It's kind of a long story...
I am not some immature little kid and I have had 3 mature, lasting relationships. So no, I am not a stupid kid or anything like that...
But, people tend to "fall in love" with me...all the time...And all at the SAME time. So, a couple of guys were jealous that my long-time friend (6 years) from the internet was coming to meet/visit me, especially since the guy really really likes me and wants to be with me. And hey, I kinda like him, too!
So, he came...and let's just say we acted like a couple in his hotel. It's not like neither of us are single and don't like each other. So, I didn't see much harm in it...
Anyway, the jealous people asked if we did anything and I was honest and they freaked out and called me a whore, spread rumours and haven't talked to be for days...
Do you think that what happened was in any way "whore-ish"?
Also, I'm thinking of dating the guy because although he lives really far, he's willing to visit a couple times more and then move down here. I am serious and do want to be with him, but I'm afraid things might not work out and he'll waste time and money. I've discussed this with him many times and he says that he has to try and that he really really wants to. Should I just try things if he's so willing? Huge decision...
I don't think it's whorish at all. Six years is a long time knowing him, even on the internet. It's pretty bold if you "acted like a couple" the first day you met, but whatev. Us guys are just jealous by nature. You wouldn't believe the things I can get jealous over! I'm level-headed enough to not act on my jealousy (I've definitely never spread rumors about a girl I like because of it, is that supposed to make her like me?), but I just can't keep myself from getting jealous over the dumbest things. If there's the slightest possibility that my crush could even begin to become slightly attracted to another guy, I'll be paranoid about it. Oh, how I wish I could fix that!
As for dating him, you shouldn't worry about him wasting time and money -- he wouldn't do it if he doesn't want to. The only thing you should really concern yourself with IMO is if you can handle a long-distance relationship. They're a lot more delicate than short-distance (if you don't already know). Then again, they're not as bad if one of you are willing to move closer to the other.
Well, if you've already "acted like a couple" you might as well give it a go!
i actually think jealously is kinda cute...guys act in the most interesting ways when they are jealous. but these guys are just going too far.
thanks alot!!
i dont think whorish is even the correct term to use. i'm a guy, yet i dont understand why guys are pimps if they have a lot of women, and girls are sluts/whores if they have a lot of guys. it should be one way or the highway.
therefore, i do not believe you are a whore
ok, i'll be the devil's advocate here:
i can somewhat understand their feelings if they were crushed by you being "like a couple" with this new guy. it's possible that they really were in love with you and felt like there was the possibility of them getting closer to you. then, out of the blue - some random guy they've never met shows up, and you do things with him you haven't done with them. i'd be crushed too. in a funny and pitiful way, they probably felt betrayed.
i wouldn't have spread rumors about you - that is pretty extreme, but people do irrational things when they are jealous, hurt and angry. i can understand not talking to you though - they may have realized that you don't want them (or they don't want you) and decided to forget you.
they may have thought you were being loose with this new guy. true, he wasn't new - you've known him for years, and they don't know what happened on that night. but they may have seen you as sleeping around with some guy who you just met. even though that doesn't excuse what they did, it may help explain it.
ultimately, if the angry guys don't matter to you, forget them and think about your relationship with this not-new guy.
and i think that anyone that sleeps with someone they don't love truly and deeply is at the very least a whore, whether they are a man or a woman.
why does sleeping with someone you don't love make you a whore? explain please.
It does make you some one who had sex for the sake of having sex, doesn't it? Some one who does that, will not have my respect.
>>1
It doesn't seem that yout worried a lot about what others are thinking. of course no one want to have a label on them. Hope they don't put you through too much pressure and good luck with this guy.
Spreading rumors and stuff is just childish... specially about someone you like.
>>5
People have sex for plenty of reasons short of love. I that, for quite some time, people treated one of my friends as if she had no sexuality. It offended her and made her feel undesirable, driving her to get physical comfort from a guy that notoriously slept around. It's sad, but not something she should lose my respect for. ...And it CERTAINLY doesn't make her a slut. She's now in a relationship with a loving man that does his best to ensure she never feels like that again. And I'm not jealous or disdainful of her past; I'm happy for both of them.
And, to the OP, I'm presently in a relationship with a man I met in person but, because of our families, lived in different places and kept in touch by the internet for nearly three years. By talking online for so long, the seeming "anonymity" of the internet let me open up to him more than I've shared with anyone else and he instilled the same trust in me. When he visited my university, our relationship underwent the same drastic change as yours and we're now dating. Go for it-- it could be one of the best relationships of your life.
All I know is I just wanted a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me....
>>6
A whore has sex to get something they want. They render a service to someone, and they are payed for that service.
Love gives without expecting anything in return. Making love to someone is a way to give something to them, not to get something for yourself.
If you sleep with someone for any reason but love, you are doing it to get something. It may be for money (in the conventional sense of prostitution), job advancement, bodily security, comfort, to get back at someone else, for fun, or simply for pleasure, among countless other justifications.
