being average... (19)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 21:55 ID:gFKDC+EC

well, first time posting on 4-ch, so here goes nothing... ^^;;

i'm just an average asian guy who lived in the US (in LA So Cal) for over 12 years now. i'm going to be 30 by the end of this year and lately a little depress because... well, i have yet had a actual meaningful relationship with someone. i was more or less ur everyday nerdy asian student back in high school (which is to say i keep to myself and just study most of the time) and college and only made a small handful of close friends (all guys and most of them have gf now). i've went on a few dates before but nothing really connected (and no, i'm not a virgin). i've met girls at work too but most of them either have bf or just want to be friends. now, facing the big three O, i'm starting to think, am i just too average...?

i guess some info would help. i'm about five six, 170 lb and average looking with short hair. only wears black or dark color clothes most of the time, but not because i'm emo or anything, just because i like the color and it's easier to pick clothes for work and stuff. i do have a pretty good sense of humor but usually only shows when i'm around ppl i know well... around strangers i sometimes tend to get over serious -_-;; i like manga and some anime (yes i did read hentai and stuff too, but not much the last couple of years), plays video games too, but mostly MMORPGs these days. i do have some what of a darker point of view toward relationship and marriage, mostly because i've witness the failure of my parent's marriage i guess... but at the same time i wish for someone to be near and close to.

so, any good advise for an average looking average joe (maybe it should be average chin?) ^^;? like where should i look and what not? thanks for any sincere answer. m(__)m

2 Name: j2sexy : 2007-06-05 21:57 ID:Zm0l125H

ur cleerly not average u gay liar. sheesh.....

theres no such thing as "normal" when it comes 2 people. were all different

3 Name: Harry Potter : 2007-06-05 21:58 ID:6VXCmTcg

too long didn't read...

4 Name: j2sexy : 2007-06-05 21:59 ID:Zm0l125H

nor did i lol. i just looked at da title

it tru

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 22:02 ID:lbqe7+2w

I can't tell if this is a troll or not with the amount of weeaboo smilies.

6 Name: j2sexy : 2007-06-05 22:21 ID:Zm0l125H

a tricky one indeed

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 22:30 ID:gFKDC+EC

OP here,

well, first of all, i'm not gay -_-; and second of all, i guess average isn't really the word for it... i think it's more like middle of the road/out of place. since i'm asian, i don't really fit in with the US group that good, and since i don't really like all the asian movies, music or TV, i'm kinda an outsider to the asian group also... and it's not just the race thing too. i'm not really a dumb or anything but not really smart either, and i like a lot of things like movies, cars and computers, but at the same time i lack the passion that many of my friends have toward those things. anyway, sorry if the OP's a little long... i guess at least getting it off my chest feels a little better /shrug

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 22:30 ID:gFKDC+EC

OP here,

well, first of all, i'm not gay -_-; and second of all, i guess average isn't really the word for it... i think it's more like middle of the road/out of place. since i'm asian, i don't really fit in with the US group that good, and since i don't really like all the asian movies, music or TV, i'm kinda an outsider to the asian group also... and it's not just the race thing too. i'm not really a dumb or anything but not really smart either, and i like a lot of things like movies, cars and computers, but at the same time i lack the passion that many of my friends have toward those things. anyway, sorry if the OP's a little long... i guess at least getting it off my chest feels a little better /shrug

9 Name: Harry Potter : 2007-06-05 22:31 ID:6VXCmTcg

US = Ur Stupid rofl harhar

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 22:32 ID:gFKDC+EC

and no... i'm not trolling... as for the smilies, sorry if u don't like those, i'm used to using them on MMOs so kinda type them out here too.

11 Name: Harry Potter : 2007-06-05 22:41 ID:6VXCmTcg

corke is a nut
he has a rubber butt
every time he turns around
it goes putt-putt

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 02:43 ID:P0lKBD9E

so for actual advice...

first of all, dont obsess yourself with the thought of finding a girl. you dont not have a biological clock. so focus on your career and create some positive work goals. this will help you build some confidence and also get your more money.

you being average is not a good thing. if you are part of the crowd, then how are girls suppose to take notice of you. for starters, start wearing bright colors to visually show you are different. start relaxing and having fun in social situations.

as for locations, go to places where people gather to have a good time. bars, clubs, cafes, the park, just get out of your house and meet people.

goodluck!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 02:51 ID:h6kKnjms

Mind my asking what -sort- of Asian? My best friend from home happens to be Korean and she, I think, is in a similar situation to you; she's not a Christian and doesn't fit into the Christian youth groups a lot of her peers attend and tends to be considered sort of white-washed because most of her friends are Caucasian and Latino.

