Getting over unrequited love. (15)

1 Name: mc : 2006-10-21 05:56 ID:g2edCIp5

What's the best way to get over an unrequited love with someone you have to be in contact with daily due to social commitments and usually tries to talk to you, without letting on that something's up or shoving them away?

(Also, if you'd like, I'm interested in other stories about the same type of thing.)

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-21 06:36 ID:izlECICN

Haha. Um, I went through the same thing. Went out with this guy for a years. It's been 2 years since we've broken up. I still like him and he knows it. (PS: You're getting the condensed version since uh, I've told this like a kajillion times)

Most people tell me to get over him. And I think part of the reason I didn't get over him was 'cause I felt like if I did, then I'd sort of be betraying what we had. If that makes any sense. The first year after we broke up, I was a wreck. I couldn't sleep, my eyes were constantly puffy. I tried to avoid him for a while, but he just sought me out. I tried to hate him, but little things he'd do for me would make me too happy.

And now, I've come to the reality that we will probably never be together. And I do still plan on getting married, even though I will still like him the most. I guess what I'm saying is I just got used to the unrequited love, rather than getting over it.

Yeah I know, I'm a bit naiive.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-21 14:35 ID:Heaven

>>2
People should be naiive.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 01:14 ID:UX4cmH+c

videogames, and lots of them

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 07:38 ID:/ZYXOp9S

>>1 and >>2
In all seriousness, try reading sense and sensibility by Jane Austen. It worked for me. sense and sensibility cures emo and other emo-like problems. But you have to read the whole thing through. Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. But if you've found that nothing else works and you're willing to try anything. try reading it.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 10:35 ID:WBpB5OZE

In all seriousness, get back on the horse, any horse. If your broken up over somthing that can never be, go and get a taste of somthing pointless and quick.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 10:53 ID:Heaven

>>6
food for thought

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 16:55 ID:fBoq26qI

>>2
Reminds me too much of my school days. I was 19 at the time. I noticed this girl (Maria) at once, and immediately I fell in love. She was so nice to me. At least, she couldn't have hated me. Not at first anyway. We would sit close together for hours and hours on end, listening to music, talking. Sometimes, we would take off our T-shirts, feeling the warmth from each other. We talked about everything and anything, and I opened up even the darkest nooks and crannies of my soul for her. Things I never dared to tell anyone, I told her. Once, she even did IT to me with her hands. It was so wonderful. The first time ever that a girl had actually given me that kind of attention. I felt I was in heaven.

But then - I became awere that she didn't LOVE me. I loved her, but she didn't love me. I would always seek her out, but she was in no hurry. It could take days before she came looking for me. Slowly, it made me sad and depressed and eventally I stopped seeing her. It broke my heart. I started to feel (even more) worthless.

All this made me totally blind regurading other girls. I just didn't percieve them as anything other than classmates. Later, I've learned that at least two other girls were interested in me, but I was blinded and immune to their signals!

Two years later we graduated, and we all left for our respective... well, whatever. I felt devastated. I missed Maria so much. I would run actually out where no one could hear me and shout her name out relly loud, as if it would somehow make her appear. I realized I was loosing my mind, and became aware that I was "intellectualizing" - playing mindgames with myself.

It took many years to get over Maria. Now, I'm married to a gorgeous woman and have two kids, a boy and a girl. I came across an envelope while rummaging though some old cardboard boxes a couple of weeks ago. The envelope was full of pictures of Maria. For a moment I got kind of disconnected from my senses. I looked at the pictures of Maria's familiar face. All her funny expressions, her "cutes" and smiles. For a split second I felt a warmth in my chest. I believe I smiled too, remembering the good things we had together.

It was so easy to tear up the pictures, one by one. Finally, I've got over Maria. Unrequitted love is a serious condition.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-22 20:21 ID:Heaven

>>8

omg how sad (no joke). It makes me want to cry, remembering my ex.

10 Name: mc : 2006-10-23 04:46 ID:g2edCIp5

>>2
Ah...quite a story there. Thanks for responding.

>>4
Heh. I haven't been playing nearly enough for a while, maybe that will help.

>>5
Never heard of it, but I'm willing to give it a shot if I can get a copy or find the text somewhere.

>>6
I've considered this, but since this particular person definitely helped with unraveling the last relationship I had, I don't want to disappoint someone else - between suffering over this and making someone else suffer, I'd prefer the former (if only barely).

Thanks, all, for the responses.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 10:39 ID:+2BuWh9I

>>10 "Between suffering over this and making someone else suffer, I'd prefer the former (if only barely)."

Don't take responsibility for someone else. It is your and only your responsibility to take care of yourself. It is their responsibility to take care of themself.

If you are suffering, then it is up to you to do something or get out. If they are suffering, then it is up to them to do something or get out. Don't be miserable and struggling to move on because you are worried about someone suffering at your hands.

Having another relationship and time is the best way to move on. Finding excuses for not having relationships does not help.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 05:21 ID:Heaven

>>Having another relationship and time is the best way to move on. Finding excuses for not having relationships does not help.

I don't really think having another relationship is really the best way to go if you're not over the guy yet. I t just bringsn extra baggage. Sort your feelings out first.

13 Name: 5 : 2006-11-04 06:13 ID:/ZYXOp9S

>>10

you can find it at any library and it's an old book so maybe you can even find an online version. if the girl won't get out of your life and you're just forced to deal with her, try the book.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 21:21 ID:zsfGn/ei

I think, dont get over it. Enjoy it... think that you are alive to be able to feel something so strong for someone, and how lucky you are just for this. The fact that you are alive and have that powerful emotion running through you is itself a beautiful thing. Feeling emotion is probably the most important aspect of our humanity, and attaching a need for something which is for you beautiful but nevertheless material and impermanent in a way only diminishes the beauty of this amazing result of life that is love. If you need comfort just open your eyes, look at the sky... imagine the size of the universe in its myriad forms and if her face appears to you then remember she is but one part of our most wonderful dance of life. I have many times in my life felt this sort of feeling but this is how i have now learned to view it. Impermanence is nature of all that is, and so it is worth enjoying every moment. Even the days that you just wish would end are worth living and even those emotions which would explode out of your being are worth feeling.

Peace be with you.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-05 00:04 ID:dzdFdFYi

>>14
What a wonderful expression of a sentiment I agree with. I've actually had occasions in the past where I felt I had gotten over someone too quickly It made me worry that the emotions I had felt were superficial and false. Maybe I'd just been playing at being in love? To this day I'm not sure if I'm actually capable of real, deep feelings for another human being.

The pain of rejection can sort of make you feel alive and almost noble. I used to think of it as 'fun pain', not like the bitter pain associated with how my life seemed to be going nowhere and my dreams were all dying. That was suffocating real pain; romantic angst was more of a diversion.

I'm not really sure how much any of this reflects my current feelings. In the last year I fell for a close friend, who rejected me. The aftermath has been filled with awkwardness and pain, but not always the good kind. This stuff actually hurts! So, I don't know. Hence,rambling.

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