Pretty Sure I Just Wasted My Virginity (33)

1 Name: Christy : 2007-05-30 03:53 ID:2CvwAGV0

Helllo, /love/.
My names is Christy and as much as I try to deny it, I'm still just a silly teenage girl. Please keep that in mind as you read.
I'm post numbah 224 from the Virginity thread and I believe I have a problem that in the long run, is likely insignificant but as of now...It's sort of a pain.

So, I'm not too sure how I feel about the sex thing. I mean yeah, I really enjoyed it, but at the same time, it's made things so much more complicated.
I think what has me messed up is the fact that my first "carnal relation" was just a fuckbuddy thing. We were like rabbits but we never talked about it. I would completely shutdown if he tried to say something about it or if I thought to say anything to him. Not that he tried. I never told him I was a virgin, I don't think I'll ever tell him. Now when we see each other at parties, he mostly ignores me. He'll say hello, be polite, but it's like nothing happened.
Is this just a hard lesson to learn for me?
Was losing my virginity really not that big of a deal?
Am I making a fuss over nothing?
What does sex even mean?

2 Name: u-r-who-u-r : 2007-05-30 04:44 ID:Fx+9D7hT

well, as a man i can tell you that guy is an ass. I mean yes, there are plenty of people who go out, find a girl have sex with her and never speak with her again. but that still doesnt make it right. about if you are making a fuss over nothing, it all depends on you. you should deep down how you feel. some ultra liberal girls couldnt care less, while some ultra conservative girls might feel the opposite. u no urself better than i do. i know as a fact that most girls (girls and not hoes eg loose women) would prefer to lose their virginity with the man they love and in a romantic setting. so too be honest, i would say it was kind of wasted on that guy but what is done is done. you shouldnt blame yourself. if anything blame him.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-30 05:55 ID:FKAY5eUy

What does sex even mean? Well, there is more than one way to look at it. On one end, you have the view that our sex drive is nature's way of keeping the human race alive, and having sex for pleasure doesn't hurt anyone if you do it safely. On the completely opposite end, you have religions which teach that sex is a very spiritual thing, and thus should only occur in married couples.

The idea behind the latter is that having sex creates an undeniable spiritual bond between the two members, and is dangerous when done with somebody with whom you don't have a strong relationship. Whether you believe this or not, the fact is that sex is a fun activity, but there's no escaping the connection to "love" (whatever that mysterious word means) that sex has. Because of this love-connection, I personally believe that "fuckbuddies" are an inherently bad idea.

So, call me old-fashioned, but I think losing your virginity is a big deal. You shouldn't have given it away to such an asshole. But, don't fear. It's not like it will ruin your life. We don't live in the dark ages anymore.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-30 05:56 ID:Heaven

"wasted", I think, is kind of a big word. Based on your post on the other thread, it seems you enjoyed it, so what the hell.

You could probably have spent it better, but that doesn't automatically label it "wasted".

And the first time is highly symbolic, so ok that's important, but if you think it well, it's just that - a symbol. You'll have plenty of other times, and maybe - let's hope for you - with a guy you love and loves you back. This will be another "first time", if you see what I mean. Just lust, and sex + feelings are different things.

As for what sex means, I recommend Webster's or some other dictionnary.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-30 05:57 ID:WKtTQmqx

I did the same thing when I lost my virginity. It felt like a waste and it was very painful afterwards, especially seeing him at parties and he would act like nothing happened, it hurts to be disregarded as a mere "fuck" or "hook-up". I was so ashamed of myself after that; I felt soiled and dirty.

In time you will come to terms with it, probably when you have had time to really learn about the experience and how you really feel on the subject of sex. After a while it won't matter anymore, it becomes just another thing that happened in the past. Hopefully in the future you will know what is best for you and your body. We are young and will do many things that we aren't ready for and might regret later but hopefully we learn from it. So, that is all I can really tell you is learn from it and that a lot of women and girls know how you feel.

