I feel both lucky and unlucky at the same time. I'm a girl who would probably opt for a hikkimori lifestyle if I could, though I can't possibly afford that lifestyle. I have a few friends, one very good one that I love very much and some others. Most of my so-called friends drive me nuts, and my best friend, well, I talk to her through the internet mostly anyway. I've had three boyfriends in the past, though each had their own problems and had unique problems with me, so each parted with me for different reasons.

The thought that I'll never be successful in life keeps crossing my head. I know it's shallow of me, but as a kid I was hoping my parents would get me an arranged marriage to someone rich and then I'd never have to worry about anything. I do want to find my own success sometimes, but then other times I wonder what the point of it will be. You live and then you die; only a handful of people really make a tangible mark on the world, consider how many human beings have lived and died in all eternity. Would having someone to really love ever fill up that void of never being able to really leave a mark? What if the world ends all of a sudden? Wouldn't it be nice to have a story to tell before you die?