Just a small story (13)

1 Name: Not So Secret Admirer : 2006-09-24 14:31 ID:6dEMMOri

Hello /love/, I used to lurk here for a while, and now I decided to post my story.

I must say that in my 19 years of life I've almost never socialized with women (i.e. holding a conversation for more than 10 minutes) until a few months ago. I decided to change my life and get to actually force myself into talking with someone from the opposite sex.

After overcoming some initial fears, mostly due to lack of confidence, I finally engaged in some conversations. Some of them were very interesting actually. I met some girls and have become friends with them.

Now there's this girl I met online, I've never met her in real life, but still, she's the most interesting person I've ever met. She has broad cultural knowledge, she's very funny, I almost became instantly attracted by her personality. We'd talk for hours on end about just everything. Somedays when I got off work I was actually eager to get home and have a small philosophical chat with her, discuss the state of affairs, human psychology, etc...

And then, a couple of days ago I got to know she's now dating someone. When I learned that, I felt very happy for her. I regarded her as a friend, a friend that I could truly talk to, unlike many other people I knew. But the truth is, a couple of hours later, after talking to her, I started feeling depressed, my heart started pumping faster and started feeling a huge melancholy. A week later, I'm still feeling like that, from when I wake up to the hour I go to sleep. I even have difficulty to go to sleep with this heartrate. I rationally connected these events with a certain announcement... even though I'm still able to hold the conversations with her.

So, /love/, from then on I've tried to think out what my problem is. I've thought of the following hypothesis:

  • I'm in love, plain and simple, and knowing that she's not available makes me envious of a certain lucky bastard, despite still being able to talk to her.
  • I'm in love, because it's simply my emotional/relationship immaturity showing up, and I fell in love with the first interesting person from the opposite sex I met.
  • I'm eating way too much salt.

The first two seem the most reasonable, the second one sounds a bit too much like denial, but it is true I'm still not completely at ease with women.

I guess it's also important to mention I don't even know what she looks like...

So I think I'm pretty sure I'm in love! And what's funny is I didn't even know about it until I got to know I wouldn't be able to get it! Human nature at its best? But still, regardless of my own emotions, I'm happy she found someone to be with, even though my ego keeps hammering its way into my thoughts.

And that's all, I just wanted to vent off a little.
Meanwhile I'll try to figure someway of getting this pain off my chest (lol emoness).

Have a nice day!

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