Question for you all, but it requires a bit of backstory.
I never started dating at all and was nothing more than an antisocial geek until when I was 16, I started playing the guitar and singing in front of people in the church, later I ended up leading a band in the same setting. There did not seem to be a period of time longer than 2 months when I was not dating someone. This continued unit I was about half way though college and my studies and work kept me from having time to do this anymore. In college I then dated a girl for two years (who was a bit of an otaku, actually) and then realized that she wasnt the one, so I had to break up with her.
Now, about a yearand a half after that, I am 23, and it seems that nothing seems to happen anymore. I still like playing guitar, and love to sing, but am reluctant to go back to performance in front of others because I do not want to get female attention for that reason alone, and I also don't trust that I would not be playing for the wrong reasons.
I guess it kinda would make me feel cheap, I want someone to like me for who I am because later down the road, I might not want to play anymore, and at that point, what they were attracted to might not be there anymore.
I guess my question after all of this is:
Am I sane in my decision to not play in an effort to find a genuine relationship? Or is "bait and switch" just acceptable and necessary?
Also, what the hell is it with girls and music?
I don't think it's the music, I think it's the fact that people who perform are "famous" (even if it's only fame in the limited sense of your social circle.) Girls like to be with "famous" people because then that makes them "famous" by association. It gets them attention. And girls love attention.
I think it's because girls realize you have a talent and you can express it at your full potential, and that's great. A lot of girls are drawn to guys who have a talent they can express, whether it be in church or in you garage with your band. Music is big these days. Almost every person I know to be in a local band or garage band has a girlfriend. Music and talent attracts girls to guys and vice versa (Guys to some girls).
Sure some girls like to feel and look important, but I know a lot of people who were in a band and not anymore, and they're still together with his or her gf/bf.
Yeah I agree with >>3. Talent.
It's natural instinct that girls are drawn to guys with a strength in a particular field. They seem so in control and confident. Also, it's a challenge to win the heart of a musician or artist I reckon. Because their thinking is so alternative and deep, and you wanna share a part of their own little world.
>>3-4
True.
I seem to observe the same thing. I have this friend who is also a musician and has his own band. When you are on stage, attention is drawn to you as a person with talent, guts and fame (although the latter may not necessarily be true). I don't know, yet, if he is having problems with that. But, I do know that he has friends almost everywhere in town, of all the cultural and social types you can think of. I sometimes envy him, but I would freak out to just think of handling with all the people out there. I'm amazed he even goes to a music faculty and high school the same days. He comes to school so dead tired. °_°
I want to get in a band, but there's noone around where I live that I could jam with, let alone want to play the same style of music that I want to play. Last band I was with, all the guys had Gf's except for one guy. Then the friend of the band had 2 gf's -_- but he fixed that into having one gf later.
It's also about the confidence too I think. Getting up in front of people and play music or sing do take a lot of confidence. Girls are also attracted to confidence too.
>>6
You mean noone else will dress up like a women and play bishounen with you?