6 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-05-30 14:03 ID:k3BCoLKj

Either way you look at it, it's pretty wasted. Your first time 'should' be special. Not even from the spiritual level where you 'should' love the person that you're with. But even if you don't Love each other, your first time is going to be where you're going to be most emotionally and physical sensitive. I guess it was kind of good that you didn't tell him you were a virgin because then he didn't have any pretense or decide to 'be careful' with you.

However, you really shouldn't think of him as an ass or anything. You didn't tell him you were a virgin. You didn't ask for a relationship. There are lots of guys who just have sex, and a lot of girls who just have sex. Some people find it easier to cope with life. And you were probably just confused for a mutual sexual encounter. If you really want, I'm sure if you take him aside and talk to him he's probably a lot nicer than you think. Don't confront him. Just talk to him, tell him it was your first time and tell him you don't blame him. He might be nicer than you think.

7 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-05-30 14:05 ID:k3BCoLKj

My advice to you is. If you feel it's a waste, if you doubt yourself. Then find a man who loves you. Someone you can talk to, but don't choose a wimp. Find someone you enjoy 'touching' just touching. Just hugging, just having his fingers on you. People like that are really good for a relationship or even just a fuckbuddy. Most important, he can't just ignore you. You have to be friends. Out of Romance and Friendship. Friendship is what gets you through things.

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9 Name: Christy : 2007-05-30 17:56 ID:2CvwAGV0

I think you're right. Sex for the sake of sex probably isn't a good way to start off, especially when I'm still pretty immature and vulnerable.
And here I always thought that once the time came I'd be smart about it and choose the right person and all.
woman's fatal flaw, or whatevah
I won't talk with him about it. I mean, I'm stupid and all but his train of thought throughout was pretty clear. Get high, get sex, leave. I'd like to find someone to enjoy myself with but I'm still not sure if I'm emotionally ready for dating or even just talking. I think I might need to sort some things out with myself before I dump them all on other people. To be honest, I'm still not even sure whether I like boys or girls or even myself.

Thank you for all the advice!

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11 Name: Christy : 2007-05-30 18:21 ID:2CvwAGV0

Well, I guess that means all my problems are solved. Thank you Anonymous!

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-30 22:48 ID:EbJBmjWs

you should have saved it

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-31 02:44 ID:tysy/NuW

Hey, you're not pregnant right? It's reasonable to conceive that sex would create a "connection" between partners in the event of pregnancy. In an age of contraceptives, however, that is less of a factor than at any other point in history. Old religious/social constructs that help protect individuals from un-supportable pregnancies are becoming superfluous, and society is changing as a result.

Should you feel hurt that this guy is unwilling to acknowledge you after you shared an intimate experience with him for the first time? Maybe. But should you feel hurt because you "wasted" your "virginity" experiencing it? No.

23 Name: Max Archer : 2007-05-31 12:03 ID:ghF8Fvqs

I think just about everybody ends up losing it in a way like this. I know I was dreaming of anime-esque loving whatever for years, and ended up losing it to a girl I'd met an hour previously.

Doesn't mean I'm not still kicking my ass for that one, though.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-02 14:58 ID:QI+YV3KN


Seconded. I lost my virginity in a similar fuck-buddy situation and, although we consistently hung out (read: watched a movie, got some dinner, talked, and then fucked), he never would talk about it with me, easily got frustrated by my relative inexperience, and was, overall, a pretty borderline guy; funny to have at parties, interesting to talk to on an individual basis, but hard to foresee being long-term involved with, well, anyone.

My next boyfriend ended up being a virgin and, granted, the guy has a pretty liberal upbringing. He, however, was a virgin and, rather than being turned off by my prior relations, he felt good about me having some idea what I was doing.

Granted you're clean and safe, most people really don't care. But fuck buddy relationships like the one you were in? Unhealthy. Breeds jealousy. And you seem like a pretty sensible lady, so find yourself a sensible man that appreciates you and gives you the attention you deserve.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-03 02:29 ID:VZSQFoEt

Yeah, you just wasted it.

