SHIT! I just slept with my best friend... (46)

1 Name: Severin : 2006-11-05 17:50 ID:UPG2Nm8f

Guys, I think I opened up a seriously dangerous can of worms... last night my best (female platonic) friend and potentially-future roommate was over at my place, and we were quite fine until watching a movie led to cuddling, and then cuddling led to... well, HELLO! We were up till 3:00am last night going totally NUTS on each other.

She just left my place in quite a hurry, barely even saying goodbye to me when she got up. I dunno, I just got this really bad vibe from the look on her face and the dead-pan tone of her voice when she got out of bed and said "I have to go... see you later..."

FUCK, what have I done, SA's? Have I just destroyed one of my most treasured friendships with a one-night fuck? What have I done wrong? What can I do to salvage what I haven't destroyed?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-05 18:03 ID:b7Dhw+QN

I reckon you should tell her of your mistake. She might be alittle hesitant at first to see you and such but if you can talk about it and explain that you're sorry and how much the friendship means to you WITHOUT sex then she should understand.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-05 18:12 ID:ftTOINcn

Just let her know that you thought it was a mistake too. Hey, it worked in When Harry Met Sally.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-05 18:46 ID:nkybDxn2

Just remember this, it takes two to tango. She could of stopped it anytime, and don't make it seem like sleeping with HER was a mistake. Just the action, make sure she doesn't feel like you didn't like having sex with her.

5 Name: Severin : 2006-11-06 02:49 ID:UPG2Nm8f

Well, I just got a message from her... she said nothing of last night, but simply asked me if I want to go see that new movie [i]Short Bus[/i] and then go get a beer Wednesday night. Tried calling her back, but got no response.

Soooo... it seems I haven't TOTALLY freaked her out, but I'm still worried... maybe we can talk it over at the bar.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 03:30 ID:sEcjL4H5

>>5
just so you know short bus has wall to wall hardcore sex in it.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 04:11 ID:NoxMGDWz

>>6

I think he knows what it is about, his took his name from it.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 04:32 ID:Heaven

>Soooo... it seems I haven't TOTALLY freaked her out

Maybe she thinks she freaked you out :p

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 05:06 ID:3ENFfytv

>well, HELLO!

hi to you too!

10 Name: Severin : 2006-11-06 11:20 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>7
No, I took my name from the young man Severin von Kusiemski, the protagonist Venus In Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

11 Name: frigid onanoko : 2006-11-06 15:13 ID:9bCWbTCW

Frigid onanoko not sure, but think you no have big problems. Must have been quite fun night both of you - great!

She only scared of, maybe, difference in longterm relation you gonna have now. What to tell best platonic friend? truth. You liked that night, and you wanna communicate that. and you wanna talk about the rest.

She invite you to somewhere. So she not cut you off, and wanna be with you still. After beer, invite to your place again. See what happens. Frigid onanoko think you no longer 'platonic.'

say goodbye now.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 16:11 ID:uhHrXqbG

Tell her your feelings like you just shared with us. That you're worried and you hope you haven't just destroyed one of your most treasured friendships with a one-night fuck. Be careful.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 16:16 ID:uhHrXqbG

Don't give any hints of intimate sexual interest on her, because you have already that older gf, correct? A man may be overcome by temptation, but it does not mean you are a slut and jump from woman to woman. (Being your best friend, she probably knows you have a gf.)

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 16:51 ID:Heaven

Don't invite her to your house again like frigid onanoko says. If she is a bit freaked out, it'll also be a bit awkward with sexual tension.

So ask her. I agree with >>12, but approach the subject carefully. You're not sure if she liked the night or not. Don't make it sound like didn't like it, but also make sure you're not encouraging it as well.

15 Name: Severin : 2006-11-06 19:21 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>13
Older woman has mysteriously dropped off the radar and supposedly has a new man in her life... a man named Jesus Christ =(

16 Name: Severin : 2006-11-06 19:45 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>15

Although that's the thing, I hope I'm not unconsciously using my homegirl as a rebound fucktoy... cuz then I'd TRULY be a fuckwad

17 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 00:13 ID:RzGESB1b

Lol. And how did the king of kings caused your ex to stop the relationship? Did she see it as wrong for an older woman to go out with a younger man?

18 Name: Severin : 2006-11-07 01:34 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>17
Well, I am a very outspoken and militant Atheist, and she I met through the Fetish and Goth community, so her supposed conversion might have her seeing me and her old friends as "bad influences". However, I'm going to give her another week, and if I don't hear from her before then/if things with my friend get interesting, then I will consider the thing over.

