this one person dear to me who just passed through a very similar situation, but I only get to see him every freaking planetary alingment) and just swallowing the feelings is gonna make me nuts.

And then there's the sex. I'd rather not talk too much about it... He wants to, in a few words, stick it in the pooper, and I don't see any problem with it except it fucking hurts, a lot. But him... He doesn't seem to care much about that, "if you don't like it you better buy a lubricant, because we're still doing it".

I don't know what to do, but I'm certain about something. I love him and deeply care about him, and I know even if he does such things he loves me back. I don't want to break up with him, but I can't seem to find a solution to this problems... I know I know, "communication is the key", but how do I get him to actually listen to me?

49 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-26 21:33 ID:xyK4BNZB

I'm so sorry to read about your situation, but it's good that you are taking on the problem with such a constructive attitude. But there is a limit to what you can do, and others are better left to God.
I would like to listen to you more, so if you decide to talk, you can find me in irc.freenode.net by the nick Renderer. Click my name to go to IRC and /msg Renderer <your message here>

50 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-26 22:01 ID:xyK4BNZB

You need to register a nick and add a password to it in order to /msg. I forgot IRC was so complicated.

51 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-27 17:07 ID:xyK4BNZB

I've been thinking about your situation. He is not healthy; it seems like he grew up doing whatever he wanted to. Sometimes women confuse their need for someone with love. The truth is, you don't need him, and to be honest, I don't think you love him. The influence he has on your humor is something you make happen, not something HE makes happen (it is biological as much as it is psychological). Women feel more vulnerable and are more susceptible to feel attached when a man rejects or deprecates her. This is consistent with "assholes getting the girl". Usually even simple statements like, "I had such a bad first impression of you," have this effect on women. You are feeling you need to show your worth to him, and since he does not appreciate you, you try harder. I don't know the details of your relationship with him, but you should try finding a good friend (either sex) to help you avoid this guy at least for a while (a month or two, and pray for yourself and for him). Then, you can decide wisely if it's better to stay with him or bid him Godspeed.

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-28 01:27 ID:BtBo4fe8

>>48
wtf. jerk. he got bored after getting into your pants. you deserve much much better. stick a carrot up his ass. no lubricant thanks. STOP TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF TO HIM. he won't know what he has until he actually loses it. notice that all those times he makes an effort is when he is insecure about your feelings to him.

  1. before sex.
  2. when you were leaving for two weeks.
  3. before officially becoming an item.
  4. male friend at cafeteria.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 01:04 ID:BtBo4fe8

Print out and memorise:

You: Hey Jack, we need to talk.
Jack: About what?
You: Where this, our relationship is going. I feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore, I really don't know if you want a relationship with me.
Jack: Not this again.
You: Why don't you want to talk about it?
Jack: Because there's nothing to talk about.
You: Maybe we should break up.
Jack: See, this is what I mean, I don't talk to you because you make a big deal out of everything!
You: Well have you ever thought about how I felt?! I do everything to please you, but I don't even get anything back. I spent all my money to buy you that Saint Seya doll, and I don't even get a sign of gratitude. As if I was supposed to have bought it for you ages ago or something. I really do love you Jack, but lately you make me feel like crap. You're like a totally different person than before we had sex. I've even changed myself because of you. I feel like I've been used. I get sick and depressed just thinking about it. Lately all I ever wanted was some affection from you, but you dismiss my needs altogether. I love you, but I think I need some time apart for myself.

Walk away into the sunset

54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 02:38 ID:Heaven

Don't forget to give Jack a copy to memorise too so he can get his lines right.

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 09:22 ID:Heaven

>>54
no worries, jack is a natural jerk.

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 11:00 ID:Heaven

>>49

Why can't she talk to this thread?

Mirelle guy, don't try to divert her attention to you while she is having troubles and depressed. I know you want to get to her pants since she is vulnerable so you take this to your advantage. Hey Tanuka, be careful. Man shouldn't be trusted. I am man I know it. There are very few men left that is honest and sincere and not want to try get in women pants by taking advantage. Maybe Mirelle guy knows you live near him so you both can meet somewhere. Knowing Mirelle Guy, he wants to get more fuckbuddies so he can enjoy it. Because Tanuka, you said so much about yourself that Mirelle guy knows your weakness so he can take advantage of that. Don't fall for his trap. He said you need friends to talk, thats the method he use to try to slowly work his way up to you so he have sex with you.

Mirelle Guy, Are you trying to manipulate her to your advantage?

Tanuka, be careful. Learn to take care of yourself.

57 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 14:29 ID:Heaven

>>56
Haha. So true. Only you saw through him S.A ;)

58 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-30 05:20 ID:Heaven

Mirelle Guy, I know he likes to steal other people's girlfriends if he knows he can succeed. Tanuka, in her position is likely very to be stolen due to her in this situation and condition.

I claim that Mirelle Guy likes to steal girlfriends from others, it is not without strong clue and intention in his past threads and posts he made. Remember he gave advice to others and try to encourage the person to compete and court the girls even though she has a boyfriend? He goes on to imply in what he says that those who are weak should not be worthy of having girls. Physically stronger and mentally stronger who give the best sex is the one worthy of having girls despite personalities. Mirelle guy is the type who live for pleasure and vainness and arrogance, that his philosophy.

Just because he has few physical features that women like, doesn't make him a better person than others.

