Hey guys and girls,
I have a girlfriend and I suppose we are about ready to have sex, but to be honest something is bothering me, especially when we are NOT together (when we are I tend to forget about it). Basically, I'm still a virgin, because I haven't had many chances yet and to be honest I never wanted to have sex (especially not the first time) with a girl I didn't love.
She on the other hand, is quite different. She hasn't been sexually active for that long yet, but in the time that she has been, she has had sex with a number of guys (I'm not going to give exact numbers, some might consider it lots, others will think it's barely something... but in my circles (geeks) it's definitely considered more then average). I think some of these guys have been her boyfriend, but I think most of them have been casual sex (one-night stands too) and fuckbuddies (I know she had one right before me). Those last two things bother me much more then the fact that she has had sex with other guys.
I know she loves me and I very much doubt she would cheat on me, but it still bothers me that in her past sex has been something she did it with guys just for fun, while I've been holding out until I met the right girl.
To complicated matters somewhat, she also is quite active online and there is lots of info to be found on her past sexlife. I somehow can't restrain myself from looking at this, although I know it will probably just hurt my feelings and it makes me feel like a stalker. I think she is aware of the fact that I know this info is on the web, I don't think she realizes how much I really know. I did find anonymous stuff about me posted by her, which I simply recognized because of the facts in it and way it was written. Also, in our conversations about sex she has said she had boyfriends before me, but she hasn’t mentioned the casual sex at all (something I don’t hold against her btw).
I doubt all this will make me nervous when we are going to have sex because I don't think about it when I'm with her (I love her), so that's not a problem, but it is annoying me when we are not together and I think about her (which is most of the time).
Any advice / suggestions? (I guess I also wrote this because sometimes it's just nice to write things down)
>>31 Theres no where in the bible that says anything about sex before marriage, Adam and Eve weren't married yet they had sex and god didn't seem to have any beef with that. The problem with people these days is they think religion is the answer to everything, there isn't a single religion in this world that is correct, marriage is a term brought up by man. God gave us free will for a reason, Im not saying its ok to go out and whore yourself that is morally wrong, but if its your choice, then so be it, who are we to judge people for their different lifestyle, im sure they would look at you the same saying your way of life is wrong just because its different from what your use to its automatically wrong in your eyes.
>>35
HA, Religion the answer? I find that more people disreagard their own religion nowadays, People only say they are religous when they have already done many things that would make a real christian scream.
Either way, I have something to say about sex and virgins.
SEX IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. Whether you think it's just enjoyment, or you think it's something more. It's what you make of it. No one is more right or more wrong than the other. So If you think sex is something more than just enjoyment, you should find someone that has that same belief. If you think it's just enjoyment, do the same.
thats my 2 pennies.
>>That on the other hand is laughable. I know very well that problems won't go away...
I wasn't talking about you but people at large, I'm always talking of people at large, disregarding the exceptions because in the big picture they do not matter. Besides that I'm glad we have an understanding and you know, if people don't realize the point of not soiling yourself with sexual impressions, both mentally and physically, it's worth precisely nothing. I'm not saying this isolated issue is the answer to things, I'm saying it's part of an answer. As with your conservative christian couple-example.I'm sure they didn't know why and probably weren't very chaste at heart. If you're to do something you must do it fully, or you will just feel worse from being a hypocrite.
>>This isn't rare, if you weren't already aware of that....
.......
>>I agree with this, and I foolishly thought it was obvious to the average human. Or perhaps we're thinking of it in slightly different ways?
Yeah so now you know I'm not pulling shit out of my hat and no it's not obvious to every human being and yes I suppose that makes you foolish and naive. You seem intelligent, in an intellectual kind of way, not all people are gifted that way. On the other hand you seem fucking ignorant about other things. Trying to imply humanity is less than rotten. Why do you even bother?
>>I disagree with this. Just because shit happened in the past doesn't mean it automatically has to snowball on you.
Look I'm big enough to know there are no rules but generally it is like this. With every new punch we sustain we get worn out, we realize the reasons and become aware of their ever presence, therefore our hope/patience grows thin and we become less able to tackle them, eventually we give up.
I know however that some people... Let's just take an example here of how it also might work so you understand I'm not ignorant. Some people instead grow resilient to the punches and meet them with indifference instead. You'll come across this relationship where the partners are bashing away at eachother like it's a motherfucking war going on, and when they are done everything returns to "normal", and this is how it goes on. They just become less fiery about their spats as the years progress and at old age they sit at the breakfast table, casually swearing at and insulting eachother before they go about their personal hobbies. Having gotten used not to be in eachothers faces too much.
