Hitting on guys: OK or DO NOT WANT? (35)

1 Name: Polaris!iM7pnkmddc : 2006-08-24 20:27 ID:D/mnF3hN

Ever since I dumped my horrific ex-boyfriend, I've been eyeing a guy at work. He's very nice, polite, patient and an overall sweetheart. I've never seen him lose his temper, and even his Myspace is clean of any sort of oddness (I know, "lol myspaces"). Anyway, I wanted to know if I should try and ask him out. So far, we've just been casually friendly with one another. We don't hang out or see each other outside of work. I've heard from a few guys that if they saw a girl try and hit on them, they'd think she was desperate and creepy. But I absolutely hate sitting around and waiting when it's obvious no one will ever talk to me. I'm not desperate, just impatient.
To the males of the forum: would you like a girl to talk to you? Has it happened to you?
To the females: Have you done it before? How did it turn out?
Thanks in advance. :)

2 Name: Love fiasco-guy : 2006-08-24 21:07 ID:0FsvGZzs

>>1
Now you're just acting silly. Would you want to sit your whole life around, waiting for someone to ask you? Many guys are shy or just don't notice something, some of them also have problems with asking someone out, so where's the problem in giving them some hints or actually going straightforward? It's not like we'Re living in the victorian ages where you have to act all pompous

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 21:56 ID:73TSG76W

>>1

>>To the males of the forum: would you like a girl to talk to you? Has it happened to you?

I lol'd

Also, this:

>>I've heard from a few guys that if they saw a girl try and hit on them, they'd think she was desperate and creepy.

Thats bullshit. They say that to seem cool and secure; I don't need girls to hit on me I've got and/or can easily get what I want myself. blablabla! They want to seem badass in front of their friends or inaccesible to women, either because they have some issue with them or because they think that makes them attractive.

One of the cutest/hottest things you can do is to straightforwardly seek a guys friendship/attention, this holds true at least for normal guys. Although you should take care not to be slutty(trying to be sexy and seductive) and/or bitchy(trying to be smart and confident). However I sometimes find it amusing if girls try it, and pretending to be for laughs is ok. Just act naturally. Ofcourse I cannot speak for all since a lot of people have fetishes and shit, but this is how it generally works.

I can't recall a single woman for whom my oppinions have worsened after they had reached out to me, unless they did it in a distasteful way(see above) or just acted wierd. I remember this girl in highschool who wrote me loveletters and called me only to giggle and hang up. But when I saw her in school she wouldn't even look at me and we never talked. This other girl would be in my face all the time talking down to me, bitching about this and that even if I never even talked to or looked at her. These are strategies I do not recommend. Be straightforward and when the time is right, tell how you feel.

I do however suggest you get to know the guy on a friendly basis for a while first before even suggesting you have a romantical interest, so you can confirm that he is indeed a cool guy and not some wolf in sheeps clothing. This should be done before anything even risks to happen. The worst people often seem to be the nicest, and some of the best may seem like total wankers.

So be careful.

4 Name: The Prof : 2006-08-24 22:09 ID:gKMhoLUA

>>1
Personally I wouldn't mind if a girl would ask me out. I'm shy and don't have much self confidence, but if a girl told me that she likes me I'd be happy and go out with her. Well... unless she's some psychopat killer or something. :P

I have a situation like this too:
I know this girl. We used to go to a cafe with 2 other friends. I don't know if she likes me. She's a nice girl and I don't know if I should ask her out. I don't want to ruin our friendship.
The other problem is that maybe she has feelings for this other guy. They hang around together sometimes, but they don't look like a couple.
What should I do?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 00:14 ID:KL4gxH2X

GO FOR IT!

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 02:11 ID:KL4gxH2X

>>4
If she's going out with other guy, don't interfere. If she likes you and you like her and she is single. Just ask her out, there's nothing to lose.

Don't ask her out if she's like your best friend, it may end in tears. ;_;

I wish you the best of luck.

7 Name: 電気男 : 2006-08-25 02:17 ID:+4n80pRn

I wouldn't mind a girl asking me out either. But I had to ask my gf, she is traditional that way I suppose. I had been eyeing her and subtly hitting on her for months, then I heard from one of her friends that she thought I was cute and was hoping I'd ask her out. This taught me a lesson of don't wait, just go for it. So I asked her without fear and she said yes, thus we're happy together now.

