Dear 4-ch, please hear me out.

I have surveyed all my options (ALL of them), and the only girl I would ever want to date right now is taken, by my best friend. There's another girl who I wanted to date in the fall, but I realized that even if I got her to stop being afraid of guys, she'd be really high-maintenance. I have NO OPTIONS. A college that is 60% women, and ZERO of them are intelligent, friendly, and available.

Someone come rescue me. For Pete's sake. I want someone, anyone female, to go out on a date with me, and at least act like a possibility for a week or so. Really I just want to give someone a hug. Oh God.