Last chance or should i drop it? (6)

1 Name: yugge : 2006-11-08 06:53 ID:AUWw66us

Hello. I've been lurking a while but haven't until now made any serious posts here. Until now that is.

Me and my girlfriend was supposed to celebrate one year this weekend (at which I had planned to propose). But after a pretty big fight 2 weeks ago I do not believe the celebration will even take place..

Things started going wrong this summer. Summer was hell for me, I got thrown out of my dads house, with my mother being an alcoholic. Not to mention my sister could be dead everyday because of a sickness. I was relying on living at my girlfriends house. Something we've talked about and was looking quite forward to. Only that we had plans of getting a new apartment. Since her was shared with her mother. I think I must have digged myself in with my own selfpity because I did not only shut my girlfriend out. I also did not have the strength to find a job or get a new apartment (with I could not fund anyway because of the lack of job). I didn't notice anything wrong til the end of august. When she started speaking of me moving home to my dad.

I kinda get why now. But back then I had no clue why. All I did was...nothing. I must have scared her with a nightmare-futurevision of our lives together. She also stopped having sex with me about then. Saying that it was at that it was the seasons changing not getting her in the mood (which I acually confirmed with one of her ex's). I moved back home to my dad but continued to meet her when possible (which also decresed because she got herself a job and a place in a design-school). These month after that was good...or at least stable.

Some while ago we had a fight however, It all started when she did not want to recive small kisses &/ hugs from me. the first day she blamed it on her being tired. Some days after that she didn't want me to spend the night with her. Because she complained about her not being able to get a good nights sleep then. This is something I don't wanna bitch about, since It's understandable, but it still does hurt. When she started demanding me buying 130$ umbrellas like it was dogfood I stood up. And told her that I wanted to know why all this was happening. Because in my eyes it was turning to be more of a golddigger relationship then the romantic one it used to be.

Thats when she broke up with me because she said she had no strength left. She dropped the bomb telling me that she had felt this way since late may and that she havent told me because she thought I would get hurt. She claims however that she did love me more then she ever loved anyone else before that. She however does not want to say what made her feel that way.

Writing this, and correcting this, I have come yet again to the logical conclution that I should forget about her. Which I tried. But I keep remembering the pre-summer time and want that back. I now have the economy to get my own place, so I could put all my past problems (my "family") behind. But I think she is far to hurt by how I was during the summer to ever go back...

Is there any chance that I could get together with her, or should I give it up? Remember that this is the girl I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 11:20 ID:dYXyzUuR

It's hard to say. It sounds like you were in a pretty low and dark place for a while. Where are you in your life right now? It sounds like you're on a bit of an upswing right now, but how stable is that? I think you need to get your bearings and get back on your feet. Get your own life moving in the direction you want. Pursue your dreams passionately. Better yourself however you can.

Keep in touch with her, if you can. Try being friends. Talk to her about what your doing in your life. Try not to dwell too much on your problems; the last thing you want is for her to see you as too emotionally needy or in need of a mother figure.

You may be able to use her as a motivation to turn your life around. Maybe, just maybe, as you get yourself together, she'll see you differently. As someone she can rely on, rather than as someone who saps her emotional strength.

I don't know. Maybe it will work, though probably not overnight. She might come back to you. On the other hand, maybe it's just too painful for her. But even if that's the case, you'll be in a better place. You'll feel better about yourself and be better able to keep up your end of future relationships.

Best of luck to you! Give it your all.

3 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-08 11:44 ID:6/MRPBpo

OP, I had a similar experience as you. My ex got pregnant because of me, I didn't understand then but she changed almost like your ex did. At first my ex would tell me how she wants me over then suddenly she starts telling me to don't touch her and how she doesnt get enough sleep at night because I'm around (I tried to hug her in bed). This continued for a few nights...
Anyways, what was the reason your ex wanted that expensive umbrella?
Well, all I can say is try to restart the relationship somehow.

4 Name: yugge : 2006-11-08 14:33 ID:AUWw66us

>>2

Thank you. I will try to change my life. Not to rely on others as much as I have done, but to be able to stand on my own feet, even when I'm down.

I will try as you have suggested, my biggest worry is however that she will find another. ------but then again, I am confident that I will to.

I guess the thing that made this seperation harder was the fact that I didn't realise the seriocity of her needs. So it came as a shock when she declared it was over basically the same day as I was supposed to by the ring.

>>3

Must have been terrible. I wish that girls would try to face the problems and tell you what is wrong, instead of turning everything around like it's you who betrayed her because of not knowing.

About the umbrella: I guess we where at a point where both I and her needed som confirmation of love still being there. I needed hugs, kisses, etc. She however was not attracted enough to do so (which must have taken a rather big toll on her aswell). So I guess she wanted to see my buying her stuff that makes her happy, as a reminder of how it use to be.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-09 05:56 ID:Heaven

>>3

Who do you think you are to pregnant your ex?

You are selfish and self-centered. The only think you want is sex from her, and nothing else. Maybe in truth she doesn't like you enough to get into a serious relationship. She found out how irresponsible you are by your actions in which you intentionally not care about taking measures in birth control. Evidently, this is proved that you are selfish, irresponsible and not care about her emotionally and physically, so she is smart to dump you. You are just using her as a sex toy. Or maybe she don't have any others choice of better men so she go for you due to conveniencies.

You still don't understand why she dumped you?

Cuz you'are an annoyance, the reason you're there with her is for your own pleasure, sex, and this cause her to hate you. And fact that you're are there with her and the fact that she doesn't like that, infers she doesn't like you. If a woman likes a man, she wouldn't treat her man like that.

6 Name: yugge : 2006-11-09 17:40 ID:/s/ROZ+/

>>5

Was this entirely pointed to >>3 or did it involve me too?
Because I really like the girl...and I failed to see me using her as a sextoy, I've been without sex for half a year, without even thinking about cheating...I don't even think I masturbated...

Since I posted she and I have had quite some talks. And I try not to mention our past relationship or my feelings of her. But I do try to implict that I'm there for her If she needs me. She seem glad because of that. I met her last night, before her being taken to the hospital for a surgery, she gave me a really warm smile, that kind I used to see..it made me feel warm inside :)

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