People learn how to live with a miserable situation, it may also work that way. But I say thats not good enough, because the shit they carry with them through their acceptance spread over to others. The problems multiplies, and there is always only a lesser amount of people being able to contain and work away the shit that has been passed unto them, resulting in an ever growing, overall shittyness.
>>factors that matter just as much for how someone's life'l be, that's unrelated to whether or not they've had sex/a relationship before a longterm/life-long one.
Yeah sure but I'm sort of not only speaking about sex and sexual relationships now. The second I went on my 'the world suxx'-rant I went to include precisely everything, because everything matters when it comes to this. Everything matters to a relationship and our relationships matter to everything. That is why emotional baggage from past relationships isn't the only answer. However it's admittable that our sexual relationships are extremely influential to our lifes at large, thus also the people we interact with.
>>...If you're arguing that this won't happen to people who haven't been in relationships before....
Seriously, excuse me, but I never fucking did that in the first place? Just because I'm arguing a point doesn't mean I think it's the universal solution for everything, ignoring that other factors also plays in. Do I seem like a moron to you or what?
>>I've both directly and indirectly seen serious longterm relationships like that turn awful. (obviously not just that, though, the same way I've seen plenty of happy longterm relationship that involved people who had dated/had sex with others before.)
Yeah fine. But you know, here were I live we have an evangelic church. I'm not saying these people are on the top of the world, smiling happy year in year out, but at least they have the same level of satisfaction as the surrounding people. The difference being however, they don't divorce. In my country over 50% of all marriages ends, and the reason that figure isn't higher is because we still have a lot of people from the old school hanging around in the statistics. If we look at the younger generations only, the figures are much higher. However, these churchpeople at least stay together at an amazing rate, compared to the others. They also believe there should be no sex before marriage and that a liberal outlook on sexuality is wrong.
It's not a coincidence their relationships survive at a greater rate. And I can speak for them and say that their relationships aren't shit, even if some of them are kept together through the tabu implications surrounding a divorce. But still, non-christians aren't crazy about admitting defeat either.
>>Do I seem like a moron to you or what?
Bitter, not moron. Bitter to the point where it might cloud your judgement.
'the world suxx'-rant is helped make it seemed like that.
I've seen several people get their lives destroyed by the taboo of divorce, which is why feel strongly about that still being married isn't any kind of indicator of how good their relationship is, especially in combination with what you yourself also said about people wearing masks. I'm all for people learning to handle how do overcome their relationship problems, too many do give up too easily. However there are also people who realize that they did do mistakes committing to that relationship because they didn't know themselves well enough. I don't mean they shouldn't have to take the consequences of making mistakes (we all have to), just that locking themselves in a situation that only will cause more and more damage is an as bad move as jumping from person to person, using people like toys. Especially if children are involved.
But yeah, the long, convoluted series of posts of mine was a reaction to the impression that you seemed so bitter that you might seriously think that (crudely expressed in pseudomath) virginty = auto-win marriage + happy-ever-after
when there are a lot of factors that matter a great deal more than virginity alone for the outcome of a marriage/longterm relationship.
>>30
Actually sex is for reproduction.
Contraception is a human invention.
Anyway, I have to agree with >>29 on this one. I might seem like a hopeless romantic, but in the name of Love, leave something that is holy. Relationships, let alone marriages, seem to be worth piss nowadays. Sex to me is still something that measures how much I value someone.
>>40
Different people value things differently?
Every day is Valentines Day.
>>42
O_o;;; I think you want another thread, mate.
Or was that your odd way of 42GET?
>>5
It also makes you less disgusting.
>>7
>And if she was interested in just sex she probably would have dumped me by now and found some other guy.
How is it that you know she doesn't fuck guys on the side?
>>12
Ill fix this
1)some people are whores, others aren't averages mean nothing
2)no one should be with anyone, especially not with some fuck-around, let them go fuck around, forget them, and spit at them if they so much as look at you
>Uho! Inferiority complex ahoy! The need for women with low expectations... That doesn't bode well for you. Please mature, >>6-san. (And no, maturity has nothing to do with sex).
OH fuck YOUR shit, what if it is more about making someone happy who deserves it rather than serving your own petty irrational desires that'll only lead you down a road of haha, wonderful things, talk more about maturity as if you even know what it is.
