getting over her/him (25)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-21 04:11 ID:IebafJTe

we broke up over 3 years ago.

i haven't seen her in 2.

i moved to a different country.

and i still can't seem to get her out of my mind, and neither can she. we've both been with other people, have had sex with other people, have had much longer relationships, have met more fulfilling people, and have been out of contact with each other for months at a time, but something still makes me yearn for her.

i have honestly tried to just quit thinking about her and just cutting her out of my life, to no avail.

at this moment, i can say she really wont amount to anything compared to the woman im with now, but deep down if both of them were at my front door, i'd choose her over the other woman.

i can't distinguish if its love or obsession.

so, to sum it up;

how do i get rid of this desire to be with her?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-21 04:43 ID:Heaven

no idea but i'm in a similar situation so you are, at least, not alone

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-22 02:16 ID:IebafJTe

>>2

tell me about yours, im curious.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-22 08:36 ID:ik/dDkR/

... Honestly, OP? I... sort of want you two to get together. It sorta hurts reading something like this.

5 Name: Severin : 2007-04-22 14:36 ID:HGYV9fN+

Hooooly cow. I so know how you feel. I'm still the same way with my ex- we broke up 3 years ago, but nowadays we are in the exact same situation as you two are. We realized about a year ago that we still have intense feelings for each other, and it's...

Fuck. I totally feel you on this.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-22 16:08 ID:6nyvoi3n

>>3 I've told the story too many times already. Let's instead try and focus on finding a solution.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-23 00:40 ID:IebafJTe

>>4

to be honest, i have conflicting feelings. 40% of me feels betrayed over what we were separated over to begin with, but the rest wants her like no other.

and i might as well say why we were how we got together and were separated.

we met through my best girlfriend. the first time i saw her, she was very shy, though we were both attracted to each other. the second time we saw each other, we went out one night with a group of friends. during that time, i got her to be alone with me for a bit, and asked if she wanted if she wanted to go out sometime. she said yes, and we rapidly ended up dating. the first 5 months were great, i didn't see her as much as i wanted to, but i spent every other weekend at her house(there was some distance, we lived about an hour away from each other). i found out alot about myself with her, and as did she. after those first 5 months we didn't necessarily start growing apart, but there was this restlessness i felt from her. we didn't grow apart, but something was wrong, and i felt it. after 7 months of being together, i mentioned something about how she forced me to do things i didn't want to do. then it happened. she said that she was in a very hectic period of her life, and that she didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment. what could i say? we broke up, but still remained friends. she knew i still wanted her. about 2 months later, i was still...uh, wounded?....no, more like hurting, when my best girlfriend invited me and her to a concert. i said sure. we talked to each other during the concert, but she sort of ignored me, which is ok i guess. but after the concert, we went for some dinner with a group of people we met. then i saw it. she basically fell for someone else in front of me. she knew i wanted her. at that moment i just felt like she tore out my heart, threw it to the ground, stomped on it, followed by some spitting. needless to say i was depressed. i stayed quiet and didn't tell her anything on how i felt.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-23 01:01 ID:IebafJTe

>>5

the next time i saw her, it was when i was leaving for another country. i wanted to say my last good bye to her, and spent the whole afternoon with her. to sum it up, we went out, we went home, i kissed her, told her i still wanted her, she didn't say anything, and i said good bye. i didn't cry.

6 months in, i hadn't spoken(pardon if this is bad english) to anyone from my old home. i decided the first person to contact would be her. just drop her a line. i did. nothing spectacular, just how are things. she responded. weeee. the first year in this new country i was living in i was an emotional wreck. heavy drinking, i started smoking, womanizing and doing a small amount of drugs. then my money ran out and i had to get a job. i reduced my drinking and i quit doing drugs. then it fucking happened. i send her a hey hows it goin email, and she responds with it was a mistake that i ever left you type message. well thank you for telling my this. at this point in time a dam of emotion breaks, and what amount of stability i happened to have, disappeared once more. i start drinking again. 6 months later, i'm not a wreck, have sort of an established and balanced life, and 2 years later, here i am.

long, outdrawn, yes?

>>4

to be frank, i still harbor some resentment towards her. but not enough to deter me...at least not completely.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-23 03:40 ID:6nyvoi3n

hmm well certainly that's where I see myself ending up. I'm trying my damnest not to end up that way but...

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-24 04:22 ID:IebafJTe

eh, you shouldn't feel the way i should.

i just THINK i should get over her, and i don't think you feel that way. if you have the chance, take him/her back. don't let it just consume you. don't regret something you didn't do.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-24 09:31 ID:6nyvoi3n

it's been years already and I honestly would be hesitant to get into a relationship (not like I get any chances anyways) because it just wouldn't be right knowing i'd leave whoever i'd be with for her in a heartbeat.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-25 01:02 ID:IebafJTe

we're in the same boat kinda.

i waited 2 years until i had another relationship and i can say i got another perspective on my whole situation.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-25 06:39 ID:6nyvoi3n

>>12
is that a good thing or bad thing?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-26 23:20 ID:K/Ok197O

>>13

i guess you can call it a good thing. i can't explain why i want her, but i can rationalize whether its a bad decision or not. and right now it's looking like it's not a bad one.

let's put it this way, i can say that if a woman that is...."superior" to her comes along, i know it. i can be with that woman and be happy.

sure, the feelings are there, but i can keep my emotions in check.

15 Name: uh1pilot : 2007-05-04 15:19 ID:AuswZI/K

All of your stories are exactly what I am afraid of is going to happen to me, We were together for 3 years and lived together for 1 1/2. It's only been a month, but she has done some really cold and hurtful things to me in that time, but still claims she loves me. Despite all that she has done, I can't let her go, even though the logical part of me says to cut her out. I am afraid she will always be in the back of my heart affecting every relationship I have from here on out. I am also afraid, that I will never have a physical relationship like I had with her.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-08 04:34 ID:87wr72Pw

thats the mistake your making.

of course your never going to have a relationship like you did with her(EVERYONE is different), but you cannot make the mistake of condemning yourself to never having one OR living in the shadow of one. honestly, you´ll meet someone else that will captivate you(for at LEAST a while) and you´ll forget about her(....for at LEAST a while).

just keep it positive or you´ll NEVER be happy.

i´ve gotten over most of the shit she´s done to me, so i dont really care about that, im just thinking in the now. and right now i want her it seems.

she can be both my love and my obsession.

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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-08 17:46 ID:6nyvoi3n

I don't want to live in the shadow of wanting this girl but knowing that i shouldn't logically and feeling it are two different things. I don't know if that makes sense...

21 Post deleted by moderator.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-09 21:05 ID:9eXGbZTM

Why do posts keep getting deleted? I don't think they contained any foul language.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-10 01:31 ID:Heaven

>>22
Either troll or spam. Lots of immaturity on these boards recently.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-10 16:48 ID:4Oc9STP1

>>22
flooding

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-10 16:50 ID:87wr72Pw

>>20

that makes perfect sense.

logic dictates that i shouldnt even give this woman the time of day.

but here i am.

as i said, keep it positive. youre your own worst enemy when it comes to these things.

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