I'm not jealous or anything. I just don't like his attitude. I can see right through him, his the playboy type who hunts ladies and look down and laugh at those who can't get women. He is an empty person who tries to fill his void by courting women and proving that he is not worthless and stepping down on those who can't to make him feel more worth. That is basically how he seeks his value.

I know many people on this forum lost girlfriends, and most likely girlfriends being stolen or court by another men. Thanks to the type like Mirelle guys who love to offer you this service.

If you want to blame, blame on Mirelle Guy. If my girlfriend is stolen by Mirellke Guy, I'll seek him out and beat him to death.

59 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-10-30 16:44 ID:xyK4BNZB

Laughs out loud. I would steal a girl's heart, but only with her consent, and only if I am not betraying loyalty to a friend of mine. I have a few physical features going on for me, but the main attractiveness is something I'm trying to teach in this board; it is called manliness. A better word for it exists in Spanish: caballerosidad. (I do not know its translation in English). Wimps who cry in the presence of women are the opposite of what I am trying to teach. I do not know about how straight my ethics are, but I am just an altruistic guy.
I offered to talk privately if she did not feel comfortable sharing crucial details of the situation in this board. A holistic understanding is the start of a good advice.
>>53, You are total comedy.
>>58, How old is your girlfriend? I am guessing you are not even in your 20's. You can't see through what I type, and you probably can't see through your girlfriend either.
>>56 >Learn to take care of yourself.
That's exactly what everyone should be learning in this board. Learn to question everything, do not stick to the standards, dare to care more, pursue more, give more, and want more.

60 Name: Tanuka : 2006-10-30 18:07 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>53 I lol'd.

>>56 Thanks for the advice but there's no way in hell I'm falling for such cheap tricks, and there's even less chance that I'm falling for them in a board. I'm not someone you can take advantage of (with the exception of a certain person I started this thread for), nor be stolen, at least not without problems. Several times I've been given hints of romance in the internets, but I prefer to leave that subject for real life. Although I don't really see any bad intentions in Mirielle Guy's advices, I do find rude that he dissmises my love for my boyfriend so easily, over time I've learned to difference what's real love and the simple need of company, so I'd rather prefer that this isn't questioned again.

Something else I do not concur with Mirielle Guy is that manliness is the same as caballerosidad, which would be textually "gentlemanliness". While manliness means what it is to be a male, often displaying masculinity and usually following the stereotipical and traditional of how a man is seen by society. In addition, manliness is closer to machismo than to actual gentlemanliness.

But that isn't the subject of my thread, now is it?

After thinking a while about the sex issues, there's something else I want to talk to him. He's a man of needs, if you get my drift, and tells me he wants to do me almost as much as he says he loves me (at least I know he finds me both attractive and arousing). How can I tell him subtley that I don't feel comfortable that he says those things to me so much?

61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-31 02:10 ID:YlOrC7ZP

He totally sounds like he's just in it for the sex. Personally, I think you should just stop trying to put up with him and leave him. You deserve much better.

62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-31 20:03 ID:ZikWhVGx

I think the best thing you must doing, nobody canhelp you, is your choice, and you must use your words, Is my opinion. And sorry if i did mistake because I'm french...

63 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-11-03 01:27 ID:xyK4BNZB

It is correct. Gentlemanliness is the word (I thought that word was wrong, but it is in the dictionary.) I'm sorry if I sounded to simply disregard your love for him, but in >>51, I said to avoid him for a while, not to avoid him completely. I do not remember if you mentioned that this he is Christian or not, but I could tell his relationship with God is not very good. You should boht plan together to stay away from each other for a while, for his own sake. You have to be willing to sacrifice time for him that he needs to grow up spiritually and personally. In this time, you pray for him. I typed before that you cannot change a person by your own means, so let me add: God can change him, so you should trust and leave that work to Him.
Also, bear in mind: if you cannot step away from overprotecting him (which you are clearly doing), I fear that you may have Florence Nightingale Syndrome. It is a psychological disorder where you share an emotional upheaval with the person (or believe to share), and you overprotect this person because of it, also known as the "nurse falls in love with patient" syndrome. Do try to give him some time.
By the way, I'm not a machista as you'd say in Spanish (from machismo), although sometimes I am hell-bent on being assertive in the man's role.

64 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-11-03 01:47 ID:xyK4BNZB

So I always ask myself a few things to see if I am in love:
Is it deliberate?
Does it involve self-sacrifice?
Is it controllable? (If it's not, then it's a syndrome.)

>I've learned to difference what's real love and the simple need of company

My point is to make everyone out there question love, do not be so sure about knowing real love. I even question my love towards others sometimes, because it requires a lot of discipline ("love always perseveres").
Rant: I mentioned this before in the board: What is the difference between love and obsession? http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1158713583/

65 Name: >>2 : 2006-11-03 10:38 ID:K5ho0z14

How interesting that this thread is still going!
Tanuka, do you think your problems are solved/not important anymore? After all, more than two months have passed since the first post.
Alternatively, what do you consider to be the main problems now?

66 Name: Mg : 2006-11-03 18:22 ID:Heaven

>>65 Good point. It would be good to know how things are after 2 months.

67 Name: OP : 2007-11-17 23:43 ID:Heaven

Just to answer >>65, things were still going kind of not awesome, but sex was a regular thing still. In the end he went overseas for a whole semester and we broke-up because the damn guy wouldn't try communicating with me (or anyone back here at home, for that matter). I got tired and everything is history now. We don't act awkwardly in each other's presence, which is good I guess, but after a few more slips I've become pretty much not interested in sentimental or physical relationships. Bad end.

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