Defusing an extremely jealous friend (4)

1 Name: Severin : 2006-10-01 01:57 ID:7s2S74rP

Hey Secret Admirers, this is that same guy from the "older woman" thread. Got another question that's related to the situation I posted about earlier, but not directly.

My best friend- who, despite being a very nice and rather handsome guy- is 21, has only had one girlfriend (albeit for only 6 months), and still a virgin. I've been helping him learn how to meet women and get dates, and have been taking him out to various social events so he can meet people. Welllll...

The other night, I was at the club with him, m'lady, and some other friends of ours. We were all having a great time, as we always do when we go to this particular club [note: this is the same club that I met the woman I'm dating at, and my friend and I have been going there for the past 2 years]. Well, about halfway through the night, m'lady has to leave quickly, and so she and I say a quick "goodbye/smooch/Saturday sound good?" and off she goes. I sigh happily, and as I turn to my friend, I look and he's sighing happily too. He's blushing as well. He turns and says to me "Well, damn, why'd she have to leave so early? I was hoping to get her number... Hmmm, hey, you think I'd have a chance with her, even though she's older than me?"

Oh SHIT, I realized. Oh SHIT, he likes her too. He likes her too. Not only does he like her too, but it seems he didn't see ANY of the signs that she and I are testing the waters!

Now almost always, this can be solved by a simple "Uh, sorry dude, but she and I have a thing going on right now...", but there are two big problems:

1) My best friend is EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY jealous. The last time he liked a girl and another friend of his got her, he flipped his lid and there was some serious-ass drama, and if the girl hadn't broken up with this other friend, the friendship probably would have ended badly. My friend has a SERIOUS temper problem, and once he's pissed off, he's impossible to reason with or to console (yes, before you say anything, I am trying to work with him on this, because he needs to get his temper in gear before he tries to date anyone).

2) This guy is my best friend, and I don't want to lose him over a girl.

Short and short of it: I have to tell my friend sooner or later that she and I are dating, how can I do this in a way that won't kill the man (or have him kill me)?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-01 03:58 ID:6hbn38Rz

Dear Severin,

Just tell him what's going on. Straightforward, as soon as possible. Postponing it can have undesirable, unpredictable effects.

If he says "oh, dang it, you! :p", congratulations! you've got a friend who can put his friendship above his jealousy. We call this a person with a normal mind!

If he gets impossible to reason with, in a state of uncontrolled jealousy, there might be a bigger underlying problem, please consider professional help for your friend. It will be the best for you, for him, and for anyone he might date in the future.

Little children cry and weep a lot when they can't get something... but they end up just accepting the fact. Your friend is 21 years old, right?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-01 08:15 ID:Heaven


Tell him. ASAP

4 Name: Severin : 2006-10-06 20:57 ID:7s2S74rP

Well, that went actually quite well!

We had all been drinking a good bit at my friend's place, and I pulled him over to the side to explain things to him, and he just screamed "YOU LUCKY BASTAAAARD!" and chased me down the street with a pool toy. It was hilarious!

Thankfully, he also has a date himself Saturday night. YAY. All's well that ends well.

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