Letting go of an old Girlfriend (22)

1 Name: Zenigata : 2007-02-17 04:07 ID:OVDfk2X0

Well, after having a big fight nearly five months ago, she and I began talking again. It was rough at first, but after a few days it was just like it was before, talking on the phone all night, sometimes falling asleep on it. It was great. We weren't 'together,' but all the signs were there that she was just as interested as I was to try it again.

After about two weeks, however, she decided to tell me that she had gotten a new boyfriend about a week before we started talking again. Needless to say I was devastated. Against better judgment, I decided to continue talking to her, as she still told me things like "I love you," and I stupidly said "I'll wait for you."

Earlier today we were supposed to spend the day together going shopping. I had been looking forward to it all week. She and I were joking about how we would spend all day and night catching up, just the two of us. We had been talking all day on the phone and online, but after waiting 'til nearly 'til 4pm, she decided to let me know that she ran out of time and couldn't go shopping tonight..... because she had a date with her boyfriend that she neglected to tell me.

I don't know. Logic tells me to just say screw it and move on, yet every time I do she gets upset or sad. I want to be her friend for sure even if I can't be with her, but it's like when I hint that I only want to be friends and won't 'fight for her love,' she gets mad. Is it me? Or does she just want it both ways? I'm really confused...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-17 05:22 ID:B+4/kPgn

She a tease. She can't have it both ways and you have to let her know that, whether you say it to her directly or just give that friends only vibe to her. Don't get sucked into her pace. You are your own man and you will NOT be manipulated.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-17 05:39 ID:vk92iqXI

>>1

Yeah this is fucked up, don't mind her mood-swings whenever you put your foot down, take the 'as far as I'm concerned it's over'-stance. If she truly, direly wants you back, she'll eventually come running to you, and if she does, don't just take her back with open arms. Be like making sure it's not just a desperate attempt to exhort a final display of your emotional attention.

And overall don't be nor seem desperate to be friends, don't go out of your way to hang with her. Be casual.

Sincerely just move on.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-17 06:07 ID:DAiNLWKv

>>2 >>3 Are right.

She doesn't deserve your love. She sounds like a prissy bitch who thinks life is a fairytale and wants two princes to fight over her. The only way you will get the upperhand in this situation is to make her realise that you will not wait around for her while she goes and makes out with another guy. Seriously, if it was the other way around (you with another girl), do you really think that she would do the same for you? Face the facts dude, you're just the rebound guy that she hangs around when she's not with her boyfriend. I would never cancel an engagement I had with my friends just because I was a little tired from hanging out with my boyfriend prior to that.

6 Name: Nibbles : 2007-02-17 16:21 ID:Kt7Kli5C

Dude she sounds like a selfish asshole, She wants you AND the other guy obviously, and if she cant have you both shes gonna throw a fit, you sound like a really nice loving, caring guy and those are hard to find these days and women are constantly looking for that kind of guy, go find one of them and be happy for a change and use your time to make someone else happy. I'm in a similar situation, my gf left me cause she wasnt sure what she wanted and we were together for six months planning to get married, then one of her old friends pops up out of nowhere and decides he loves her so she leaves me to be with him yet she would still call me and talk to me and say she loved me and all that other horse shit, so I said fuck it and told her to never talk to me again and I moved on, yeah I miss her and I love her with all my heart, dont get me wrong, but same applies for me as you, I am a very loving and caring guy and Im gonna find someone who will show the same love and respect to me.

7 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-18 01:29 ID:72+DtoUn

>>4, >>6 Frigid Onanoko disagree. Its too harsh. Sure, this not very nice, but need understand girls perspective, she probably also bit queezy about situation. >>1 That fight you had did have a reason to it. Any relation has its hurdles and it is only natural that a major hickup occurs in a beginning relationship. How the relation goes on from there depends on how you handle the situation. You need to know where she's coming from and what your position is. Perhaps your distance is too long, too long to make the necessary sacrifices to close it (sacrifices on her part too.) So FO think you need to start at the reasons why it not work out in the first place, analyze them. Sure, you sort of made up with her, but you seem to have only restored communication. That's not the same as having properly dealt with the underlying problem.

FO say bye

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-18 05:14 ID:DAiNLWKv

>>7
Reading your advice always gives me a headache because of the engrish you insist to use. I'm actually asian and all, but I know you can type normally.

