Ok, I need some experienced advice on what to do in my situation. I've never been in a serious relationship before. I'm 21, male, in college.
Girl 1: 17. I met her at a camp in kansas, but she lives maybe 800 miles away (Virginia). She one of 2 girls (inclusive) I've felt a close kinship towards. She is just about perfect. Great personality, great looks. We are psudo-dating now over the internet, but it's not going so well, we're finding it hard to get anything serious going. As it is going now, I'll only see her once or twice a year. I would fit perfectly in a relationship with this girl. She may have feelings for me, or may only respect and like me(friend version), I don't know.
Girl 2: 20. I knew her from high school. She is incredible, but I don't feel any immediate kinship towards her (well, a little). However, I can easily see myself building that, and I can easily see myself building a great relationship with her. She is amazingly beautiful (among the top few I've ever seen in real life), physically active, and has a good personality. Very easy to get along with. She is that girl that every guy would kill to get, yet she hasn't let herself fall into the stereotype of popular superficial hot supermodel girl. And she's dropped some great hints that I'm her type. We would certainly mesh superficially better than I would with Girl 1, but maybe not on a deeper level.
So... it seems like someone gets the unfair bargain no matter what I do. I don't want to throw away a relationship with a rare, amazing girl for the small chance the one with Girl 1 will work out. I also know that there is a fair chance I could work out a serious long term relationship with Girl 2, and live happily with her. But the feelings I felt for Girl 1 were stronger and came naturally, and I am in a pseudo-dating with her, where basically we agreed to just see where things went and go from there.
First, opinion issue, is it better to go for the awesome girl who lives minutes away, or the awesomer girl who lives hours and hours away? Second, is there a middle ground I could take? I was assuming I would have to be completely honest and open with both girls no matter my choice, but maybe I could go with Girl 2, and see where that leads without telling Girl 1 unless it got serious? That would minimize the chance of hurting the feelings of Girl 1, but it would also be dishonest, so I am torn.
Adivce, opinions?
I've got some experience here. To be honest, a ton.
Girl 2 is the obvious choice here. Don't delve into it too much, nor try to measure rational with emotional. I've done that already for you.
Let me give you a quick explanation of what will and should happen for your best. I will be completely honest with what you have to do. Tell her you want to get very close to her and you'd like to clear your mind of unnecessary worries. Do not mention Girl 1 unless, 1: she's so insistent she will close your relationship if you don't talk about it; and 2: you are absolutely sure this will not affect your relationship negatively. You will get to know every aspect of girl 2, while keeping an open relationship with Girl 1. By open, it means getting enough friendship going on and a good relationship to be able to talk to each other about your private lives. You will be clear to her about both of you giving up any romantic relationship with each other and stick to a platonic love. (There are many good reasons to avoid romantic relationships with her. I'm sure you can come up with some to tell her. Be creative... say something like, "You're young, I won't stop you from living life." or "I don't want to compromise your heart." or "The world is big, you may find other things and people to live for.") You will not disclose any facts about your flourishing relationsihp with Girl 2 until it's absolutely safe to do so. (I would say 2 months maybe.)
If you follow my advice, what will happen is:
You will enjoy life with Girl 2.
And if the open relationship with Girl 1 goes way too well for you and her to handle, your heart will tell you what to do. (Meaning you both know and are absolutely sure you are soulmates destined to live together happily ever after.)
The goal with that reply is to keep BOTH of your relationships healthy. It's possible, believe me. But it takes a big heart, a lot of discipline, and clarity of mind to be able to balance such relationships out. And by big heart I don't mean being able to love both, but to be able to absorb all emotions and keep them covered, small, and unnoticed. It means to not overflow with emotions or be overthrown by emotions (beware of becoming emotionally unstable, I believe they are called emo people, am I right?).
My advice to novices and socially inept ones is: Do not try this at home.
Girl 2.
Because Girl 1 can always be a close friend with you. If you destroy that with her by entering a relationship, then you've lost a close friend.