How can I boost her self-confidence? (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-04 18:43 ID:xRJTWlDF

So, my girlfriend has a self-confidence problem. Specifically, she thinks she's hideous. Obviously, as the boyfriend, I don't share this view.

Would anyone happen to have any good ideas for things I can do to help her feel better about herself? I've already tried the obvious things...doing romantic things for her, telling her how beautiful I think she is, etc. :/

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-04 21:06 ID:c4q8KTar

A good part of self-confidence is self internalized. She is the one who decided she thinks shes ugly, and she will decide when she thinks she is not.

In the meantime, try to do little things every once in a while like comment on a change of clothes/hair/shoes etc.
Or perhaps offer to take pictures of her in a park or whatever as a date activity. Try to have her mind associate a fun time with how she looks.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-05 05:05 ID:Heaven

>>Or perhaps offer to take pictures of her in a park or whatever as a date activity.

what the fuck, who does this?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-05 06:41 ID:HPPNkM+T

>>3
I lol'd.

But >>2 is right.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-05 09:22 ID:PGCbgd7i

>>3
Roommate did this with his girlfriend about a week ago, actually.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-05 17:18 ID:+3ot6rZU

lol and posted the pictures on 4chan?

>>2 is more ore less right. try that!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-06 02:00 ID:EBXsfbHk

It will take a while to convince her that you feel that she is attractive and that she is indeed a beautiful woman. Show her that you think that she is gorgeous and she will someday believe you. It will be a long, difficult process, but if you care for her and believe what you say, it should be very enjoyable.
>>2 And don't be afraid to do things like that. Even if you're both embarrassed, if you can be strong for her, she will gain confidence and trust you.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-06 04:08 ID:QspuTxCL

jus be like," How can they hurt you self-confidence? IT'S CALLED S-E-L-F-confidence for god's sake! It's all in your brain, since your the most beautiful girl the world"

9 Name: hotaro : 2007-02-07 19:13 ID:qG3M07sm

fuck a pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that'll make her feel hot :P

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-08 10:42 ID:Heaven

>>1
Make her like her body and her looks. Not by compliments (though that might be a very good combo), but by making her get good use of it, and feeling pleased about what she can do. Join martial arts classes with her, or something. The gym could be one option, but too many feel that the strength/agility you gain there is too separated from the outside world (due to it being a bit more difficult, especially for chicks, to "impress" others with how much they can handle in the gym, rather than just by looks - which is rather shallow).

Pick up some kind of hobby with her, or make her pick one by herself. Perhaps judo, yoga, or.. urgh, "pilates" I think it's called? Akido, karate or kung fu or "rougher" arts might be good for her as well.
The idea is to get her to be proud over what she can achieve with her body. Meditation probably would be useful as well. If she can get peace of mind, she ought to be able to like herself more, and to accept compliments.

Compliment her in unusual yet flattering ways. Focus on complimenting aspects she has more control over, and things she does, rather than things she might be afraid of losing (thus feeling it's a very volatile state, and disliking being reminded of that she will have so much to lose). Another good thing is to rather than going "nice [something]!", put that quality of hers in relation to you, as well. "I love the way your lips feel against mine." or "I love getting to see your gorgeous eyes when you're happy to see me". Make the compliments a part of you, rather than just loose words of appriciation that could have come from anyone.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-04 04:55 ID:kyZdPwXp

I actually am sorta having the same issue...
I've yet to really help, sadly.

12 Name: maus : 2007-06-06 08:29 ID:4qnGW3Ln

>>10 has the right idea;

I agree, you should elaborate ("I love the way your eyes shine in this light") instead of 'you're beautiful'.

If you constantly compliment her, she might take it as insincerity..

but on the other hand, if she constantly says "Man, I'm ugly", you might want to try the more abrupt:
"How can you say that? You're not. THAT person points is ugly. You're not. I think you're beautiful-- (jokingly:) are you saying I have bad taste?"

However, suggesting she join a physical activity might be interpreted as "you're out-of-shape", so be aware of that.

Good luck mate!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 09:53 ID:nfN7SHE8

i think people are taking the concept of having to use 'words' too much. people are used to hearing these lines that they do not have an affect on most girls.

try express your love for her with body language, its hard to explain this through text but simple gestures such as long hugs and smiles can be advantage when trying to get the message across without words.

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