PROBLEM: I attract goody-goods (25)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-01 16:14 ID:jRh312d/

Okay, let's start with me: I'm a 21 year-old guy that smokes copious amounts of weed, am a former addict of hard drugs, listens to horrific music that sounds like a cat being ripped up alive in a blender while synthesizers blare in the background (or slow, gloomy, ambient Electro-Goth music), am militantly Atheist & Marxist, has had sex with more individuals than I really should have, and I often wear a Sigil of Baphomet [upside down pentagram with goat's head in it] pendant proudly around my neck. Not THAT crazy of a dude, but... I've been around the block.

And THEN there's the girls that are attracted to me. Most of the girls that I end up with are usually veeeery cute, intelligent, and funny, with some common interests, but they're also usually very shy, awkward, get straight A's, never have drank/smoked, play some kinda instrument or sport and play it very well, and have been a bit sheltered... a good bit of them are fellow otakus, but mainly are just shojou freaks... but also a good bit of them are virgins or religious to one degree or another.

Here are some of the last few girls I've gone on dates with or have vocally expressed interest in me:

-a conservative Christian girl that dressed very immaculately, plays the piano like a virtuoso, and listens only to Classical and baaad Soft Rock.
-a little Catholic girl whose parents are Arabs (ah, vay Allah, saddiqati!) who converted to Catholicism and who has, at 17, never had a boyfriend and is a virgin.
-a very cute redhead that is very sweet, and she calls me a good bit, but... she's also incredibly shy and quiet, so I don't really know that much about her.
-a Japanese otaku girl that is your standard "good little Asian girl"... but, hey, she listens to Metal, Industrial, and some of the more decent Visual Kei bands, so I guess she's salvagable...

This isn't too bad of a dilemma, actually... heck, even the girl that I dated for 3 1/2 years originally started out as a shy, awkward, nerdy little otaku girl... but it IS frustrating because a lot of the girls that express interest in me are either A) nothing like me, or B) virgins (biiiig responsibility, taking a girl's virginity).

TL;DR How do I attracted women that share more common interests? Or is this the case of "opposites attract"?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-01 16:53 ID:GDehO+/b

congrats, do you want a cookie?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-01 17:47 ID:Heaven

You sound like a pretty cool guy. Did you sit in the back of the bus in high school?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-01 19:02 ID:m9lvYb3p

Wow, you must be a dating god.

Where/how did you meet these girls, oh dating god, and how did you draw them into you after you met them?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-01 19:57 ID:gM6Zqz3W

I guess it is effectively the case. You are probably "exotic", therefore intriguing, to them.

And by the way, if they're that interested into you, open your world to them. Share your interests. You might be surprised how people may change, and how their tastes and ideas may broaden at the contact of people radically different from them. If you don't scare the shit out of them, they might become like you, at least a little bit.

In fact, you might even want to try to tell them that you'd probably like them more if they were more like you. If they're that interested, they will try. You've got nothing to lose, except you'll be able to add "I'm a manipulator" to your list. Hehe.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-02 01:55 ID:LN7h46ki

I dont see why OP is complaining when tons of guys here would want his situation. But OP, this doesnt just happen to you. It seems a lot of girls are attracted to your type, it's the confidence factor, they just cant help themselves. It's stupid that female humans dont make sense at all when their bio kicks in.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-02 02:25 ID:jRh312d/

>>6
OP here, just wanted to point out that we guys are often just as weird and irrational (but in different ways) when their hormones kick in.

Also, made out with the redhead today, it was... very interesting. Not sure what to think about it. Uhhh... not sure what I'm getting into.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-02 02:53 ID:MggdwXbU

simple, girls like the bad guy.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-02 04:27 ID:gaWV0q0J

>>1
Well there are several ways to approach this problem:

  1. Kill yourself

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-02 12:23 ID:jRh312d/

>>5
OP here:

I think that makes sense... indeed, my long-term ex came out of the relationship far more talkative and outgoing and her interests broadened and came closer to mine. I guess I just attributed it to her growing as a person (we were/still are quite young), but maybe I definitely had a part in it. Huh, didn't really put that together, but now it seems completely obvious (slaps forehead)

Still, I guess I get why I attract the shyer or more sheltered girls, but continue to wonder why I rarely get a girl on the same "level" (for lack of a better word) as me?

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 04:44 ID:nHaVpnAp

OK, let's look at this with some logic.

Chances are, if they're like you, they had their fair share of partners as well, and if that's true, it means they started out dating some horrible guy. After that, their choice of partners get worse with each new relationship.

If you're looking for a girl on the same page as the current you, then you would have to put on an act. Don't get caught blazin', when your "target" shows up, put on some more conservative music, and never ever reveal how often you've been "around the block." That, or you become a total bad ass.

Choose to be the "nice guy" - They might be looking for something different, and if they go for different, the "different" is you. The crazier the girl, the more they've gone through, which means the more extreme YOU would have to become in an effort to be that nice guy.

Choose to be the "bad guy" - Simple, be the next asshole in their line-up of horrible lovers.

If you don't want to change yourself, then you'll just have to make due with the goody goodies.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 06:12 ID:jRh312d/

>>11
OP here

>>Chances are, if they're like you, they had their fair share of partners as well, and if that's true, it means they started out dating some horrible guy. After that, their choice of partners get worse with each new relationship.

Wow, way to totally generalize women and promote double standards- having a lot of sex = obviously dated someone terrible and only wants to date jerks. Puhleeze.