This also deeply confuses because I am a firm believer in the "Friend Zone"- basically, once you become good friends with someone, you cannot become their lover, because they will always see you as a brother/sister figure, or "just a friend". Once you're in the "Friend Zone", it's over; you can never get that person. When someone gets to know a person they have no attraction for, the possibility goes further and further away. This goes even for (actually, ESPECIALLY FOR) physical/sexual attraction. It doesn't take long before the possibility is completely gone. The Friend Zone is un-escapable. And you know you're fully immersed when s/he says the following or a variation of - "I'm looking for a person just like you/why can't more guys/girls be like you?/You're good boyfriend/girlfriend material, you'll make someone so happy some day/I don't get why you're single/You're such a good friend/Let's just be friends/You're like a brother/sister to me."

This is what scares me and is shaking the foundation of how I see relationships: she and I SHOULD NOT BE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER! I'm NOT attracted to her! This can't be happening, and if it is, it's something that is dangerous and phony from the start.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 01:59 ID:YlNCocSb

>>18
You can have sex with someone you're not attracted to?

20 Name: Severin : 2006-11-07 02:07 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>19
Fuck... sighs Point taken. Or should I say I don't want to be attracted to her... As gorgeous and awesome as she is, this is definitely not good.

I am definitely all about taking it slow, feeling things out, and not getting attached; also I am wanting to talk to her but she told me in her message she would be busy until Wednesday when we're supposed to get together. Still, it's scaring the shit outta me.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 05:30 ID:6DGdv0jD

It seems that in your situation, you both kind of want to forget what happened. But just make sure that this is true somehow... I would try being up front probably a week or so after the incident. If you both want your friendship to stay as it was, then you will work to keep it that way. Though, I don't think it's a good thing to forget it ever happened, only to put it aside.

As for Wednesday, just get your act together. Know where you stand and be honest. Good luck. ( ^_^)b

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 06:28 ID:NoxMGDWz

But he is going to see a movie about sex. I say confront it as soon as you can.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 08:00 ID:iv5cbES4

>>19, hell yeah, you can. Esp. if they're pushy and you're sort of wimp. That was an annoying period in my life. Grumble.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 12:15 ID:YlNCocSb

>>23
Lol, what. Isn't that called rape?

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 14:46 ID:iv5cbES4

>>24, nah. We're just talking about giving in to avoid emotional conflict here.

26 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 16:46 ID:RzGESB1b

>>18 I also have a fear of the 'friend zone'. I worry about getting too close to a girl and wind up in the dreaded fz. However, I now think that's all a bunch of crap. I know my ex's aunt and uncle, they told before they were friends before they became lovers so the FZ isn't a black hole in a relationship. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realise that the more any of us single guys fear the FZ, the more unsuccessful we become. In other words, our fear of it feeds it and wind us up with nothing. All I can say is befriend the girl like you normally befriend a guy, I think most of us try not to discuss sad stories with other guys so we shouldnt do that with women. If we do women will treat us like women since it's women who discuss sad stories together.
And there is nothing wrong with you (>>18) feeling attraction to your friend. Let's think of it this way, you two have known each other for a while, therefore well enough. Because of what happened, you two obviously have grown and subconscious attraction for each other otherwise you two wouldnt have done it. I say go for it and see how it goes. Don't miss an opportunity to get out of the 'Singles' category.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 20:36 ID:Uos++f1o

Talk to her, knowing that most girls will wait for the guy to make the move. Just explain everything and tell her you value and treasure her friendship.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 19:37 ID:uhHrXqbG

In my experience and observation, "The Friend Zone" is just a self-imposed subconscious barrier that socially retarded people create to prevent rejection. As >>26 points out, it does not exist.
In fact, there is a thin line between lovers and friends, and that barrier is easily crossed by becoming a little more appealing to the person in question.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 20:39 ID:gWefPj4T

>>In my experience and observation, "The Friend Zone" is just a self-imposed subconscious barrier that socially retarded people create to prevent rejection.

That's right. You must overcome your human limitations, >>1! Over come them and excel!

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 23:47 ID:Q5MoH5JQ

>>9
i like you

31 Name: Severin : 2006-11-09 05:24 ID:UPG2Nm8f

That... was suprisingly successful!

Basically, the agreement came to this:

1) Neither of us are at a point in our lives where we should be in relationships, what with both of us taking very hard classes, working, and doing intense political activism together.

