Should I tell him, or just give up? (43)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 23:38 ID:3X/UOWvm

There is a guy I go to school with, we're in a class together, and he is in a grade younger then me, and he is 10 months younger than me. (It's long sorry.)

When first started knowing who each other was last year, he treated me really horribly. Calling me a bitch, saying how much he hated me all the time. Then in June I added him on MSN, he called me a bitch told me to fuck myself. Then 10 minutes later, apologised to me and then ended up confiding to me about his girl troubles. After that me and him started getting along really well, and there became a comfort I felt with him. I felt as though I could talk to him about everything, and he would always listen and help.

Well the girl he had troubles with is over with, and now I find myself falling for him. Girls don't think much of him, I think he's cute, but not many girls agree. A lot of people can't see past his "Fuck You" personality, but I can see through that.

He is giving me a lot of mixed signals, on the internet he's pretty nice. In life he is back to saying how much he hates me and stuff. It might have to do with me saying "You can insult me and throw things at me and I will always care."

I'm really really confused as to what to do, should I tell him? Or just give up??

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-23 23:52 ID:tIPO/Czt

This is lol. How old are you?

3 Name: Notch : 2006-10-23 23:53 ID:rs5xjZIH

Have some self respect for gods sakes. Why would you want or even talk to someone that treats you that way. A few years from now and you will be dating dudes who beat you up. STOP THIS irrational behavior before it becomes too deeply ingrained.

For christ fucking sakes.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 01:25 ID:Heaven

yet another story how the girl goes for the asshole guy...

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 01:59 ID:3X/UOWvm

>>2 17, grade 12.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 04:59 ID:OOmU/nOu

lol this sounds like me.

except i don't curse. my advice is to stay far, far away from him. we're destructive black holes of hatred. i'm not even talking about how he treats you, but about how he is. it is in his nature to absorb and digest people and girls like you. there's no special reason for you to go through that.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 05:19 ID:Heaven

How is he like when you two are alone in real life?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 05:35 ID:ofU8dNw3


> Then in June I added him on MSN, he called me a bitch told me
> to fuck myself. Then 10 minutes later, apologised to me and
> then ended up confiding to me about his girl troubles.

You see, thats how he manipulates everyone around him, you yourself included. With such a guy you will never know where he is mentally, changing faces from minute to minute. There is a short distance from verbal abuse to violence, and you probably have not seen his violent face yet. "Girl problems" are probably not his only problems, right? I kind of recognise his behaviour from what you tell us. My guess is that his condition has "a name" in the school psychologist's vocabulary. You think you can cure him? By giving him "what he wants"?

Do you see yourself in that situation 5 years from now? The victim of constant verbal and physical abuse? You think you can live vith it? Please listen to what ppl tell you and get out of it. Sooner rather than later.

9 Name: Otaku Half Hikki : 2006-10-24 06:40 ID:nzziyT7W


He is clearly not a good guy. A good guy never verbally abused you nor do any harm to you. As >>8 said, he is manipulating you with this method... like being an asshole to you and then showing you his sensitive side. Alot of women like you have fallen to such a trap. A good man never harms a woman, he is like mother or father to you, always caring about you. But women don't like these kind of guys.

If you don't him in your life or you don't want to involve yourself in a relationship with him, just be neutral or cold to him. If he tries to put an act to be nice to you, be thankful to him but keep in mind to remind yourself he is not what he is, he is not a good guy. If he threatens you, seek the police, solicitor or lawyer, or any human right authorities to sue him for verbal abuse. Get a sound recorder to record his voice and get someone to witness him verbally abusing you , and contact your lawyer or solicitor. I know these type of people, they think they are physically strong to abuse their power over those they perceived weaker, and women tend to be physically weaker than men, so they take that advantage, and they think they can get away with it by threatening you knowing that you will fear being coerced if you tell the law enforcenment agencies. Alot like molestors who use their power to abuse children.

But if you were both going to fight, don't fight back or swear back. Go seek law professionals and police. If he keeps swearing to you, tell him "Don't swear to me, if you do it again , I will contact law enforcement to deal with this and you will be going to court with me!".