Anyway, I think your advice would be relevant if her boyfriend was out of the picture. But as it stands, it's obvious that her boyfriend takes precedence over OP. You can tell alot about this girl by the way she's handling the situation. Getting mad because OP hints he won't fight for her love? Ditching OP at the last minute despite a whole weeks worth of anticipation? Saying "I love you" to two guys at once? Waiting two weeks to confess about her boyfriend? And doesn't her boyfriend have the right to know about OP?

WHERE IS THIS GIRL'S SENSITIVITY??

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-18 19:24 ID:Heaven

>>8
...Frigid Onanoko's typing is supposed to be Asian Engrish? Oh ah. I didn't know that. (Don't assume the name should have tipped me off, I've seen tons of non-asian people use names similar to that, as well as typing in a stilted Engrish sort of way thanks to not being from GB/USA/Australia).

I sort of have to agree with the "dump her" crowd and >>5.
>>5 is interesting, I never saw that thread before. >>1 definitely should use some advice from it.

10 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-18 22:27 ID:72+DtoUn

Maybe it interesting who initiated talk after communication breakdown? Frigid Onanoko guessing it be girl. People, be less harsh on girl! Just because she is girl, that no mean she know how she want to position herself between different people. She need time too, to understand own feelings. It not so nice for Op, but can you expect better from her - is she really at fault? (this in reaction to >>7 btw)

What FO hear is, girl is also positioning. She like both Op and other guy. If wholly choose for one guy, big chance to lose touch with other person. She wanna know for sure she no cut loose one guy (the other one) only to find out that relation with nr 2 didn't work out after all. This is the game, and FO think girl afraid of losing twice.

She will need to make choice sooner or later, because it also eating on her. She is free woman, that choice is hers. Not yours. Not of other guy. Now for advice. Gonna assume here that you two not meet yet.

Make sure you meet her - it no need to be big (remember she is de jura 'taken') - but insist on meeting. It send signal that you at least giving it a chance (which you are). It also necessary to test waters - how do you and she behave when together? This be very informative to both of you and perhaps conclusive decision formed right there (or at least roots of.)

Depending on how conversation goes (topics of your choice) make clear that communication of past weeks rekindled flame that burn before (Frigid Onanoko so romantic, nya!) from cinders of the love that fell unattended during these five months. But she also started some fire elsewhere, or so you heard. Girl, she must extinguish one of them. You cannot guarantee the remaining fire will burn forever, but as far as you concerned, that irrelevant. Make sure you press that its her choice. No need to press her, the answer will come eventually when she knows you expect one.

Tell her one more thing. If she does not extinguish your fire, but keeps feeding the other flame, it will burn the bridges between you beyond repair.

Frigid Onanoko can't guarantee anything, of course. Assuming 25% chance of success, maybe less. Meet her to at least know if you really want her. saying bye now!

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-19 07:03 ID:Heaven

>>10

>People, be less harsh on girl!

No. I do not gender discriminate. I've even sort of been in the girl's situation, not being able to decide on a girl initially. It made all of us hurt, but even though #2 decided it was too much hurt and stayed away for a while, I straightened myself up and came to terms that #1 wasn't a relationship that would work in the long run, and kidding myself would only hurt us more. I left her and after a few months tried to be with #2. It worked, for a while. Now I'm with #3 and have been for four years, and we've pretty much decided to legally get acknowledged as a couple at our five-year anniversary.

>She need time too, to understand own feelings.

Yes. But she doesn't have to fuck up OP while doing that. Giving her some time alone to try to think straight would be good for her.

I always enjoy reading your posts though, FO. They're interesting.

12 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-19 18:10 ID:72+DtoUn

FO believe in goal of emancipation: women have equal rights as men, men have equal rights as women. No gender discrimination, duh.

>>11 Frigid Onanoko referring not to gender but to specific person: the girl. Also not excusing girl, but sketching ameliorating circumstances (nya!) that could be relevant here.

bye!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 23:26 ID:B+4/kPgn

Honestly, As much as a girl deserves equal rights. In this situation. It's about what HE wants. Because she is indeed sending mixed signals and this guy, will have to, and to be frank, SHOULD decide to step away from her a bit, and look for other options. When it comes to two people, Whether they are in a relationship or not, Two people decide things, They always do, You don't have to wait for her decision. And since you two already broke up once, You should consider what happened before and see if it's even worth it.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-23 13:28 ID:oKnrCpRV

>>Frigid Onanoko
>What FO hear is, girl is also positioning. She like both Op and other guy. If wholly choose for one guy, big chance to lose touch with other person. She wanna know for sure she no cut loose one guy (the other one) only to find out that relation with nr 2 didn't work out after all. This is the game, and FO think girl afraid of losing twice.

