confused about friend zone.... (29)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 05:49 ID:xShj2feW

Hello, this is my story of my potentially third love interest in my entire life....

I've only dated two other girls before, both didn't work out, yada yada. This girl I met last week is an interesting affair, I may be stuck in friend zone by I will describe how things went and maybe you can help to understand a bit more where I stand.

I'm your typical anime freak/nerd etc. engineering student who is part of the dance dance revolution club at my college. I was walking out of the room with my red octane pad and these two girls and one of their brothers approached me and asked about it. I told them ddr club ended just now, they were very interested in joining, so I showed them some propoganda about the club and we got to talking about random things in life, we hit off pretty well. Me and my room mate (both of us are in the club) started heading off, and one of them came up and asked us for our phone numbers for future coordinations as friends. My friend was more cautious and didn't give her the right number, but me being the honest type gave in.

Long story made short, we talked a bit, hung out with some of her other friends, and she and I got together on Saturday, where my story really takes place. She is a total DDR nut, so I figured a good thing for us to do (in a purely hangout context) is go to the arcade together, so we did. Had a nice talk, played a few games, went back to her apartment where I had parked my car, at that point I thought we were done but she was like "wait, I didn't say you had to go yet". She suggested we go for a hike together, I mention theres a really cool trail near my house, so we go there. We talk some more as we hiked, then went to my house to go pick up some home ddr equipment. She then offers to give me dinner at her place, so we head over to her apartment at around 6:30PM. We continued to talk and have a good time, playing ddr the entire time. She had some organic chemistry homework to finish up, so she was like "you can keep playing while I work on this". While she was working on that in the main room, both of her roomates were out and she mentioned that it was kind of nice to have some one around. We ended up playing ddr until freaking 2:00AM, needless to say I was a little "ddr'd out" by that point. THe entire time though we had a good time talking, and I think she was kinda sorta flirting with me, but I dunno. We called it quits about then, she went so far to walk me to my car, then told me to call her when I got home so she knew I was safe. I complied and was like "sure".

In any other context I would say this was all pretty good for me, but I'm not sure how she views me. She definitely sees me as a friend, as do I, but some of how she was acting indicates to me that she is either overly friendly, is slightly interested in me, or its how she treats all her other friends.

I will go with the cautious road in this situation, but I was just interested in your guy's opinion of my situation. Thanks for reading

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 06:53 ID:M43NYUbd

I'd say that it sounds like she doesn't just see you as afriend. That's a hell of a lot of time to spend with you alone otherwise.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 08:01 ID:gEJTRINO

Contra >>2, I don't think it's that odd for someone who just thinks of you as a friend to spend that much time with you. I've had close female friends where that wouldn't be at all unusual.

However: it is an awfully long time to spend with someone you just met. So, yeah, I think she's at least playing around with the idea of being interested in you. I think you're handling it right - assuming you're interested in her. (I may be borderline flirting with someone at the moment who I think is exceptionally cool but I'm not really interested in. My conscious keeps telling me to be careful.)

Anyway, good luck, and keep us posted!

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 12:04 ID:C+o4mCT/

Other girls normally act that way when they're friendly. Men have instincts too, trust yours. :D

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 17:52 ID:Heaven

Its too early for the friendzone. I say ask her out again. I think that first time y'all hung out was a very long date. Set one up again.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 19:02 ID:P/ns4ZF3

I agree. It is a bit toot early to say anything definitely. But you also have a say about whether or not you are in the friendzone as well. I mean, if you do act fairly benign and not romantically interested in her, then she won't really consider you for a potential boyfriend. If you don't want to be a friend, then you'll have to take some risks and maybe some will pay off. Either which way, it's easier to set where the line is early on in a relationship rather than later.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 19:30 ID:5q0pEMC4

don't wait to act or else you will be friendzoned

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 20:20 ID:gEJTRINO

This friend zone stuff is way overrated. Coming on too strong too quickly can ruin things too. There's got to be some sort of middle ground between keeping a picture of her under your pillow for 30 years as you give her advice about her loveless marriage and "Hey baby, I like your shoes. You smell nice. Wanna do it?"

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-13 23:10 ID:2Z3DBZtO

As I imagine myself in OP's situation, my heart says "yeah, she's interested in you, go for it, ask her out again" - but my mind sais "no, it's just another girl who enjoys teasing you"

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-14 09:27 ID:Heaven

"hey baby, i like your shoes. you smell nice. can i have a pic to keep under my pillow?"