>Casual sex is casual sex: It's fun, but really awesome sex comes from being with someone that actually means more, that makes your mind tingle with happiness and love.
You forgot about the part that those two types are mutually exclusive. Well, of course idiots not being considered in this equation, but then again, since only idiots have sex I'd have to say that tis a given here.
>>19
I think I love you.
>>29
Now if only whores knew that, but no whore should look for a relationship anyway.
>>30
Enjoy your syphilis
>>33
>I disagree with this. Just because shit happened in the past doesn't mean it automatically has to snowball on you.
The past will catch up with you no matter what or who you are.
>>37
>Trying to imply humanity is less than rotten. Why do you even bother?
Because humanity is below rotten, rot gets disgusted by humanity, humans are the filth of this universe, and it is not until everyone knows it or until the fact of it changes that I will ever stop trying to make sure of just that.
>>39
>'the world suxx'-rant is helped make it seemed like that.
BUT THE WOLRD DOES
>virginty = auto-win solitude + happy-ever-after
fixed
"BUT THE WOLRD DOES"
Ha ha, cheer up emo kid!
The world sucks because you cut yourself at night.
Yeah I guess I am bitter and a bit too extreme in my arguments at times, stating absolute ideals I know noone can live up to. I hate people and don't care about burdening them with morality. I want them to hate themselves as much as they should, as I think they should hate their fucking guts. They move through this life making a mess, leaving it behind without lifting a finger to fix things because they can't be bothered to burden themselves with a situation that isn't to their advantage. Well except if they are too proud/scared to admit defeat, but that is no good basis on which to carry things on, because they will do it wrong with such motivations.
Not that I think it's better that such persons give up a relationship. They should change themselves within the relationship rather than fleeing from it and in stupidity think that they can find another, better one. They will just bring with them the person who held half the responsibility for the failiure of the last one(i.e. themselves). Well, mostly anyway, the instances where one party shares no responsibility are few.
>>I think I love you.
Instinctively I wished you are a woman.
>>47
I act more like a woman than a man, but I have a penis.
Ofcourse this is the internet.
>>48 We are one in the same. I was raised by women, I know how they think and feel, I know how to comfort them and cater to their needs.
>>46 You stereotype the human race, you think you are the only who cares for others and not just yourself, You think your superior to everyone else, like the Good Samaritan way of life is a thing of the past, not everyone is a egotistical selfish asshole believe or not, so why don't you get that stick out of your ass.
Knowing how women think and feel is only a mystery to guys who assume they are on the same level as themselves, then they won't make any sense. You have to accept the fact that a woman is inferior to understand her and be able to give her what she wants/need. Figured out why the good guys get no chicks? Well there you go.... The worst thing about girls is that they are more intellectually gifted than men, however, emotions is their undisputed master, and that turns them into total morons in spite of their mental capacity. They will even turn their potential for general knowledge into shit, while whoring for their flesh. It's better to be a retard and use your brains at full capacity, than to have the highest IQ ever just to dump it out through your crotch.
>>You stereotype the human race
Yet you steriotype me. You start standing up straight for real and see how the cirkle of jerking suddenly breaks down for you. Then you can start to realize that these fucking monkeys won't braid you unless you suck their cocks the way they like it. Primate motherfuckers, they will do good only to promote their evil. Think nothing of human generousity, they will hold their "kindness" against you once you start preaching. If they were complete assholes, they couldn't argue that it's ok that they also cheat, talk shit, drink their brains out, do drugs and turn rampantly perverted. Once they lose all those things that they love soooo dearly, it will be no more mister nice guy I'm telling you.
Your sense of wisdom makes me wanna puke, I'll keep my stick right where it is.
Do I, btw, in the midst of all my spite, seem to think I'm any better, given the standards I'm promoting? I'm unpracticing myself as I preach, in other words I'm no better. Just that I don't feel a need to defend myself, nor others, with bullshit excuses. I won't back up on the truth even if it brings both me and everyone else down with it. Not because I wanna be a hero or nothing, me against the world or any of that shit. I just don't fucking care, ok?
But sure, fine, I know there are good, decent people. That is, people who realize they are shitheads and feel awful about it, and if they at least were forced of the general order of things they might pull their thumbs out of their asses. But they haven't proven to be numerous enough to even be accounted for in arguments for/against humanity. IMHO
>How is it that you know she doesn't fuck guys on the side?