Just remember there is always law and justice to help you out.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 09:31 ID:BSJBLt4O

A nice trick, i used it, and despite my under average looks it worked. But i really felt like shit at the momment. how do these people do it?

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 13:41 ID:Heaven

I am not 100% sure, but I don't think you can take someone to court for swearing.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 14:51 ID:nW8EgRMB

What said >>9 is not a bad idea . Try to be cold and insensitive to him. For some weeks, your are nice with him on MSN or in real Life although him he has really a bad behaviour. so be bad with him. Try to be horrible at his eyes and see How he will react. Maybe it's a good test for you to see if he's manipulating you on the internet or if he has a really big problem in his head !!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 16:39 ID:5m/EyeyP

>>8 is right. dude won't change. cut him off.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 17:15 ID:7mZ/jQan

Young girls are stupid. Once women mature, they realize they want the nice, loving, sensitive guy.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 18:00 ID:98DJ8JdI

In my experience, this still doesn't happen by the time they're 22.


16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 18:35 ID:Heaven


You shouldn't be too over-emotional...have some self-confidence and humour (easier said than done, I know ;)

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 20:08 ID:3X/UOWvm

>>7 We never really have been alone alone in real life together, but there have been situations we're he has been nice to me.

This is really hard for me, stuff is rough for him, and I just don't want to all of a sudden be cold towards him. I'm getting really scared now after all the stuff you guys have been saying...

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 20:21 ID:Heaven

show kindness but dont fall for him

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-24 20:29 ID:3X/UOWvm

>>18 That, I think I can do.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-25 15:20 ID:7y4EJuvd


I second you.

21 Name: TokyoJapan22 : 2006-10-25 22:15 ID:iXcq3iRI

Get to know the guy more.personaly! his life and what not. Remember, this is in a highschool surrounding people! People have an image they need to keep. If they all of a sudden change, it can cause some problems. Oh and by the way, what typoe of guy is he? a nerd, a jock, a "handsome stud", Emo, gangster, etc. The image he has affects your situation very much.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-25 23:24 ID:Ir2JASff

>>21 He's probably rock star esque. He is amazingly talented at bass, and he's in a band full of "Hot" guys. Which doesn't help his self esteem much. He kind of has this "Guy who always get made fun up beaten up" persona aswell.

23 Name: keiko : 2006-10-26 02:12 ID:Q5NN1RIT

I know exactly what you are going through because I am in a similar love/hate situation where the person is literally in love with me one second, and then will completely freak out on me, and everyone else. That is different as he is going to see if he is suffering from bipolar but it is the same idea...

I would say "stay away" but I would also say that if there are many good things about him that OUTWEIGH the bad, it may be possible to "alter" him...It could be extremely stressful for you but either way, you are 17 and it is not like this is going to be a commitment at this point in time. I think what you are going through now is a good experience because you are learning to deal with difficult people- something you will always encounter in life.

Develop a strong friendship with him, maybe? Rather than committing to him because maybe he is the jealous type who might abuse you...You never know. I think you should keep him as a friend, though. And if you decide to go further, that is your decision.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-26 05:08 ID:Heaven

>it may be possible to "alter" him

Yeah, it might be. I wouldn't reccomend trying, though.

25 Name: keiko : 2006-10-26 14:54 ID:weeHkcxm


yeah x.x things like that can happen naturally, though.

26 Name: TokyoJapan22 : 2006-10-26 22:33 ID:iXcq3iRI

I knew it would come to this! All rockstar wannabe's in highschool do this type of thing so it's nothing to be bothered about. They keep their image as if their cool and gonna be the next major rock group; highly doubt it. So it looks like this guy is..........real. But for how long? He'll change sooner or later when he realizes some fantasies can't happen.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-26 23:29 ID:5m/EyeyP


>He'll change sooner or later when he realizes some fantasies can't happen.

consider the irony of this statement being posted on a board where people think densha otoko can actually happen to them

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-27 02:15 ID:Heaven

>it may be possible to "alter" him...