No way, the girl can't have it both ways. It would be bloody unfair to OP. Women have rights so do men! We men are not commodities to be weighed and see which one is better.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-24 09:01 ID:U5DKgRGO

>>9
Well I'm pretty sure that FO is non-Asian (I've seen her post in normal English), taking on the "Confucius say.." persona. Anyway, quite off topic.

I'd say >>14 has got it right. I understand FO's girl positioning explanation. After all, I've been in those types of situations myself. But it's as if she's not taking OP seriously enough.

>>Getting mad because OP hints he won't fight for her love?

Shows immaturity, selfishness and lack of understanding of OP's position.

>>Ditching OP at the last minute despite a whole weeks worth of anticipation?

She just bailed out on a mere whim. Hanging out with her bf instead? Please.

These two questions should at least be answered before even sympathising with the girl.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-24 09:48 ID:Heaven

The boyrfirend could be some sort of attempt for luring jealousy, which of course owuld be immature and you'd be best off telling her so or never talking to her again until he's gone and THEN she tries to initiate communication, if you're willing to wait, which is up to you. Or do it however you'd want to handle that, I just suggested what I'd do.

Since you were together before, there obviously must be something in the break that would have to be resolved, and maybe she's just waiting until that happens, but of course just like a bitch, it isn't though as if she's just come out and fucking say it when she talks to you, so do you want to be with a dumb bitch who plays games with you? Do you even want to wait on someone like that, it is obvious that in either case she's just trying to manipulate you to do something about it, I guess she thinks you're supposed to know what that is and supposed to want to play that game, sigh, such stupidity, this is why men are so much better because they will always be blunt about their affections because there isn't fuck more we hate than bullshit.

If you really want to be with her, tell her to stop playing around and say what it is she really wants, and if you get more bullshit then obviously forget the bitch, unless of course you're willing to deal with it, depends on how much you actually like her, are willing to be with her, what caused you to split up in the first place, and well, how much of potential sucker you are. A lot of those are interdependent based on your individual self and its involvement in the situation, not to mention your own specific preference, so only you'll know what to do after talking to her.

17 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-24 15:33 ID:72+DtoUn

>>14

>We men are not commodities to be weighed and see which one is better.

(heh, heh... hahahaa!)

>>15

>it's as if she's not taking OP seriously enough.

FO tentatively agree. Can't wait to hear from OP.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-25 06:36 ID:Heaven

>>17
I know you think you or anyone else can determine and discern between two weights, but the premise alone is more than flawed, can you make a grammatically awful statement about maintaing a VERY singular focus purposelessly for me?

19 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-25 12:05 ID:72+DtoUn

Frigid Onanoko tried to, but afraid no understand >>18, sorry!

>I know you think you or anyone else can determine and discern between two weights.

FO believes not to have said this. Or do you consider "heh, heh... hahahaa!" as a counterargument?

>the premise alone is more than flawed

what premise exactly? about feasability of weighing?

>can you make a grammatically awful statement...

(yes why not?)

>...about maintaing a VERY singular focus purposelessly for me?

purposelessly, but for you.... Frigid Onanoko find this contradiction. Very singular focus???
Are you asking FO to randomly insult you? Not doing that, no like.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-25 16:26 ID:Heaven

>Or do you consider "heh, heh... hahahaa!" as a counterargument?

Oh do you mean to say that it wasn't? Because that is sure as hell what it sounded like to me.

>about feasability of weighing?

Not only that but...

>purposelessly, but for you.... Frigid Onanoko find this contradiction. Very singular focus???

You're missing it, I'm not saying to do it purposely I'm saying to make one of your cheeky little quips about purposelessly focusing on only one regard, the most well known phrase for this is called ONE TRACK MIND. Now, would you like to try a stab at my request again, or would you like to change your stance on how a woman should treat men?

>Are you asking FO to randomly insult you? Not doing that, no like.

Oh? Why not? You can't live up to your namesake? You're supposed to be the representative cold bitch here, start acting like it or I'll get bored.

21 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-02-25 17:21 ID:72+DtoUn

oh, so the point of >>18 was

>would you like to change your stance on how a woman should treat men?

Frigid Onanoko think very long how to answer, >>20. Such an eloquent and sensible request, no? so here is response.
heh. heh. hahahaa!

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-26 08:21 ID:Heaven

>>21
No that wasn't the point, try again.

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