To the OP: If this guy has a problem with you, a girl, asking him out, he isn't right for you. Most men would be quite flattered by the gesture and I think a guy would be stupid to say no if a girl asks them out, as rare as that is. So don't delay, just do it, and best of luck.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 05:47 ID:3ESm+ZxU

>>1

<Stan Lee> Please turn in your costume </Stan Lee>

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 06:02 ID:Heaven

>>1
Ask him out, and don't be too subtle about it. "Nice"-type guys, myself included, tend to have problems catching signals.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 07:07 ID:Aqk7/pGM

DO WANT very much.

End of thread.

11 Name: N/A : 2006-08-26 20:05 ID:k4A2Sxub

I am suffering from the same choice, do i 'ask him out' or tell him i fancy him... i think he may like me but dont actually know!!! its the fear of rejection stopping me.
you sound like a great girl and i think he likes you... so i say GO FOR IT!!!

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-26 20:09 ID:73TSG76W

>>11

You sound like a great girl and i think he likes you... so i say GO FOR IT!!!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 15:26 ID:Heaven

I'd love for a girl to hit on me. I don't see why a guy would find it creepy. For the most part, a guy hitting on a girl seems just as creepy, if you want to look at it that way.
It's happened before, but I didn't realize until like 1 year later >.>; You've gotta be direct about it and your intentions.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 02:05 ID:SvkWkyoM

i've never paid any attention to the girls who liked me / hit on me. i've had it happen - only to realize months later (or even years later).

there was this one girl in my econ class who seemingly tried to tease / flirt with me, and always sat next to me. i thought she was just creepy. i didn't know wtf she was trying to do.

here's the thing. if the guy is not attracted to the girl - he will not be receptive to any signals you are sending. if you want the guy to know, you need to hit it HARD. e.g. tits of GTFO.

15 Name: comrade : 2006-08-28 02:15 ID:X/g3fioA

going to agree with #14 here . guys dont expect girls to hit on them.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 12:15 ID:Heaven

no! dont!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 12:24 ID:qeh0lSqi

No, we don't, but it's certainly a nice change. I wish more women were straightforward about their feelings, instead of being so damn subtle. The most blunt signals I've gotten were one watching me eat and telling me I smell nice. Now if that's blunt, then what's normally subtle for a girl? Some of us just never learn how to function socially.

Fucking gender roles! Why the fuck does society have to program us to believe we have to act a certain way!? >.<

Some guys tend to be oblivious, others just have delayed reactions...severely delayed reactions. I can't speak for everyone, but you have to hit us over the head with a frying pan just to get us to notice, so just go for it and hope for the best. If he's shy, he'll warm up to you eventually. The key with them is perseverence, but let this serve as a warning as well.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 13:31 ID:SVFTSC+E

Actually I've had the exact opposite reactions from guys. After moving to a new school I found that a few of the guys believed that I had been hitting on them. I was totally oblivious until I heard a couple of them gossiping about me -_-. Of course I found it all very presumptuous of them. I genuinely thought they were being friendly with the "new girl". I don't know if it's a race thing, because I'm referring to asian guys. Perhaps asian guys tend to read into things too much. Or maybe I'm just being too naive to think that a girl can just simply have a good time with a guy.

Anyhow, since then I have always been under the impression that people regardless of gender would always pick up on the slightest hint if you were flirting with them. And yeh, looking back on my situation, they will most likely reciprocate.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 17:08 ID:SvkWkyoM

that's only cause the guys there liked you. if the guy likes you already, he'll prolly think you want him (well any confident guy would). now ... if the guys didn't like you, they wouldn't give a fuck about you.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 17:15 ID:5fb4nOK/

You sound fat. For you that might be a DO NOT WANT

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-28 20:25 ID:Heaven

>>20
I'll have to second that. If you're fat nothing said in this thread applies. Lose some weight fatty!