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-28 01:42 ID:7rzq7Ohi

is right. if ur looking for a good man, u will never find it in this boy.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-28 21:04 ID:7eRPFTeb

>>28 Brilliant! It's so true. Women expect men to change their attitude, while men expect that women will keep their physical appearance. I'm totally quoting SA on that.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-28 21:45 ID:Heaven


32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 05:04 ID:7rzq7Ohi

Print out and memorise:

You: Hey there Wayne.
Him: F*ck You Stacy.
You: Can we talk?
Him: I don't have time for this. Hurry up.
You: Well the thing is, I need your advice on something.
Him: What?
You: There's this guy-
Him: Oh f*ck not girl troubles. I don't wanna listen to this sh*t.
You: Just hear me out alright? So, there's this guy...and I'm really confused about him at the moment. We started off with a rocky start, but gradually as I got to know him, I saw what a nice guy he actually was. I used to see him as a friend, but now I'm not sure about my feelings towards him, and I don't know whether he likes me or not. Sometimes he will swear at me, and the next moment he will sweep my feet away. But I know that deep down he's a great guy, and I think I've fallen for him. What should I do? Look deep into his eyes.
Him: Looks into your eyse Kiss me.

Queue sunset.

33 Name: battosai : 2006-11-01 13:40 ID:QIWg3VyT

leave him

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 23:22 ID:OOmU/nOu

densha otoko did happen to me. i just didn't get married or have a book.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 01:01 ID:Ohgyepm+

Funny thing how women always think they can change the guy. It doesn't work that way. Guys don't change. Sorry.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 03:31 ID:XymLez1Y


No it didn't

37 Name: Hanyuu : 2006-11-25 09:14 ID:FP/x2WAF

Please, please don't do this! I'm actually worried about how this relationship will go. If he's verbally abusive, what's next? If anything, words can hurt as much as the a physical wound. It all depends on how much it haunts you, and you don't want that. Look for another guy who will treat you better. Look for someone who will last, not for some guy who treats you less than you're worth! Once again, please don't do this! It will hurt you more in the end! Take it from me...

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-25 10:56 ID:xSM2ZHLp

>>36 Densha is the story of a guy meeting a woman on the train. This actually does happen you know, people actually do meet people in real life...

39 Name: yuka : 2006-11-25 16:53 ID:xTTusYNL

>>37 I know this is sudden but, have you had a similar relationship too?

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-25 18:49 ID:EcKbYstM

Remember, there are no tsunderes in real life. A bitch will always a bitch, an asshole always an asshole.

41 Name: Hanyuu : 2006-11-25 20:32 ID:FP/x2WAF


SOmething like that, yeah.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-29 05:23 ID:fQRHb1w0

22-year-olds are still children. The youngest woman I've met who realized excitement and "danger" was fun for a fling, but left absolutely nothing for an actual relationship...and then actually stopped dating these types, was 27.

Right now I'm friends with a young woman (24 or 25 I think) at work who just got herself conned into dating one of these kinda guys: Extrovert, cocky, smarmy.

Right now we're placing bets behind their backs on the day he beds her and the day he breaks-up with her. So far I'm $20 in the lead with -Last Night- (they started seeing each other "secretly" three days before), and my bet for the break-off is January 15th.

Your friends will place bets, too. This is while the laugh at you behind your back. And the guys? Half of the ones who know you or know of you won't bother to be interested in you after this (you'll be seen as either an incredibly stupid girl or someone who has several types of STD's), about 1/4 to 1/3 of the boys will go after you because this "great, misunderstood guy" will brag about his conquest (you) and will proclaim you to be an easy lay. The rest won't care. But at least 3/4 of all the boys (again, those who know you or of you) will see you as a slut.

And the girls? Well, you know how girls will be.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-04 17:02 ID:p9z9ZjV/

My best friend is in the same situation as you. He's a great guy, but he always goes after girls that are super manipulative and endlessly lead him on until finally they get bored and get rid of him. I'm not sure what to tell either of you.
You'd probably like him. Too bad you'll never meet, but there has got to be some guy like him that you know.

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