I guess I don't, but I'll just have to trust her (and I do). But this was never a concern for me because she is not that kind of girl. Anyway, we had some openhearted conversations about this topic recently and the nervous feeling I had before has somewhat faded (although not entirely). I suppose the cure is just seeing her more often, because I don't really have it for a day or 2/3 after I have been with her.
Ok fine, I wouldn't mind if it's just me, really. Better me just being nuts than the whole world being fuck, right?
>>51
AHAHAHAHAHA ENJOY YOUR LIFE OF LONELINESS.
Good luck on becoming more altruistic toward a world you despise. "Here, you ingrate, accept my selfless gesture!"
Also, good luck with dating. I can imagine the conversation now:
"I'm better than you because I have a penis. Want to have sex now?" "I see you are crying. Probably because you are a woman. Don't get all worked up, its for the good of the species."
I think it doesnt matter that much. but virgins are more fun in general.
Yeah it's like that, people won't put out in any way unless you butter them up. Can't say I care for what people have to give if you have to buy it with bullshit.
Besides, you can't imagine shit, because I never said I was better. I don't look down on people, it's kind of hard when you're at the same level. Ok fuckhead? Both sexes have their goods and bads, and being better suited for one thing doesn't make you more worth. You have this retarded "more, bigger is better" thinking, I don't. But if you want to think like that, this also holds true; The "better" you are, the more you suck shit for lesser mistakes. Thus, men are more assholes than women, because if we have better conditions to be good, we are obviously more of a failiure for not being much better. Men have a responsibility to set an example, but we don't really do that, so we can't blame anyone but ourselves.
Cocksucker.
>>55
Thank you, you have given me lots of wonderful ideas for things to say in situations like that should I ever mistakenly find myself in one of them.
>>60
This thread has revealed how nasty you really are.
I dunno, OP. Do you think she'll cheat on you? If she's faithful then her past sex life shouldn't matter, should it? (Unless she caught some sort of terrible disease!!)
I personally only have sex with people I am in committed relationships with - that's just me. I need to trust someone to get to that level of intimacy with them.
I know other girls might be a little/lot more lax with those kinds of standards - but that's okay, isn't it? I have a friend who is the sweetest girl in the world, and is completely faithful and wonderful in her relationships - but when she's single, she has many friends-with-benefits and one-night-stands. It's not MY cup of tea, but it's her choice, isn't it?
People who enjoy sex without love are monkeys... See, that is pure animal instinct as it is driven only by lust and pleasure. What makes us different from other animals? We have logic + emotion.
See: Evolution.
No wonder humans slowly evolve, we can count ourselves lucky even with the existence of the idiots that let's their dick/pussy get the best of them. Take for example my fucking ex, she only has sex with other guys to feel better about herself. What a crock of shit, good reason? Most people use that reason because most people are hypocrites.
Sex for procreation is understandable and logical.
Sex for love has reason and motive.
Sex for fun is so fucking selfish. Motherfuckers.
See. Control is another thing. Girls that drop panties because they think they're fucking in love? Huh? I'll stop here.
Sex has become so overrated.
Love too.
We're all fucked. No one dies a virgin, life will screw you over and over again anyway.
PS
I don't like emos.
You have to be a virgin yourself, to believe that.
Everyone knows it's more fun with someone who knows what the hell they're doing.
>>64, we have different opinions.
And just for the record, i'm not a virgin, and I believe that.
>Everyone knows it's more fun with someone who knows what the hell they're doing.
Well, count me out and the others who has similar thoughts to me.
Knows what the hell they're doing?
Sometimes, people are just too intelligent that they even outsmart themselves.
It's better to be simple-minded.
>>66
Cocksucker, man-whore, anything else you wanna add to your resume?
And on the topic of ignorance, I believe you were the one who added some half-assed point about God and sex.
virgins are definitely better :)
>>67 Oh I'm making a resume. Well in that case throw in that I'm a hard worker, and I love cats, and I love to go on long walks on a warm sunny day. ^_^
Well, looks like this thread has degraded into everyone calling Nibbles a whore and Nibbles saying he isn't... shame i missed the good part
>>58
"Yeah it's like that, people won't put out in any way unless you butter them up. Can't say I care for what people have to give if you have to buy it with bullshit."
I suppose I agree with that, but, but had no idea we were attributing that attribute to other people.
"Besides, you can't imagine shit, because I never said I was better."
I CAN imagine feces, but don't generally prefer to. Also, yes you did.
"You have this retarded "more, bigger is better" thinking, I don't."