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-29 01:08 ID:1suw8ZUZ

Sad but true. Us guys judge a girl by her appearance (what am I saying, everyone judges by appearance). Generally if a girl isn't cute, we don't want to be approached by her. And if a girl is really cute, we don't really expect to be approached (unless we're really popular, arrogant, etc.). So I guess you could say we either don't want to be approached by you, or don't expect to be. So if you're cute, it might take a guy by suprise, but he probably won't mind it at all.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-29 02:28 ID:73TSG76W

I guess it's no use to speak out of personal preference when you're kind of unusual, but I don't care all that much about appearance, really. Also I don't mind if a girl has some fat on her, quite the opposite I think thats better than skinny.

And no I'm not ugly myself so I have to lower my standards, I think I look good, and for some reason girls who I would percieve to be way out of my league(not that I care, just as an observation) often show me interest or downright chase after me.

I just honestly care so much more about the inside. I'd say from a strictly superficial point of view, perhaps 80% of a well mixed female crowd look good enough for me to be able to fall in love with without effort. What really matters is if they have an inner warmth that light up their outside, it really transforms your pereception. I really can't get how superficial other people are, it's hurtful to hear rude remarks about peoples appearance, and often about girls I can find no fault with myself.

I don't know if I'm just an oddity, but I just like to say, nevermind the superficial shitheads, have faith in yourself to allow your inner beauty to show, because if others are like me, thats what does the main part in drawing attraction.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-29 02:52 ID:vklpWFnU

I have no girls chasing me orz

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-29 03:29 ID:73TSG76W

>>24

And why do you think that is?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-29 21:31 ID:tHAqqcQ2

cause he's orzin'

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 07:49 ID:Heaven

Don't orz in public, kids!

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 08:02 ID:z78Di2oU

>>22

>Sad but true. Us guys judge a girl by her appearance (what am I saying, everyone judges by appearance). Generally if a girl isn't cute, we don't want to be approached by her. And if a girl is really cute, we don't really expect to be approached (unless we're really popular, arrogant, etc.). So I guess you could say we either don't want to be approached by you, or don't expect to be. So if you're cute, it might take a guy by suprise, but he probably won't mind it at all.

Heh, that's so true.

One correction, though: There's also the girls that are neither cute nor "un-cute." The normal ones that can possibly be cute under certain circumstances. Those we just don't notice.

So I guess we either don't want to be approached by you, don't expect to be approached by you because we consider you out of our league, or don't expect to be approached by you because we never noticed and/or considered you.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 21:54 ID:MCy1B375

OP don't listen to those shitheads. XD I'm thinking the rude posts are from idiots whose balls have yet to drop. Even if you are fat, what advice I'm about to give still applies, because believe it or not, many guys care about persona as much as, if not more than, your appearence.

Anyways, I wouldn't approach him, because if he likes you, then he will approach you. This doesn't mean you can't drop a few hints now and then, just don't come right out and ask for a date or something. You said you had his myspace, so he gave that to you? Well, that shows something. If you can get his AIM or w/e and converse with him that way it breaks down a lot of the social barriers (him being shy, unsure about your feelings) that may be preventing him from approaching you.

It's also very important to remain confident and let that guy see your confidence in yourself because that's usually very sexy and attractive.

Anyways, good luck to you!

>>23
You're not an oddity, you've just grown up. :/

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 00:45 ID:hJY6ECj6

I´m very shy and guys don´t usually hit on me =´(

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 08:56 ID:z78Di2oU

>>29

>Anyways, I wouldn't approach him, because if he likes you, then he will approach you.

Not if he's shy or not sure if you like him. Personally, I wish women would as me out rather than vice versa, me being shy as well.

Look at it this way: If we (guys) ask a woman out they can yell sexual harassment. Like hell any guy would do that to a woman, or he'll lose his manhood. Thus, women want the ball in their court.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 16:57 ID:qeh0lSqi

Only in the workplace. There are better times than on the job to make your move.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-11 10:18 ID:z3UPduPD

There isnt anything wrong with a girl asking a guy out. Hell if it wasnt for that I would of ended up going to my HS graduation alone.

But considering how much I liked the girl before she asked me, and what happened at grad, I wish she never did.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-12 01:47 ID:Heaven

For a lot of people the only place they meet girls is on the job.

Not saying I'm like that though... our office is 100% male. :-/

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-14 18:45 ID:Heaven

>>33 Sounds like a story, haha.

Look, if you don't look good (no offense), then you probably want to form a friendship with him first.

And if you're confident in your looks and charm, I say go for it.

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