Hormones - 1

You - 0

He probably knew you were a virgin, given your inexperience and initial pain. But did that stop him? Did he think twice? Shows a lot about his character. He didn't even check up on you afterwards. He got what he wanted, and now he doesn't even lust after you anymore. Because he's had you. Time to conquer another girl.

26 Name: SomeoneHere : 2007-06-03 08:04 ID:2+XFTqt3

Sadly, I'm with Secret Admirer on this one. I'm over 20 now, but I'm still a virgin. I've had a lot of chances of losing it, but all of them would have been the same way.

All I can say is, try to make it up to yourself... talk to him, even if he already knew you were a virgin. Talking can make the pain a little lighter... maybe it won't make it go away, but it'll make you have a clearer view of what he is like in reality and how you can avoid situations involving privacy and selfesteem in the future.

27 Name: Christy : 2007-06-04 13:20 ID:2CvwAGV0

Yeah, definitely not preggers.
See, I kind of figured everybody went through this but I thought some how I might keep myself from falling into the trap?
I don't know.
Well, it's not that I want to be with him or anything. I liked the sex for sex sake even though before, after and sometimes even during it was emotionally painful. I can't see myself with him at all.
I think it's best if I just sort of keep on acquaintance-y terms with him. Nothing emotionally involved ever again.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-04 13:46 ID:QI+YV3KN


Regarding your response to >>24 (thaaat's me)
Lady, lots of people DO go through bouts of doubt regarding their first time. As one of the few creatures that HAS sex for pleasure and not just procreation, we have an awfully nasty attitude about it (in most places of the world).

The fuck-buddy situation may not have been how you envisioned your first time but, like it or not, it was a learning experience. Be glad that you've found sex to be pleasurable and fun, regardless of the weak bond with your partner, and have the capacity to move on to someone that you'll have a (healthy) emotional attachment to.

I'm going to be frank: a lot of people that resent someone for losing their virginity are often:
a) jealous or bitter of your experience and their lack of
b) a bit self-righteous and hold unreasonably high standards for others-- they need to be realistic and recognize that people make mistakes and have been with others.

You, legit, seem like a nice person and deserve someone that's understanding of your not-entirely-rare situation instead of giving you grief over it.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-04 14:18 ID:mzNMYQZa

Don't feel bad, I lost mine to my very first boyfriend ever, and it hurt like a bitch, and the guy didn't give a flying fuck about me or my feelings.

And you know what? I was sad at first, but after that all I could think was, "Well, at least I got the first few painful times over with with someone I don't really care about. Now when it comes time to do it with someone worthwhile we can get right down to the fun part!" Haha.

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31 Name: Christy : 2007-06-06 05:36 ID:2CvwAGV0

Thank you very much for your nice words.

I guess that's right, I mean, what's so great about virginity anyway besides the whole religious/social stigma that Judeo-Christian America's slapped on a girl's cherry? It's all bull, anyways.
But I was thinking about it earlier today while reading this article in O magazine about these things called purity balls, where dads and their daughters get together and make the daughter promise to remain virgin until marriage and also dance.
It made me a little sad, but it also made me realize I like sex alot and I can't wait to share it with some-one who'll treat me right, you know?

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 05:53 ID:emKndOXl

Virginity is more of a sentilmental(sp?) thing anyway, like how girls like to dream that their first kiss is soft as marshmellow and taste like lemon crap.

if you dont value it personally then its no biggie, just wait until you do find the right person to enjoy it with.

overall i hope you dont end up valuing it as some people might, because its too late and now you'll only sour over time because of it, head up tall and look forward to the future.

33 Name: maus : 2007-06-06 08:43 ID:Heaven

As >>24 said,

>you seem like a pretty sensible lady, so find yourself a sensible man that appreciates you and gives you the attention you deserve.

You clearly have regrets. But, in the world of dating an relationships and fuckbuddies, yours could have been a WHOLE LOT WORSE.

Virginity is whatever you make of it. (Some people can't wait to lose it, others wait (and are then disappointed), others have better luck.)

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