Trapped (..in the closet) (24)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-12 21:07 ID:DKIhKieW

But yeah, R. Kelly references aside, I come to you with a predicament which has been tormenting me for a good few months now, although my story begins much longer ago.

Early last year, I began talking to a girl who had been sitting on my contact list for a while, but never really payed that much attention to; I knew we shared a lot of interests and suchforth, but nothing more than that. Our conversations were fairly long-winded affairs, often extending from the moment I logged on to when I logged of - at the time, this meant more or less non-stop conversations going on from midday to about two in the morning. This was all very well and good, and to skip a few hideously-tedious chapters, we ended up agreeing to meet up in real-life. (I live in Scotland and she lives in England.)

Something which I should've mentioned in the last paragraph but couldn't seem to fit in anywhere is that this girl was, and is, a bit of a psychological train-wreck - I don't know whether it's an actual, physical impediment or something that's just built up over years of social rejection, but for whatever reason, she's prone to being over-analytical, paranoid and easily-annoyed. Hell, even times when there was a hiccup in my IM program which meant my "hello" didn't get through, she used to spend a day or two being angry at me for it, as if it were somehow my fault.

To return to the story, though; we met up in real-life on many occasions, behind my parents' back (I should've also mentioned that I was fifteen at the time and am sixteen now, underage b& etc etc., but hear me out. Seeing as how my complete inability to mention important facts where relevant has reared its metaphorical head again, I should mention that she was nineteen, and is now twenty) and grew to like each other more and more with each progressive visit and day-long IM session. Skip forward to late last year, and we're officially bf/gf.

Now then, here comes the problem - as a consequence of our chat sessions, I began to shun other friends for her, often feigning illness or something to get out of going to the cinema and things like that. At first, it was fairly un-noticable, but long story short it's recently grown to just about completely cut off somebody I've been best friends with for about four years. Our IM conversations now take up about ten boxes at a time, meaning if I want to keep contact with other people, it involves constantly juggling her conversation and the others, but trying to keep the delay between messages to her minimal to save on any hissy fits. There are a million and one other things this relationship is doing to me, and they might be revealed in the course of this thread, but for the sake of brevity and the fact that my train of thought is rapidly hurtling toward a diamond wall I think I'd best cut it off here.

So, the question - what should I do? Just dumping and blocking her outright, whilst ensuring she's immediately removed from my life, wouldn't be good for her, and being the poof I am I can't help but consider her feelings in all this. Right now she's living under the delusion that I'm madly in love with her, when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

tl;dr: halp plz :(

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-12 21:53 ID:46ddNBOJ

Psychological wreck or not, perhaps you should have this conversation with her instead of on an anonymous internet community with a bunch of strangers? Sure, considering her feelings is all well and good, but she should be considering yours as well. Have you actually even explained what the current situation is doing to you?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-12 22:23 ID:VomQIw/d

tell her to calm the fuck down. it is impossible to give her all of you attention all of the time. just let her know, you are willing ot make time for her, but you also need to make time for your other friends too.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-13 05:26 ID:Heaven

If you want to end it, fucking end it. You're not obligated to coddle her just because she's a nut.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-13 11:57 ID:oRUIMgAY

Provide us her e-mail and anonymous will make sure she read this.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-13 14:32 ID:Smg+9IXH

Hmm... What would happen if a diamond car ran into a diamond wall? Jokes aside, you need to talk to her about how you feel, and stand your ground when she puts you on a gulit trip, which she will do.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-14 11:26 ID:Ttwk5n1s

OP here.

Thanks for all the posts so far - the general consensus seems to be talking to her about it, which seems like a fair enough idea. The only real problem there is finding the confidence to actually DO so, which is something only I can really do. Eh, with any luck I'll have some sort of inverse-Densha Otoko moment and just suddenly pick up my phone and tell her it's off. :P

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-14 12:18 ID:oev8VB6T

>>7

Most likely when you do tell her that there's something wrong she'll snap. She's possessive full stop and a relationship like this if it continues has no real future.

I'm simply guessing but if you ever do break it off with her she's going to hate your guts in a heartbeat.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-14 20:24 ID:Ttwk5n1s

OP here again. Whoa, what the hell happened up there? ^

>>8

Ideally, that's what I'd like to happen; as you said, this relationship really isn't going anywhere, especially from where I see.

Agh. The sooner I go through with this, the better, it's not doing either of us any good.

18 Name: 8 : 2007-06-15 00:00 ID:oev8VB6T

Good luck OP-kun.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-15 02:19 ID:yOTI9o7K

Yes, good luck, I've got to agree with the previous posters;

My question would be: Does she have any other friends that she spends some spare time with, like you'd like to, with your friends? You could use that as an example...

Eg: Hey, I love hanging out with you, and you don't mind if I go to see a couple movies w/ my buds tonight, right? I'll talk to you in the morning, though!

You can also use the excuse that your friends are wondering what's wrong with you, that you never visit or call or go out with them to movies & such...

Eg: Hey, I gotta spend some time w/ Jim, as they've been wanting to see this movie for a week or two, and they're wondering why I can't go, so I'll call you/IM you in the morning, ok?

She may go full-stop "If I can't have every minute of your day, then this is over", but at least then you'll know;

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-17 13:34 ID:Vwx1KmUA

so uh.. what are you doing in the closet?

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 21:25 ID:nkP5kiCa

Simple, just stay offline for a while.

She can call you, then fine, and its not like your not going to be busy is it, so you can always just say 'look babe, i really love you, but i cant chat right now because i need a bath cos i smell' then HANG UP SOMEHOW. Dont do it in a mean way, but let her understand you need to do something too in this life, i was once really clingy to my girlfriend, guess where that winded me up.

DUMPED

and if she carries on, thats where she'll be i assume

THUS, slowly gently, meter off how much attention you give to her, it'll be a shock obviously, but you cant have her ruling your life!

(aside, shes 4 years older than you? GOOD GOING SIR! id love an older chick for me right about now i think, im not sure really but still, if she's buff well done!)

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-05 12:36 ID:JWvdrlq8

you do need to end this, and the sooner the better. it'll hurt her, but she'll deal with it. don't drag it out anymore than you already have- it's unfair to the both of you.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-08 11:40 ID:WG1GcNrL

Any updates on this ? I would like to know :) This seemed like a tricky case.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-08 20:32 ID:Heaven

The facesitting of moses!

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