11 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-15 10:22 ID:vMcXKgPn

Don't think about the FZ. Just be normal as you do with all your other friends. Just don't go and rant to her about your emotional and life problems otherwise you won't go anywhere with her. Do what ya did that day, keep that up, drop her hints here and there (don't worry even if she doesnt get it for a while) Man, I wished I had your luck OP. Definitely DO NOT make her feel like you are coming on too strong. Let yourself get comfortable being with her first so you dont become a nervous wreck when you try to hit on her. G'luck

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-15 15:32 ID:gqxcKGci

If a girl is conceited enough to have a friend zone, she's not worth it.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-15 15:50 ID:1fWsBaMZ

Oh, and if everything works out fine, keep us updated :D

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-16 01:22 ID:xShj2feW

You guys are gonna like this then (OP here): We were at her place pulling an all nighter for studying, but we were so distracted by each other it didn't work that way. She kept giving me hints she wanted to cuddle, so we did, which led to my first kiss ever. And we spent even more time together, to the point we slept together (no, I didn't let it go that far, we just were sleeping the same bed, I have enough self control not to let it go too far). And she and I have concluded we are now in a relationship, and she has admitted to me that she thought I was cute the first time she ever saw me. This works well for me because I'm still taking the cautious approach here, she seems more into it than I am, but I'd say things could go very well for this.

Why didn't I bang the shit out of her you ask? I have morals. Thanks for your interest peeeps, I'l keep you posted.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-16 01:28 ID:RZlpUxuS

Congrats >>1!

Don't introduce her to 4-ch though, that could be dangerous.

16 Name: OSI : 2006-11-16 02:48 ID:+oxGCdYR

More imporantly you have self-respect and respect for her.
So good goin'!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-16 06:00 ID:DTUsMQ1k

>I have morals.

there's nothing immoral about sex, but the way you put it definitely makes it seem so.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-17 21:46 ID:kHhXLYWR

thumbs up

Sounds like a damn good start to me. There's nothing much else to keep us posted on. Everything went exceptional well, so just enjoy it man.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-18 06:37 ID:xShj2feW

OP here. You all might find this to be weird, but I'm so in love I don't care: she wants my kids, told me it was love at first sight, and we've both agreed we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Even if I've only known the girl for a few weeks, she and I are so into it that I think it will work out great.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-18 07:00 ID:z0bd/HAh


optimist prime

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-18 10:13 ID:jmde3KZ+

>>19 Good job, good job. Maybe wait a little bit before getting married though..yeah..

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-18 10:16 ID:z9nNqf4R

good one

23 Name: yugge!!A+9hpX0x : 2006-11-18 14:01 ID:1fWsBaMZ

listen to >>21 . Me and my girlfriend was like that to...and well, check out the topic "last chance or shoul i drop it"

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-19 05:43 ID:Heaven

holy fuckaroni

25 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-21 11:43 ID:vMcXKgPn

Seriously listen to >>21. In your 'honeymoon' period, it's gonna be like that. Heck, my ex and I was talking abt kids already and stuff too but then when something ends that 'honeymoon period', it's not going to be all sweet and stuff. Go dating for at least 6 months before you and your girl decides on anything.

26 Name: carn : 2006-11-21 22:30 ID:wEcU3R2J

I think you have a good start here. Just dont let it go to your head. Listen to what >>21 is saying, just enjoy your time with her and be sure to talk alot, that is the only way to keep a relationship going. Dont be afraid to tell her what you think, even if you say it's moveing too fast.
good luck!! I would love to hear more.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-22 19:45 ID:0m+SIiA2

don't do anything too fast dude. you're gonna feel this way regardless. wait a while. wait a good long while.

28 Name: Hanyuu : 2006-11-25 22:26 ID:mnuNaPSp


Aww... that's so sweet. Take good care of her, you hear?


I'm somewhat understanding of that advice, but at the same time, I think you should take it gradually forward. It is the honeymoon period, and if anything, that's one of the bes times in a relationship. Don't rush too quickly, mind you. Use this time to learn about her ideals and morals. Does she want kids (yes, or so you answered), how does she view marriage, what kind of profession does she view you and herself in, etc.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-26 16:04 ID:Heaven

Lay off this bullcrap already.
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