I wouldn't turn this into a race issue, though. I think the issue at hand, with the limited amount of information I have, is your "dark view" of relationships and marriage. You seem like a friendly guy with diverse interests, employed, and college-educated. But women are really turned off by cynicism regarding relationships. Sarcasm in response to a female's interest and fear of commitment are things most genuine in their intentions are really not keen on. Recognize the things that went wrong in your parents' relationship, but realize that you've witnessed that and possess the life experience not to make the same mistakes. Keep it positive, fella.

14 Name: MG !2dC8hbcvNA : 2007-06-06 04:18 ID:fJh+Ck5f

This is a common phenomenon that's spreading mainly among the modern, well-educated men and women. You are not alone. People these days are postponing marriage simply because they are viewing a society that is so clearly decadent when it comes to lasting relationships. We are much more careful when seeking a partner because we don't want to repeat the mistakes of a community where half the children have divorced parents (US statistics).
>>13, cynicism here is not an issue. I also see that you have touched the issue of religion. That's quite important to consider in a relationship but I'd wait for Op to bring it up.
On a lighter note, I can certainly hook you up with some single ladies in LA who feel the way you do.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 07:37 ID:sfGofBmm

There are women in the same situation as yours, some people spend their 20s perusing their education and are too busy for a relation ship. But whats different about them is that they are looking for commitment. Don't scare anyone away, but don't be too afraid either.
well , I'm only 20 myself, but when I look at my own brothers, this is what I see in their lives.

16 Name: maus : 2007-06-06 08:19 ID:bNavHS73

Well, I can't start off without saying--I empathize.

You yourself seem to have rightfully concluded that your negative views on relationships (due to parents) might be dampering your success, and I think that would be true. Just dare to believe things can work out-- you're a good guy, right? Happiness is a possibility for you.

As a side note, I understand what you mentioned about groups.. it reminds me of the all-too-common social scenario where Asian-Americans are treated as foreigners, and then those who self-identify Asians don't include the Asian-American in their activities ('cause he's not 'really Asian'). Ah, life.

But yeah, if you want to give up, you could, but I don't see why; I know of people, 25 y.o. or so, who ARE virgins, and can't have meaningful relationships.. and one of them just got engaged, so I'll believe anything's possible.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 16:34 ID:gFKDC+EC

OP here, thanks for all the actual advice rather then the "colorful" comments.

to answer a few of the questions, i'm chinese but had been called from time to time by my friends as a twinkie (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) so i guess that gives u an idea. i've went to those church youth groups for a few years back when i first came to US but never did made any connection, mostly because the kids there are all a little young for my age back then (i was 18 and they're like 14~16). side note: i'm not a religious person, i went to the group meetings mostly because i don't have anything to do and i find it interesting to sometimes talk to them about God and everything as an outsider who doesn't believe.

here's another tricky problem i have thou... i live with my dad. well, it's actually the other way around. long story short, after the divorce a couple years ago (a rather bitter one on both sides), my mom got half of my dad's money and he needs to find a place to stay so he end up sharing the apartment with me (at 65 and not all that good with english, it's kinda hard for him to find a job). it's not that hard at first but lately i've started to feel the problems surfacing. it's really nothing big to tell the truth, just lots of everyday little things and his attitude, also the difference between his and my point of view on some stuff. i don't want to kick him out or anything but i can't really imagine having a date with him around either... and as for my mom, we have not talk for a pretty long time now because she considers me sideing with him and like i said, it was a bitter divorce on both side so i'm kinda like the "enemy" to her now...

don't get me wrong thou, i still want a relationship with someone who i can share my life with, it's just that things seem so hard sometimes (from the examples of my parents and most of my friends who have gf). anyway, i suppose i should make some changes in my life but at the moment i guess it'll have to wait since this summer would be a little hard for me both on time and money. most likely i'll start making little changes in my life after Sep. and maybe go out more and see if i can meet someone. thanks for the encouragement guys and if anything good happenes, i'll let u guys know

ps: >>14 haha, i just might take u up on that offer later on

18 Post deleted by moderator.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 18:59 ID:lbqe7+2w

>>18

>>protip: don't resond to thread you think are "tl;dr"

I think at 30 if you brought someone home and tere was a 65 year old man there it would not fly. I mean maybe if you were 18 - 22 and still going to school but that's pushing it. I think you should stop playing MMORPGs, they are disasterous for trying to keep relationships b/c of their addictive nature.

I'm in SoCal aswell (I'm 18 though) and the general demeanor of people around here is very "hay let's go to the beach and sit around" or everyone just gets high (or a combination) but maybe that's just my age group. At 30 I would think most people around your age have found someone already. What were you doing in your mid-late 20s? I guess it doesn't matter since it's in the past.

But with your hobbies and southern california they don't seem to click well.

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