>>91 It wasn't a kiss on the cheeks. He kissed me on the mouth both times. And i wouldn't say it's over, it's pretty much more complicated now than ever, arghaolhfahslkdfhklashdflkh. I just feel weird writing to strangers about this since it's turned out this way. It's kind of embarrassing.
>>90 My brother isn't like that and he DOES care about me. It's true that he kissed me after i told him that we can't have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but I don't think he did it because he didn't respect my feelings. I think it's because he wasn't really thinking when he did it, kind of like how i told him i liked him even though i wasn't planning to and knew it was a bad idea in the first place. And i also blame myself because i could've said no and i could've stopped him but i didn't.
>>92 Thanks FO. And yes, like i said, i realize it is as much my fault as his because it was my responsibility to stop the kiss but i didn't. I feel so guilty because, despite everything, i did like the kiss. Everything's so conflicting! I wish none of this happened at all and that he just kept his feelings to himself! Arghhh! What you advise me to do is so hard. I can't picture myself doing any of that. I love my brother so much that it's going to be really hard to treat him as an "opponent". You're right, i really don't want to let my brother down and i hate to see him sad or depressed which is why i told him my feelings in the first place. But because i have this mindset of always "subjugating myself to his sorrow and desires" as you said because you put it in such better terms than i could, i just don't want to do anything to hurt his feelings. And my not telling my parents about this isn't only to protect him but to protect me as well. I have feelings for him too so we are both in the wrong. I think my worst nightmare is if anyone finds out about this, especially my parents because they are very very strict and if they find out about this, especially the kiss, I don't know what they'll do, they'll probably disown us or something lol. So i can't threaten to tell on him or anything like that. Also, i can't see myself hitting him, i can't even see myself having to resort to that. My brother is not a bad person. He kissed me in a moment of weakness but he would never force himself on me or rape me. But you're right in that i need to set boundaries and i have.
Since the talk i've told him again that we can't possibly have a romantic relationship. He made it clear that he wanted one with me but that he respects my decisions and that he didn't want to force me into anything that i was uncomfortable with and that no matter what he will always love me and be there for me. He's been really really understanding about everything.