OK. We've been together for about a year now, and lots of things have happened. I say the times were really fucked up because they were full of drama. One of the things that my gf did was getting married to some guy so that the guy can earn his legal status in the country (eg green card) and divorce right away, and get $30000 in return to pay her tuition. This is my first girlfriend I ever had, and I couldn't accept the fact that she did that. It seemed to me that what she did was nothing different than what prostitutes do, and I told her that I wanted to be the one who gets to marry her first and she replied it's just a piece of paper and there's nothing more. She also told me about her past and her past sex lives. She had 5 partners so far. She apparently did a one night stand with some guy a few years ago. She just walked into a bar, picked out some guy and asked him to have sex, and that person is going to be in my class starting september. How am I supposed to feel about him? I already don't like him for sleeping with my gf, and I really don't know how to handle this situation (I know him, but he doesn't know me) I only had 1 partner in my whole life (my girlfriend) and it just doesn't seem fair and not right. We somehow ended up agreeing that we are gonna marry each other and if I let this happen I'm gonna regret for the rest of my life for having only one partner. I dropped out of school because of her. She's hurt me so much yet I'm still with her because she's also done many things for me. I want to know what other people think about this. All I can think of now is to find and get a better woman when the time comes, but if I can't find any then I'm just gonna stay with her.
Do not marry. If you were more experienced, you would've left her already, because you two obviously are not a good fit. But breaking up is very hard- it almost seems unimaginable the first time... But you will appreciate it afterwards. If you stay with her, that uncomfortable and unhappy feeling that never quite leaves you will only get stronger, until the relationship finally does end, only now you've wasted another five years (or whatever) of your life.
Get out. Now. You have a lot of growing up to do, and once you begin you'll think you were insane for ever putting up with this woman.
Sorry, but you're an idiot for staying with her. You're going to regret ever even being with her forever a few months after you're free from her. >>1 is right.
And if she ever crawls back to you asking to be your g/f again, say no.
While I haven't been in a similar situation. I definately know that feeling. It's time to leave. When you have that nagging feeling you, it's telling to not to do it. That feeling is often times right and it means you should go through with it.
DON'T EVER MARRY BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN'T DO BETTER.
Marry because you believe she is the best. And the way you are talking, She's not Mrs Right.
I was once like you, Inexperienced in relationships. I believe I couldn't do better so I stuck with the first girlfriend I had. She then became a complete and utter bitch to me, and nice to every other guy. And I just took it. She then broke up with me.
After a while, I began to understand it really was for the better. And I've met tons of girls that I actually seemed much more interesting that my last girlfriend.
So please get out of that relationship and experience different girls. Some may not like you, but others will.
i'm just going to have to agree 100% with all the replies here so far.
Hey guys, OP here.
Thanks for all the advices. The main reason I am staying with her right now is because we have amazing sex. Apparently I'm the biggest she ever had (superficial?), and I really enjoy this physical relationship (she's toned and sexy). But I just feel that we do not connect mentally since we argue most of the time when we communicate. We've been trying to fix this, and so far we've been able to open up each other's minds bit by bit. At least that's good. When we first started relationship, everything was out of our hands and it felt like the world was about to end. But whatever she did wrong, I always forgave her. She wondered why I was forgiving her all the time, and told me that I am very different from others. I was just into her so much, and maybe it was love, I just had to forgive her. She's became a totally different person after that. She used to treat me like shit, but now she pampers me and treats me like a king unconditionally, and I feel very fortunate to have her.
Who knows what will happen in a few years? Maybe I will find a better woman and have better relationship than the one I have right now? Only time will tell...
Well...how big ARE you?
>>6
this doesn't sound like it's going to end well. very typical first-relationship stuff, actually- i went through quite a bit of that myself...
good sex can be found elsewhere. if you're really so big, there are plenty of other women who will appreciate that. if not and she's lying to make you feel better, well, there's plenty of women out there who will do that, too.
just know that you were right in the OP, you WILL regret not having more experience, and possibly even come to resent her more. best to get a start on this when you're still young.
There is no debate to be had. It's poison to be in a relationship with this girl and you know it.
>>6 If you were gonna forgive her anyway, why the hell didcha bother to write this whole issue? Dude.
>>6
gtfo
>>6
You're going to learn for yourself how women are. And it's going to hurt. A lot. But you will be glad you learned it. You're in your first relationship. Of course you're not going to listen to anyone because from your view if everything seems fine, it is. That's how I was. I didn't listen to anyone and believed I fucking loved that woman who treated me like shit. But you're going to learn sooner than later and I like I said, it's going to hurt.