What? Is this some more crazy non-sequitur, or a reference to your aforementioned superiority, stating something to the effect that this superiority is not due to something that can be expressed quantitatively? If that is the case, it sounds like an attempt to mince words by saying that things can be superior, but not "better", and given your general attitude, I can't fathom what your motivation for doing so would be. Unless you are trying to court some woman on this board and compliment her by saying "That guy is wrong, I didn't say I'm better than you, just superior to you." which I doubt will really work.
"But if you want to think like that, this also holds true; The "better" you are, the more you suck shit for lesser mistakes. Thus, men are more assholes than women, because if we have better conditions to be good, we are obviously more of a failiure for not being much better. Men have a responsibility to set an example, but we don't really do that, so we can't blame anyone but ourselves."
Where the hell did that come from? Your leaps of logic are almost incomprehensible. Stream of conscious style posting doesn't really work well when trying to express your opinion like this. IHBT?
>>70
You can't deny that this has been one of the more exciting threads on Love.
>>72 I agree, I got quite a few laughs out of it. I'm still laughing. ^_^
I do have something I would like to give the OP, I just recently sexed one of my friends, weve been friends for a long time and she was a virgin, I am not, and I think the fact Im not a virgin made her uncomfortable, she is a friend that is in love with me and I think since I wasnt a virgin it didnt feel right to her and now she hardly talks to me and she acts all weird around me. So my reasoning for saying this is, if you have a problem with it, find someone else who hasnt been with very many guys or no guys at all, cause if you both take each others virginity it has more meaning to it.
>>69
Yes, that's right, just avoid the point by uttering some random blabber.
Say, you got the 69GET. FUNNY THAT.
>>75 Oh you had no point your just trying to start an internet fight like a little ignorant child and I'm pushing it aside, congratulations. :D
>>76
Read your God/Jesus/Religion point again if you wanna talk about ignorant.
hermes is a virgin definitely
Seems like your friend wasn't virgin and the syphilis already started to rot your brain.
Of course, everything that goes against your opinion must be ignorant, no?
What an open-minded, unbiased view.
>>80
If you read it you'd know what I meant.
>>I CAN imagine feces, but don't generally prefer to. Also, yes you did.
Might be a question of semantics, you are taking this to the human-value court, I was speaking of practicalities.
>>What? Is this some more crazy non-sequitur, or a reference to your aforementioned superiority, stating something to the effect that this superiority is not due to something that can be expressed quantitatively?
I used "superior" as speaking of the advantages/dissadvantages that comes with our sexes different qualities. Our bodies work differently, our brains work differently, we have varying instincts, different priorities, it's purely biological. The differences in these fields make men more prone to follow morals while women are more prone to follow emotions, from a moral point of view that does make men superior. And I'll remind you we were looking into moral issues.
When I said "better", I was speaking of human value, you know like equality and shit, and I wanted to point out that even if we were to value the sexes differently in this sense it would still even out because; just as women rarely use their intellectual capacity for any good, men regularly fail to use their moral aptitude to much effect.
>>Where the hell did that come from? Your leaps of logic are almost incomprehensible. Stream of conscious style posting doesn't really work well when trying to express your opinion like this. IHBT?
Read above.
>>82
"men more prone to follow morals"
"men regularly fail to use their moral aptitude"
I was having some good lulz, and then I realized that your blatant contradictions and sweeping generalizations only make the rest of us look bad. Seriously, you give your feminist counterparts (the ones who think women are superior) more ammo when you start expressing yourself.
>>"men more prone to follow morals"
"men regularly fail to use their moral aptitude"
I was having some good lulz, and then I realized that your blatant contradictions and sweeping generalizations only make the rest of us look bad.
Thing is, men still are more moral than women, in avarage, just as women still are more intellectually gifted than men in avarage. The last statement, due to extensive investigations in the area is more or less a proven fact. The first statement would be too if anyone actually cared to make such surveys.
I'd say it's guys like you who make men look bad because you're such a fucking cunt. You're just riding the waves, turning your coat to the wind, etc. 300 years ago you'd been a massive fucking machiavellistic prick instead, pissing me off in entirely different ways. If we would instead nurture the sexes different talents and aptitudes in a promotive environment, things would be working much more smoothly, and there wouldn't even be any point in talking about stupid shit like "equality". Noone would even ask for it in the first place. Well except the shitheads who simply can't be content with their natural place in life... Oh wait thats like 95% plus of the human population!
Ok just carry on, my utopian ideals are futile....