If someone sleeps with someone they love, they do it to please their lover.
If someone has sex with someone they do NOT love, they do it to please themselves - to get something they want.
Thus, anyone has sex with someone they do not love, is a whore.
I know that this is harsh - I am the Devil's Advocate after all - but this is the Truth.
>>12
It's a bit archaic in mentality, but fundamentally sound.
Now then, what of someone who sleeps with another person whom they do NOT love but wants to, say, make them feel better about themselves, or for simple companionship, or something such as this.
To make someone feel better about themselves:
option A: they want the other person to be happy so that they are not depressed by their problems = selfishness, not love, whore
option B: the really do care about the other person and want them to be happy = self-giving, true love, not whore
For simple companionship:
option A: they are lonely and want to feel close to someone = searching for intimacy, not really looking for commitment, whore
option B: they need someone to care for = searching for meaning, truly looking for commitment, not whore
Obviously, there is a lot of variability here! It comes from peoples' intentions and what they really want; the Lover gives, the Whore takes.
Can't calling something archaic simply be a way to deny that it is classic? Our modern society puts big emphasis on denying the past and embracing new ideas. That is not the best way. There must be a balance between the new and old, the inventive and the tried-and-true. To ignore either would simply be idiotic.
And that is the Truth!
Sex is purely physical, it has nothing to do with love. Some people think it is the deepest expression of love, but I think people like that will have future problems within their relationship if they believe that mixing bodily fluids and sweating all over one another is the deepest expression of love.
As for the OP, in future you should keep these matters private. You knew the guys were jealous and had feelings for you, yet you told them what happened anyway? I realize that they asked but you should have kept it private. I would not call you a whore but I would say you were rather thoughtless in this situation. Really, are you at all surprised by such a reaction from jealous people?
>>15
If sex was purely physical, why would the guys that were in love with the OP be so angry about her sleeping with her Internet friend?
It is true that sex is nothing more than a physical act, but we humans tend to convey our emotions with physical actions. Sex is very important to people, and can be an important part of a strong romantic relationship. No one can deny this.
They felt it was an invasion of their territory, humans and other animals, especially males are very territorial. They felt that some other man was taking their woman away. It really has little to do with sex, any physical contact would probably bring on such a reaction. The only difference is that they probably would not call her a whore for holding his hand instead of sleeping with him but they would still be jealous and angry.
>>17
That's a legitimate explanation, but there are a few problems with it based on their reaction.
If they had indeed seen it as an invasion of their territory, they would have behaved aggressively towards the usurper rather than the potential mate. Attacking the female would simply reduce their chances of mating at another time, while trying to eliminate competition would be more conducive to future reproduction.
Most herd(deer, gazelle, horses) and territorial mammals(wolves, lions) as well as the apes and chimpanzees from which humans are direct descendants have "mating rituals" where the males compete against each other for a chance to mate with the available females. In fact, males of species with "troop" organizations(lions, apes) will actually kill the offspring of the males that preceded them when they become the alpha male.
However, in the process of mating the females are in a position of power where they choose which males to mate with, and they are generally free from any physical danger themselves.
If the men in this situation were behaving according to the model followed by their close genetic relatives, it is odd that they would act out against the female. Thus, it can be concluded that although it is likely that they were angered by the intrusion, something other than territorial invasion incited them to act as they did - in fact, they were so affected that they behaved contrary to their instincts.
It seems that the males actually choose to eliminate themselves from the breeding pool because of the actions of the female, and they seem to have done so for emotional reasons.
I do not mean to insult the OP by referring to her as a "female" here - on the contrary, I am arguing against the idea that she and the men acted for purely animalistic reasons.
i AM surprised at them spreading rumours and disappearing.
i was going to "lie" but that's not how i am and i figured i'd hurt them ALOT more in the future if i lied.
yeah i agree totally with you. it IS a territorial thing
no offence taken, i understand.
i think they felt betrayed...i am not sure why, but it makes sense.
They felt betrayed because each of them felt they had a chance with you as well. Then you told them you had sex with someone else, full-well knowing (or at least suspecting--you can't deny that unless you're completely blind) some of them may have more than friendly feelings for you.
Good job emasculating them at the very least.
well they shouldn't assume i am all theirs'.........
and what, you think it is better that i lie to people, regardless of whether or not they like me? they even expected it was bound to happen, just hoping maybe it wouldn't.
emasculating? i don't believe in that crap about being "manly", sorry.
How is simply saying "It really isn't any of your business," lying? Lying would be saying "I never slept with him."
it's still not telling the whole truth...and even if i said that, they would assume i did and still act this way. i do not regret telling them, the truth is the truth whether they like it or not.
No matter what you do someone is going to be displeased with you, it is impossible to please everyone. So, do what you want and deal with the consequences of your actions. It sucks that they did the things that they did, so you have to shrug it off and go be happy with the one that you want.