>>Choose to be the "nice guy" - They might be looking for something different, and if they go for different, the "different" is you. The crazier the girl, the more they've gone through, which means the more extreme YOU would have to become in an effort to be that nice guy.

Uhhh, did that. It DOES attract psychos because they look to you for stability and approval. Or you look like a fake.

>>Choose to be the "bad guy" - Simple, be the next asshole in their line-up of horrible lovers

Yeah, like there's no other alternative: either be a fake "sensitive" wussbag, or a hateful, abusive douchebag.

>>If you don't want to change yourself, then you'll just have to make due with the goody goodies.

I mean, I could survive with the good little girls- I mean, I've had success with them so far, lol... but still, it WOULD be nice to have someone on the same page as me, or someone that isn't so submissive and can balance things out (another problem of dating goodie-goods: so damn submissive!).

But dude, >>11, it sounds like you're just bitter. Chill out, go get laid. Or something, cuz, Jesus...

13 Name: TEENAGER : 2007-04-03 19:15 ID:PrLOVpOU

Man, you sound like a pretty radical dude.
If I were in your shoes right now, it would be freaking awesome!

But seriously now, what I think is that the girls simply want some spice or something. Something different. Which may lead to one day you will find a note and it will say "The novelty wore off" or something and you will be left only with your little sigil.
Or you know, the girls could be even freakier than you.
Closet Wiccan/Satanist/etc. You have heard these kind of horror stories, right?

Anyway, that redhead sounds like a good deal.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-03 19:21 ID:vYh+b1P6

>>11

I hope to all heck that you're a troll and that you don't really think that way. If you do...I feel sorry for every female who is unfortunate enough to come in contact with you.

15 Name: Neko-SchoolGirl : 2007-04-03 19:49 ID:BSMKDkBm

You really don't seem like a bad person, and that is a very good thing... anywho... YOU are the one that will ultimately decide to do what you think is right so just do what you think is right...

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-14 09:02 ID:pcg0jT4s

My cousin's a goody-goody who's dating a guy who is quite fond of acid and Xanax, amongst other things. She says she likes him because she feels a need to take care of him.

I don't know if this applies to those girls you've been attracting, but it's something to think upon, I suppose!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-14 17:20 ID:Heaven

>>16

Has a point. I think it's more a maternal thing than anything else. Your feminist attitude might be part of it as well. just because the acid thing defines you to yourself it might not be what they see in you. they probably either want to help you get your shit together or like your attitudes towards things. You'd be suprised at how similar some of those goody-good girl attitues are to those of a militant marxist.

18 Name: MEGA ORC : 2007-04-15 01:46 ID:ziS+Yyz7

do you listen to experimental grindcore or something

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 03:38 ID:VkI865IT

>>1
the girls that seem to be attracted to you are deserved by guys who are much better than you, and much more pitiful. they need the love, you apparently do not. please, just blow the girls off and leave them open for the goody-goody guys.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 12:44 ID:xg8vDgYf

>And THEN there's the girls that are attracted to me. Most of the girls that I end up with are usually veeeery cute, intelligent, and funny, with some common interests, but they're also usually very shy, awkward, get straight A's, never have drank/smoked, play some kinda instrument or sport and play it very well, and have been a bit sheltered...

Just wondering, where do you meet them? I've never met such girls in my 18 years...

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 17:46 ID:SuuO59ZZ

... Oh please OP, don't make me laugh !

Honestly, want a bad ass chick ? Since you are so bad ass ... Stop watching anime and going to Channel 4, in the Internet most girls you find are SUBMISSIVE.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 18:49 ID:xkxJ6M7F

>>19
Agreed.
>>21
Blatant, but it sounds like OP.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 20:40 ID:Heaven

>>19

And who are you to make that decision? If a girl doesn't think she deserves better, it's her problem, not yours. I would never want to have anything to do with those girls who have so low self-esteem that they pursue drug-addicts...no matter how good grades (, etc.) they have.

You can't force attraction, you know...but there's no need to be desperate

//not OP btw

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-17 05:30 ID:VkI865IT

>>23
I can make that decision because I am a clear-thinking individual who is stating the obvious.
I am calling the OP on being a hypocrite. He likes the attention these girls give and IF (that's a big if) he isn't lying and is not really just as desperate as everyone else for a little affection, he would have just ignored these girls form the start.
Regardless, if you keep attracting goody-goodies, then just ignore it. If you can't ignore it, chase them away. If they won't leave, then introduce them to the dozens of lonely fanboys who would give their left testicle to even TALK to such a girl.

please note that I am actually dating just such a goody-goody girl (and loving it) and I have actually introduced several girls that wanted me to my fellow fanboys. They are now happily dating, goodies with goodies. Problem solved.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-18 04:56 ID:tB3kTvdX

Haha, oh wow.
OP, give me your life.

I'm stuck with god-awful bitchy/annoying/screechy girls who think they're all bestest pals with me (And constantly talking about each other's backs to me, even when I'm not so much giving them a hint that I don't care as much as bluntly telling them I don't give a shit), just because they've smoked weed with me once or twice, and think I'm some kind of amazing person because I dress euro-style, like to read books and discuss philosophy, art, and politics.

Man, I wouldn't mind a nice sophisticated classical music-loving, well-dressed piano-playing girl; and I could even live with the religiousness. Talking about Theology is pretty interesting at times.

Try to just build some nice solid friendships with girls of common interests with you, and use that as a stepping stone to build a nice relationship with the usual slowly growing closer, 'more then just friends' and etc bit, it's a tried and true process.

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