LOL OP, stop being such a piss-weak. You are basically under the girl's thumb and she knows it. Have some integrity man, couples shouldnt be together because of a biological urge. You should be together with a girl because you both feel a connection with each other. Don't just go for the first bidder, look somewhere else for a higher bidder. If it's sex that's important to you, go find a prostitute.
if OP stays with this bitch he deserves everything he gets. there's no helping some people.
>you two obviously are not a good fit.
>DON'T EVER MARRY BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN'T DO BETTER.
>Marry because you believe she is the best. And the way you are talking, She's not Mrs Right.
Here's a link you seriously should listen to, OP (note: listen, not watch): http://youtube.com/watch?v=RX24KLBhwMI
She may be a fugly old lady, but she says very wise things.
>>15
another youtube-link
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QE0INUiEN7s
>>16
Part two is better: http://youtube.com/watch?v=nOIeRFb0s0U
>>15 Huh? Well, I agree with her, but if you posted that to disagree with me, I just don't get it.
She's talking about apples while I was talking about oranges. When I say better, I don't mean just on looks. Because to the OP, the girl he's with is very pretty and all. What I'm saying is that her can do better on other traits aside from that. and if you close your mind saying I can't do better, you are only diminishing your own self confidence and trapping yourself in a relationship that is always giving you an uneasy feeling. That feeling isn't healthy. And if he feels that way, It's time to move on, unless he can erase that feeling.
Of course, if you just agree with me, ignore the above. or whatever.
In the words of Ferris Bueller, "he's going to marry the first person he lays." And that's sad.
>>18
I repeated lines that were very true.
I didn't think the stuff she said were opposing anything you said, quite the contrary, but that may very well just be my POV.
OP is in a relationship that cannot be salvaged. It possibly can be resumed in a few years after they both have grown and changed, but no way in hell will keeping this up not damage both of them. They need to part ways.
Hey guys... OP here.
We just broke up yesterday. She wanted to see me, turns out that she wanted out of this relationship, telling me that there's nothing wrong with me, but it's just that she wants more. I thought I've given enough, so I told her about how I really felt about what she did in the past and every feeling I was holding back. She thought she was the unhappy one, but at least she realized that we were both unhappy and we've been holding back too much. I asked her if she regrets doing the marriage thing, and she said yes; she said it was an "impulsive" move. But she still thinks that holding any guys arm when she goes out with them is right; she said "it's a courtesy."
But I felt much better that I could tell her how I really felt... she asked me why I haven't told her anything about this before, and I told her that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then she said if I told her earlier about this we could've fixed it, but "it's too late to fix it." She has never loved a man like how she loved me, but in the end, we both ended up getting emotionally hurt. She asked me "if I ever want to get back with me in future, would you take me back?" and I deeply thought about it. I said yes. Lastly she told me that she still loves me very much. We were both in tears. I woke up today thinking about what happened last night, it hurt me so much that it ended up making my stomach sick.
There's something I realized. Remember how I said I'm just staying with her for sex until the better one comes? I think it was more of an emotional attachment that I needed. Sex doesn't mean much to me anymore. Sex played a great part in our relationship, but I felt much happier when we were emotionally connected, like when we were sharing thoughts, pampering each other, and knowing that someone is going to be there for you when the worst happens. I truly miss those moments.
Interesting developments, op. For us. Maybe you could imagine better times.
But would you please tell us what you think you learned from this relationship now that it is over?
I learned a lot from this relationship. Not just as relationship-wise, but also I learned about life and all the valuable lessons I need to survive in this world. I'm really glad I spent a year with her because without her, I still would be the same naive kid who didn't know anything. If the next relationship I have is turning to something like my first one, I'm going to discuss with my partner how I feel, not holding back my feelings. If it still doesn't work, then I will quit. I won't let anybody to take advantage of me. I won't let anybody to manipulate my feelings because I am a human too, and I have feelings. I am very sensitive for a guy and got hurt a lot in my first relationship. It's a real shame how our relationship turned out like thus, but if it weren't for the 'incidents' we would make the greatest couple ever.
Thanks a lot again for giving me advices. :)
you sound pretty weak man
Its good that you got out of this relationship but I thonknit only sucked because it was your first and you are upright about sex and love
Marriage is a joke in this country and barely matters anything anymore so don't sweat her, don't sweat girls in general and never feel grateful to be in a relationship