Dating Co-Workers (15)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-13 05:10 ID:A5igMIT4

I've always had a strict policy against dating someone I work with. Especially now since I work in such a small office environment (100 or so people...yipe!). Unfortunately, I am seriously liking one of my co-workers. Right now, I would just like to get to know her, maybe take her to a mive or something, or whatever.

I think she knows I'm into her, and I'm fairly certain she's into me. We've baked cookies for each other, whenever we stop to chat her eyes light-up and she smiles genuinely (smiling with her eyes and not just her lips), and she even looked heart-broken when she learned that I was switching shifts to an earlier shift and wouldn't be seeing as much of her in the office (so much so we embraced one-another and I had to reassure her that she'd see more of me than she could handle to try and make her feel better). We also touch each other often: shoulders, arms, back, occasionally stomach, etc.

Here's the problem again: We work together. While the company does not have a policy against inter-office dating (I checked), it IS a small office and I seriously do NOT want to do anything to harm either one of our careers. She's also been recently been promoted to a position slightly above me (though everyone in the office expects me to follow suit soon--including myself and all of our supervisors and the general manager).

I don't want to potentially lose out on something good, but I'm also afraid I'm mis-interpreting everything (I am REALLY, REALLY bad at reading signals--is she being a friend, does she want more, etc.?). I don;t want to screw-up our jobs, but I don't know if there will ever be a "right" time to approach her about maybe getting some coffee or something.

Help?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-13 07:58 ID:Heaven

>blah blah blah...She's also been recently been promoted to a position slightly above me...blah blah blah

run away.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-13 09:16 ID:3IpI4ont

if you're on equal positions', that's one thing... But if she's in any kind of position that could be seen as officially "over" you... Best to not make it anything more at this point, as it could easily be taken the wrong way, by anyone else in the office...

it'd be far better if you weren't in job positions directly related to each other, so even if she was in a higher position, it wouldn't relate to your position, and wouldn't matter, but if she's seen as technically "above" your position, that could come off looking bad...

don't let it get in the way of mentioning your feelings, just do so when the two of you are on a level basis, so noone misconstrues it...

good luck :)

4 Name: Kira : 2007-03-13 09:34 ID:EKm7TSTk

Well if you like eachother, then you guys should date right?
Just have a seperate time for both work and social time. That way you both can work at work and hang out or what ever at the outside of work time. Make sure to tell her that so you both can plan things out. Remember relationships work if both agrees to things... Which is called mutual understanding.
Well good luck.

5 Name: Kira : 2007-03-13 09:34 ID:EKm7TSTk

Well if you like eachother, then you guys should date right?
Just have a seperate time for both work and social time. That way you both can work at work and hang out or what ever at the outside of work time. Make sure to tell her that so you both can plan things out. Remember relationships work if both agrees to things... Which is called mutual understanding.
Well good luck.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-14 18:25 ID:C3ezf5iy

OP here.

Well, I have one person who says Run Away (which it appears is all they say based on other threads...), one who says proceed with caution only once I've become equal status to her again, and a double-post of to just talk about it with her.

Any other suggestions?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-14 18:41 ID:clRe3h7o

If you're pretty sure to be promoted soon, wait for it. Until you are promoted, and all the more if you are not promoted, don't try to go a step furter. Most likely you're going to get nasty comments, rumors, and the like. Maybe not genuinely in front of you but you'll end up hearing "A told B that..." and then that "B told C that...". And it'll hurt you, and her, and the two of you and chances are that it would deal a blow to your couple anyway. Office talk is really a nasty thing, even if not intended that way.

It might not hurt your job/carrer directly but will surely hurt your feelings, your global opinion about a lot of your coworkers (and theirs about you) and might get you to hate your job. I might be exxagerating things a little bit, but seriously, with people you never know how far something can go.

Wait to be on the same ground as hers, so noone can start rumors about you and the like. Then try to catch your chance.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-14 21:27 ID:C3ezf5iy

Seems like the best option. Thanks!

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-14 22:41 ID:3IpI4ont

Good luck with the potential promotion! It's best to wait 'till then! Take it from a working guy like me, office rumors are dangerous... Many people don't think office rumors are as prevalent as they're made out to be, but they are, and even though they might not affect you directly while working, they are near impossible to squelch once they start X.X

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 01:39 ID:0XSyw8s0

OP back.

Well...somehow I have a date with my co-worker, and I'm not honestly sure how it happened. Just the right set of circumstances popped up (no-one else around/in earshot, available time since we have different days off, etc.), and before my brain knew what was coming out of my mouth I asked her out on a date. She accepted rather readily, too. Guess maybe she was waiting for me to speak-up? We've only been making cookies for each other for the past few months :p Who knows.

Well...this should be interesting.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 05:13 ID:SdjsO+78

Dating coworkers can be bad because if it ends it will be really awkward for the rest of the time you work there. If it ends on really bad terms, then things can be even worse especially if she is of a higher position. Oh yeah, if she was below you, she would probably throw a sexual harassment lawsuit.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 06:25 ID:0XSyw8s0

>>11
I'm not terribly worried about that. We're both fairly level-headed, intelligent, and I know I realize what could happen. We'll probably talk about it though and discuss how we'll act at work, etc., should we want to go on a second date.

But that's too far-thinking at the moment. As for now, we don't even have a set day or anything...so...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 12:10 ID:8pL4Gweu

Knock her out and put it into her poopoo

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 13:50 ID:F1eCh1mE

i would say - make sure you really do have a connection, rather than it just being something thats fun to do in the office because its flirting in a situation where flirting isnt really encouraged. because if its just a work connection thing then your relationship may not work outside of the office. not sure if thats a great explanation!

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 03:53 ID:fyadBBG4

>>14
That's what we're about to find out. We're both career-minded, and I know I don't want an "office fling", and she doesn't seem the type either. In fact, I think I'm the only guy she's said yes to to going out with in our office...though I don't honestly know how many other guys have asked.

And yeah, leave work at work and everything else out of work...if this goes anywhere that's something we'll have to address. Hell, several weeks ago I browsed the all-mighty internets to see what relationship experts had to say about inner-office dating, and like I think I stated previously my company has no specific or vague policy on dating--one way or the other.

That being said: Is dinner and a movie (vice-verse, actually) too lame for a first date? It's been several years ;_;

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.