2) Future sex is not out of the question, but we will probably space it out between every couple of weeks as we do not want to get to attached to each other

3) If things seem to be too intense, we stop.

4) Nobody should have to know about the fact that we're having our little "thing".

5) She doesn't have to swallow.

The date went not quite how we thought, but it was fun enough. We ended up having a talk, then we went and got a beer at the tavern down the street from my place, then back to my place for a movie and some cannabis, then decided to check out if Shortbus was still playing at the arts cinema... twas not =(. So we went to Starbucks then took a walk in the park... then back to my place for more cuddling and conversation. That's when we realized we were both getting a cold and feeling under-the-weather, and the joke for the rest of the night was that we gave each other an STD (bad joke) D=.

Got a kiss and a nuzzle good night. It was juuuust right ^_~

I think things are going to be alright for now... but we both agree we are going to be careful and vigilant.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-09 05:39 ID:k0MSG1Ef

An actual happy ending? UNPOSSIBLE!

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-09 05:39 ID:Heaven

>5) She doesn't have to swallow.

...interesting

34 Name: Severin : 2006-11-09 05:45 ID:UPG2Nm8f

>>32
Not quite yet... the thing that worries me is that the last time this happened with another female friend, it ended with shit goin' down... so we are still hesitant.

>>33
She and I both have crude senses of humor. That's one of the reasons we're such good friends. I mean, our hangout sessions have stooped to farting contests many a time (I like gritty "unladylike" behavior)... so, it's natural for us. That and honestly she said she's usually not in the mood to do so.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-09 05:51 ID:gWefPj4T

>>31

Seinfeld did it.

36 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-09 22:57 ID:RzGESB1b

>>31 Good for you. You went you saw and you conquer (so to speak). Man, someone should go and seriously rough up the guy who started saying all this FZ stuff. Maybe also get the guy for the ladder theory too while at it.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-09 23:17 ID:xteaheW/

Girls are retarded. I can't see how this is anything but a good thing. I have sex with my best male friend all the time.

Talk to her. The friendship isn't ruined AT ALL. Girls are stupid and petulant and emotional about sex. Ask her how she feels. Tell her you love her as a friend, and are attracted to her. Ask her what she wants for the future, and how she felt about the experience. If she didn't like it, then just apologize, remind her it takes two to tango, and that life moves on. JUST DON'T BE AWKWARD, and make sure you strongly advise her not to feel awkward about it.

Communication is best. Geez, it's only SEX.

38 Name: MG : 2006-11-11 01:27 ID:uhHrXqbG

>>37 I agree

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-14 16:12 ID:t1ULsC+P

>>1
i wouldn't worry about it, infact i envy you.
there are so many friends i have i wish i could shag whenever i felt like it :(

40 Name: Severin : 2006-11-15 19:11 ID:UPG2Nm8f

Update: Last night was her birthday, and having her come over to my place so I could cook her a big meal, then smoke her out (in before gb2/420chan), and the watch Silence of the Lambs (sexual tension galore) was a VERY good idea. She got a very good present last night ^_^

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-15 19:41 ID:CH00kHgx

Happy ending Kita!! (キタ━━━━━━(゚∀゚)━━━━━━ !!!!!)

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-15 20:01 ID:iVpFRxKw

So, you actually got some game?

Uh, rock on, dude.

43 Name: MG : 2006-11-15 23:34 ID:uhHrXqbG

Your adventure with your best friend will turn out to be your new love.
And your post >>40 sounds like a déjà-vu. Actually all of this feels like a big déjà-vu

44 Name: Severin : 2006-11-19 23:56 ID:UPG2Nm8f

screams

OH TEH NOOOOOES!!!

She said the dreaded word that has caused the downfall of many a man, probably the most frightening word in the English language...

She used the L word.

Exactly what she meant by it, I'm not sure, but she's never used it before. IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ME?!

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-20 08:15 ID:Heaven

zOMG LESIBEANS!?@!#

46 Name: TEENAGER : 2006-11-20 13:46 ID:qg7guiWW

>>44

She used the L word in poetry which she was reading to her gothic group of friends.

Big deal.

However, if she said.. well, I <HEART> YOU!, then..

Shit man, you gotta go with gut feeling. I myself would take a slip and risk falling down at this position.
Or perhaps she is getting hots.. FOR ANOTHER MALE? dundundun the mystery deepens.

/r/ exact words she said.

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